Curly Conversations for Teams

Dive into discomfort. Dare to do things differently. Deliver despite disruption.

Kate Christiansen

• Publisher: Handson Media
• Year: 2021
• Edition: 1
• eBook ISBN:
  9780994475121
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business General
• Index: Business

PART 4:

Curly Conversation Starters

Build trust

Leaps of greatness require the combined problem-solving ability of people who trust each other.

Simon Sinek

Have you ever considered the difference between a conversation and a chat?

The word ‘conversation’ comes from the Latin term conversari, meaning ‘to live among’. It later evolved in middle English into converse, meaning to ‘live among and be familiar with’. These days, conversation is used to refer to “a talk between two or more people in which thoughts, feelings, and ideas are expressed, questions are asked and answered, or news and information is exchanged”3.

A chat, however, only takes into account the first half of this definition. It refers to “talking in an informal or friendly way”4.

In my experience, great conversations have four characteristics: they engage their participants, invite considered and open contribution and bring people closer together. In addition to this, great conversations trigger positive change.

All these characteristics have a common element threading through them:

Trust.

Without trust, people cling to the certainty of the status quo and resist entering the unknown. They also step back and create distance when the conversation needs them to step forward. Lack of trust also affects the openness of contributions and makes people less likely to listen and say what they think. And finally, when trust is absent, it drives a wedge between people, causing them to become disconnected.

Great conversations help to build trust. However, in order to have great conversations, there needs to be a level of trust to start with. This symbiotic relationship sometimes causes us to become tied up in knots.

There is also another challenge.

Have you ever noticed how, when someone in a team mentions trust, the tension can actually increase?

It can mean that our intentions backfire and instead of building trust, it feels like we lose it?

But how can we have great conversations if we need trust, but can’t talk about it?

I’m a pragmatist, which means that I view the concept of trust through a very practical lens. I’ve also spent many years leading Curly Conversations in some pretty intense, high-stakes situations.

Trust doesn’t happen because we talk about it. Trust happens when we forget about it completely. Instead of talking about it and how much of it we have or don’t have, we focus on learning something, achieving something or building something amazing together. When we do this, trust becomes a natural consequence, not an obstacle.

Trust is a team sport. As soon as we see ourselves as players in the game, not commentators, we create the conditions for trust to emerge on its own.

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3 CONVERSATION | Meaning in the Cambridge English Dictionary.” Cambridge Dictionary | English Dictionary, Translations & Thesaurus, Cambridge Press, https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/conversation. Accessed 18 Dec. 2020.

4 CHAT | Meaning in the Cambridge English Dictionary.” Cambridge Dictionary | English Dictionary, Translations & Thesaurus, https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/chat. Accessed 18 Dec. 2020.

Curly questions to consider

Reflect in pairs

What is trust?

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What role do I play in building trust within a team?

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Respond as a team

How is this article relevant for us?

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What’s the biggest challenge we face at the moment, as a team?

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What would happen if each of us approached this challenge from a position of 100 percent trust?

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How would it influence our conversations?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________...

Table of contents

• About the author
• Introduction
• A Human Approach
• The Conversation Continuum
• Dip In and Discover
• Curly Conversation Starters