For The Grace Of You Go I (NHB Modern Plays)

Alan Harris

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9781788503860
• Topic: Literatura
• Subtopic: Arte dramático británico

Jim's writing messages. In pepperoni. On top of pizzas.

His life is going nowhere. But after watching the film I Hired A Contract Killer, Jim's found a solution – he'll just put out a hit on himself. What could possibly go wrong?

Alan Harris's play For The Grace Of You Go I is a darkly funny, quick-witted, fast-moving comedy. It premiered at Theatr Clwyd, Mold, in June 2021, directed by James Grieve.

Jim

JIM AS DIRECTOR. Okay, okay, this is the set. I know – it doesn’t look like much but don’t worry we’ll green-screen everything in later on. We’ve got the basics and all the special-effects wizardry can happen later. I know. Fantastic. No, no, it’s actually cheaper than building everything. We’re shooting this in a linear timeline – think something like Tangerine, you see that? No? Okay. We’ve got the three cameras, so feel free to move around the space – I know we’ve rehearsed but don’t be afraid to follow your instincts if something feels ‘right’, know what I mean? Okay. You all set? Everyone on set all set? Jim – I’m going to give you very little direction, you just do what you do. Great, Jim, maybe take that as a starting position. Maybe a bit further left. Perfecto. And maybe put your hands in your pockets? No. You’re right – why is the actor always right? – hands out of pockets. Oh and I keep the camera rolling after the dialogue has ended, so you just keep doing what you’re doing, yeah? It’s a director thing. All set on set? Standby. Action.

Irina / Jim

That was. That was, I must admit. I was surprised.

/

Jim?

/

Give me something. You okay?

/

That was. Jim?

/

I couldn’t believe the questions in there. Thanks for allowing me to sit in, to witness. She was, she had no idea you were uncomfortable. And the room-divide thing – we could hear, could you hear everything that poor woman was saying next door? Then the sobbing, we could actually hear her sobbing. That’s not right. You know, when you went to the loo, I asked about the, and the assessor said it’s not usually like this but they divided the room because there’s a shortage of computer screens – does that even make sense? How you feeling Jim?

/

Asking. Do you wash yourself in the morning and then when I said ‘of course he washes himself in the morning’ she actually tut-tutted. Did you hear her tut? You do wash yourself in the mornings, Jim? Course you do. Can you walk to the front door? Do you use public transport? Do you have any pets? I asked the assessor, after, about the washing-machine question – can you use one, how! – and she said if it’s ‘in the affirmative’ it means you can handle modern technology. I felt like telling her…

/

You okay, Jim?

/

They’re all trick questions.

What?

If you say yes, then they don’t give you any points.

But you answered yes to all those questions.

Except the pets one.

/

They don’t understand you can have issues while still being able to put a quick wash on.

/

Sorry, who are you again?

Irina. I told you. Before. Yes?

/

My company – well, not my company, it’s Mr Mazio’s company, has been asked to be part of a pilot, a new scheme to get people back into work.

Sorry?

And the best way to identify people – quickly, sans red tape – is to sit in on PIP interviews.

The government pays your company to get people off benefits?

There is a financial incentive but that’s not why we’re doing it, why I’m doing it.

Sorry, I’m a lost cause.

No! Look, you answered all their questions ‘in the affirmative’ – let’s take that to its conclusion – why not do something else?

What?

Be part of our scheme. Work can set you free, Jim.

You know who said that?

Boris Johnson?

Close.

Look, it’s a government pilot scheme, helping people with ‘issues’ back into work –

Is this some kind of Remploy…? I’m not –

No, no, these are real jobs. Someone from the DWP asked us to – I’m a manager at a terrific company – find suitable candidates.

What’s it called, this scheme?

‘Work Hard and Make Something of Yourself.’

Really?

No. Jokes.

/

Doesn’t have a name. Yet. Building a country that works for everyone starts here, Jim.

With me?

Fantastic. I’ll get the ball rolling.

Really – as easy as that?

I’m a manager. I can do these things. What do you say? I have the feeling you are going to be a terrific worker, Jim.

Jim

JIM is on the production line – he’s quick and good at his job.

Along with the pizzas that come along the line, there’s a rosette that JIM picks up and pins on himself. It says ‘Employee of the Month’.

What? Me?

(Then a trophy.

He’s having a wonderful time. But then:)

Irina / Jim

Again.

JIM quickly drops the rosette and trophy back onto the line –

IRINA is not aware of them.

Again.

/

Again.

/

Again. Come on, Jim, you’re getting slower, not faster.

Sorry, Irina, I can get faster but with you watching me it’s difficult. It’s, like, more pressure than normal. Not that pressure is bad, I thrive on pressure. Pressure is my middle name. Jim ‘Pressure’ Leach, that’s –

Okay, okay. I’ll stop the production line, yeah, for a minute. Jim, this is a job that requires speed and accuracy. Eight per ten secs is min.

I know. I know it’s all about speed and accuracy.

And your speed is just not… speedy enough. Jim, the Mazio Pattern was designed personally by Mr Mazio so every pizza looks individual. It’s very important to the company identity. You know we can’t call these handmade pizzas without your very vital input –

Putting the meat on top?

We could get a machine to do it – but machines don’t have hands, do they?

I realise that.

So if machines did it we couldn’t put ‘handmade’ on the box.

And two quid on the price.

Exactly. Consumers aspire to better things, Jim. They want bespoke meal plans, custom-fit clothing, made-to-measure kitchens and handmade pizzas – and those hands are yours, Jim. I don’t think...