The Fibromyalgia Coach

Feel Better, Change Lives, and Find Your Best Job Ever

Tami Stackelhouse

• Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
• Year: 2020
• eBook ISBN: 9781683505686
• Topic: Medizin
• Subtopic: Krankheiten & Allergien

Feel Better, Change Lives, and Find Your Best Job Ever!

Looking for a fibromyalgia-friendly career that will help you feel better instead of worse? Could your job be keeping you from you getting better? Do you feel like you aren't ready to file for disability, but can't keep up at work either?

In her second book, The Fibromyalgia Coach, Tami Stackelhouse tells the story of her lifelong search for the perfect career. A fibromyalgia patient herself, the author credits becoming a Fibromyalgia Coach with helping her stay focused on feeling better when it would have been easy to give up. She says, "Healing is a full-time job."

The Fibromyalgia Coach will guide you into finding your best job ever – a career that will help you feel better while making a difference in the world around you! What if you aren't losing your mind and can manage brain fog symptoms simply?

Chapter 1

Is This You?

“I have a feeling that my job is the thing that is holding me back from getting better.”

—Melanie

I had been working with Melanie for about six months when she was laid off from the job she loved. After her initial fear, she was relieved. It meant that she would have the opportunity to focus on feeling better. After a couple of months off, her fibromyalgia improved and she found a new job. A few weeks later, during one of our coaching calls, I asked her how the new job was going. “Oh my goodness!” she said. “I love it but the people here have so much energy!” She went on to explain that everyone was a bit younger than she was and very active. A common occurrence for her was to be talking with someone as they walked to the conference room. Instead of riding the elevator, like she needed to, her co-workers would head right up the stairs. It put her in the awkward position of making a big deal out of not taking the stairs—which, of course, brought up all kinds of things about how much to say about her fibromyalgia, especially at a new job. Most of the time, she chose to stay quiet, take the stairs, and pay for it later in the day. I wasn’t at all surprised when she told me, “I have a feeling that my job is the thing that is holding me back from getting better.”

I don’t know what kind of job you have right now, but I do know fibromyalgia. If you’re working a traditional office job, you’re likely triggered by the fluorescent lights, sounds, hard floors, uncomfortable chairs, or using your computer all day. If you’re lucky enough to work from home, I know it’s still that: work. There are deadlines, schedules, difficult customers to deal with, and so on. If you’re a stay-at-home mom, you probably have the hardest job of all; your work literally never ends and there are no days off!

As an employee, the thing that I hated most was someone else dictating my schedule. I felt like I was still in high school and needed a hall pass to go to the bathroom or leave campus for a doctor’s appointment—except that I was in my 30s! To me, there is nothing more demeaning than having to ask permission to take care of yourself. It’s also a good way to end up skipping the self-care we need, simply because we don’t want to go through the hassle.

Portland had a massive snow storm one year that came between two ice storms. On my street, there was an inch of ice, covered by several inches of snow, topped off by another thick layer of ice. I walked out to my car to test and see if there was any chance of me driving to work the next day. First, my foot slipped on the top of the ice, then it cracked through and sunk into the snow. Just when I thought I’d made it, I almost fell on my butt because my foot slipped on the final thick ice layer at the bottom. Nope. Totally not driving!

I live on a private gated street, so there were no snow plows and no way for me to go to work. I also live on the side of a pretty steep hill. All of Portland was dealing with the same weather, but I had to call in and explain to my boss why I couldn’t be there. I still remember that “getting called to the principal’s office” feeling of dread as I prepared to make that call. The following morning, I made the same call; as you might imagine, that snow and ice hadn’t magically vanished overnight. I was told that my boss would drive over and pick me up. All the news channels were saying, “Don’t drive unless you absolutely need to.” The mayor even released a public safety notice asking people to stay off the streets. In my opinion, driving to the office to help someone with their software doesn’t qualify as an emergency. It wasn’t like anyone was going to die if we weren’t there. Not to mention the fact that some of our work—like returning customer phone calls—could have been done from the safety of our own homes. I felt unsafe walking the block from my house to the corner where he could pick me up. I felt unsafe riding in the car with him to the office. I was unable to have anything like a lunch break that day since there was no way for me to get away from the office. I felt like I was being held hostage by my boss. At the end of the day, there was the ride back home on those same unsafe streets. I couldn’t quit because I was single and had just bought my house. I was the only income earner; I was too scared to leave. At the same time, I vowed that I would never ever allow myself to be in that position again.

