Trust Yourself

Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work

Melody Wilding LMSW

• Publisher: Chronicle Prism
• Year: 2021
• Print ISBN: 9781797201962
• eBook ISBN: 9781797201993

Regain your confidence at work, transform your sensitivity into a superpower Being highly attuned to your emotions, your environment, and the behavior of others can be the keys to success, but they can also lead to overthinking, overworking, and overgiving. It's time to Trust Yourself. Over the last decade, award-winning human behavior expert and executive coach Melody Wilding, LMSW has helped thousands of Sensitive Strivers (highly sensitive, high-achieving professionals and leaders) get out of their own way. And now, in this groundbreaking book, Wilding offers practical, research-based strategies to reclaim control of your career and reach your full potential. You'll discover:

• PRACTICAL STRATEGIES to harness your sensitivity and emotional intelligence, turning them into a superpower in the workplace.
• PROVEN TECHNIQUES to quiet your inner critic and make decisions with confidence.
• STEP-BY-STEP GUIDES to set healthy boundaries and protect your energy from difficult co-workers
• CONCRETE, ACTIONABLE TOOLS to develop resilience, bounce back from setbacks, and navigate workplace challenges with grace.
• WORD-FOR-WORD SCRIPTS to push back on extra work, promote your accomplishments, and more.

Through her refreshingly approachable yet deeply empathetic approach, Wilding offers a life-changing roadmap that has helped readers across the globe to break the cycle of self-sabotage and self-doubt by transforming your perceived weaknesses into your biggest strengths.

PART I

BUILD SELF-AWARENESS

1 Are You a Sensitive Striver?

2 Overcome the Honor Roll Hangover

3 Give Yourself Permission

ARE YOU A SENSITIVE STRIVER?

1

“I understand now that I’m not a mess, but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I explain that now, when someone asks me why I cry so often: ‘For the same reason I laugh so often—because I’m paying attention.’”

—GLENNON DOYLE

KELLY’S JOB WAS KILLING HER SPIRIT.

When she’d originally started as the Social Services Director at a large county agency six years before, she’d been excited to lead a team and to make a difference in the lives of underprivileged children. All her mentors said that with her drive, she was perfectly positioned to step into a VP role, and within three years, she had been promoted to Vice President of Programs, Operations, and Administration.

During the first year in the role, her new responsibilities were demanding yet manageable, but Kelly’s team ended up short-staffed during her second year on the executive team. At first, Kelly didn’t mind. She loved her job and took pride in being the go-to person at the agency. Besides, she had been taught that good employees always go above and beyond, and that’s what she assumed she needed to do to continue advancing in her career.

As time went on, sixty-plus-hour weeks became Kelly’s new normal. She filled in at board meetings and made decisions on behalf of her boss, who was an absentee manager. She picked up the slack no matter what. What finally pushed her over the edge was that in addition to her official job responsibilities, she was assigned to support a major project under the Executive Director. The demands had finally become too much, and Kelly reached a breaking point. Her hair began to fall out. She battled migraines. Work also affected her home life. Kelly was always glued to her phone and answering emails, including during family dinners. Her husband remarked that she had turned into a zombie. Her daughter complained that she missed the old mom.

As the months wore on, Kelly’s colleagues told her almost daily that the agency would collapse without her. She took their comments as a compliment, but the idea that she was indispensable kept her from being able to say no or to delegate. The thought of admitting to her boss that she couldn’t handle so much made her impossibly anxious. What if he questioned her commitment? What if he fired her? Kelly told herself to work harder—that she was making a big deal out of nothing. The fact that the stress was now causing her to miss deadlines and to make mistakes on basic tasks only reinforced her belief that speaking up would jeopardize her image and her chances to further advance.

Kelly’s wake-up call arrived when she was forced to take an eight-week medical leave after being hospitalized with shortness of breath and chest pain. She thought the time off would be enough, but from the moment she stepped foot back in the office, she felt a sense of dread. When the same anxiety and overworking crept up on her again, she finally decided to seek help. That’s when she reached out to me about becoming her coach.

Kelly felt like she wasn’t in control of her own life anymore. Every day was one long game of Whac-A-Mole, and she was so overwhelmed that she didn’t (or couldn’t) deal with issues until they became so serious they were impossible to ignore. She desperately wanted to feel more like herself again and to rediscover the fulfillment she once felt in her career. At the same time, fear and a preoccupation of what success should look like kept her sacrificing herself to measure up.

Though Kelly’s case is extreme, many of my coaching clients come to me with tales like hers—of trading their well-being for the sake of getting ahead or getting the job done. They know something is off, but they don’t know how to change things, and they’re not quite sure what it will mean to give up long-standing thoughts, habits, and behaviors. Instead, they continue to live with their inner lives on overdrive, professionally successful, yes, but also highly influenced by their emotions and any feedback or criticism of their work. For Kelly and others, a moment of realization is the first step toward a breakthrough, both professionally and personally. I call Kelly and those like her Sensitive Strivers.

What Is a Sensitive Striver?

Sensitive Strivers are high achievers who are also more attuned to their emotions, the world, and the behavior of those around them. Many are former star students who bring that same dedication, reliability, and ambition into the workplace. But while many Sensitive Strivers rise quickly in their careers, they often face a daily battle with stress, anxiety, and self-doubt.

If all of this resonates with you, then welcome. You’r...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title
• Dedication
• Copyright
• Contents
• Introduction
• Part I: Build Self-Awareness
• Part II: Tame Self-Sabotage
• Part III: Achieve Self-Confidence
• Part IV: Sustain Self-Growth
• What’s Next?
• Acknowledgments
• Notes
• About the Author
• Chronicle Ebooks