ONE
SETTING YOU UP TO FAIL
You donât have to be great to get started, but you do have to get started to be great.
âDENZEL WASHINGTON
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Thatâs the question weâre all presented with at our adolescent stage where we feel like thereâs no real wrong answer. Because when weâre children, the possibilities are endless. When I was young, I wanted to be in the NBA when I grew up. Specifically, I wanted to be like Mike. Iâd watch Michael Jordan on TV and then go outside and pretend to be him, even in the rain.
â5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .â
As time expired, I would hit the game-winning shot with my tongue sticking out, and the crowd would go wild. In my mind, I was playing on the hardwood at the United Center in Chi-town, with thousands of people behind the backboard screaming my name; but in all reality, I was playing in front of my garage on the concrete pavement in my driveway.
Nobody ever told me I couldnât be like Mike. In fact, in middle school, my entire class was asked to put together a project outlining who we wanted to be when we grew up. Thatâs when I detailed my entire NBA plan, beginning with going to the University of North Carolina and studying architecture. (I had a friend whose dad was an architect, and they were stupid rich. So I figured, why not have a nice fallback plan in case the whole NBA thing doesnât work out?) After four years at UNC, I would then be drafted by the Chicago Bulls, become a multimillionaire, and live happily ever after. It was that simple.
Thatâs probably how it was for all of us as teenagers. We could all walk into our classrooms with hopes and dreams of becoming doctors, lawyers, politicians, astronauts, scientists, authors, professional athletes, singer-songwriters, filmmakers, and business moguls, with little to no resistance from outside sources. Many told us to dream big, but few admitted that we could fail.
Itâs easier to dream big when weâre young because our failure awareness is rather low before we allow limitations to hold us back. Iâve found this to be especially true recently, because my son currently lives with a plethora of career options, including becoming an astronaut, a police officer, a firefighter, Captain America, and Black Panther. I told him it would be a good idea to just pick one job, and he said, âYou have multiple jobs. So why canât I have multiple jobs?â TouchĂ©, Jaxson. TouchĂ©.
MANY TOLD US TO DREAM BIG, BUT FEW ADMITTED THAT WE COULD FAIL.
Kids can dream uninterrupted because failure has not yet become something they fear. Perhaps some parts of us should never grow up. Because as we grow up, failure becomes this invisible force that keeps us from doing the things we once dreamed of accomplishing. Our minds fill with excuses every time an opportunity to pursue a dream comes our way. And before we know it, we find ourselves settling for what we have to do instead of what we get to do. We move from dreaming as children to surviving as adults. I guess itâs easier to dream when you have no bills.
Responsibilities and adulting often lead us to acquiesce to the status quo with little margin to think outside the box. We give ourselves full permission to accommodate average living because itâs safer than taking a risk on something that could fail. Most of our dreams rarely come with health insurance.
IF WEâRE HONEST, THE BIGGEST REASON WE DONâT PURSUE OUR DREAMS IS BECAUSE THE DISTANCE BETWEEN OUR DREAMS AND OUR REALITIES IS OFTEN INTIMIDATING.
If weâre honest, the biggest reason we donât pursue our dreams is because the distance between our dreams and our realities is often intimidating.
Intimidation thoughts often sound like this:
What if itâs not good?
What if nobody likes it?
Who do you think you are, trying to do that?
I donât have a degree for that.
I donât have the money to start that.
I donât know how websites work.
Whatâs email marketing?
I donât have Facebook.
Oh, if we didnât have kids now, I would totally ________.
Hereâs what I know about you and me: we have mastered the art of talking ourselves out of being brave. We all do this because weâd rather tell ourselves that weâre not good enough to do what we dream of doing before somebody else does. But thatâs a horrible way to live. Something magical could happen when you stop being afraid to be critiqued. We should never miss out on the life we dream of having because of what others might say about the dream.
The reality for you is that youâre going to spend the next five years of your life doing something, whether itâs average or extraordinary. Why not make the next five years the best years of your life and go for it? Why not spend the next five years actually taking steps in a direction youâve daydreamed about?
Let me ask you a question that could absolutely change your life. Itâs the question that, for a moment, allows us to be a kid again:
What would you do if you knew you couldnât fail?
