Muff

Van Badham

• Publisher: Currency Press
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN: 9781760620004
• eBook ISBN: 9781760621025
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Drama
• Index: Literature

The wounds of a horrific event are re-opened as Eve tries to navigate a friendship with her ex and his new partner. The play uses both grim sadness and dark humour to challenge perceptions of feminism and self-image in the prism of sexual love. Winner of the 2015 NSW Premier's Award for Drama.'An intelligent, challenging, deeply thoughtful and highly original piece of work. In a world where gender relationships remain the minefield they always were, and where male violence towards women remains writ large... this is a play for our time and a groundbreaking piece of theatre.' - NSW Premier's Award judge's report

Meal

CHARACTERS

EVE, 30s

TOM, 30s

MANPREET, 27

SCENE

Tom’s flat in Kilburn, London.

TIME

Meal takes place one year after Muff and six years after Trip.

PROLOGUE

MANPREET, EVE and TOM play out a speed-dating event.

MANPREET: I’m Manpreet, I’m twenty-eight. I’ve lived in London all my life. I work in the independent music industry as an event promoter. I’m up for a laugh, game for anything, I wear a lot of black and I’ve got a pierced clit.

TOM: I’m Tom, I’m not in my twenties anymore. I live in Kilburn and I run a venue circuit in London—one of them’s the Green Note, you may have heard of it. You haven’t heard of it? It’s a venue, and I run it. I have a BA from the University of Sheffield.

MANPREET: I’ve got a degree, too—I should have mentioned that. In Psychology. Yeah, I know.

EVE: I’m Eve, I have a Masters in Education. I’m an English teacher. I taught in Tianming, in China, for three years. I can’t remember my Chinese name. Being back in London does that to you.

A bell sounds.

MANPREET: I want to meet a guy who wants to fuck me loads.

TOM: I want to have a good time.

EVE: I want—something new.

Another bell sounds.

MANPREET: You could say I’m the type of girl who just can’t say no. Name it, I’ve done it, and if I haven’t heard of it I’ll give it a go. Base jumping in Yosemite. I own my own skateboard. Group sex, acid. My heroes would be Marc Bolan, Keith Moon and the Manson Family.

TOM: Everyone’s a product of their family environment. My father left us when I was ten. My sister is two years younger than I am and she had some rough years. I’ve taken my role as a protector very seriously.

EVE: I think scars are really attractive. It’s something that’s only occurred to me since I started going out again. I had a blind date with this Irishman recently and he kept touching his forehead— / [Simultaneously, competing] He was doing it all night and finally I said, ‘Are you trying to—hide something?’ and his hand just dropped to the table and he looked so sad and said that he’d been hurt playing basketball and he had this scar on his forehead; it wasn’t that big but it was still red and he was so embarrassed.

MANPREET: [simultaneous, competing] / I love independent musicians. Usually drummers, half my luck. Seriously, though, there’s so much talent in the undergrowth. I don’t play anything myself—did piano until Year Five but not past that. Best gig I ever went to was The Libertines at Leeds Union. I love dancing.

TOM: [simultaneously, competing] / These days I’m more relaxed. When my—my major relationship ended—I went on holiday to Portugal, Spain, Gran Canarias. Took a couple of months out to—you can see the result. Nothing bothers me in the way it might have done. Running a venue chain’s not where I saw myself going, but I’m doing well with the opportunity to expand.

MANPREET: Do you like my tongue stud?

TOM: These trainers are new. I like—to keep ahead of the brands.

EVE: I hadn’t thought much of him until that moment when he went from being ordinary to being this—this story, this history … It’s like, people are a book, with one page. And every scar adds another page.

I wanted to lick that scar all night.

I’m going to have another drink. Would you like one?

A bell rings. EVE disappears. MANPREET dons an apron.

SCENE 1

Tom ’s flat in Kilburn. A dining table is out.

MANPREET: That will be...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Author Biography
• Introduction: ‘The Obscenity of the Feminine’ by Alison Croggon
• First Production
• Writer’s and Publisher’s Notes
• Muff by Van Badham
• I. Muff
• II. Trip
• III. Meal
• Copyright Details