Schools are also a particularly effective environment for supporting children who are grieving; classroom teachers can often monitor these students more easily than counselors or other professionals because they have ongoing contact with them. Teachers spend more time with students on a daily basis in a natural environment and are often more familiar with students.
A studentās grief may exhibit itself in a variety of ways that emerge in school settings rather than at home. For example, a child may begin acting out, put less effort into lessons and homework, or have conflicts with classmates. Grieving students who find themselves unable to concentrate may become frustrated or anxious. Educators may be able to compare how a studentās behavior differs before and after a loss. They can also evaluate a studentās behavior considering the many other students with whom they have worked. This gives educators a strong basis for comparison and helps them determine whether a child needs additional support or services.
Most of the time, families appreciate the additional support that educators and schools can provide. They view teachers and other school staff as reliable sources of information about their children. Grieving families may be too overwhelmed to see or accurately assess the effects of grief on their children. Families respect educatorsā expertise and look to them for advice during challenging times.
When a family is touched by a death, children also need support beyond the family.
EDUCATORSā DISTANCE FROM THE LOSS CAN BE A BENEFIT
Schools and educators must balance many demands during the school day. Classroom time is committed to required subjects and test preparation, which leaves little time for addressing other needs. Many educators, however, feel that they are also being asked to act as social workers. Some, quite reasonably, might ask, āShouldnāt families be taking on this role of helping children understand death and cope with grief?ā
The answer, of course, is that families do need to give their children opportunities to understand life and death. When families have experienced a loss, their children will look first to them for emotional support. Families have a unique and essential role in helping children through these experiences. However, when a family is touched by a death, children also need support beyond the family. Children learn quickly that grief places burdens on family members. A child knows, for example, that if he talks with his mother about how much he misses his father, she will feel sad. Some parents, struggling with their own grief, simply cannot give their children full support. Even parents who are able to be emotionally present and supportive with their children cannot fulfill all the needs children have at such times.
Educators, therefore, have something to offer children that their families cannotāa perspective informed by a distance from the loss. In most instances, an educator is not as personally involved in the death, even though the childās questions may bring up sadness and even personal memories of loss. However, children experience an immediate quality of personal grief that is part of their interactions with family after the death of a family member or friend. This personal grief is not part of studentsā communication with their teacher or a school administrator, for example. It can be an immense relief for children to ask their questions and seek support without feeling that they have to protect the educatorās emotions. This distanceāin addition to educatorsā understanding of child development, their familiarity with studentsā day-to-day behavior, and their experiences responding to childrenās questions and needsāmakes it clear how powerful this support can be.
Educators have something to offer that families cannotāa perspective informed by a distance from the loss.
UNDERSTANDING WHAT TO DO
The introduction to this book acknowledges that death is a challenging topic. Educators may feel apprehensive about having conversations with students concerning death for valid reasons. The same strategies and skills that allow educators to be effective in other areas of teaching, however, work very well when talking with children about death and grief. These strategies include having a basic understanding of the topic and a framework for addressing the subject in ways that make sense to students. This book provides both. The information here allows educators to address issues relevant to childrenās understanding about death and apply strategies that align with their own approaches to teaching.
Often, these interventions can be quite brief. In most cases, supporting grieving children and helping all students learn more about death provides impressive benefits with a very modest investment of time. To do this well, however, e...