If you could remove failure from the equation and you knew success was a guarantee, what would you do? Would you write a book? Build an app? Open up your own restaurant? Produce music? Kick off your own fashion line? Start your own YouTube channel? Create your own podcast? Film a documentary? Fly planes? Set up a nonprofit organization? Whatâs your idea that you would love to go for if you knew it was going to succeed?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU KNEW YOU COULDNâT FAIL?
In my twenties, my answer to this question was I would be in the NBA. So when I was twenty-eight, I decided to take my dream seriously. I began training for it and decided I was going to try to make it happen. Partway through my training, I had the opportunity to compete against a few former NBA players. I quickly realized I was headed on a one-way flight toward failure. So I decided to abort pursuing that dream.
Then I thought, Why? At previous times in my life, I had talked myself out of way too many ideas when I felt failure looming, but this time needed to be different. So I decided I was going to pursue my dream of playing in the NBA anyway.
Hereâs how I see it: weâve got a long line of people in our world trying to chase success. But in all reality, every successful person you follow, look up to, or admire has one thing in common: failures. And yet, each and every one of them became the successful people they are, not in spite of, but because of those misfires, flops, and failures. So what makes the rest of us dare to think that we should run from the very things that made them who they are?
I started to wonder, What if chasing failure was actually the quickest way to succeed? So instead of getting in line to chase success, I decided to start a line for the brave who were willing to chase failure.
Whatâs worse: failing while trying or failing by not trying? Even if I was just chasing failure by pursuing a chance to play in the NBA, at least I was taking action. I think youâll find youâll achieve a lot more by chasing failure rather than chasing success.
We all have something weâd love to do, but fear of failure often keeps us from moving toward who we could become. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy as we avoid going after things wholeheartedly, ultimately leading to failure by default. Youâve probably heard the phrase âFailure leads to successâ a hundred times or more, but have you ever truly believed it? Have you ever actually put it to the test?
Po Bronson and Ashley Merrymanâs book Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing has profound insights and data on the stresses that come with competing and attempting things we could fail. One story from the book that stood out to me was about how researcher Renate Deinzer had people jump out of an airplane over and over to determine how their bodies responded to fear. She found that with each jump the amount of stress, though still large, decreased noticeably. By the third jump, she equated the level of stress to be on par with the same amount of stress someone would have running late to work.1
Over the next eleven chapters, Iâm going to attempt to get you to jump out of the airplane. And I believe youâll be surprised what you can pull off when youâre willing to keep jumping. By the end of our journey together, I hope failure loses its grip on your dreams. I want to help you reframe failure and remove the excuses youâve given yourself for not even trying. This book isnât about trying to fail; itâs about being willing to fail as you go after your dreams. Itâs about not being defeated by failure but rather learning all the lessons we can from it so we can be successful. If you find a gap between what youâre doing in your life right now and what you would be doing if you knew you couldnât fail, this book is going to help you have the courage to take the next step. Maybe even the next two steps.
IF YOU FIND A GAP BETWEEN WHAT YOUâRE DOING IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW AND WHAT YOU WOULD BE DOING IF YOU KNEW YOU COULDNâT FAIL, THIS BOOK IS GOING TO HELP YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP.
Iâm not trying to convince you to quit your job or move to another country or sell all your possessions. Iâm trying to help you level up from where you currently are so that you can be incredibly successful at achieving your dreams in a practical and realistic way. And yes, you might fail. And thatâs good news for you, because if you do, youâll join a club of the most successful people in the world. When we chase failure, with the goal of growing and striving for making our wildest dreams even an inkling more of a reality, then we are living a life that is not only successful but inspirational.
In this book, I am going to lay out the framework you need to chase failure successfully, which means living a life where you are pursuing your dreams, living in your purpose, and experiencing the most fulfillment possible. The framework will help you know whether or not your dream is one you need to be chasing. Then I will go over the game plan you need to implement in order to chase failure successfully and keep dreaming bigger to live your best life.
In a world obsessed with chasing success, I want to inspire and equip you to embrace the thing weâve been taught to fear by chasing failure...
