Lead Deeper

Equipping You to Empower the Young Women You Lead

Rondi Pogue

• Publisher: Morgan James Faith
• Year: 2021
• Print ISBN: 9781631952661
• eBook ISBN: 9781631952678
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Christian Ministry

Lead Deeper is a resource that greatly increases the effectiveness of youth leaders in order to help young women they work with to move beyond their hindrances and into freedom.

Lead Deeper helps youth leaders identify issues and assist them in getting to the heart of the lies and struggles of the young women they lead. Having been a youth leader herself, Rondi Pogue knows how busy life can be, so she has made Lead Deeper a fast read and included a quick reference guide with main points so youth leaders can quickly refer to it on an as needed basis. Lead Deeper is grounded in sound Biblical wisdom because that is where Rondi finds her foundation and truth. Through this resource, she leaves youth leaders feeling equipped, confident, and empowered to deal with the issues the young women they work with are facing.

Chapter 1:

Difference Maker

Life is hard, and it comes at us fast! I think most of us begin to realize this after college, but I’m noticing more and more high school students learning this early on. High school students are transitioning from a state of innocence to a greater understanding of reality and responsibility earlier than most of us did. They are beginning to develop an awareness of what is really going on around them. New feelings are starting to arise, and they are questioning themselves in new ways. That is why working with youth is so important.

Here is one of the great things about youth: They tend to be more open, more teachable, and definitely more moldable than adults. And while they may look a lot like adults, emotionally and cognitively, they are not. The older we get, the less we want to deal with our hurts and struggles because their presence has created deep pain. Youth, on the other hand, haven’t had the years to allow the hurts to sink deep and grow. They still tend to have childlike faith, and their “soil” is soft, making them open to change, healing, and correction. That’s why working with youth can be so exciting—typically, they are willing to enter into the messy parts of life and do the hard work.

Young women need help and guidance from adults who truly care about them. Far too often, few people are pouring into their lives emotionally. And the adults who are “supposed to” do this (specifically, their parents) are not the ones teenagers want to hear from. I have worked with youth since 2002, and as each year goes by, it’s become more and more apparent how important it is for students to have youth pastors, mentors, youth volunteers, and youth leaders in their lives. As the book Sticky Faith discovered,¹ “Each young person is greatly benefited when surrounded by a team of five adults. We call this the new 5:1 ratio.” They found that students are more likely to keep living out their faith and make wise decisions when they have five adults pouring into their lives. You play a significant role in these students’ lives because of your investment in them.

Working with youth can be incredibly tiring while also being so much fun! It can sometimes be a thankless job, and we often wonder if teenagers are even listening. So, before we continue, let me say this: THANK YOU! Thank you for the time, energy, resources, and love you give to today’s youth. God is using you—please hear that loud and clear! I have countless stories of students coming to me years later and telling me how what I taught on a Sunday morning or a trip or a one-on-one conversation that I don’t even remember has impacted their lives.

Just the other day, I was at the gym, and I ran into a woman whose sons were in my youth group five years prior. She and I caught up on life and then went on our ways. Later that week, I ran into her again, and she said, “I told my sons that I saw you and they totally remembered you. One of them said, ‘I remember one Sunday she taught on comparison!’” I can’t tell you what someone else spoke on five years ago, let alone what I spoke on five years ago—so how did he remember? I was on a high for the next week because I was so encouraged to hear how God had used me. I had no idea that talk impacted someone’s life, and at least one person still remembered it years later.

I know we don’t do the work solely to see the fruit of our labor. We do the work because God has called us to do it and we want to be obedient. But I pray that God allows you to see the fruit of your labor. Seeing the fruit of my labor has encouraged me and helped me to press in and press on, especially during seasons of exhaustion and discouragement.

