Inspire Integrity

Chasing an Authentic Life

Corey Ciocchetti

• Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
• Year: 2019
• ISBN:
  9781683504405
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Self Improvement

Inspire Integrity is addicting. It focuses on what it means to live an authentic life. Its chapters encourage people of all ages and circumstances to understand that authentic success comes from the attainment of: (1) a sincere sense of contentment, (2) strong personal relationships, and (3) a solid character. This is much different from worldly success such as excessive wealth, fame and popularity - things which, in and of themselves, do not have the capacity to make a person happy. It is designed to help people look critically at their life, think through their decisions, set priorities and goals, develop a solid character, avoid serious mistakes and discover their true passion in life. It draws on the major ethical frameworks of Aristotle, Mill and Kant as well as the Golden Rule as tools to avoid Benjamin Franklin's warning that people tend to get old too soon and wise too late. It presents a roadmap to accomplish this mission and advocates that each reader start the journey to authentic success now!

Inspire Integrity focuses on the story of Cash, the racing greyhound, who is world famous and has won tens of millions of dollars winning races. The biggest race of his life is on the horizon and everyone is there, including the press, to cover history in the making. If he wins the race his owner will receive a million-dollar prize. The night before the race, Cash reveals he's not going to race the next day and that he is retiring completely. Shocked, the owner asks him whether he is hurt, mad at her, or too old? He responds that it's none of those things. In fact, he's been doing a lot of critical thinking about his life and has come to the conclusion that all he's ever done is run around dirt racetracks, and he just cannot do it anymore. He finally understands that those little white rabbits that everyone encourages him to chase day and night aren't even real.

PART I:

ON YOUR MARK

CHAPTER 1:

MONEY UP

“Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.”

– Dolly Parton

“You can love your job … but your job will not love you back.”

– Cathie Black

Settle in for a remarkable story. It depicts a decade of following conventional wisdom. It is a tale at the intersection of worldly success, confused priorities, and educated cluelessness. It features a young person who bought into the hype – the idea that wealth, good looks, and the esteem of others can make a person authentically happy. Sound familiar? That describes most everyone at some point, I suppose.

Let me be more specific. This is a story about someone trying to “money up” to success.² In other words, a decent person employing education, brains, and plenty of time hoping to get rich, get fancy stuff, and finally get recognized as successful. All this was done to meet the presumed prerequisites to happiness. Our protagonist operated with an astute plan and plenty of drive but without authentic success as the goal. To be sure, there were many positives along the way – a great education, interesting acquaintances, success under pressure, and sophisticated work. But, in the end, these tremendous efforts constituted nothing more than an abstract failure to chase real rabbits and discover real happiness. Far into the ascent, it became clear that this ladder to “success” was indeed leaning against the wrong wall.³

Pathetically … the story is my own. I learned a great deal from these events; they certainly shaped my character and purpose in life. I am blessed by my travails. My story transformed me from lawyer to teacher, inspired this book, and solidified a platform to influence hundreds of thousands of people with this message. Nevertheless, the whole thing beat me up mentally and physically and left me exhausted. I hope my lessons prove enlightening and save you similar agony.

Your homework is to use my story to ponder your life – particularly the things you chase. Are they real or fake? Are you happy or not so much? As you read along, picture what you chased (or continue to chase) at each stage of your life. Chances are you will be surprised by the similarities of our journeys. Perhaps you will be inspired to make some key changes and begin to chase what really matters in life.

COLLEGE, LAW SCHOOL & THE LITTLE VOICE IN MY HEAD

I am a first-generation college student. My parents never finished college but jumped at the chance for me to have the experience and education. Their message was, “We’re not quite sure what to tell you … so just go and please don’t screw it up.” Clueless, I arrived on campus excited to study American History or Political Science. These topics made me curious. But, I had this little aggravating yet persuasive voice in the back of my head. It wouldn’t stop chattering. Every time I made a serious decision (such as choosing a major or picking a summer job) and followed my heart, the little voice reiterated its primary argument: “Corey, you get an education to move up in life – both in income and class. Corey, you go to college to land a fancy job and earn respect so that you become rich and successful. This is why everyone is here. This is why college is so expensive. This is why there are only 30 History majors and 2,500 business majors on campus.” And on and on it went. This voice has likely reared its ugly head in your life at some point. Perhaps it still speaks to you. I now have mine on mute!

