I slam the shot glass down on the table. The amber liquid stopped burning on its way down my esophagus three swallows ago. Iām on my sixth shot. I think. I blink, and the room tilts. I cling to the latest shock of euphoria that floods my system. Triple-distilled Mareenian whiskey with legalized boosters is a glorious thing.
I donāt wipe the miserable look that steals onto my face in time.
My friends glimpse it.
āYou good?ā Selene asks.
I snicker at the irony. Usually, Iām the one looking after her when weāre partying.
āWe should call it quits,ā Zayne slurs. He stands up, adamant, only to sway and flop back onto his barstool.
Selene snorts into the ale sheās been sipping alongside the shots. āLightweight.ā
Sheās not wrong. Zayne is only drinking so much tonight to indulge me. I insisted we celebrate with one last hurrah before Commencement in the morning busts up our trio. And they leave me behind.
Selene and Zayne will be declaring Praetorian, throwing in their bids to become two of the most fearsome and respected soldiers of the Republic. Iām not declaring anything. Iām doing what the psymedics who conducted our exit evals suggested and taking a year off. Itās been three months since my grandfatherās death, and according to the professionals, Iām still struggling at finding healthy ways to cope. Unprovoked brawls have become my friend. Iāve stopped attending most classes and combat-training blocks, filling that time with parties and drinking.
I grip the edge of the table, cursing the fact that while I still have a nice buzz, my euphoria is gone. The extra, numbing punch that boosters pack is fleeting, until you reach a certain threshold, and then the boosters drop you into oblivion. Oblivion is what Iām seeking tonight. The crooked room means Iām almost there.
Our waitress, a petite girl with red hair a shade lighter than Seleneās, saunters up to the table. āCan I get you another round?ā Her green eyes framed by short, dark lashes donāt stray from Zayne. Sheās been eyeing him all night. She angles her body so he gets an eyeful of her cleavage.
He grins, taking notice and flashing twin dimples. āSure, Leslie.ā The way her name slips off his tongue is both an assertion and invitation. Selene and I roll our eyes at the same time. Zayneās ash-blond hair, blue gaze, tanned complexion, and boyishly handsome features make him more than attractive. They make him gorgeous. He knows it, and every girl he comes across knows it.
Leslie blushes while nibbling coyly on her bottom lip.
Ha! Sheās coy, my ass. The slow way Zayneās half-lidded eyes rove over her curves is exactly the thing she was angling for each time she came over.
āWhat time does your shift end?ā he says.
She pauses, pretending she has to think about it. āOne.ā
āIāll wait on you. Escort you home.ā
I roll my eyes again.
She blushes redder and emits a breathy āOkay.ā
āDrinks,ā I butt in with the demand. āWeāll take two more rounds.ā Two should get me to where I want to be.
āHow about one more and we call it quits?ā
I stare at Selene like sheās sprouted horns. āSince when does Selene Rhysien, party girl of our academy class, cut a night short?ā
She and Zayne exchange a look. I bristle because the look is about me.
āCommencement is tomorrow,ā Zayne says, slipping into his usual rule-following form. āWe all need to be coherent, upright, and not nursing head-splitting hangovers in the morning. Itās probably wise to cancel the drinks and head to the barracks.ā
Fuck that noise. I hiss in a breath at the pounding that kicks up in my head. The tilted room starts spinning. A glum, victorious smile twists my lips. āI think itās too late for me to avoid any of that.ā I laugh like itās no big deal. āItās not like tomorrow is as important for me as it is for you guys.
āBring two more rounds only for me,ā I tell Leslie, in case I need an extra push over the ledge. āMy friends do need to be done for the night.ā I, however, donāt. Who cares if I make it to Commencement at all? I wonāt have family present eager to see me graduate from Mareenās most prestigious academy, and thereās no grand next step for me afterward.
āYou need to be done too,ā Selene says without the tact Zayne used.
Our waitress watches the exchange awkwardly.
āLetās compromise.ā Zayne, of course, is ever the diplomat. āWe all have another round together then we all leave together.ā
I glare at him.
He and Selene stare back at me, an unyielding and united front.
āFine,ā I lie, already thinking of ways to skirt the promise. āOne more round, since apparently itās gang-up-on-Ikenna night.ā
Leslie smiles in relief, then makes her escape.
