CHAPTER 1
A Tough-Love Education
Clad in a camouflaged jump-suit, a padded helmet on my head, a foam rubber spine pad pushed down my trousers and a parachute strapped to my back, I sat perched on the rim of the hole in the belly of the old two-engine Whitley bomber as it trundled over Tatton Park close to RAF Ringway.1
How the devil did I get into this unenviable position, I asked myself; but I knew the answer. From my earliest connection with the Army I had learnt two important lessons, or at least until this moment I thought I had – a good soldier makes himself comfortable under all circumstances and a soldier on principle never volunteers for anything. Why, when at camp, volunteers for potato peeling were called for, I used to be among the first to take to my heels. One soon got to know the sergeant with his ‘I want three volunteers, you, you and you’. Potatoes, indeed! Yet here was I up in an aircraft for only the second time in my life: the first had been an ‘introductory’ twenty minutes flight yesterday, and now they expected me to jump out of the beastly thing. Yes, the answer was simple, all my own damned fault. Easy to be noble and brave in the distant Highlands of Scotland and to say you would accompany your students down to Manchester and set an example to them, but for God’s sake, what was I doing up here?
The RAF despatcher at my side shouted something to me and pointed at the red light suspended on the other side of the hole, but the roar of the engines drowned his words. They say some silly bastards actually enjoy this; they must be out of their minds. Jump I know I must, but assuming I survive they might as well realise that this is the very last bloody time I’ll ever … The mesmeric red light suddenly switched to green, the despatcher yelled ‘Go’ in my ear and I jerked myself into the centre of the hole. I did not quite go out at the ramrod-straight position the instructors would have us do and when the slipstream hit me in the face I could neither see nor think properly for a second or two. Then quickly everything came into focus and I realised I was suspended in a sea of blessed silence and below me the lake and the tranquil English countryside stretched out far and wide in the July sunshine.
A wave of euphoria swept over me. I’d done it! All my fears and worries of a few moments ago had been carried away in the aircraft now circuiting before dropping its next customer. As I looked around me I thought I could never remember the countryside, indeed the whole darn world, looking quite so marvellous. I’d have been happy to stay up here the whole morning, no urgency to go down and join the little gaggle of instructors and students way below on the ground. Funny, I had no sensation of vertigo such as normally made me afraid of falling or throwing myself off high buildings, but then, I smiled to myself, there was nothing to fall off up here.
I realised, of course, that there was no way of arresting what appeared to be my gentle glide down towards earth, no brakes to be applied, yet why worry? But shortly I noticed that the further I descended the faster the ground came up to meet me and the thought forced itself into my mind that the impact with these modern wartime parachutes was the equivalent of jumping off a ten-foot wall.
‘Keep your feet together, bend your knees,’ shouted an instructor from quite close below me.
When I land I must try at the moment of impact to pull myself up on my parachute lines to soften the blow and then be prepared to execute the forward roll I practised on the soft and accommodating sand dunes of the Argyllshire coast. Before I could do any of this the forward swing on my harness combined with the motion of the parachute itself thumped and bowled me over and then started to drag me along the ground. Somehow, I managed to regain my feet and run round the parachute to spill the air from the canopy.
Thank God that’s over. I beamed and waved back as the Chief Instructor shouted his routine congratulations but then, when a nearby colleague reminded me that another jump was scheduled in two or three hours’ time that afternoon, a cloud seemed to obscure the sun and rob the scene of its colour and I knew in my heart that I would be no less scared the second time round.
It was a chance meeting with Fatty Stephenson in late 1936 that set in motion a chain of events which, combined with the advent of war three years later, was to alter the course of my life.
We had neither seen each other nor kept in touch since leaving prep school six years previously, this despite having at that time been the closest of friends. As a new boy one term after my own arrival, Peter had been short of stature but ample in girth – hence his nickname – and had earned my instant gratitude by rescuing me from the teasing attentions of a boy bigger than either of us by offering to knock the offender’s head off. This led to a mutual defence pact between the two of us which, if nothing more, kept at bay the more cowardly of the school bullies.
As I came to know him I learnt that Peter was one of a large family fathered by a Sussex rector, a disciplinarian and a particularly ardent guardian of his children’s morals. Meticulous observance of the sabbath went without saying, but in addition he denied them many of the small pleasures granted to other young people. Among these, a total ban on all cinema-going was an especial irritant to young Peter. In modern times, this was the equivalent of proclaiming the rectory a television-free zone and forbidding access to anyone else’s TV as well. This claustrophobic regime merely intensified Peter’s desire to taste the forbidden fruit of the outside world and the tedium of the long Sunday school walk was forgotten while Peter drank in my lurid account of a Dr Fu Man Chu film, or we both laughed merrily as I described the antics of Harold Lloyd to which my more liberal upbringing had given me access.
