1. Exruciating Pain
Friday. A heavily pregnant CIARA is in her surgery with GILLY.
GILLY. Itās been there quite a while, I suppose. And I tend to be a head-in-the-sand kind of a person at the best of times so I probably should have come a long time ago. And itās pretty gross and Iām not very good with stuff like that so I suppose I hoped it would just sort itself out. But it hasnāt. Itās grown. Itās kind of a⦠red mushroom coming from the, you knowā¦
She points ādown thereā.
CIARA. Okayā¦
GILLY. Itās actually quite pronounced. And itās, well, now itās gone black soā¦
CIARA. Black?
GILLY. Well a dark sort of⦠yes, Iād say black.
CIARA. How long has it been black?
GILLY. A few days. Which I donāt suppose is a very good thing, is it?
CIARA. And pain?
GILLY. Yes. I didnāt⦠At first⦠I mean. Iāve been distracted so⦠but yes, Iād say quite considerable pain now. Sitting and whatnot. Excruciating pain even.
CIARA. Letās take a look, shall we?
GILLY nods and gets up. Not to remove her trousers ā this isnāt her consultation. She brings out a small pug from a carry case to her side.
GILLY. Come on, puggywug. This nice lady is going to look at your bits.
CIARA takes the dog.
CIARA. Hello⦠Puggywug, is it?
GILLY. Mr Immanuel Kant.
CIARA. Sorry?
GILLY. I know, right? It was either that or James Joyce, which would have been no better since sheās a girl. Not that my dad could remember that. He has dementia. Lewy bodies. I think he would have called her that even if he had remembered her gender. His sense of humourās always been a bit⦠Sheās his pug.
CIARA is examining the pug.
CIARA. Whatās her appetite like?
GILLY. Not great.
CIARA. Has she been drinking?
GILLY. Not since she joined AA.
Tumbleweed.
Sorry. No, not really. Sheās never been a big drinker though. Of water.
CIARA finishes her examination.
CIARA. She has a prolapsed vagina.
GILLY. I didnāt know that was even a thing.
CIARA. In dogs that arenāt neutered itās fairly common. The thing is, we would have hoped to catch this much sooner than we have.
GILLY. But you can make her better?
CIARA. No. Iām sorry.
GILLY. Canāt you just cut it out?
CIARA. Itās part of her vaginal wall, we canāt cut it away. Iām afraid the best thing we can do for her is to put an end to her /
GILLY. No.
CIARA. I know this is hardā¦
GILLY. Iām taking her home with me. If thereās nothing you can do, weāll just go.
GILLY gets up to take her.
CIARA. You can hear her breathing is shallow and sheās running a very high temperature. Sheās septicaemic. Sheās not getting better from this. And sheās in a lot of pain. The kindest thing to do /
CIARA has positioned herself (and her enormous bump) between GILLY and the dog.
GILLY. Can you move please?
CIARA. I can see how important Mr⦠erm.
GILLY. Mr Immanuel Kant.
CIARA. Yes, itās clear that Mr Iman⦠Imanā
GILLY. Immanuel Kant.
CIARA. Yes. Itās clear that⦠(Spit it out CIARA, you can do this.) she is very important to you. And itās hard when you love them so much but ask yourself what youād want if you were in pain /
GILLY. I am in pain!
She really is. And suddenly itās pouring out of her.
My dad is dying. His swallow has gone. So heās getting no fluids. The doctors say heāll die in days. And now you want to kill his dog too?! Not this week. Please. I need her this week. I canāt watch them both die.
CIARA flounders. Sheās not qualified to deal with this.
CIARA. No. No. Of course not.
GILLY. Is there anything we can do?
CIARA considers.
CIARA. We can push it back in and give her a course of antibiotics. It will be painful and it wonāt work. But it might buy you a little time.
GILLY. Thank you.
CIARA. Okay.
GILLY. Iāll bring her back in. If sheās in a lot of pain. I promise. And then you can, you know. End it for her. Just not today.
CIARA. Okay.
GILLY. How do you do it?
CIARA. A wee injection. Itās all over in two minutes.
GILLY. So quick. My dadās on day three. Could you give me a dose for him?
CIARA. Not the same for humans.
GILLY. Why not?
CIARA. You canāt explain to an animal why theyāre feeling what they are.
GILLY. Nobody can explain to my dad either. Or if they could, heād forget. Would I watch as you inject her?
CIARA. Itās best. Sheāll need you to stroke her, talk to her so she can hear your voice.
GILLY. What am I supposed to say to somebody thatās dying?
CIARA. Just talk the way you usually doā¦
GILLY. We havenāt talked properly in years. And when he tried to apologise for that, for being shit when my mum died, I didnāt understand. Heād bought all this random crap and.
Sorry.
Iāll ask for you. When I make the appointment.
CIARA holds her bump.
CIARA. Last day today.
GILLY. Congratulations. Do you know what youāre having?
CIARA. A little girl.
GILLY. Got a name picked out?
CIARA. Sheās taking my surname so my husband gets to choose.
GILLY. Hope heās a better name-picker than my dad.
CIARA. Me too. No offenceā¦
My colleagues are great. Theyāll see you right.
GILLY doesnāt look convinced.
2. Portobello Beach
MICK climbs out of the bath. Heās on a beach, wearing yesterdayās clothes, which are wet and covered in damp sand. Heās disorientated and clutching at his head.
He focuses enough to take in the audience. He looks at them long and hard. He is confused.
MICK. Where the fuck am I?
3. Still
Saturday morning. GAYNOR remains absolutely still while DOUGIE hurries round her.
DOUGIE. I couldnāt get the cannelloni you like so I got tortellini instead. Iāve crammed about a hundred meals in the freezer. M&Sās finest ā lasagnes, chillis, the lot. Iāve also managed to squeeze one of those six-pint bottles of milk in there so even if I canāt get back for a while, youāll have milk for your tea and your cereal. I know it doesnāt taste great defrosted. The textureās all⦠and it looks yellow. Like youāve scooped up snow that some dogās pissed in⦠anyway, itāll have to do.
Nothing from GAYNOR.
Iām not saying I wonāt be in. Iāll try but itās uncharted territory, isnāt it? Iāve got loads to tie up at the office and I still havenāt chosen a name. When I can, Iāll be round. Okay?
Silence.
Iād say itās about now, Mum. That you should say thank you.
GAYNOR looks up, then out to the audience, whom she addresses. DOUGIE does not hear this but waits for his mother to respond.
GAYNOR. Hang a rat from her tail, sheāll struggle to get free. But not for long. Not ācause she gets comfortable. Gravity pushing blood onto her wee brain, a great pounding pressure. It hurts. But she kens that if she struggles on for...