āFor real, Kenna. Weāre all leaving. Iāll drag you out of this bar if I have to.ā Selene gives me a humorless look that tells me You know Iāll do it.
āOkay,ā I say, exasperated. āWe all leave together to get some rest for a Commencement ceremony that will mean nothing to me and everything to you.ā Bitterness drips from my words. It shouldnāt. The psymedicsā recommendation is a good thing. It allows me to keep numbing the pain by shirking all duty and indulging in reckless shit for the next year.
Embarking on my personal grand adventure early, I look around for Leslie, willing her to hightail her ass back to our table with the next round.
She reappears not a moment too soon.
I swipe up the full shot glass she sets down in front of me and toss it back. A new high instantly hits. The euphoric numbness lasts longer this time, perching me on the ledge of oblivion but not yet pitching me over. My stupid system is purging the alcohol and boosters too damn fast.
I nod toward Leslie, whoās taking the drink orders of rowdy Praetorians at an adjacent table. āWerenāt you planning on going home with Miss Iām-pretending-to-be-coy-but-Iām-game?ā I ask Zayne, trying to maneuver out of the promise my pushy friends muscled me into making.
But I donāt really care about his answer the moment I recognize the people at the table sheās serving. I instantly wish I hadnāt looked over at the Praetorians, because it blows my high and sends me sprawling back from the ledge on my ass. The tiny symbol emblazoned in gold above the left breast pocket of their maroon dress coats marks them as belonging to Gamma cohort.
Grandfatherās cohort.
One of the guys sees me watching his crew. He salutes me with a raise of his glass before downing its clear contents. His chestnut-brown hair is buzzed half an inch longer than an induction cut. He has dark-cobalt eyes and a leanly muscled, powerful form shown off by the way his dress uniform is specially cut to his body. The tip of an inktat peeks from under the stiff white collar of his coat. Heās attractive, but it isnāt his good looks Iām staring at. Itās the wretched Gamma symbol. An ache blooms in my chest, and treacherous, unbridled thoughts of everything Iāve lost pummel into me like steel-fisted blows. My grandfather. Our plans for my future. My friends come morning. I donāt just need to be back on the ledge again, I need to be careening over it. But to do that, Iām going to have to stay in the bar and engage in a fresh bout of heavy drinking.
Which means ditching these two before Commencement.
I need another shot.
āIsnāt your father expecting you at home tonight?ā I remind Selene. Her father is a Tribune, one of the fourteen powerful generals who sit on the Tribunal Council and help govern Mareen. His rank places her family among the great war houses of the Republic, and itās a long-standing tradition for their children to spend the night at home instead of the barracks on Commencement Eve. At dawn, breakfast feasts will be held by all the war houses in honor of their graduates, who will undoubtedly declare and be confirmed to the venerated Praetorian rank. I should be returning to Grandfatherās residence tonight. He and I do not hail from a war house, but I should be waking to an intimate breakfast between the two of us in the morning.
Instead . . .
Selene shrugs. āHeāll get over it. Iāll be at Rhysien Manor by sunrise. If he wanted me in residence overnight so bad he would allow you and Zayne to sleep over with me. Iām not letting you stay in the barracks alone.ā
I curtail a wince. After tomorrow, I wonāt be a cadet anymore and Iāll have to move out of the barracks. The only other place for me to go will be Grandfatherās vacant apartments. I will be passing many nights alone then.
I lash out, mustering a bravado I donāt feel. Snorting, I say, āI canāt believe you wasted your breath asking.ā Itās trueāher Tribune General father would never abide me or Zayne sullying any of his private dwellings. Iām not the right skin color, and Zayne doesnāt have the right pedigree. But sheās not her father, and she doesnāt deserve to bear the brunt of my fear and anger. Itās my baggage. Not hers.
Selene opens her mouth to say something in defense of her father then snaps it shut. Consternation creases her forehead, and sheās about to speak again when sheās cut off.
āYouāre Amariās get.ā The derisive voice comes from behind me. Already disgruntled, I swivel to face whoever it belongs to and glower at the dark-haired male with a gold Alpha insignia stitched into his maroon dress coat.
I return a sneer as contemptuous as the one heās giving me. āNo shit.ā
He towers over me with a superiority thatās meant to intimidate. Smug arrogance due to his rank makes him dismiss the threat laced through my stare. Heās confident he can kick my ass. Iām confident he canāt. I was reared by the best combat mind Mareen has ever ...