Educate Your Bosses & Colleagues
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Educate Your Bosses & Colleagues

Strategies for difficult people at work, lead by example, influence without authority trough communication psychology & manipulation techniques

Simone Janson, Simone Janson, Simone Janson

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eBook - ePub

Educate Your Bosses & Colleagues

Strategies for difficult people at work, lead by example, influence without authority trough communication psychology & manipulation techniques

Simone Janson, Simone Janson, Simone Janson

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Success in a team: communication even with difficult colleagues [6 checklists & 5 tips]
// By Simone Janson

Proper communication with colleagues is one of the most important success factors for the career. It all depends on the right mix: you have to work together with others in the team, but at the same time prevail against competitors. Rhetorical skill is the key to success here.

How to get along well with colleagues

Like it or not, you are closely connected with your colleagues.
Ms. B. has always enjoyed working in your company. Recently, however, a few new colleagues have been added and suddenly the mood is no longer so good. Ms. B. doesn't really know whether it is her or her colleague's fault and how to deal with the new situation.

Praise and praise

Giving each other positive feedback every now and then for a job well done - that can significantly improve the working atmosphere. But be careful: praise also has its pitfalls.
Don't be overly suspicious. Take praise first. Of course, sometimes others praise us for wanting to achieve something. But often it is really honest niceness. Don't ruin the joy of it for yourself or others.
"Ms. B., where do you always get these great ideas from, I wouldn't think of anything ...", Mrs. S. exclaims enthusiastically after the meeting. Ms. B. is irritated by such excessive praise. Almost apologetically she replies: "Oh, that's nothing special!" But secretly she wonders if there is something behind it. Ms. S. meant it honestly, but noticed the embarrassment of the colleague: In the future she will be more careful with your praise.

Checklist: Unexpected Praise - How You Dealt With It

Accepting praise also has to be learned. This is how you respond correctly to compliments. Because: Some people are just as speechless at surprising praise as they are at attacks and then dismiss the compliment. It's a shame - it's much nicer to just accept it. Here are a few suitable answers:
  • Quite simply: "You did a great job!" - "Thank you".
  • As a question: “You have really come up with a good organization system for our filing” - “Do you like it !?” Important: Speak the intonation like a statement and make it clear that you do not expect an answer.
  • With humor: "Your new trouser suit looks really great!" - "You have good taste."
  • As a starting point: “You really know a lot about the subject” - you smile at the other person in a friendly manner and change the subject: “What's in the canteen today?” Make sure, however, that the transition appears humorous and not embarrassed. Use this variant only to honestly accept praise, not to question it ironically (for example: “What exactly do you want to know?”). You would only insult the other.
Many people who struggle to receive praise can also praise badly themselves. Ms. B., for example, has very high demands - not only of herself. Accordingly, she sees little reason to praise others. Positive performance is simply a matter of course for them.
It's a shame, because recognition is one of the strongest links between people. With her critical stance, Ms. B. forgets quite a few sympathies. You don't have to change much, because it's not about singing praises always and everywhere. It would help if you were just a little more attentive to the services of others.

Recognition is important

Everyone is different. If you have high demands on colleagues: Do not compare them with each other or with yourself. What is taken for granted for one person is a challenge for another, the mastery of which deserves real praise.
Every now and then, give your colleagues honest applause. Then you get along well with them.

