The Open House

Will Eno

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2014
• Print ISBN: 9781783191222
• eBook ISBN: 9781783196210
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: American Drama
• Index: Literature

People have been born into families since people started getting born at all. Playwrights have been trying to write Family Plays for a long time, too. And typically these plays try to answer endlessly complicated questions of blood and duty and inheritance and responsibility. They try to answer the question, "Can things really change?" People have been trying nobly for years and years to have plays solve in two hours what hasn't been solved in many lifetimes. This has to stop. The Open House is an hour and twenty minutes, with no intermission.

Lights up on MOTHER, FATHER, DAUGHTER, SON, and UNCLE.

FATHER is in a wheelchair and has a blanket over his legs.

He is reading a newspaper.

MOTHER: Well, I’ll just say it again, it’s wonderful having you all here.

Pause. A dog barks, off-stage.

FATHER: Would someone let the dog in.

SON: I’ll get her (SON exits through the door. Calls out something that sounds like a dog’s name. From off-stage.) Vrallen! (He whistles and claps.)

DAUGHTER: Does anyone want anything? Coffee or anything?

MOTHER: I should be offering you a cup of coffee.

DAUGHTER: (Brief pause.) So, is there some?

SON: (From off-stage:) Hey girl!

DAUGHTER: Is there any already made?

MOTHER: Your father and I stopped drinking it. There might be some tea, though.

DAUGHTER: That’s all right. Do you have any herbal tea?

MOTHER: I can take a look.

(SON re-enters.)

FATHER: (Looking at SON.) Sorry – all I see is a human being.

SON: She’s gone. The dog’s gone.

DAUGHTER: She was just there.

FATHER: Did you close the door?

SON: Yeah.

MOTHER: Is she under the porch?

FATHER: I’m supposed to be resting.

SON: No, I looked under there.

FATHER: I’m not supposed to get upset.

DAUGHTER: (To FATHER.) We can find the dog without you getting upset.

FATHER: (Getting upset.) And how is that?

MOTHER: Well, we’re just going to have to –

FATHER: (Interrupting.) Just going to have to, what? Oh, I’d love to hear how that ends.

MOTHER: We’ll find the dog. It’s not the end of the world.

FATHER: Who said anything about the… my God. Doesn’t anyone in this family… And so now I guess she just upped and magically… I can’t breathe. God… Can somebody please – (DAUGHTER moves to him.)

DAUGHTER: Are you all right?

FATHER: (He regains his composure.) I’m okay. If anyone cares.

DAUGHTER: I came right to your side.

MOTHER: I didn’t think you wanted anyone to embarrass you.

DAUGHTER: I asked right away if you were all right.

FATHER: Yes, we all heard you say that. Let’s move on. (To SON.) Now, what were you going on about?

SON: (Normally.) I just said, “She’s gone.”

MOTHER: Okay but you don’t have to get angry.

SON: Why do you think I’m –. I went out there and looked and then I came back in.

FATHER: I forgive you, son.

SON: For what?

FATHER: Let me get back to this, okay? (Disappears behind newspaper.)

MOTHER: She seemed fine the other day.

FATHER: (From behind newspaper.) She’s a very smart dog.

MOTHER: We could probably start without her. Listen to me: “start without her.” Like she’s a stenographer or something.

FATHER: Start what?

MOTHER: But she’s family, you know? She should be here. (To FATHER.) I didn’t mean to say “start.”

UNCLE: (Brief general pause. His first line.) She’ll come back.

FATHER: Well, hello there. What’s the matter – cat let go of your tongue? (Brief pause.) What’s the matter – cat got your tongue?

UNCLE: I was, no, I was trying to say something positive.

FATHER: Just try to keep your tongue away from the cat, okay?

UNCLE: Okay. All you had to do was ask.

MOTHER: We don’t have a cat. (Very brief pause.) Although, there was a time this whole place was a zoo. Remember? You all brought home every little wounded thing and asked if we could keep it. (To DAUGHTER.) You were so cute with that rabbit that got hit by the car. You carried it around the house and said, “It’s hurt, just like me.” It was like an animal hospital around here.

DAUGHTER: I wasn’t trying to be cute.

MOTHER: No, I know.

FATHER: A zoo or an animal hospital? Because you said both.

UNCLE: I remember thinking all those animals might contribute to a, or, just, I thought it would give the kids a good sense of animals.

FATHER: How many times do I have to ask you to never think about this family?

UNCLE: (Very brief pause.) This is actually the first I’m hearing of it.

FATHER: (Sounding sincere.) Oh, sorry – I thought I’d asked you about that.

MOTHER: She turned up in a snowstorm. A little puppy on the doorstep in the snow.

DAUGHTER: (To FATHER.) Do you remember that?

FATHER: One of the happiest days of my life. (To SON.) What are you looking at?

UNCLE: Lot of good memories bundled up in that animal. She did get nervous, though. With the peeing and the shaking.

FATHER: That was probably because of the previous owners. Who knows what kind of a household she ran away from. (To SON.) What were you looking at?

MOTHER: That was the happiest day of your life? (She takes out a pill from a pill bottle and puts...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half-title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Characters
• The Open House