You have probably been in that position before as well. Maybe it wasn’t because of a snow storm. Maybe you just needed to see your doctor, or go to physical therapy. When you have fibromyalgia, it takes more… let’s call it maintenance… than someone else might need. When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I was seeing my doctor every three weeks as we tried different medications and therapies to find the combination that worked—and that was just my primary care appointments. My doctor also wanted me to see a physical therapist a couple times a week, and have massage and acupuncture once a week. That’s a full-time job just seeing providers! I work with many of my clients on prioritizing their care so that they can get the treatment they need without setting themselves back. Kind of silly, isn’t it? You schedule so many doctor appointments, trying to get better, that it causes a fibro-flare! When going to those appointments requires you to have someone’s permission or possibly schedule all those appointments after working all day, it’s just not realistic.

Then there are the bad days. The fibromyalgia flare days.

For many of my clients, calling in sick to work feels like lying when it’s “just” because they’re so exhausted they can’t get out of bed or hurt too much. Especially when they sound fine on the phone. It’s not lying, but it often feels like it. Even if you feel confident in saying you’re sick when it’s pain or fatigue, you might feel like your boss doesn’t believe you.

Have you missed so much work that you’ve felt like your job was in jeopardy? Or decided not to work or volunteer because you feel your health is so unpredictable? Have you considered that maybe your best option is filing for disability… yet you feel like you aren’t actually, you know… disabled?

The lack of flexibility in the work-world makes it difficult for those of us who have unpredictable illnesses. Deep down, you’re probably feeling like if you could just find the right job or the right boss, you would probably have a lot to offer. If you could just find a boss who was understanding, an office that was physically comfortable, and a schedule that was flexible enough to support you. If you could set up your own work hours, doing work that made you feel good physically and emotionally, you could keep working even with fibromyalgia.

Right now, you probably feel like you must choose one or the other: you can work OR have a life. You don’t get to have both. You suspect that if you didn’t work, you might have the energy to do things like travel with your family or play with your kids and grandkids. You could volunteer for causes you are passionate about, go shopping, cook for your family, say yes when friends invite you to something, or whatever it is you can’t do right now. You can get through a work day now. You show up even though you’re hurting and exhausted. You haul yourself out of bed, even when you feel like you could sleep for a week, and you ignore the stabbing pains as you sit at your desk. When you get home, you collapse on the couch and feel guilty that your kids are having to take care of you instead of you taking care of them. Which leaves you feeling like you shouldn’t apply for disability because someone who’s disabled can’t work at all, right? Sound familiar?

Maybe you’ve already started thinking about how you can reduce your work hours or change your schedule to work around your fibromyalgia. Maybe you are hoping that you can work from home a few days a week, or start later, or work shorter hours. You think that these things might be the answer, but you’re afraid that if you tell your boss why you need these accommodations, it might put your job at risk. You’re afraid that instead of being supportive of your needs, your company will use it to replace you with someone stronger, with more stamina, and with fewer issues. Yes, firing you because of your illness is illegal. However, if you can no longer fulfill the requirements of your job, they are within their rights to find someone who can. In addition, many states, like Oregon for instance, have a “no fault” rule, which means you can be fired at any time for any reason. I used to do the hiring and firing for my department. There are ways to do this legally, such as if you are late to work too many times, or miss too many days of work without the protection of the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA).

You’ve probably also started to feel like all your thoughts and decisions are revolving around the f-word. (That’s “fibromyalgia,” in case you didn’t catch that!) Your whole life begins to center around taking your pills and supplements at the right time, scheduling doctor appointments, and avoiding things that will cause you pain. It becomes a never-ending saga of saying no and taking things away. Your doctor tells you to stop eating sugar and gluten. You can’t meet your friends for coffee because you’re too tired. You can’t meet them for pedicures because the scrubbing and buffing hurts too much. You say no to your kids because you’re tired. You say no to your husband because you have a headache (and you really do). You feel like your whole life has been consumed by the monster that is fibromyalgia, your body has betrayed you, and all that’s left of your life is scraps. Even if you’ve done a lot of work and your fibromyalgia has improved, you’re still tired of always having to do the work: taking the pills, watching your diet, managing your energy. You’re starting to lose your motivation and just want a break.

Does any of this resonate?

I want you to know that your intuition is right on. The work you do and the job you have can make all the difference in your fibromyalgia journey. Your job truly may be the thing that’s holding you back from getting better. The good news is that I believe there’s a perfect career out there for you. This book will help you find something that you love to do that not only makes space for, but increases, your healing. For me, it’s being a Fibromyalgia Coach. Throughout this book, I’ll obviously be using that as my example of the perfect career because it is my perfect career! However, the key questions I give you will be useful to help you discover the career that’s right for you—even if it’s doing something else. I want you to find what is right for you. Maybe it’s doing the kind of work I do, maybe not. That’s totally okay. At the end of the book, I simply want you to be clear on what is best for YOU.

Chapter 2

My Story

“You can do anything, but not everything.”

—David Allen

“It’s only by saying ‘no’ that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.”

—Steve Jobs

As I said in the introduction, I became a Fibromyalgia Coach by accident. I was one of those kids who was good at many things; I was told often that I could be anything I wanted to be. Well, when you can be anything, it’s hard to choose. The options are quite overwhelming.