Checklist: To give others real recognition

Praise is like fertilizer for motivation and relationships: well dosed can strengthen, but too generous and given in the wrong place will ruin an entire harvest. You should therefore follow a few rules so that well-intentioned praise does not fail.
  • Only give praise if you really mean it. Real recognition comes from the gut, it is filled with joy about something - others notice whether it is authentic or not. When you get the feeling, share it, "I noticed that you really tried hard."
  • Sometimes non-verbal praise is more convincing than a torrent of speech. Smile encouragingly at your colleagues, hold your thumb up, pat them on the shoulder - find your very own form of expression.
  • Check Critically: Are you pursuing an intention with the praise? Do you want to disguise criticism? If so, don't do it, because it doesn't seem credible. That only disappoints and demotivates others. And: if you don't expect anything, you won't be disappointed if you don't get a certain reaction.
  • Ironic or arrogant acknowledgments are just as insulting: avoid impatiently “Well, please, it works!” Or reproachfully “Why not like that?” to praise. With “You see: you just have to want it, then it will work too” you imply a lack of commitment from your colleagues and a “Super! Now Mr. F. has finally understood it ”exposes your colleagues and reveals your disdain.
  • Give praise carefully. If you cheer on every little thing, your colleagues get used to it and think they don't have to try harder. The message has to be: “It is worth keeping up with the ball. There's more in there! ”.
  • Give praise in a timely manner. The more spontaneous, the better. Wrong: “Your behavior at the last fair three weeks ago was really good. Keep it up!" Such praise comes too late and is too general, so it only irritates.
  • Don't just say: “Well done”, but in as much detail as possible WHAT you found good: “At the trade fair last week, I noticed your exceptionally good customer service. They are friendly and polite, use very positive language and find suitable alternatives. You make everyone feel like the only thing important to you at the moment! "
  • Unreservedly praise: "Your presentation was very interesting, but next time pay attention to the spelling." This will destroy the praise. Better: leave the praise in isolation. Criticism belongs in another conversation.
  • Be fully involved: Never give the impression that you are rushed or that you are short of time, then the praise will appear spurious.

Colleagues support - but right!

“I have to do some shopping tonight. For once, couldn't you stay in the office for me until eight o'clock today? " Ms. B. thinks annoyed: “Why can't Ms. S. do her shopping at the weekend like everyone else?” However, she says: "Actually, not so much, but if it has to be ..."
But: if you really didn't want to, your colleague will be contrite and you will be angry! Nobody benefits from such support: Ms. B. is annoyed all the time until eight o'clock at having said “yes” again, although she really wanted to say “no” at last. And Ms. S. now has a guilty conscience and the feeling that she owes something. Excuses that the other person can already see through are just as bad: "I'm sorry, I would do it, but I have plans for tonight too."
Better: Say “No” politely but firmly - without plasticizers like “actually” or “I think”. A good transition is something like “No, and I'll tell you why…” Then give an explanation: “No, I won't be there until eight o'clock. My end of work is important to me. You have to find another solution. " Say clearly and against your uncertainty what you think - then the other person won't come back next time. And both have a good feeling.

Polite, but definitely!

If your colleague is overwhelmed: Has your colleague set too much? Do not relieve him of any work, but offer help to help himself: think together about the priorities of the individual tasks and how they should be organized. This is how the colleague learns for the future. Establish contact with an organizational expert or recommend relevant literature. But: Do not offer someone who is overwhelmed to take over his or her work - Better: Help them to help themselves!
Caution: Of course you shouldn't refuse every request. But make it clear to yourself: there is only a very clear “no” or a very clear “yes”. Because if you say “yes” it has to come from the heart. If you also say: “… I would be happy to do it for you” - then, surprisingly, you would do it much better because you feel obliged to your own words. The best is: clear no, clear yes!

This is how you address unpleasant things

Are you annoyed with a colleague? Ms. B., for example, is angry about the incorrect presentation with which Mr. W. badly sold the work of the whole department at the meeting. But how should Ms. B. deal with your anger? If she just contrite and quietly bring up your anger, it won't work.
Wrong: Ms. B. wants to avoid an open argument and says “You probably had a good reason for not preparing the presentation properly. But that's a little annoying… ”However, Mr W. cannot do anything with Ms. B.'s quiet criticism. Instead of accepting it, he is annoyed: “Did Ms. B. want to criticize him - or not? What is this remark about? " The next presentation is similar and Ms. B. bursts her collar: "Why do you always have to work so sloppily?" Mr. W. is angry - and from now on can no longer speak well to Mrs. B.

So that the trouble does not break out of you at some point!

Better: address unpleasant things immediately, directly, in a friendly and open manner. Make sure to talk to your colleague alone so as not to put him or her in front of others. Signal your good intentions. Get to the point right away, avoid small talk, it seems ambiguous, like you have something to hide:
“Mr. W., I want to speak to you because I didn't like your presentation, which is supposed to represent our joint work. Let me explain what I mean exactly. " If the conflict already exists, you should resolve it.

