House on Fire

Debra Oswald

• Publisher: Currency Press
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9781760626914
• Topic: Literatura
• Subtopic: Arte dramático

Things aren't going well for the Conway sisters. Dad's just married the geography teacher, eldest sister Bec's been evicted and Evie's suffering serious issues with her new besties. Michaela has 24 hours to solve her sisters' problems before she sits the most important exams of her life. What else could go wrong? %##CHAR13##%%##CHAR13##%A hilarious new offering from Australia's master of teen theatre, House on Fire is guaranteed to put a smile on your lips and light a small flame in your heart.

Scene One

Prologue.

INDIA appears on stage. She’s about twelve, wired-up, sharp-eyed. INDIA is awkward with other characters but enjoys her role as narrator with puckish glee.

India [addressing the audience] I’m going to tell you the story of how the house next door to me burnt down. Did you know that in the United States alone, someone dies in a fire every one hundred and sixty-two minutes? Oh, don’t worry—no-one is going to die in this fire. It’s not that kind of story. I’ve lived next door to the three Conway sisters since I was a little kid. Evie Conway’s fifteen.

EVIE appears in a spotlight, wearing an ugly bridesmaid dress. She talks on her mobile.

Evie Hi, Charlotte. No, I’m still stuck at the wedding reception. They made me be a bridesmaid. Oh my God, the dress is so hideous I cannot tell you. It’s made of this stiff sticky-outy material and the colour is totally barfable. Hey hey, I’ll send you a photo!

EVIE holds her mobile out to take a photo of herself in the dress.

India Evie was a bridesmaid because this was the weekend her father got married.

Evie [on the phone to CHARLOTTE] The woman he married? Get this: she was the Geography teacher at my old school. It’s beyond embarrassing. I wasn’t going to tell a single person but now I’ve blabbed to you so that shows I can’t control my big mouth! You won’t tell anyone, will you? Anyway anyway, what are you doing this weekend?

EVIE exits, yapping on her phone.

India Evie’s older sister Michaela is seventeen.

MICHAELA appears in a spotlight. She’s wearing an identical bridesmaid dress.

She’s an academic high-achiever, school captain, coach of the junior netball team, leader of a Youth Against Poverty fundraising drive and a very nice person.

She waves and smiles hello to someone offstage, super polite.

Michaela Hello, Mr Davis. Mmm, it was a lovely wedding. Oh yes, I’m studying hard for the exams.

India The wedding happened on the weekend just before the start of the HSC exams.

MICHAELA switches on an mp3 player and chants study facts as she listens.

Michaela Born Gaius Octavius, 63 BC. Caesar assassinated, 44 BC. War with Sextus Pompey, 38 BC. 38 BC. 38 BC.

MICHAELA pauses the mp3 player and takes some calming deep breaths. She’s under a lot of pressure. She exits, chanting Ancient History dates to herself.

India The oldest sister is Bec. She moved out of the house last year.

Spotlight on BEC, slouching, hair matted from sleeping, wearing pyjama pants and a singlet, eating uncooked two-minute noodles. Nearby, there’s a third identical bridesmaid dress on a hanger, still in its plastic cover.

She moved out because—well, I used to hear heaps of loud arguments between Bec and—

Bec [to the audience, indicating INDIA] This kid next door—India—she’s one weird little girl.

India [to BEC] Sorry? What are you doing? I’m the narrator!

Bec [to INDIA] Well, I guess you’re not the only narrator.

India But you can’t just start blabbing to the audience when I’m already—

Bec [to the audience] She’s only twelve but she’s gifted, mega IQ and all that. She’s home-schooled and so bored the little brainiac spends half the day stickybeaking on neighbours. She’s always—

INDIA retaliates by offering the audience juicy dirt on BEC.

India Bec dropped out of Law at uni. Now she lives in a rathole and her life’s a mess.

BEC smiles and bows.

Bec I’m the burnout sister.

BEC goes back to eating the noodles.

We hear the beep of an answer machine and then recorded voices.

Manageress [a voice on the machine] This is a message for Bec Conway. Because of the economic downturn, we’ve had to lay off all casual bar staff. All your shifts are cancelled. So, uh—yeah—sorry.

Bec Which means I’m unemployed again. I also got a message from my flatmate.

Flatmate [a voice on the machine] I talked to the guy and he said we’re evicted, like, for sure.

Bec Demolition guys turn up on Monday to knock this place down which is about as evicted as you can get.

BEC sighs deeply and ambles off.

INDIA is relieved to go on with the story alone.

India So this weekend Bec, Michaela and Evie’s father got married. Afterwards the dad and his new wife flew away on their honeymoon. Vanuatu.

We see MICHAELA, no...