Caroline's Kitchen
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Caroline's Kitchen

Torben Betts

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eBook - ePub

Caroline's Kitchen

Torben Betts

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About This Book

Monogamy means sharing your life with one person, but what if you shared your kitchen with 5.6 million? Caroline Mortimer, the nation's favourite TV cook, has it all ā€“ a sparkling career, a big house in Highgate, a (golf) loving husband, smart kids and the best kitchen money can buy. But beneath the immaculate furnishings, studio lighting and away from the glare of the ever-present cameras ā€“ Caroline must face the looming collision of living a private life in the public eye. What happens when the cameras turn off and the truth comes out? Caroline's Kitchen serves up deft dialogue in absurd situations: "Betts paints a wonderfully lurid picture of the middle classes, juxtaposed with the fragility of those who serve them" ( The Stage ). First performed as Monogamy at Malvern Theatre starring Janie Dee, it then embarked on a national tour. It is a searing, sharp, state of the nation comedy from one of the UK's most exciting playwrights, Torben Betts.

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Information

Publisher
Oberon Books
Year
2018
ISBN
9781786824127

ACT TWO

A loud thunderclap. The storm increases in intensity throughout the remainder of the play.
CAROLINE continues laying the table.
LEO: Will you please look at me!?
CAROLINE: I am looking at you, darling!
LEO: No, youā€™re not!
CAROLINE: You couldnā€™t help me with this, could you?
LEO: I want to know why you havenā€™t told him yet.
CAROLINE: Weā€™ll have the champagne before we eat of course.
LEO: This is really importantā€¦
CAROLINE: Think your father wants to give you a little speech.
She stops moving and grabs the kitchen top, breathing hard.
LEO: Mum?
CAROLINE: Oh, Leo, I have done such a terrible, terrible thing.
LEO: Falling out of a taxi is hardly a terrible thing.
CAROLINE: You donā€™t understand.
LEO: You gave me your word that by the time Iā€™d graduated youā€™d haveā€¦
CAROLINE: Will you pass me those please?
He passes her some plates etc.
LEO: If you donā€™t tell him right now then I promise you Iā€™llā€¦
CAROLINE: Tonight is really not the best time.
LEO: Do you understand what Iā€™m saying to you?
CAROLNE: And please donā€™t mention this silly idea of going off toā€¦
LEO: In what way is it silly?
CAROLINE: Because itā€™s yet another thing youā€™ve not thought through properly.
LEO: You need to start putting me first for once in your life!
CAROLINE: I do put you first.
LEO: You always put him first.
CAROLINE: He needs me.
LEO: I need you.
CAROLINE: Not as much as he does.
LEO: Iā€™ve only had your voicemail for the last four months!
CAROLINE: Iā€™ve had the show, Iā€™ve been publicising this book up and down the country, Iā€™ve been renovating this house for sale.
LEO: Feels like youā€™re cutting me outā€¦
CAROLINE: Iā€™ve been buying the place in Cornwall.
LEO: Like youā€™re cutting me right out.
CAROLINE: Iā€™ve also got my mother down there to deal with.
LEO: Whatever.
CAROLINE: Whom Iā€™ve recently had to put into a home, Leo.
LEO: But you could still return my calls!
CAROLINE: Iā€™m sorry I havenā€™t told your father yet. Because I will. But please, please let me pick the right time.
He sits, head in hands, as she continues to set the table around him.
This is supposed to be a happy occasion, darling. Youā€™ve worked so hard for all these years and weā€™re both so enormously proud.
LEO: Well, you might be butā€¦
CAROLINE: Oh God, Leo, what have I done?
LEO: What do you mean?
CAROLINE: What the hell have I done?
With an effort she calms herself.
Please. Tell your mother. Tell your mother about this broken heart of yours. What silly idiot has let you slip through their fingers?
LEO: Who do you think itā€™s been broken by?
CAROLINE: I really donā€™t know.
LEO: Yes, you do!
CAROLINE: So it wasnā€™t byā€¦Iwo-Jima?
LEO: What is the matter with you?
CAROLINE: I got her name wrong again, didnā€™t I?
LEO: Why are you doing this to me?
CAROLINE: Iā€™m not intentionally doing anything to you!
LEO: Itā€™s like youā€™re completely insane.
CAROLINE: Iā€™m sort of all over the place right nowā€¦
LEO: Is it because it goes against your stupid religion?
CAROLINE: My religion is not at all stupid!
LEO: Iā€™ve had my heart broken by Rory! You understand? By Rory! Who is male!
CAROLINE: Can you please keep your voice down?
It now starts to rain outside. The rainfall increases throughout.
Rory is theā€¦the Scottish chap?
LEO: (Angry.) Of course heā€™s the Scottish chap!
A silence.
(Quieter.) Of course heā€™s the Scottish chap.
CAROLINE: Iā€™m sorry if you feel I havenā€™t been there for you. I really am.
No response.
But youā€™re still so young. There are so many bright, brilliant people out thereā€¦
LEO: I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
CAROLINE: I know itā€™s hard if you believe you love someoneā€¦
LEO: I donā€™t just believ...

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