My little voice was compelling. The advice it doled out was legitimized as I saw other people chasing similar goals. This mass of people knew what they were doing, right? I quickly realized that I’d never become rich as a History major – an accurate assessment perhaps but an unfortunate miscalculation. So, I changed my major to Business. I didn’t love studying the intricacies of business like accounting statements and management theory. However, I thought I had located an on-ramp to the road to prosperity. Shortly thereafter, several of my friends applied to law school and I thought, “Corey, that’s the ticket! If you become a lawyer, you can have all this times ten. All your friends with their fancy business degrees will seek your legal counsel. You will earn a big office and the respect of your community.” I didn’t exactly want to be a lawyer. But, again, I thought that this was the means to a big house, a fancy car, a prestigious job and, ultimately, happiness. I had taken one INTRODUCTION TO LAW class as an undergraduate, studied hard for the LSAT, scored high enough, and was accepted to Duke Law School. Surely that was enough to choose a three-year legal education and a legal career.

Fast forward several years … I graduated and now faced my first serious real-world, professional dilemma. Ask yourself what you would do under these circumstances:

• You just graduated from a great law school where nearly everyone takes a job in law;

• You accumulated over $120,000 in student loans to become a lawyer;

• You, therefore, need a job to buy things, pay bills, and service this debt;

• You are not drawn to the practice of law; but

• You still have those fancy cars and a big house on the agenda

So, what would you do? You would become a lawyer, of course. I was as novice a lawyer as you could find, but at least I had some legal knowledge. Other than that, I had experience teaching tennis as a summer job throughout school. But, that type of career was not what I would call a “Plan B” – not with my goals. And … the little voice was still there and now it was amplified. “Corey, you went to law school so that you could become rich. Now is your chance. Look at the high paying jobs your classmates are getting. Get out there and get hired at the best firm you can. Get your high salary and five figure year-end bonus. Let’s do this.” In my mind, there were only two options: (1) go be a lawyer or (2) bust.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE … A LAWYER

I chose to become a lawyer. It sounded better than “bust.” This decision kicked off my “I want to be a corporate lawyer” interview process. I went to a prestigious law school; this fact alone afforded its graduates many advantages. A lot of firms were interested in me based solely on my pedigree. These jobs paid a lot of money and came with the many perks I imagined in the form of chances to travel the world, floor seats at basketball games, offices high up in sky scrapers – “rarefied air” as my classmates called it. The little voice’s plan was working to perfection.

I passed through many law firms during these interviews. Some were family-friendly and the people seemed happy. They worked normal hours and got weekends off (like most sane people). Other places seemed like high-paying sweatshops where lawyers labored around the clock. Sounds like an easy choice, right? Just choose the firm with the highest morale, right? Wrong! The family friendly, happy firms just didn’t pay enough for my ego. My law school friends were making much more money at more prestigious places. I decided to keep moving up the chain to interview at more elite establishments. I used my job offers at the happy places to parlay my way into interviews at the rarefied-air firms. I knew they paid more. The little voice was happy.

During each interview, a lawyer would ask me if I had any questions. The Career Services office had trained us thoroughly for these moments. This was my chance to ask: (1) what kind of clients they represented, (2) how the partnership track worked, and (3) whether we got to rotate through practice areas. What I wanted to know the most, however, was how much they paid. So, I would always ask this question at the end of my interview.

