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On Praying
In the Main of Light
What am I doing when I pray? Prayers are words, and the silences between words. Words and silence become prayer when we make them so. They are made sacred by us. Heaven touches earth. The spirit of the divine gives itself through language. Prayer is always more than language can contain, more than we (can) say, more like a flooding river.
Praying calls upon an unnamable divine spirit that races through our mortal bodies to tend the immortal being of our soulsâto make infinite use of finite means. In religious talk, we say that prayer shines a light in our darkness. In Shakespeare talk, prayer is a little nativity that âputs us in the main of light.â
Praying is not meant to last. Prayer moves on. Imagine a hell of continuous prayer. We are in transit. Pray, move on.
French literary theorist Roland Barthes entitled his study of St. Ignatius of Loyola Comment parler Ă Dieu? (How to Speak to God?). Barthes suggested that prayerâan interlocution divine, âa divine conversation,â is not the search for great or even good words. Rather, when praying we find ourselves in a kind of âlinguistic vacuumâ necessary for the âtriumph of a new language.â We can say that such a vacuum is a space of holding. This squares with the Quaker approach to prayer, which consists of silent waitingâfor new language. A Friend may ask the group to âhold someone in the lightââa person who is sick or struggling. In Quaker worship this is more than simple intercessionary prayer, i.e., praying for a person. It is a call by just one little gathering, a society of friends, at one moment in time, to clear the way, to make a road, to hold another, to bear them towards love.
Feelings: Making Space for the Real
You donât want prayer that makes you feel worse. But prayer is not meant to fill us with nice feelings. It does not enfold us in petals. Praying does demand of us deep feeling, or to feel deeply. In fact, praying empties us of emotion, sometimes suddenly. Like emptying a folder stuffed with useless emails that hang out so many emotionsâfear, nostalgia, regret, shame. Press. Pray. Delete. Praying off-loads things. It makes space for the holy, the sacred spirit. Praying permits us to âfeelâ more truly and in a different way. We feel trustful in the divine presence. We are safe because this presence comes to us with no conditions.
The Desire for the Sacred
Praying is a struggle. No, it can get worse than that. Itâs a beast. As Jean Danielou writes, âto make space for prayer is a battle because prayer is . . . at cross-currents with the habits of the world . . . which gives it less and less space . . . Prayer finds difficulty in securing space.â
To pray is a thing of beauty. It is the desire for the sacred. There is liturgy old and new. There are soaring choirs and community hymns, litanies and incantations, prayers with beads, congregational shoulder-to-shoulder prayer, or intimate family devotions; prayer with lit candles and incense, spontaneous prayer, and private silence. There is no single, âcertifiedâ method of prayer. It is culturally diverse. Your prayers are just you and the ultimate realityâGod. Prayer is a dispositionâmaking yourself open to the divine. Is a fissure in the flux of existence, a pause in the claustrophobia of the self. You make it so. Your prayer is the truth of you.
When we pray we balance forces: an equilibrium of heaven and earth. To stay put in either place is to get stuck, either in lifeâs zigzag or in the self-absorption of religion. This is what Simone Weil called in Gravity and Grace âobedience to the power of gravity . . . the greatest sin.â Through prayer we accept willingly, with feet on the ground, the gravitational pull of heaven as it comes together, self-delighting and manifesting recognition.
Through the Doors
Each person has an impulse, deep inside, to look for meaning in life. It is an impulse to see through the tossing and turning of everyday life and death. Prayer is a door that leads through and beyond. âLift up your heads, O gates!And lift them up, O ancient doorsâ (Ps 24:5). That is why Orthodox religious icons are painted only on doors. These doors, of red, black and gold, bid us enter. Whether you are awake or distracted, content or unhappy, these are the doors to reality. Your prayers are just you.
When we walkârun, screamâthrough the doors of prayer we may find on other side nothing much at all. It may be a dull place, unfrequented by the sun. A remote darkness, even. Yet, it is darkness that glows. Because this is a sacred place. It is a place of re-creation. On the fourth of day of creation, darkness, together with light, is declared good. Let there be darkness.
Without explanation, this dull place of prayer makes me just a bit more real, more visible to myself than before. The old imagesâthe old meâstart to blur. A kind of nativity stirs among the silence and words. Something is there, something in there. I am not sure what or who it is. It strives to âlighten our darkness.â The Jesuit poet Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844â1889) pointed to a second creation of the sacred darkness in âChristmas Prayer,â
Espresso and Prayerâs Erasure
Praying adds timeâmoments or hoursâto our daily life but otherwise subtracts from it. Prayer doesnât rev us up. It isnât an espresso in the morning. In fact, prayer might send us back into the world curiously unsatisfied, unfinished. As though we didnât quite do it properly. This is a good. Erasure is how the divine works. Something was removed inside of us, in order to make room for the divine. We do not fill our soul with prayer. We pray in order to empty our soul. Then we are ready to fill it with the world. Godâs worldâthe one I was given to live in. Learning to pray is like when children are taught to dance. They must let go of the body in order to turn into a bird or a tree or the wind. The discipline of prayer shifts our pattern of doing and movingâtowards freedom. Then we can become anything. Then, as Thomas Cranmer writes resonantly in the Book of Common Prayer, we draw closer to God, ânot in bondage of figure or shadow, but in the freedom of the Spirit.â
The Hip-Hop of Prayer
The Psalms are a mash-up of beauty and brutality. They are methodology. They teach us how to pray. Psalm is from the Greek word psalmoi, meaning instrumental music and words. The Psalms express many different things, from praise and thanksgiving to dramatic dissatisfaction with how the world is ordered. The Psalmsâthe longest book of the Bibleâare an interesting genre. They show two special qualities: hope and unpredictability. In a slab of psalm we notice a peculiar style: prose and poetryâfull of rhythmic messages, delightful turns of phrase, aggressions and contradictions. They teem with poetry, microaggressions, calls for death and divine vengeance on âour enemies,â curses, and exquisite tenderness. Mercy! Mercy! The Psalms tell it all. Read the Psalms for what they are. Donât wish for what they are not. Read the Psalms and hear hip-hop.
The Uncertainty of Being Me
Prayer is the language of the precarious. The English word prayer is related to the not...