Norm and Ahmed

Alex Buzo

• Publisher: Currency Press
• Year: 2012
• eBook ISBN: 9781921428708
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Drama
• Index: Literature

'Buzo has something real and immediate to say about Australian attitudes. He makes the audience uneasy about the unperceptiveness of an 'average' Aussie confronted by a well-mannered, educated Pakistani student. Norm parades many of the proper, accepted attitudes which [...] are shot through the fabric of the Australian character.'- Griffen Foley, Daily Telegraph, 10 April 1968Written and performed in 1968, Norm and Ahmed was Alex Buzo's first performed play. It gained immediate notice, both for Norm's spectacular language and for the character of Ahmed, one of the first South Asian characters to feature in contemporary Australian theatre. Still alarmingly relevant in the 21st century, Norm and Ahmed has earned its place as a classic of Australian theatre due to its timeless themes and the heightened language, performance style and concern with the behaviour of Australians, its origins and causes that characterised the New Wave.

Lights up on NORM, who is leaning against the fence. He wears an open-necked white shirt and grey trousers. A clock strikes twelve. NORM moves around restlessly looking up and down the street. He takes out a cigarette packet, looks in it, then screws it up and flings it on the ground angrily. He brings out a fresh packet, rips off the cellophane with his teeth and takes out a cigarette, which he lights with a lighter. He moves around a bit more and then leans on the fence again. He waits. Then he starts moving around some more, and suddenly straightens up, looking to his left. He puts his cigarette out and takes another from the packet, putting it in his mouth unlit. He leans casually against the fence. The sound of footsteps is heard and AHMED appears, wearing a Nehru-style suit and carrying a briefcase. He walks past NORM.

NORM: Excuse me, mate.

AHMED stops and looks at NORM. Pause.

Got a light?

AHMED: Yes, certainly.

He offers a box of matches.

NORM: Thanks.

He keeps the matches after he has lit up.

I was dying for a smoke. Lucky you turned up. Nothing open at this hour.

AHMED: No, it’s nearly midnight.

Pause. AHMED has been waiting for NORM to return his matches, but now he starts to edge away warily.

NORM: Wait a minute, mate.

AHMED: Yes?

Pause.

NORM: You forgot your matches.

He holds them out.

AHMED: [taking them warily] Thank you.

He edges away.

NORM: What’s the matter, mate? Do you think going to hold you up and rob you or something?

AHMED: [hastily] Oh no, not at all.

NORM: This isn’t India, mate. You’re in Sydney. No Bombay stranglers around here.

You’re quite safe.

AHMED: There are hoodlums here, too. Just as many as in my country.

NORM: Yeah, I’d reckon it’d be about evens. What part of the… uh… south-east Asian sub-continent would you be from?

AHMED: I am from Pakistan. Karachi, to be exact. I, uh, really must be going…

NORM: Eh, wait a minute, mate. I’m not going to rob you or bash you or anything.

AHMED: I was not suggesting for one minute that you were.

NORM: Then what’s the matter, you think I’m a drunk? You think I’m one of those old pisspots who go around the place annoying decent people?

AHMED: No, not at all.

NORM: You think I’m a poofter, then, don’t you? That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it? You think I’m like those poofters in Hyde Park who go around soliciting blokes.

AHMED: Certainly not. I assure you I think nothing of the kind. I hope I have not insulted you in any way. If I have, I crave your forgiveness.

NORM: Ar, she’s right. I suppose you’ve got to be careful these days. Lot of nasty types around.

AHMED: Yes, there is a lot of violence prevalent at the moment.

NORM: Too right. You look a bit uneasy.

AHMED: I do?

NORM: Yes. Are you sure you’re all right?

AHMED: Yes.

NORM: You don’t look all right.

AHMED: I feel fine.

NORM: My name’s Norm Gallagher, what’s yours?

AHMED: My name is Ahmed. [Moving away] Well, I don’t wish to seem rude…

NORM: Pleased to meet you, Ahmed.

He offers his hand.

AHMED: [shaking hands] How do you do?

NORM: Pakistan. Now that’s an interesting place. I’ve never been to Pakistan. I was in Egypt during the war, but we never went anywhere else. How do you like Australia?

AHMED: It is a very nice place. Naturally I tend to get a little homesick at times, but I quite like it out here. The people are very friendly.

NORM: It’s good to hear that, Ahmed. You feel you’re settling down all right?

AHMED: Yes, I think so. One always experiences difficulties when one is seeking to adjust to an alien environment. But once the initial period of adjustment is over, it is easier to acclimatise oneself.

Pause.

NORM: That’s very true.

AHMED: Yes. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll…

NORM: Do you know what? You’re insulting me, do you know that? Eh? You’re insinuating that I’m some kind of drunken pervert.

AHMED: Oh no, you have misconstrued my actions. I think nothing of the kind.

NORM: Then why do you keep backing away, eh? Answer me that.

AHMED: Well… I mean… it’s late. It’s late at night.

NORM: I know it’s late. That’s no reason. You think you’re a bit above me. You don’t want to talk to me. I’m insulted. If you think I’m a drunken perv, why don’t you say so? Why don’t you come right out and say it?

AHMED: I’m very sorry if you think that. Perhaps I have shown bad manners. I offer my humble apologies.

NORM: Never been so insulted in all—

AHMED : Please! Believe me. I did not mean to be rude.

NORM: You sure?

AHMED: Of course I’m sure.

NORM: Well, all right then, don’t worry about it. Just a bit of a misunderstanding, that’s all. No hard feelings. Jees, I tell you what, Ahmed, you really looked scared there for a minute.

He laughs.

AHMED: [smiling, relieved] Did I really?

NORM: [jovially] Yeah, you were t...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Table of Contents
• Copyright Page
• Norm and Ahmed
• Playwright’s Biography
• First Production
• Characters
• Setting
• Time