This is a book I wish I could’ve read when I worked in full-time youth ministry. I didn’t have the time or energy to sit down and read an average-size book. I wanted a practical book that I could quickly read, relate to, and use as a tool for the girls I worked with. My hope and prayer is that this book will enable and empower you so you can enable and empower your students to move beyond their surface issues and deal with the root causes. This is the only way to truly help them with the problems they face. I’m sure your heart is the same as mine: We want to help young women learn how to fight the battles and lies they face and truly live in freedom!

Chapter 1 Summary

Well done, my fellow youth workers! God is using you to make a difference!

Chapter 2:

Dig It Up

I’m a pretty easygoing person, and I try not to let stuff bother me. “You have to pick and choose your battles” is one of my life mottos, and I don’t choose many battles because I don’t have the time or energy to confront everything and everyone that hurts my feelings.

A while ago, I was planning a birthday party for a friend (let’s call her Jill) when she called and told me that she didn’t want to have a party anymore. She explained that life was too crazy and she was getting stressed out. I wasn’t upset at all because I understood where she was coming from—I might have even done the same thing given the circumstances.

Two days later, a mutual friend sent out an email to Jill’s closest friends announcing a mini birthday breakfast celebration for Jill. The email confused me because I had just talked to Jill two days earlier and she made it very clear that she didn’t want to do anything for her birthday this year! I called Jill to see if she was okay with this birthday breakfast and she said, “Yes, she called me and asked if a small celebration with my close friends over breakfast would be okay and I agreed to it.” I was furious. I was hurt. My usual response to a glitch like this was to be disappointed and then quickly get over it. This time I was outraged—I didn’t even want to talk to Jill anymore.

I remember thinking to myself, “Why am I so outraged? Why am I allowing something so small to bother me so much?” I prayed and asked God to show me what was going on because I suspected that the surface issue was not the true issue. There was something else going on and I needed to figure it out. Over the next week, God started to show me that the reason I was so hurt was that I felt left out. Left out of helping to plan the birthday celebration. I didn’t feel included; instead, I felt like an outsider.

As I sat and processed the whole turn of events with the Lord, I realized that I was so hurt and outraged because I had been feeling really lonely. At thirty-seven years old and single, I live alone and work from home alone. Life is naturally lonely for me. I also often feel left out because most of my friends are married and have kids, and they lead incredibly busy lives with their families. When they do have free time, they want to hang out with their married friends and their friends with children. They aren’t intentionally leaving me out or telling me I’m not welcome, but, nonetheless, I sometimes still feel left out and alone—like an outsider. As I thought things through, it made sense why something so small led me to react with such intense outrage and hurt.

Once God showed me the root issue, I was able to work it out with Him, talk to Jill, and ask her forgiveness for pushing her away and being bitter. Then we were able to put the whole thing behind us and move on.

I want to share another story with you about digging deeper and finding the root of our problems and how helpful it can be. One year ago, I was going to a bunch of weddings and events in a very short period (there were almost two events a week for a month). Since I’m single, I didn’t have a date to go with, and I wasn’t even sure if I would know anyone at the events. I’m used to going to things alone because when you are single at thirty-seven years old, that’s what happens. I prefer to go with someone, but that’s just not my reality right now. At the end of that busy month, I felt very defeated and frustrated. Not about the fact that I was alone or single, but because as I looked back over the month, I binged before or after every event I went to. I called my mentor and asked to meet so we could talk through it. We met and were both stumped about why I was binge eating so much that month. We decided I should go to seeing my therapist for several sessions to figure out what was going on and how to deal with it.

After only one session, my therapist helped me figure out that I was binge eating before events because I was afraid of not connecting with someone at the event since I was going alone. I would “connect” with food and numb myself in case I didn’t end up connecting with someone when I arrived. The times I would binge eat after the event were because I didn’t connect with anyone, so I would come home and “connect” with food and numb myself because of the pain I was feeling: lonely, left out, not connected, not loved.