The earliest memory I have of a career choice was wanting to be a librarian. I loved my books! I had a bookshelf in my room that I would organize and reorganize over and over. I would put books in alphabetical order. Then, I’d rearrange them and put them in order by subject matter. I received book plates as a gift and put them in all my books, just like the library does, to show that they were mine. I couldn’t imagine a job more wonderful than being surrounded by books every day. I even made my little sister come check out books from my library.

Then, in third grade, I decided I wanted to be a paleontologist—I even learned how to spell “paleontologist” as a third grader. This was inspired, in part, by a stegosaurus named George. I’d even had an imaginary pet tyrannosaurus rex for years when I was younger. In case you are wondering, in my mind’s eye, Rex was basically a giant head. Let me tell you, as a shy kid there was great comfort in knowing that the biggest monster wasn’t under my bed, he was my best friend! Unfortunately, I learned that being a paleontologist meant doing hard work in dry, dusty places. It also often meant things like scorpions. Sorry, no dice. Nope. Not for me after all!

In high school, I decided that I wanted to be an astrophysicist… until I realized all the classes that I would have to take before I could get to “the good stuff.” I called those classes “Styrofoam.” I didn’t want to chew through years and years of Styrofoam to get to the real meal. As a default choice, I followed a friend to college and majored in music. I’d taken piano lessons for 10 years, and loved to sing, so why not? When I got there, I found more Styrofoam—and, I believe, some of my first signs of fibromyalgia. I had a hard time getting up for classes. I couldn’t eat on a schedule that helped me feel my best. Most importantly, living in the dorm, I could never get away from school! That left me feeling overwhelmed, drained, and nearly raw from too much stimulation. I went back home after just six weeks as a freshman.

I spent the next year taking care of myself. It was one of the best years of my life. I started reading books on health and discovered holistic medicine. One of my favorite things that I learned from that year is that the word “holistic” has the same root as holy, whole, healthy, and hale. I learned that to be healthy meant to also be whole, holy, and holistic. I took an hour walk every day in the country, down to an old bridge crossing a small creek. I would listen to radio shows I had recorded on my tape recorder as I walked. (This was back in the early 90s, before the days when you could subscribe to podcasts!) Those recordings were from theologians, motivational speakers, and other self-improvement lecturers. I got in touch with who I was, and more importantly, who I was made to be.

After a year of filling myself up with all this goodness—good food, fresh air, healthy movement, and all these juicy words—I went back to college. This time, I majored in Fashion Merchandising and Interior Design. I loved all those classes. No Styrofoam there! After a year and a half, I decided to consider transferring to a design school in downtown Portland. That’s when the Styrofoam showed up again. The classes were fun and amazing. However, I learned that the actual work that designers do is often spent alone. I didn’t relish the idea of working in an office by myself; I was massively disappointed. I ended up dropping out of college because it seemed like a lot of money to spend when I had no idea what I wanted to do.

I had a friend who lived an hour south of me who worked at Hollywood Video, a video rental store. His store was hiring, so I applied, got the job, and moved. I spent the next two years working at the store. This was one of the first major video rental stores in the town at the time, so everyone came to our store. We even had the governor of Oregon come in, along with her bodyguards. After two years of that job, I realized that I could talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime. This was a huge thing for a girl who grew up as the shyest person in her class! I thank God for Hollywood Video because today I talk to people for a living.

Renting videos is a fun job when you’re in your early 20s, but there isn’t much room for greatness there. In my soul, I know I was made to do and be so much more. Therefore, when a former co-worker showed up looking more fabulous than ever, I wanted to know what she was doing. Turns out she had become a Mary Kay consultant and was teaching people about skin care and makeup. I was intrigued. After all, I had been a fashion merchandising major. Going to my first Mary Kay event opened my eyes to the fact that there were people who dreamed of changing the world. They talked about the ways that skin care and makeup could truly change a woman’s life. I fully believed this from my own experiences. When I felt beautiful, I also felt confident and powerful—like I could change the world. After becoming a consultant, my favorite classes were with teenagers, teaching them how to take good care of their skin and wear makeup properly. I loved seeing their faces light up when they looked in the mirror—or hearing the excitement in their voices when they would report back to me months later that they felt confident and bea...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title
• Copyright
• Table of Contents
• Foreword
• Introduction
• Chapter 1 Is This You?
• Chapter 2 My Story
• Chapter 3 Healing Is a Full-time Job
• Chapter 4 Discover Your Physical Needs
• Chapter 5 Discover Your Mental & Social Needs
• Chapter 6 Measuring Success
• Chapter 7 Should You Be a Fibromyalgia Coach?
• Chapter 8 Common Obstacles to Success
• Conclusion
• Endnotes
• Acknowledgments
• About the Author
• Thank You