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ACT II.
Scene I. Rochester. An inn yard.
Enter a Carrier with a lantern in his hand.
1. Car. Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I’ll be hang’d.
Charles’ wain is over the new chimney, and yet our horse not
pack’d.- What, ostler!
Ost. [within] Anon, anon.
1. Car. I prithee, Tom, beat Cut’s saddle, put a few flocks in the
point. Poor jade is wrung in the withers out of all cess.
Enter another Carrier.
2. Car. Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that is the
next way to give poor jades the bots. This house is turned upside
down since Robin Ostler died.
1. Car. Poor fellow never joyed since the price of oats rose.
It
was the death of him.
2. Car. I think this be the most villanous house in all London road
for fleas. I am stung like a tench.
1. Car. Like a tench I By the mass, there is ne’er a king christen
could be better bit than I have been since the first cock.
2. Car. Why, they will allow us ne’er a jordan, and then we leak in
your chimney, and your chamber-lye breeds fleas like a loach.
1. Car. What, ostler! come away and be hang’d! come away!
2. Car. I have a gammon of bacon and two razes of ginger, to be delivered as far as Charing Cross.
1. Car. God’s body! the turkeys in my pannier are quite starved.
What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou never an eye in thy
head? Canst not hear? An ’twere not as good deed as drink to
break the pate on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be
hang’d!
Hast no faith in thee?
Enter Gadshill.
Gads. Good morrow, carriers. What’s o’clock?
1. Car. I think it be two o’clock.
Gads. I prithee lend me this lantern to see my gelding in the
stable.
1. Car. Nay, by God, soft! I know a trick worth two of that,
i’ faith.
Gads. I pray thee lend me thine.
2. Car. Ay, when? canst tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth he? Marry,
I’ll see thee hang’d first!
Gads. Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?
2. Car. Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant thee.
Come, neighbour Mugs, we’ll call up the gentlemen. They will
along with company, for they have great charge.
Exeunt [Carriers].
Gads. What, ho! chamberlain!
Enter Chamberlain.
Cham. At hand, quoth pickpurse.
Gads. That’s even as fair as-‘at hand, quoth the chamberlain’ for
thou variest no more from picking of purses than giving direction
doth from labouring: thou layest the plot how.
Cham. Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that I told
you yesternight. There’s a franklin in the Wild of Kent hath
brought three hundred marks with him in gold. I heard him tell it
to one of his company last night at supper-a kind of auditor;
one that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what. They are
up already and call for eggs and butter. They will away presently.
Gads. Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas’ clerks,
I’ll
give thee this neck.
Cham. No, I’ll none of it. I pray thee keep that for the hangman;
for I know thou worshippest Saint Nicholas as truly as a man of
falsehood may.
Gads. What talkest thou to me of the hangman? If I hang, I’ll make
a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang, old Sir John hangs with me,
and thou knowest he is no starveling. Tut! there are other
Troyans that thou dream’st not of, the which for sport sake are
content to do the profession some grace; that would (if matters
should be look’d into) for their own credit sake make all whole.
I am joined with no foot land-rakers, no long-staff sixpenny
strikers, none of these mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms; but
with nobility, and tranquillity, burgomasters and great oneyers,
such as can hold in, such as will strike sooner than speak, and
speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than pray; and yet,
zounds, I lie; for they pray continually to their saint, the
commonwealth, or rather, not pray to her, but prey on her, for
they ride up and down on her and make her their boots.
Cham. What, the commonwealth their boots? Will she hold out water
in foul way?
Gads. She will, she will! Justice hath liquor’d her. We steal as in
a castle, cocksure. We have the receipt of fernseed, we walk invisible.
Cham. Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to the night
than to fernseed for your walking invisible.
Gads. Give me thy hand. Thou shalt have a share in our purchase, as
I and a true man.
Cham. Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief.
Gads. Go to; ‘homo’ is a common name to all men. Bid the ostler
bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, you muddy knave.
Exeunt.
Scene II. The highway near Gadshill.
Enter Prince and Poins.
Poins. Come, shelter, shelter! I have remov’d Falstaff’s horse, and
he frets like a gumm’d velvet.
Prince. Stand close. [They step aside.]
Enter Falstaff.
Fal. Poins! Poins, and be hang’d! Poins!
Prince. I comes forward i’ peace, ye fat-kidney’d rascal! What a
brawling dost thou keep!
Fal. Where’s Poins, Hal?
Prince. He is walk’d up to the top of the hill. I’ll go seek him.
[Steps aside.]
Fal. I am accurs’d to rob in that thief’s company. The rascal hath
removed my horse and tied him I know not where. If I travel but
four foot by the squire further afoot, I shall break my wind.
Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I
scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company
hourly any time this two-and-twenty years, and yet I am bewitch’d
with the rogue’s company. If the rascal have not given me
medicines to make me love him, I’ll be hang’d. It could not be
else. I have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! A plague upon you both!
Bardolph! Peto! I’ll starve ere I’ll rob a foot further. An
’twere not as good a deed as drink to turn true man and to leave
these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a
tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles
afoot with me, and the stony-hearted villains know it well
enough. A plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to
another! (They whistle.) Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my
horse, you rogues! give me my horse and be hang’d!
Prince, [comes forward] Peace, ye fat-guts! Lie down, lay thine ear
close to the ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of
travellers.
Fal. Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down?
‘Sblood,
I’ll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot again for all the coin
in thy father’s exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?
Prince. Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.
Fal. I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king’s
son.
Prince. Out, ye rogue! Shall I be your ostler?
Fal. Go hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters! If I be
ta’en, I’ll peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you
all, and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison.
When a jest is so forward- and afoot too-I hate it.
Enter Gadshill, [Bardolph and Peto with him].
Gads. Stand!
Fal. So I do, against my will.
Poins. [comes fortward] O, ’tis our setter. I know his voice.
Bardolph, what news?
Bar. Case ye, case ye! On with your vizards! There’s money of the
King’s coming down the hill; ’tis going to the King’s exchequer.
Fal. You lie, ye rogue! ’Tis going to the King’s tavern.
Gads. There’s enough to make us all.
Fal. To be hang’d.
Prince. Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane; Ned
Poins and I will walk lower. If they scape from your encounter,
then they light on us.
Peto. How many be there of them?
Gads. Some eight or ten.
Fal. Zounds, will they not rob us?
Prince. What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?
Fal. Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather; but yet no
coward, Hal.
Prince. Well, we leave that to the proof.
Poins. Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge. When thou
need’st him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell and stand fast.
Fal. Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hang’d.
Prince, [aside to Poins] Ned, where are our disguises?
Poins. [aside to Prince] Here, hard by. Stand close.
[Exeunt Prince and Poins.]
Fal. Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I. Every man to
his business.
Enter the Travellers.
Traveller. Come, neighbour.
The boy shall lead our horses down the hill;
We’ll walk afoot awhile and ease our legs.
Thieves. Stand!
Traveller. Jesus bless us!
Fal. Strike! down with them! cut the villains’ throats! Ah,
whoreson c...