St. Andrew’s near East Grinstead, a small boarding school whose numbers seldom exceeded forty, had been founded by a kindly and learned clergyman and this no doubt played a part in persuading the rector of Waldron to entrust first one and later another of his sons to this institution. The Reverend Reginald Bull had, however, handed over the headmastership the very term I arrived to his son Kenneth, but he remained in the background and was still responsible for our religious instruction. The new headmaster – Captain Kenneth he liked to be styled – had volunteered during the First World War to join the Army and fight the Germans; indeed, it was rumoured that he had fudged the date of his birth to get to France still earlier. He had undoubtedly been a gallant officer and had the Military Cross to prove it. Now, less than seven years after the signing of the armistice an aura of glamour still surrounded him, at least in the eyes of us boys. My parents began to hint that academic standards had slipped under his guidance – my brother had been a pupil there before me – but the macho image required of the boys had not. All the year round, morning cold baths were inescapable and if the water in the enamel jugs standing in their metal washbasins ranged under the wide-flung dormitory windows occasionally iced over in winter, we dare not complain since we knew that things had been much worse in the trenches.
The school was housed in a rambling nineteenth century mansion, aping on the exterior some of the features of a fortified manor house. It had once belonged to Alfred Beit, the South African diamond millionaire, a fact which intrigued my mother since her father, also German by origin, had worked in Port Elizabeth, where she herself was born, and had like Beit been associated with Cecil Rhodes, if not as intimately as he. The grounds were spacious; in front large terraced lawns led away up steps to a full-sized cricket ground. Flanking the lawns, and parallel to the road outside, ran an immense rhododendron hedge which continued along the boundary of the cricket ground to the house. It accommodated within itself a hidden ‘secret’ passageway running back from the cricket ground to the house, thus affording an escape route for the few brave enough to absent themselves from compulsory attendance at school matches. At the back of the house there were further gardens and a path leading down through trees to parkland, in the centre of which was what once must have been a modern swimming pool with its own changing-rooms.
During summer term, mercifully only then, Captain Kenneth would lead first the Junior and then the Senior School down through the trees and into the park for its weekly swim. The nearer one approached, the more apprehensive many of us became. Few could swim and only the more adventurous managed to learn, but on one point our headmaster was most insistent, namely that every boy must duck his head under the water, on the pretext that one risked sunstroke with a wet body and a dry head. Even at my tender age, as I shivered in the often-sunless slimy waters of the shallow end among the temporally dispossessed frogs and water-beetles, I felt this to be a somewhat spurious contention.
However, although Captain Kenneth demanded a spartan life-style for his pupils – at a later stage the school grapevine suggested that he himself was rather too fond of his whisky out of school hours – he was fair and provided you were seen to be trying your hardest and provided you paid periodical homage before the photograph of the Old Boy who had won himself a VC, you could earn words of praise and a pat on the head.
My first term, before the arrival of Peter Stephenson and the companionship he offered, I was a sitting target for bullies in that I was the only new boy. Away from home for the first time, I was homesick without any other burden being placed on me. My mother had always insisted that my brother and I be brought up as little English boys and, as middle-class English boys went to boarding school at the age of eight, I must naturally do so as well. My father, who was discouraged from talking any Dutch in front of the children, a fact which in later life I came to regret, may have felt differently but in our family mother had the last word. But now the simple fact of having a foreign-sounding name became a nightmare to me.
‘So, what’s your name?’
I stammer it out
‘That’s a funny name. So, you’re a little foreigner.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘So, tell me your name again or I’ll pull your hair.’ I repeat my name, knowing it can only bring further retribution. ‘There you are, you see, you are a little Dutchie and we don’t want any here, do we?’
At long last my first term dragged to its close and the autumn term with its crop of new boys took at least some of the pressure off me, and it was much longer before the bouts of homesickness entirely ceased.
Mr Heywood joined the staff of St. Andrew’s a term or two before I became a pupil. It was rumoured that he had been taken on by the Reverend Bull solely on the strength of his being the son of a bishop. True or not, Reginald Bull got his money’s worth out of the deal, in that the bishop graced the little chapel built alongside the main house on a number of occasions and regularly confirmed the older boys once a year. It was certainly true that the bishop’s son was no intellectual but he made up for this with a cheerful outgoing personality and an unforced sympathy with the boys, not least of all the smaller and more down-trodden. This could perhaps have been because, as a small boy himself not so many years previously, he also might have been teased, not because of his name but because of the size of his nose. Trunk was his nickname, we gathered, but we never called him this. His nose was not the only large part of him; he was solidly built, six feet and over, and we marvelled at the size of his shoes. He was a good cricketer and although he was careful to temper his pace when bowling at boys, the genuine speed he engendered when other members of the staff ventured on to the pitch contributed to his popularity. He was a well-liked man and I was destined to get more than my fair share of his company.
