Lesson 16
AMENDS
Principle 6: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.
“Happy are the merciful.” (Matthew 5:7)
“Happy are the peacemakers.” (Matthew 5:9)
Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:31)
Please begin your time together by reading “The Eight Step, Day 210” from the Celebrate Recovery Daily Devotional.
Principle 6 is all about making amends. “Forgive me as I learn to forgive” sums it up pretty well.
Before we got to this principle in The Journey Begins, we started doing repair work on the personal side of our lives. We did this by admitting our powerlessness, turning our lives and wills over to God’s care, doing our moral inventory, sharing our sins or wrongs with another, and admitting our shortcomings and asking God to remove them. But then we began to do some repair work on the relational side of our lives.
We learned that making amends is not about our past so much as it is about our future. Before we could have the healthy relationships that we desired, we needed to clean out the guilt, shame, and pain that has caused many of our past relationships to fail.
Step 8 tells us, it is time to “make a list of persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.” At this point, we are only looking for the willingness to do so, to simply identify those to whom we need to make amends or offer forgiveness.
Important Note: Find the “Amends List” worksheet on page 43 of Participant’s Guide 2 of The Journey Begins step study. Make sure you completed making your amends to all the people on your most recent list. If not, start there. Then use the new Principle 6 Worksheet found in this lesson on page 51 and ask God to show you all the outstanding and new people to whom you owe an amends since you completed The Journey Begins.
In Column 1 of your inventory that you completed in The Journey Continues (your newest one), you will find the list of people you need to forgive. These are the people who have hurt you. In Column 5, you will find the list of people to whom you owe amends. Transfer these names to the Principle 6 Worksheet.
Let’s look at the AMENDS acrostic that will answer these three questions:
How do I make amends the way God tells us to?
Who do I need to make new amends to?
Which amends were incomplete or not done at all when I did this lesson in The Journey Begins?
A — Admit the hurt and the harm
We need to see the hurtful act for the “true harm” we did to them. We shouldn’t minimize or exaggerate the harm we caused.
“They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. ‘Peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace.” (Jeremiah 6:14)
M — Make a list
Add any new or incomplete amends that we have to make. It’s very important to write them down. We can’t rely on memory.
“I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body.” (2 Peter 1:13)
E — Encourage one another
We do not have to do all of this on our own. It’s so important to share the amends we are planning to make with our accountability partner/team or sponsor before making the actual amends to the person. Remember Principle 6: “Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.”
“Test me, LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind.” (Psalm 26:2)
“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (Hebrews 3:13)
N — Not just for those we hurt
Making our amends, admitting our wrongs, sets us free. We no longer have to carry around the guilt of the things we have done. While we can’t undo anything, we can rest knowing we are doing our part to make our relationships healthy.
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:31)
D — Do it at the right time
Before contacting the person to make amends, pray. Ask God for His perfect timing.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” (1 Peter 5:6)
“A person finds joy in giving an apt reply — and how good is a timely word!” (Proverbs 15:23)
S — Start living all the promises of God — again
Celebrate tha...
