ACT ONE
INTRO
Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Smurf in Wanderland.
My name is David Williams, and Iâll be your host tonight.
Just before kick-off, a few small notes, a bit of housekeeping, some clarifications.
Firstly, for those who might not be aware, this is a show about football and Sydney.
And just to be clear, when I say football, I mean the game with the round ball that you play with your feet, sometimes referred to as âsoccerâ.
Okay?
So, if anyone is concerned about their safety, Iâll just point out that the nearest emergency exits are here and here.
He points.
Okay, great.
So if everyone is feeling safe, some important information for context.
So, this show is concerned with two football teams, Sydney FC and the Western Sydney Wanderers.
For those of you who arenât aware, a âSmurfâ is a nickname for a Sydney FC supporter.
Itâs about the sky-blue colours.
By contrast, the Wanderersâ colours are red and black.
Just in case anyone here didnât know that.
And âWanderlandâ is what Pirtek Stadium is re-branded during Western Sydney Wanderersâ home games.
I hope that goes some of the way to explain the title of tonightâs performance.
Some parts of the show will reference things that happen in football games, and thereâll be the occasional moment of good-natured audience inclusion.
If anyone is truly terrified by this, a reminder that the nearest emergency exits are here and here.
He points.
Given the show is about two teams, I have taken the liberty of dividing the audience in half.
Given that this is the slightly more easterly side of the theatre, Iâve cast [indicating] this half of the audience as Sydney FC fans.
And given that this side of the theatre has a slightly more westerly aspect, tonight you will be Western Sydney Wanderers fans.
If anyone feels that they are now sitting in the wrong place, now is your chance to move.
Really.
You really can change sides now if you want. But this is your only chance.
Donât worryâitâs not permanent.
If youâve found yourself stuck in the âwrongâ supporter side, please just take tonightâs performance as an opportunity to role-play.
To walk in the shoes of the other half of the city for an hour and a half.
Okay?
Great.
And a reminder to anyone who is feeling threatened by all of this talk about soccer and choice and inclusion and Smurfs and participation, a reminder that the nearest emergency exits are here and here.
He points.
Great! So, is everyone sitting in the correct place?
Nice one.
At various times, this show will be punctuated by chants and songs sung by supporters of each team.
Please join in.
So, tonightâs show will be about ninety minutes long, in two forty-five minute halves.
Plus stoppage time added on.
This show is going to jump around in time quite a lot, from the 1960s to the present day. But much of the show will focus on Season Nine of the A-League, from October 2013 to May 2014.
Season Nine was important for a few reasonsâit was the second year of the unexpectedly wild rise of the new team on the block, the Western Sydney Wanderers, and it was the final season played by marquee players Alessandro Del Piero (for Sydney FC) and Shinji Ono (for Western Sydney Wanderers).
It also marked the final season for foundation Sydney FC player Terry McFlynn, who retired after a decade with the club, the last man left standing from Season One back in 2005/2006.
Terryâs not really in this show as much as he should be, but heâs an important player for the club.
This is the program for his farewell game.
He points to a match program on the wall.
Season Nine saw fan revolts (from Sydney FC members, who demanded the sacking of coach Frank Farina) and threats of points being deducted from the Western Sydney Wanderers for alleged fan misbehaviour after a match in Melbourne.
Itâs fair to say that Season Nine was not a great one for Sydney FC, and so it feels strange to be performing this show right now, in 2017, at the end of Sydneyâs most successful season in a long time.
Itâs still not quite real to me that weâve been top of the league all season long.1
I kept thinking that reality would reassert itself and Sydney would fall apart. Again.
And there have indeed been stumbles that made that seem likely.
But the team has got on with it and done the business.
Exciting.
But still not quite real.
But anyway, this show focuses on being a fan ...