CHAPTER 1
Growing Up
Life in a Financially Messy Home
Too many homes across America are financially broken. The home I grew up in was no exception. It wasnât the hardscrabble poverty lifestyle that many Americans endure, but our family certainly had financial issues.
I donât remember ever feeling a sense of being poor, although by some peopleâs standards I guess we were. Fortunately, most of my needs as a child were met, and unknowingly, my expectations were pretty low. Financially, my parents were much like average America. They lived paycheck to paycheck.
My mother managed convenient stores, pulling in a modest $30,000-$35,000 a year, while my dad worked as a carpenter. Dad wasnât very organized or much of a manager, and his money skills were sorely lacking. Later in life, I found out that one year my dad worked an entire year as a subcontractor, but after taxes and expenses, only managed to earn $7,000. $7,000!
My father dropped out of high school in the ninth grade to support himself. He is good with his hands and is mechanically inclined. My mother finished high school and even managed to complete a bit of college, but never completed her degree. They were both working-class Americans with extremely strong work ethics. They came from families with strong work ethics, but also quite a bit of family dysfunction, hence the reason my dad was supporting himself in the ninth grade. Both of my parents came from broken homes with very little family support or stability. Needless to say, personal finances and money management were not strong skills in our family.
We were one of those âdo as I sayâ not âdo as I doâ families when it came to money. My mother frequently told me, âYou need to save money.â Did she save money? No. Did I save money. No. I spent every dime about as fast as I made it. I did what was modeled for me. We were a family with a bad case of living paycheck to paycheck. In fact, we were much worse.
My parents were constantly writing checks to pay bills or buy groceries, trying to time the checks hitting the bank with getting paid. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didnât. For everyone whoâs ever bounced a check, you know what that means. Fees. Bounced check fees. Overdraft fees. My parents didnât do anything halfway. When checks bounced, it wasnât one or two. It was common for multiple checks to hit in overdraft, resulting in $100, $200, or even $300 in monthly overdraft fees. Ouch!
Are you shocked? For many Americans, this is a more common practice than you might think, and I experienced it firsthand. And this is just one of the many financial issues I witnessed as a kid growing up in a financially messy home.
Utilities
Utilities. Thatâs a fun one. Water, electricity, telephone. When money is tight, you must make choices. Do you put food on the table or do you pay the utilities?
Telling these stories today seems almost comical and right out of a TV sitcom. Theyâd go something like this.
âHoney, the water was cut off today. Can you go outside and turn it back on?â My dad digs around through his tools and out comes with this T-bar thing. It is the tool the water meter guys used to turn the water off. As I learned, the real name is water meter key. It is 3â metal bar with a few metal plates welded to the end. For some reason, my dad had one. Why shouldnât he? After all, our water was turned off somewhat frequently. Water off? No problem. Grab the T-bar from the tool pile. That works pretty well until you continue not paying the bill. Once that happens, the water company padlocks the meter before they resort to removing the meter.
What about the electricity? Thatâs just as fun. You come home from work or school and the powerâs been turned off. Why? Thatâs what happens when you canât pay your bills. Your electricity gets turned off. No grace. No questions. Pure and simple, the power company turns your power off. Happens every time. It is especially inconvenient in the winter. And so you pay the bill and you also pay the late fees and the reconnect fees. More wasted money that you donât have.
Clothing and More
As you can imagine, a child in a financially tight family naturally has to do without some things that children in other families might get to enjoy. A common one is clothing. In the â80s, we saw clothing trends and brands like Izod, Members Only, Starter Jackets, and the ascension of Nike as the athletic shoe of choice. Yeah, it would have been nice to have a pair of Nike high-tops. While the other kids on the basketball team all had matching Nike shoes that cost $45 a pair, I was the only kid wearing non-team-matching ProWings from Payless Shoes that cost $15. I still remember the coachâs disgusted look on his face when he saw my shoes. It was a fairly defining moment for me as a fourteen-year-old.
We had to stretch our dollars, and I got some serious mileage out of my clothes. This was probably best reflected during a high school pep rally while walking by some of the more popular girls as they called out my name. As any teenage guy would be, I was excited. Wow. Those girls just called out to me, I thought to myself. Then I heard them call, âTony, are you expecting it to rain today?â With a puzzled look on my face, I replied, âWhat?â Yes. I was that naive.
My parents made some serious sacrifices for my sister and me. Looking back, I was well into my twenties before I truly appreciated all their sacrifices. Perhaps their greatest sacrifice was my mother working eighty to a hundred hours per week at times to keep my sister and me in private school. My dadâs work as a carpenter was seasonal, and as an independent contractor, his cash flow was unpredictable at times.
It was common for us to be behind in tuition payments even at this low budget, âaffordableâ private school. At one point, we were two years behind in tuition payments. For several years in a row at the beginning of the school year, the tuition had not been paid on time, which resulted in my name not being on the class roster. Itâs grueling to show up year after year and be the only kid not listed on the homeroom rosters. As a teenager, crazy things start to go through your head, such as, I donât belong! Honestly, it may seem like a small thing, but it was a psychological hit that I still deal with today as an adult.
Christmas
What can we say about Christmas. Wow. As a kid, you appreciate all Christmas offers, and boy did my parents go overboard. Christmas was one of the areas where mom over compensated for her childhood and made some common Christmas mistakes Americans still make today.
One Christmas, Mom wanted to do something super special for my sister and me. If you know anything about the Five Love Languages4 by Gary Chapman, youâll understand why Christmas was so important to my mom. One of her love languages was gifts. She experienced love through gift giving and receiving. It was important to her. And for those of us who like to give gifts, itâs easy to go overboard.
