It Just Makes Sense

Common Sense Living in an Everyday World: 7 Principles for a Joyful and Stress-Free Life

Kym Coco, Stephen Thompson

• Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
• Year: 2011
• Print ISBN: 9781614480228
• eBook ISBN: 9781614480235
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Mental Health & Wellbeing

Life today is often portrayed by a "bigger, better and faster" motto. While the constant access to people and information can create endless opportunities, it is can be accompanied by an increase---or overload---of stress. And when we're stressed, we lose sight of common sense solutions. Full of enlightening information, useful exercises and personal stories, "It Just Makes Sense" will show you how to create clarity, purpose, and harmony in all aspects of your life. Gain confidence in your decision-making. Support your relationships with clear communication. Maximize your energy in your daily routine. Learn how the power of common sense can support your goals and allow you to create a joyful, meaningful life.

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Bolster your Values

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” —Thomas Jefferson

In this Chapter

• Define values
• Use values to create internal alignment
• Support yourself and your community with values
• Find role models that can lead the way

Values serve many purposes. They’re the basis for what you think, say and do. They are your foundation—your psychological core—the very building blocks that the rest of your life rests upon. Values are what you believe to be important. They’re the ideals you are willing to support or defend. They filter the way you process information and, in turn, color the rest of your thoughts. Values are the standards by which you are willing to uphold your relationships, business transactions, and community involvement.

If you value honesty, you will speak the truth to those around you. If you value acceptance, you’ll be patient when you disagree with others and offer a chance to see their perspective. If you value time with your kids, you may modify your work schedule to pick them up after school. You might even plan a family vacation on the weekend to savor the extra time with those loved ones. If you value success, you may put in long hours at the office and glad-hand important community members.

Those values—the network of beliefs and attitudes you hold about life—infiltrate your every decision and action. Let’s say that you walked into the local market for a fresh sandwich at lunchtime. When you decide to pay for your meal, you place a ten dollar bill on the counter. If, by mistake, the clerk hands you change for a twenty, what do you do? If you value integrity, then you might speak up, clarify the misunderstanding and return the overpayment. Yet, you might put yourself first, regardless of the situation. You could tell yourself that the clerk made the mistake and have no problem pocketing the cash. In the latter case, you devalue both yourself and the business that was negatively affected.

Whatever ethical guidelines you hold within are inevitably displayed in your choices and deeds. Your values are demonstrated in your everyday interactions and in the specific roles that you play. Essentially, your values provide a framework for your thoughts, words and actions. They determine whether you are pleasant with others or impatient. Values dictate your pace and tone in conversations. They help you decide whether to call a friend over for dinner or spend the evening alone. Your guiding principles reflect what’s important to you, in habitual situations and those that require role-specific responses.

What is the Common Sense Value Triangle?

Let’s look at the relationship between the core of your personality—your values, beliefs, attitudes, and ideals—and the decisions that you make. This connection can be best illustrated through the shape of an equilateral triangle, broken down into three parts.

The base of your shape is occupied by your values, beliefs, and attitudes. Because values are at your foundation, your actions rest on top of such guiding principles. The second layer of the triangle is occupied by your habitual responses. It’s the way you usually react to various components in your environment—traffic, running late, co-workers, family, or even winter months of severe weather. Finally, your role-specific behaviors which are based on your perception of the social situation, sit atop your triangle. In any given day, you might be a spouse, parent, employee, boss, coach, or friend.

Benefits of the Common Sense Value Triangle

Ideally, your core values are evident all the way from your foundation up through all roles you play in any given circumstance. By bolstering your values, and stabilizing your triangle, you make it much easier to become aware of how you respond to daily stressors. With an enhanced level of awareness, you can then utilize your power to make different choices instead of reacting habitually. A strong foundation of values will also keep congruence among your many roles, whether you are making a decision as a boss or working with a friend to clean up the neighborhood.

When you have a clear understanding of your values and beliefs, your personality triangle and overall life experience, is stable.

The Common Sense Value Triangle in Action: Zack’s Story

Zack strongly values awareness, family, and consideration of others. Those values serve as his guiding principles as he moves through his everyday routine. He changes his voicemail daily to keep clients informed of his activities. He shares inspiring stories about the community wherever he goes.

Zack’s foundational principles also affect the roles he plays as husband, friend, and grandfather. His lunch schedule is set to accommodate his good friends and his weekends are often spent taking his grandkids to baseball games—which, on any other day, he would begrudge. Zack’s firm foundation is built with social graces, thoughtfulness, connection, and activity. His triangle is balanced and secure, thus adding meaning to his everyday habits and purpose to his role-specific relationships.

The Effects of an Inverted Value Triangle

What happens if you’re unclear about the values affecting your actions? What if you’re just responding in defense of specific situations, often with added amounts of stress and internal chaos? It’s as though you’ve taken that same triangle and turned it upside down.

You’re now in reaction mode, relying on your ability to counter momentary events and make spontaneous decisions to do what’s right and still come out feeling like you’re in charge. However, it’s like being in the passenger seat of your personal vehicle. It’s giving up your power to choose, be prepared, and offer direction for your own life.

Now, your triangle is teetering on its peak. It’s unstable and very vulnerable to outside influences. If you’re confronted with the stressors of life—perhaps an endless to-do list, urgent demands at your job, or unexpected road construction that will make you late for your child’s dance recital—then you lose balance easily.

An Inverted Triangle in Action: Frank’s Story

Frank’s story begins back in middle school, which was a time in his life when he had low self-esteem and few values to support his decisions. When he was approached by classmates to join a local gang, Frank was easily swayed. The support of the gang made him feel connected. He had a role to fulfill and regular habits that could define his character.

As is often the case with gangs, Frank’s life became destructive. His few values were continually challenged by the chaos that surrounded him. Frank lost many friends in fatal shootouts and his health deteriorated due to drug usage. The collapse of his inverted triangle occurred when he was incarcerated.

The Common Sense Value Triangle Back in Balance

The good news is that it’s easier than you might think to come into balance again. By taking time to enhance your personal values, you can knock your triangle over to the right or the left. In fact, the exercises in this chapter will teach you to do just this. Without much effort, your triangle returns to a stable position with your foundation supporting your habits and responses.

Yet, if you teeter back and forth trying to remain, upright despite the onslaught of stress, the pressure can build quickly. When you’re unable to make important decisions quickly or your anxiety increases beyond a point you can handle, your triangle collapses. Instead of falling to the left or right to regain balance with your values, you fall face-forward—tired, burned out, and requiring a whole lot more help to get back to a balanced state.

The way your values affect your decisions is similar to the boat scenario mentioned earlier. Your values help you find a centered state from which you’re able to make decisions with confidence. When the winds blow too hard in one direction or the other, and you’re not anchored in with guiding principles, you can drift—or eventually smash—into the shoreline. This causes all spheres of life to be negatively affected.

But, when you have harmony within, you’re stable, confident, and balanced. Instead of wast...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title
• Copyright
• Table of Contents
• Dedication
• Author’s Notes
• Introduction: What is Common Sense Living?
• Chapter 1: Bolster your Values
• Chapter 2: Create a Limitless Perspective
• Chapter 3: Honor your Voice
• Chapter 4: Master the Art of Listening
• Chapter 5: Generate Harmony in your Relationships
• Chapter 6: Make Decisions with Confidence
• Chapter 7: Form Meaningful Rituals
• Afterword
• Appendix Contents
• Value Words
• Humorous Movie List
• Additional Resources
• Acknowledgements
• About the Authors
• Index