A Rabbit for Kim Jong-il

Kit Brookman

• Publisher: Currency Press
• Year: 2016
• ISBN:
  9781925359435
• Topic: Letteratura
• Subtopic: Teatro

'Rabbits don't talk Mr Wertheim. They keep their stupid mouths shut or they get whacked on the head with a shovel... learn to be a rabbit.'Johann's super-sized rabbits are his pride and joy. Much to his surprise, the Supreme Leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea has taken a special interest, and will stop at nothing to get his hands on them. When a bungled undercover rescue mission transports Johann to North Korea, he finds himself, and the bunnies he betrayed, in a bit of a stew. Preposterously based on a true story, A Rabbit for Kim Jong-il is a cunning comic thriller spanning two continents. Crammed with secret-agents, espionage, double-crossings and a giant rabbit named Felix, the play is also a pointed parable about betrayal and forgiveness, greed and regret.

SCENE ONE

Germany, 2006, a small town outside of Bonn. The house of Johann Wertheim. A nice house but not cared for, the house of a distracted man. CHUNG DAE-HYUN, elegant, inscrutable, and utterly out of place, sits on an old, worn armchair. Where the house is a mess, CHUNG is impeccably turned-out, where the house speaks of chaos, CHUNG’s manner is one of hard-won and unflinching containment. He waits patiently. After a moment, JOHANN WERTHEIM, unkempt, unwashed, and on edge, enters.

WERTHEIM: Are you sure you’re comfortable?

CHUNG looks at him.

I know there are no springs in that, it’ll be collapsing beneath you. No-one has sat in that chair for a very long time. People don’t normally come into the house they just come to the barn, take a look, and off they go again, most aren’t interested in me. Not that I take your sitting there as a sign of having any particular interest in me, I mean I know why you’re here, I’m not naïve. Been around. Seen my fair share of—probably not a patch on what you’ve had to—never mind. I couldn’t find the cushion I mentioned, I’m sorry, but I did find this bottle of schnapps and I thought, with you being new to the country and not widely travelled, I mean do you have the opportunity to get schnapps where you’re from? I tend to imagine things like this as being a rare commodity, highly controlled. I imagine that only the high-ups can get stuff like this. I shouldn’t pry. But you can imagine, I mean I’m sure you can imagine that it would be fascinating, for me. You’re not stupid. I can tell that. And you speak German very well.

CHUNG: Thank you.

WERTHEIM: I only mean there can’t have been much opportunity to really practise your speaking, your accent in particular. Who would you speak to?

CHUNG: Hostages.

WERTHEIM: Yes, well.

CHUNG: Hostages live as long as anyone else if you look after them.

WERTHEIM: Makes sense. How silly of me! But the schnapps, that’ll be a treat. I don’t normally drink this time of day but this is a bit of an occasion, isn’t it? You’ve come all this way. Cheers.

CHUNG: Cheers.

WERTHEIM: How do you like it?

CHUNG: Very much, thank you.

WERTHEIM: I’m glad, Mr Dae-hyun.

CHUNG: Mr Chung.

WERTHEIM: Oh, on your card—

CHUNG: Yes, I know. The family name comes first.

WERTHEIM: Right.

CHUNG: In Korea.

WERTHEIM: Right, my apologies.

CHUNG: To new friends.

WERTHEIM: To new friends, yes. Have you been to Germany before?

CHUNG: No. It’s been enjoyable, using the language. You are right, there are not many German speakers where I’m from. The language is not viewed as a priority. I learnt with the assistance of a book and a collection of CDs. I was joking about the hostages.

WERTHEIM: Yes, oh yes, of course, Ha ha! that’s exactly what I—

CHUNG: A piece of advice given to me before I left was that although I may speak the language proficiently I may not have the necessary nuance to indicate when I’m joking, so I was advised not to joke, but it doesn’t sit well with my nature.

WERTHEIM: Well. If you can’t laugh…

CHUNG: What?

WERTHEIM: Hm?

CHUNG: What happens if you can’t laugh?

WERTHEIM: Oh, just, everyone needs to laugh. It’s a human… you know. Make light of things. Break the tension.

He drops his glass of schnapps onto the carpet.

Sweaty palms. Don’t worry, it’ll just soak in.

CHUNG: You can clean it up if you—

WERTHEIM: No no, we have important things to discuss. It really will soak in. I know it looks like it’s pooling but just ignore it, really, let me pull up a chair.

CHUNG: Are we doing business now?

WERTHEIM: Oh—yes, alright. Down to...