Be Bold

A Guide to Unbreakable Confidence

Anna Goldstein

• Publisher: Rock Point
• Year: 2021
• Print ISBN: 9781631067327
• eBook ISBN: 9780760369203
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Personal Success

Be Bold is an interactive journey for readers looking to discover and create their own unbreakable confidence. Learn how to transcend fear, trust your gut, and take practical steps to build your self-esteem. Once you break free from what’s holding you back, clarify your vision, and step into your power, you will see measurable changes in all areas of your life.

Feeling stuck or that something is just not quite right? You know you are meant for more, so how do you access the clarity and confidence to take your life to the next level? You won’t discover it by simply thinking positive thoughts or by squaring your shoulders and faking it. It requires a choice: less people-pleasing and perfectionism and more action, risk-taking, and fast failure. If you're ready to take control of your life, Be Bold is here to help you gain a deeper understanding of the internal forces shaping your life's direction. With this knowledge, you can fully realize your potential to live in a body you love, have fulfilling relationships, a meaningful career, and more. 

Each chapter builds upon an important facet of building up unbreakable confidence within yourself and has an exercise and a mantra to help guide you through each step of your journey towards boldness.

Here are some of the things that self-assured people (and soon enough, you!) do:

• Applaud their imperfections
• Say no
• Trust their own judgment, and also listen to others’ opinions
• Don’t mirror others to find what makes them happy
• Open themselves to love
• Ask for help
• Strive to understand their emotions
• Release guilt
• Love watching their friends soar

Dispel the illusion that the reason you can't achieve something is a lack of adequate resources. All you need is within you now and this book will show you how to tap into this innate potential from the inside out. You got this!

The Live Well series from Rock Point invites you to create a life you love through multiple acts of self-discovery and reinvention. These encouraging gift books touch on fun yet hardworking self-improvement strategies, whether it’s learning to value progress over perfection, taking time to meditate and slow down to literally smell the roses, or finding time to show gratitude and develop a personal mantra. From learning how to obtain more restful sleep and creating a healthy work/life balance to developing personal style and your own happy place, the Live Well series encourages you to live your best life.
 
Other titles in the series include: Progress Over Perfection; Find Your Flow; Be Happy; Seeking Slow; Finding Gratitude; Eff This! Meditation; The Joy of Forest Bathing; Find Your Mantra; It Had to be You; Men’s Society; Genius Jokes; The Calm and Cozy Book of Sleep; Beating Burnout; Ayurveda for Life; and Choose Happy.
 

1

THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD

“When you recognize that there is a voice in your head that pretends to be you and never stops speaking, YOU ARE AWAKENING out of your unconscious identification with the stream of thinking. When you notice that voice, you realize that who you are is not the voice—the thinker—but THE ONE WHO IS AWARE of it.”

—ECKHART TOLLE

I was twenty-five years old and living in a small studio apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. As a girl who grew up in the suburbs of Maryland, I’d moved to New York City three years prior with big hopes and dreams for my future, but I was stumbling. I’d already had four different jobs, lived in three different apartments, and felt completely lost, alone, and isolated.

I was consumed by the voice in my head that told me all the things that were wrong with me, and I was worried about my future. Would I ever find my way in my career? Would I ever have a meaningful romantic partnership? How was I going to survive in this city financially? What if things didn’t work out and I ended up poor, unhappy, and alone?

I obsessed over tracking my food; compulsively measured my belly, wrists, and chin, and constantly checked to see how much I weighed. I desperately wanted to be in a relationship to make me feel better and further distract me from my problems. But my biggest addiction was that I believed my negative thoughts.

I wished there was a switch in my head that I could turn off. But I couldn’t. My nightly routine was to stare at the ceiling alone in the dark thinking I was seriously flawed. I was so consumed by the voice in my head that I spent several years like this—having trouble sleeping, not holding down a steady job, eating junk food, and drinking too much alcohol. I was so unhappy, my confidence plummeted.

But deep down, I knew there was more for me. I just wasn’t sure what was in my way or how to access the strength within me. That little seed of believing there must be another way became my guiding light to seek answers and solutions to overcome my largest obstacle: my mind.