Mind. Blown. Not only did the last month make sense, but looking back, my whole life made sense. There were times when I was younger that I would binge eat, and I never knew why. Now, all of a sudden, I saw why I did what I did. I am a one-on-one connector. I do not like big groups; I prefer hanging out with just one other person. When I don’t get to really connect with someone, I start hearing lies about who I am. The lies creep in and tell me I am unwanted, unloved, undesired, weird or I have a horrible personality—and the list goes on. Connecting with others gives me life and energy and makes me feel loved, known, seen, and wanted.

Knowing why I did what I did was helpful and freeing. It lifted the frustrations and heaviness and gave me hope. Now that I know the problem, I can work toward a solution and stop it from happening again. I continued to meet with my therapist for two more months, which allowed me to dig deeper and learn healthy ways to cope.

I have been going to therapy for over twelve years, and it has been very helpful. Sometimes you need an outside perspective and someone who isn’t emotionally involved in the hurts and struggles of your life. Years ago, while in a therapy session, my counselor said something I found very profound: “If something is hysterical, that means it is historical.” In other words, if I react to something hysterically (with an immediate, overwhelmingly emotional response—like I did with Jill), that response traces back to something historical that happened in my life. The current issue is not the only issue; there is a deeper underlying cause.

We have all had experiences when students talk to us about their problems (sometimes petty teenager issues) and we sit back and wonder why something so insignificant is having such an overwhelming effect on them. Our initial reaction is to kindly tell them to get over it and move on. But that approach does nothing to address the deeper issue. We need to help them discover the deeper issue so they can heal the wound and move forward.

If we just address the surface issue with the students and don’t help them get to the root of the problem, we are doing them a great disservice. Just like a weed, if the root isn’t pulled up and removed from the soil, the issue will keep popping up, forcing them (and you) to deal with it again and again.

I want to help young people as much as I can while they are young so when they enter adulthood, they will be better able to handle life’s challenges. I believe part of our calling and mission is to help them discover why they think what they think and why they do what they do. This will enable them to see old wounds heal and change their unhealthy coping habits.

Not too long ago, I was getting irritated with people very quickly. And when I say people, I mean everyone—yes, everyone was annoying me. I would complain about them in my head after I talked to them, and I even rolled my eyes behind their back as I walked away. Essentially, everyone was bothering me all the time. If you know me, you know this isn’t my norm. One day while I was driving, the Holy Spirit gently whispered to me, “We don’t do things for no reason.” My eyes got big and my stomach dropped because I knew what God was telling me at that moment. I was pointing the finger at everyone else because they were the issue, but I knew He was showing me that my frustrations were stemming from something within ME. I had a deep gut feeling that it had nothing to do with others. It was time to stop and take inventory of my life and heart and do the hard work of digging deeper.

We are not trying to be counselors or therapists; we are looking to God and asking Him for wisdom, discernment, and insight so we can guide each student to health, healing, and God. We need to ask Him to help us see what they cannot see—and sometimes what we cannot see—so we can help them as they grow into healthy adults. It is best to help our students discover their root issues on their own instead of telling them what we think those issues might be.

With that being said, there might come a time where you think the young woman you are meeting with needs more help than you can give, and that’s okay! There are times when past pains and circumstances are so deep that it takes a trained professional to best help someone. Kindly and gently suggest they see a therapist, and if you know of any good therapists, recommend them to someone who you know and trust. I saw a therapist for many years, and I still go on and off as needed. Counseling is not a sign of weakness; seeing a therapist is a sign of strength.

So how do we help them find the root issue to their problems?...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title
• Copyright
• Contents
• Foreword
• Chapter 1: Difference Maker
• Chapter 2: Dig It Up
• Chapter 3: Identity Theft
• Chapter 4: He’s All About the Lies
• Chapter 5: Unveil
• Chapter 6: The “S” Word
• Chapter 7: Life-Changing Truth
• Chapter 8: The Journey Inward
• Chapter 9: Deep in the Heart
• Chapter 10: Fight for Freedom
• Closing : Your True Identity
• About the Author
• About Unveiling
• Resources