Keep in mind that teenagers applying to be summer lifeguards know enough not to ask questions about money during an interview. Pay talk should always come after the offer of employment. But, I was laser focused on this issue and this issue alone. The interviewers would look awkwardly at each other and then at me, humor me, and uncomfortably respond with a salary range.

THE LAW FIRM BATHROOM

At one firm, I interviewed with a partner who seemed to like me. In answer to my salary inquiry, she explained, “We pay $120,000 a year to our new associates – that’s $10,000 a month. It’s the most you’ll make in Denver as a young lawyer.”

Those were the magic words. I beamed inside. I reacted quickly and without really thinking, “I’m in! I’ll take it.”

She looked back at me, chuckled and said, “Calm down. This is just an interview. We need to like you too. We’ll send you home after lunch and then evaluate you and everyone else we’re interviewing later this week. If the stars align, we will give you an offer. It’s really competitive to get a job here … so no promises.”

It was obvious that I was a little too nervous for my own good. She could tell and said, “I can tell you’re nervous. Do you need to use the bathroom before your next interview, take a little break? The bathroom is out my door, down the hall, and to the right.” What she implied was, “You’re asking weird questions. You seem preoccupied with the salary and don’t seem focused enough on what we do around here. I like you and want my colleagues to like you too. So, go to the bathroom and reset.” This was sort of like what parents do to their kids when they send them to their room for a timeout. And, let’s keep in mind that I was just asked at the age of 25 if I needed to go to the bathroom!

“Yes. Please.” I said, relieved to leave and start fresh in the next lawyer’s office. Off I went … down the hall and to the right.

Standing in front of the bathroom door was a young associate. You can easily separate the young associates at prestigious law firms like this because most fit a pattern: they wear expensive suits, nervously fidget, rarely smile and generally appear uncomfortable and exhausted. It’s like they want to scream for help all day but don’t want to waste the billable hours. I saw him there and he saw me. As I approached the door, he pointed and said, “You!” and followed me into the bathroom.

Have you ever had someone you don’t know stalk you into a bathroom? Probably not. Have you ever had that happen to you at a job interview? Trust me … it’s awkward. I sensed him on my heels so I went to the sink and washed my hands. It got worse. He walked up and slowly put his arm around me. Have you ever had someone you don’t know put his arm around you … in a bathroom … at a job interview? Awkward doesn’t do this experience justice – especially in a men’s restroom where you can hear a pin drop 99% of the time. It got even worse. He leaned in and started to whisper in my ear. I looked in the mirror and thought, “What in the world is happening? I’m either going to get asked out or beat up. Please God, let this end.”

But things were moving too quickly. He never smiled and creepily whispered, “Your name is Corey, right?”

Understanding that he had more information that I did and figuring it was best that we both whisper, I told the truth, “Uhh, yeah.”

He whispered, “You went to Duke Law School, right?”

“Uhh, yeah.”

“Well I went there too. We’re supposed to stick together, us alumni. So, I’m going to give you the best piece of professional advice you will ever received.” He leaned closer and said, “Don’t come work here. You’ll hate this place and they will grow to hate you. Many of these people are exceptionally mean to each other and they aren’t happy. A lot of them never see their families. You’ll work so hard that you’ll keep a suitcase behind the door. That way you can change clothes when you spend the night here. They’ll pay you a lot of money but they’ll work you to the bone for it. Trust me. You should fake an illness and leave now.”

Then … he hustled out the door. I didn’t see that guy the rest of my interview day. For obvious reasons, he was not included on the official interview team. He disappeared and I just stood in front of the mirror in shock.

What I realize now is that a normal person in that moment would think, “Well … that’s a red flag. I probably shouldn’t work here. That conversation was not in that guy’s best interest. He could be fired for speaking that way to me – I was a potential employee. Therefore, he must be telling the truth. I think I’ll take this firm off my list.”

As you might imagine, that conversation never took place in my head. Instead, I rationalized his advice away. “That guy is crazy. He’s wrong. This place has so mu...