I knew I wasn’t the only one struggling. In fact, I was the one many of my friends sought out to talk about their problems. Sometimes we would gab on the phone and complain about our lives for hours on end.

Maybe you too have been wondering how you can deal with the voice in your head that tells you, “You’re not good enough, you’re not qualified enough, you need more experience, something is wrong with you, you’ll never be successful, you’re too young (or old) . . .”

Is it possible to stop beating yourself up when you do something “wrong” or make a mistake? What would it be like if you didn’t judge others, didn’t care what other people thought about you, and instead went for the things you really wanted, even in the face of fear?

Maybe you feel like you just weren’t born confident, that others have it all figured out, and because of your past experiences, you’ll never be the person you want to be. Maybe you’ve done everything you thought would make you feel whole, and checked all the boxes, but you’re still looking for a deeper sense of joy and fulfillment.

You know that you are meant for more. But how can you access your potential?

THE MIND

The brain and mind are both important, and they are different. The brain is matter; it has a shape, size, and form. The mind is formless; you can’t see or touch it. The mind is awareness itself. It’s unlimited. And because of this, your potential is unlimited. When you learn to direct your attention and awareness, this acts as an invisible light that shines on your thoughts and feelings. It’s an observer, there to witness information as it arises. You can use this understanding to change your brain and steer yourself toward confidence.

Over the last decade, neuroscience has been studying the effects of contemplative practices on the brain that produce psychological, physical, and spiritual benefits. This research proves that one of our biggest misperceptions is that we need something outside of ourselves to make ourselves happy. Rather, if we focus on the effects of our internal thoughts and emotions, we can find the happiness we seek.

THE BRAIN AND NEGATIVITY BIAS

The primary purpose of the brain is survival. Since the brain is wired for efficiency and survival, we are equipped with a negativity bias, which is when our brain picks up negative information faster than positive information. Even if someone or a situation isn’t a threat, our first reaction is to look for the threat. This was especially necessary in the infancy of humanity, when our brains were looking out for lions and other predators. The brains that always thought lions were lurking around the corner were the ones that survived. We try to avoid whatever hurt us in the past, so anything that resembles that threat triggers a reaction, as if we were facing an actual “lion.” We are constantly looking out for threats to our survival.

Research shows that most of our daily thoughts are focused on something negative and can be quite repetitive. Because of that negativity, we tend to ruminate on what went wrong rather than what went right. By overthinking things, we can get caught up in what we lack instead of focusing on what we have. When we worry about the future, we completely miss the chance to enjoy the present. These inclinations to make ourselves suffer are hardwired into our brains.

If you experience negative thoughts, you’re not alone! Instead of blaming yourself (or your mind) for having negative thoughts, try to understand that this is a natural part of your brain. Instead of fighting it, learn to work with it. If we acknowledge that our brains tend to exaggerate threats and overlook opportunities, we can adapt our responses appropriately.

Negativity bias can lead us to get caught up in rumination, overthinking, worrying, and negative-thinking loops. This is because it’s easy to take a piece of information and create a whole storyline in your head about what’s wrong or could go wrong, and your body responds as if it were true, feeding this storyline even more. Without further investigation, these cycles keep churning.

Have you ever had the experience of getting super-positive feedback from a boss—they tell you how well you did on communicating with the customer and following up, and what a pleasure it is to work with you—but then, they share a tiny observation that you need to work on speaking up in meetings more? What do you focus on? The fact that your boss thinks you don’t speak up enough in meetings. Your mind will gravitate towards the piece of feedback it perceived as “negative.” This is the negati...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title
• Contents
• You Got This
• 1 The Voice in Your Head
• 2 Befriend Your Fear
• 3 Update Your Operating Belief System
• 4 Connect with Your Intuition
• 5 Become an Emotional Generator
• 6 The Power of Visualization
• 7 Blaze Your Trail
• 8 Take Care of Yourself
• 9 Nurture Your Confidence Seed
• Resources
• Index
• About the Author
• Acknowledgments
• Copyright