Mr Wright, our music teacher, was not one of those who ever appeared on the cricket field or indeed ever took part in any form of sport. If he had, there would have been plenty hoping to witness his discomfiture. He was not liked and, in turn, he clearly found small boys, individually and in mass, distasteful and irritating. He was of slim build and his lean face was surmounted by an ample head of hair, which already showed signs of turning a distinguished shade of silvery grey. Unlike Beethoven, whose portrait hung in my mother’s bedroom at home, he did not have the wild, dishevelled hair-style I had come to associate with musical genius; on the contrary, he groomed his hair carefully and trained a voluminous lock to fold from his forehead to the back of his head. On his narrow-pointed nose, he wore a pince-nez, a form of spectacles even at that time obsolescent, which had a peculiar propensity to reflect the light and glint back at you with an unnerving effect.
Our headmaster Captain Kenneth seemed to hold that we were lucky to have so gifted a musician as Mr Wright on the staff. We were in no position to judge or even care about his ability but we held strong views on the question of our luck or lack of it in having him. I remember my parents coming to an end-of-term concert at which Denis Wright performed one of his own compositions on the piano. My mother thought perhaps he ‘had something’ and might eventually ‘go far’. The sooner the better, I said to myself. My father found the composition strong on noise but weak on melody. My mother turned out to be right as so often was the case in our family. Indeed, from the early thirties onwards Wright made a name for himself in the world of brass bands and during the first years of the war was in charge of the BBC’s popular brass band concerts. He not only composed and orchestrated for them but, according to the reference books, surprisingly enough he founded and taught the National Youth Brass Band. One could have supposed he had already had his fill of the young at St. Andrew’s!
Mid-morning break at St. Andrew’s was a bit of a misnomer. After those boys whose parents had paid for extra milk had gulped it down, half the school went to Mr Wright’s singing class while the other half was taken by Mr Heywood for Physical Training. The following day the roles were reversed. For those who could sing, and they included my friend Peter – one presumes he had had plenty of practice at it from an early age in his father’s church – Mr Wright’s classes were not too painful an experience, although no one was exempt from the risk of becoming the target of one of his temperamental outbursts. I who could not sing tried, not always successfully, to avoid trouble by miming. When caught out at this, Mr Wright would make me sing a solo passage to the amusement of the rest of the class and his own evident distress. Unlike Peter I had the added disadvantage of having private piano lessons with him.
A year or more before going to boarding school my mother, who was genuinely musical, decided I should learn to play the piano and sent me to a Mrs Bottle who was a neighbour of ours in Edenbridge in Kent. She was a very pleasant and kind lady who had devised a system of teaching the rudiments of music by representing the staff as five telegraph lines and the notes by robins perched on these lines. The robins hopped up and down and one’s fingers very roughly followed suit. She also helped one to compose little tunes which one then took back to Mother as one’s own compositions. I quite enjoyed my weekly visits and did not demur when my mother, pleased with my apparent progress, fixed up for me to continue my instruction at St. Andrew’s.
The music room, where lessons took place, was reached from the main school passageway by a very short flight of stairs which performed a right-angled turn half way up. It contained an upright piano, a music-stool and a chair; there were no windows and illumination came from a skylight. It is difficult to imagine what use was envisaged for such a small and unusual room in the original design of the house but it now provided a perfect eyrie for Mr Wright and his glinting pince-nez.
I soon discovered that we no longer dealt in telegraph lines and robins but with crochets, semiquavers and other unintelligible symbols. I was not long also in realising that the discords I often produced had an electrifying effect on my teacher seated on the chair behind my stool, and that little further provocation on my part was required to bring forth a torrent of verbal abuse. My knees trembled as I climbed the stairs for my lessons but I suffered this weekly torture for a term or two until matters came to a head.
I had, as usual, practised a piece to play at my lesson but, somehow, I had also acquired the habit of dropping my head towards my hands each time I made a mistake. I perched my music on the piano and started. A few notes and the first mistake came and I bobbed my head and restarted.
‘Don’t duck your head,’ hissed Mr Wright over my shoulder.
I tried again but my fingers felt numb and I found I was physically incapable of preventing my head from bobbing when the inevitable mistakes occurred.
‘Don’t duck your head, boy, don’t duck your head,’ shouted Mr Wright.
From then on it seemed to me to be a confusion between my head bobbing and Mr Wright shouting. Finally, the future guru of the brass band movement could stand it no longer. He rose to his feet and, ruffling his now less than immaculate hair with one hand and pointing desperately at the door with the other, he yelled at me:
‘Get out of here. Just get out of here.’
I was off down the stairs so fast that I was fortunately just round the bend before my music, slung after me by my teacher, hit the wall at the turn of the stairs and slithered down the last lap af...