Smurf in Wanderland

David Williams

• Publisher: Currency Press
• Year: 2017
• eBook ISBN: 9781760621087
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Drama
• Index: Literature

David Williams-acclaimed documentary theatre maker, writer and football fanatic-is the 'Smurf'. For the uninitiated, 'Smurf' is the nickname given to a Sydney Football Club fan.During the 2013-14 A League football season, Williams, a long-suffering Sydney FC fan, frequented Western Sydney Wanderers' games on their home turf in Parramatta. Kitted out in his Sydney FC sky-blue jersey, Williams-the-Smurf stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the sea of red and black.His presence caused bewilderment and banter, but none of the hooliganism that's come to be associated with the game-he didn't need to fear for his life.Developed during Williams' 2015 residency, Smurf in Wanderland is one man's insightful and hilarious examination of football, tribalism, belonging and identity. It's also a passionate defence of the fan-what it means to be a fan, the demonisation of fans and the artificial wedge that has been created between Sydney and its western suburbs.

ACT ONE

INTRO

Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Smurf in Wanderland.

My name is David Williams, and I’ll be your host tonight.

Just before kick-off, a few small notes, a bit of housekeeping, some clarifications.

Firstly, for those who might not be aware, this is a show about football and Sydney.

And just to be clear, when I say football, I mean the game with the round ball that you play with your feet, sometimes referred to as ‘soccer’.

Okay?

So, if anyone is concerned about their safety, I’ll just point out that the nearest emergency exits are here and here.

He points.

Okay, great.

So if everyone is feeling safe, some important information for context.

So, this show is concerned with two football teams, Sydney FC and the Western Sydney Wanderers.

For those of you who aren’t aware, a ‘Smurf’ is a nickname for a Sydney FC supporter.

It’s about the sky-blue colours.

By contrast, the Wanderers’ colours are red and black.

Just in case anyone here didn’t know that.

And ‘Wanderland’ is what Pirtek Stadium is re-branded during Western Sydney Wanderers’ home games.

I hope that goes some of the way to explain the title of tonight’s performance.

Some parts of the show will reference things that happen in football games, and there’ll be the occasional moment of good-natured audience inclusion.

If anyone is truly terrified by this, a reminder that the nearest emergency exits are here and here.

He points.

Given the show is about two teams, I have taken the liberty of dividing the audience in half.

Given that this is the slightly more easterly side of the theatre, I’ve cast [indicating] this half of the audience as Sydney FC fans.

And given that this side of the theatre has a slightly more westerly aspect, tonight you will be Western Sydney Wanderers fans.

If anyone feels that they are now sitting in the wrong place, now is your chance to move.

Really.

You really can change sides now if you want. But this is your only chance.

Don’t worry—it’s not permanent.

If you’ve found yourself stuck in the ‘wrong’ supporter side, please just take tonight’s performance as an opportunity to role-play.

To walk in the shoes of the other half of the city for an hour and a half.

Okay?

Great.

And a reminder to anyone who is feeling threatened by all of this talk about soccer and choice and inclusion and Smurfs and participation, a reminder that the nearest emergency exits are here and here.

He points.

Great! So, is everyone sitting in the correct place?

Nice one.

At various times, this show will be punctuated by chants and songs sung by supporters of each team.

Please join in.

So, tonight’s show will be about ninety minutes long, in two forty-five minute halves.

Plus stoppage time added on.

This show is going to jump around in time quite a lot, from the 1960s to the present day. But much of the show will focus on Season Nine of the A-League, from October 2013 to May 2014.

Season Nine was important for a few reasons—it was the second year of the unexpectedly wild rise of the new team on the block, the Western Sydney Wanderers, and it was the final season played by marquee players Alessandro Del Piero (for Sydney FC) and Shinji Ono (for Western Sydney Wanderers).

It also marked the final season for foundation Sydney FC player Terry McFlynn, who retired after a decade with the club, the last man left standing from Season One back in 2005/2006.

Terry’s not really in this show as much as he should be, but he’s an important player for the club.

This is the program for his farewell game.

He points to a match program on the wall.

Season Nine saw fan revolts (from Sydney FC members, who demanded the sacking of coach Frank Farina) and threats of points being deducted from the Western Sydney Wanderers for alleged fan misbehaviour after a match in Melbourne.

It’s fair to say that Season Nine was not a great one for Sydney FC, and so it feels strange to be performing this show right now, in 2017, at the end of Sydney’s most successful season in a long time.

It’s still not quite real to me that we’ve been top of the league all season long.¹

I kept thinking that reality would reassert itself and Sydney would fall apart. Again.

And there have indeed been stumbles that made that seem likely.

But the team has got on with it and done the business.

Exciting.

But still not quite real.

But anyway, this show focuses on being a fan ...

Table of contents

• Cover
• First Production
• Character and Setting
• Smurf in Wanderland
• Act One
• Act Two
• Copyright Details