I believe I was thirteen during the blowout Christmas. Remember, my parents made meager incomes. However, that year my mom and dad splurged and spent $1,000 each on my sister and me. A thousand dollars each! Needless to say, it was financially irresponsible, but I appreciated itâŚdeeply.
It was some years later when I discovered the secret of how my parents could afford all these wonderful Christmas treats for us, and the secret was my grandmother. My parents were so bad at handling money that their credit was pretty much busted. Mom would load up Christmas on my grandmotherâs credit cards and then spend the next three to six months paying them off. Not a good financial management decision.
I didnât have a terrible childhood and thatâs not the image I want to portray. I was quite oblivious and simply took life in stride. For me, thatâs just how things were. For all the financial mess, my mom and dad really went overboard in providing a wonderful childhood for us. Looking back, I realize they were overcompensating for their own meager childhoods, but the financial mishandling was still there. While they should have been preparing more for their future, they were busy pouring themselves out for us in any way they could. They were wonderful parents even if they were a financial mess.
The Repercussions
Our family was a real-life example of almost everything a person can do wrong with their finances. As is so often the case, we absorb and live out what was modeled for us by our parents. Not knowing any better, I began following in my parentsâ footsteps.
At age thirteen, my working life began. Receiving a small regular income, I managed to spend it all as soon as it hit my hands. Throughout high school, I migrated from cutting grass to convenient store work to grocery store work and back to convenient store work. I made it through high school spending virtually every dime. Most of it went to my car, a 1972 Pontiac LeMans/GTO clone.
Then it was off to college with only a few dollars saved. My savings account had $500 in it, which was just enough for first semester books.
Throughout my college years, I didnât fare much better. I used my parents like a piggy bank, and they supported me as best they could. I was so wasteful it was embarrassing. My parentsâ unhealthy need to accommodate their children and my unhealthy money habits were a terrible combination. Quite frequently it put my parents into a bad financial bind.
Sadly, the tradition of not having my school bill paid at the beginning of each school year continued. My college years began with me arriving on campus and going straight to the financial office to sort out the details on my tuition payments.
Throughout my college years, I continued to work throughout the summers. For the last eighteen months of my college career, I worked on campus as a security guard, enabling me to lighten the financial burden on my parents. With my parentsâ help, I avoided student loan debt. At least we did something right during all those years of financial mismanagement.
After graduating from college, it was time to find that lucrative job that all the college kids expect to find. However, that lucrative job didnât find me right away. Not so surprisingly, I began to live off my credit card. It was so easy. Lay around. Send out resumes. Use that âfree moneyâ that the banks so gladly gave me. I believe it was a Capital One⢠card with a $2,000 limit. Eventually, my dad found a pitiful job for me doing auto body work at a local body shop. After that, it was off to a temp service for $7 per hour, then on to a small manufacturing plant, followed by Whirlpool, where I experienced the joy of the paint assembly line. Finally, at age twenty-four, I landed a break that turned into my first real job out of college as a manufacturing engineer.
Throughout those first two years out of college, I managed to rack up about $3,000 in credit card and consumer debt, $13,000 in a car loan, and blow the rest of the money I made. With that, the circle was complete. I had continued in my parentsâ footsteps. I was a financial mess.
CHAPTER 2
Breaking Bad Money Habits
Learning What No One Taught You
Managing Money Well is a Choice
So many of us grow up without good financial knowledge or habits. Are we destined to live a life of bad financial choices and living paycheck to paycheck simply because we lack the knowledge we need to change? Absolutely not.
Learning to manage money well is a choice. It is your choice, but you still must make it. Ignoring it is a choice as well. Sadly, many Americans fail to choose to gain the financial knowledge they need to make changes, and consequently, they fail to develop good financial habits. These Americans, and there are millions of them, are choosing to live a life of financial turmoil. Living paycheck to paycheck is a way of life for them, and unless they change, their entire life will be one of financial hardship.
Today, we see more and more people working into their sixties and seventies. Yes, some of them choose to continue working because they want to, but for many, it is the only option. There is no retirement in their future. These are the people who still have mortgages on their homes, a recent car loan, or just donât have enough money saved to retire. As the American economy continues to shift, we even see student loans carried into a personâs sixties. This is what debt and financial mismanagement yieldsâŚfinancial bondage.
You may feel as sad for people in this situation as I do. Why didnât they learn what they needed to make the financial turn? Why didnât they change? The answer is simple. They didnât know how to change. For most people, the thought of learning anything new after school is foreign. The average American only learns what they need to learn to exist or deal with the daily problems and challenges they face. I dare say that many people spend more time learning how to record a show on their DVR than they do learning how to improve their personal finances. When it comes to money, if you donât realize thereâs a problem, you will not do anything to change. People continue to live in financial misery, unaware there is a better way to handle their money within their grasp.
There are no excuses. In most cases when youâre broke, you have no one to blame but yourself. Sure, medical issues and hosts of other circumstances will surface, but most of the time, sound financial knowledge and principles will win out. You must take personal responsibility for your finances. And that starts now. From this moment forward, your future is in your hands.
Realizing that something needs to change, and then doing something about it, are two different things. Many people recognize a need for change, but few ever do what is necessary to make that change. In some cases, people might eventually change, but they delay the change. In my moment of change, I acted. I didnât want to delay the benefits of healthy financial management any longer. No one in my family was going to help me. This change had to come from me. Will you do what is necessary to change your financial future?
Can You Change?
Is it possible to change? Of course it is. Itâs not easy, but it is possible. How do you break your family cycle of financial mismanagement? Or perhaps your family was good with money, but you were the one who fell off the wagon. Either way, the principles and methods of financial change are the same.
Waking Up Financially
The fact that you are reading this book is a good sign that your financial future is about to change. You are waking up to the possibilities of what your finances could become. Your financial future wi...