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Opening a Fuzzwollop's Frame of Mind
Daniel Evans
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eBook - ePub
Opening a Fuzzwollop's Frame of Mind
Daniel Evans
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About This Book
A delightfully funny absurdist play that explores the nature of humanity and our fear of the unknown.
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From somewhere behind the curtain an old scratchy record begins to play āThe Blue Danubeā. The music gradually grows louder. Suddenly the curtains part; Mrs Judith Hartwig and Mr Jethro Hartwig enter waltzing. The music dies down.
Judith [sullenly] Jethro, darling, do you sometimes wonder what it would have been like if we hadā?
Jethro [interrupting] Yes.
Judith Tell me again, why didnāt we?
Jethro It was the unknown.
Judith Ah, the unfamiliar.
Jethro The unascertained.
Judith The undiscovered.
Jethro The unexplored.
Judith The uninvestigated.
Jethro The unrevealed.
Judith The unā¦ unā¦
Jethro [whispering in her ear] Unearthed.
Judith Oh, thank you, darling. The unearthed.
They waltz a while.
Jethro The fact was we wereā
Judith Donāt say!
Jethro Scared.
Judith Frightened.
Jethro Alarmed.
Judith Worried.
Jethro Unsure.
Judith Terrified.
Jethro Apprehensive.
Judith We wereā¦ ahā¦ ohā¦
Jethro [whispering in her ear] Afraid.
Judith Oh, thank you, darling. Afraid.
Jethro But weāre comfortable, are we not?
Judith Why, yes. Yes! I suppose so.
Jethro And weāre happy?
Judith [uncertain] Actually, now that I consider itā¦
Jethro No?
Judith No.
Jethro No? So you are happy.
Judith No. āNoā as in āno, Iām not happyā.
Jethro Well, why donāt you look at your jewellery.
Judith Iā¦ Iā¦ I donāt think thatās going to make me happy anymore.
She suddenly stops waltzing.
She made me realise that money canāt buy certain things. Yes, it can buy sapphire rings and ruby necklaces but it canāt buyā¦
Jethro Diamonds?
Judith [longingly] Freedom.
Jethro The ability to fly like a bird.
Judith Soar like an eagle.
Jethro To come down from the bleachers and onto the field.
Judith Toā¦ toā¦
Jethro [whispering in her ear] To cut theā
Judith Jethro, please, give me a chance! [She pauses. Solemnly] To walk out of the door.
The music strikes up again as Jethro takes Judith in his arms and begins to waltz again. Judith gazes longingly somewhere else. The curtains part as they spin in an exit.
The music is brought to a halt by a high-pitched scream from Judith. There is the sound of many people rushing. Silence. The curtains open to reveal a clump of people encircling something.
Wilmah What on Jupiter is it?
Jethro How did it get here?
Judith For goodness sakes, Jethro! We know how it got here!
Jethro How, darling?
Judith I was sitting over there, minding my own jewellery whenā¦
Wilmah When?
Jethro When?
Wilmah When, what?
Jethro Yes, darling, when what?
Judith [confused] What?
Wilmah Yes, what?
Jethro Yes, darling, what?
Judith What, when this thing appeared before my very eyes! It was as though it appeared out of thin air.
Jethro As though it came from nowhere.
Judith As though it suddenly became visible.
Jethro As though it raised and became evident.
Judith As thoughā¦ as thoughā¦
Jethro [whispering in her ear] As though it came into being.
Judith Why, thank you, darling. As though it came into being.
Wilmah Yes, but what exactly is it?
They all loo...