Interpret body language correctly and respond to it

Nobody likes criticism. Accordingly, you will notice signs of tension in the person you are talking to, which you can, however, intercept with suitable gestures - thus creating a more relaxed atmosphere.

Checklist: Typical gestures of tension are:

  • Frozen facial expression that signals surprise.
  • Move back with the chair that the other person uses to create distance from you.
  • Crossing your arms over your chest, a typical defensive position.
  • Concentrated leaning forward - the colleague is interested in what you have to say to him.

An open smile can smooth out waves

You can relax the atmosphere with the first few words: smile a little with anxious colleagues, in stubborn cases you deliberately look serious. However, avoid looking angry or adopting a defensive stance.

Please no general allegations

Ms. B. makes a generalizing reproach to Mr. W., which is rooted in pent-up anger. This leads to his defensive attitude. Better: First describe the facts that gave you cause for criticism, as detailed and vividly as possible.
Call everything by name: the day, the time, the amount, the topic, the errors, the frequency, the delays. Give your feedback constructively and give your colleague a chance to comment. Look for a solution together. Do not be disappointed if your colleague does not accept your offer - quite a few want to save your honor on their own.

Better: Tell us openly, what bothers you!

Don't poke the "why?" Don't dwell too long on describing the problems - for example, "Why are you so badly prepared?" Your concern is not to prosecute, but to solve the problem, so do it specifically.
Example: “Mr. W. I noticed several things during your presentation today: First, there were errors in your charts that were very embarrassing for our department. The market shares were incorrect and the list of competitors included two companies that have been out of the market for a long time. Second, you got so bogged down that you lost the overview and found no end. I conclude that you did not prepare the presentation properly. I'm not sure why you lost the thread like that. "

Checklist: Find a constructive solution together

These formulations show your constructive attitude. So use them for your feedback.
  • “Is there any reason you made so many mistakes yesterday? Maybe we can get this out of the way together? "
  • “Please explain to me how you saw each other yesterday. Can you follow my assessment? "
  • "How can I help you to get an overview and to stop getting bogged down?"
  • “You have probably understood from the examples given what exactly I mean. How do you explain your common mistakes lately? "
  • "Who can give you the tips you need to get along better with the presentation media?"
  • “I want to work fairly with you. But I have to know what was going on yesterday. " (End of checklist)
Explain to your colleague what you want for the future - as specifically as possible. Avoid appeals like: “You finally have to ...”, “You should ...” ... You are not allowed to ... ”, because you only create defense. Better: Determine in detail how the further cooperation should look like so that it runs as free of conflict as possible in the future: “I would like us to discuss the presentations together beforehand” or “I would ask you to be more careful with the preparation from now on. If you don't know something, you better ask. "

Further cooperation

For older colleagues, the following applies: They usually have more experience and therefore do not like to be told by younger people. Try in particular to convey appreciation and recognition:
“I find it very uncomfortable to have to say that to an old and accomplished hand like you” or “Believe me, I find it very difficult because I appreciate your experience very much. But on this point we just have to work together smoothly. " Therefore: Older colleagues deserve special recognition.

Reacting to taunts

Unfortunately, everything is not always in the sun. Teasing colleagues is the order of the day. They serve different purposes: You want to convince the other of your opinion, criticize them or simply show that you have more to say in the company. Sounds ugly, but happens automatically and often unintentionally. Only one person can win the exchange.
Even if it is fundamentally important to get on well with your colleagues: Don't put up with everything. Such a verbal exchange of blows works like a game in which there are winners and losers. Everyone would like to be a winner by silencing the other as quickly as possible. And some small mean things are not immediately recognized as such. But those who justify themselves or fight back wildly have already lost. Better: Surprise and disarm the opponent confidently and tactically. Look through the patterns that are behind the prick corpses. Learn to master the rules of the game. Some attacks are really mean.

The majority is right?

People are social beings and therefore orientate themselves on what others think and say. That is a good thing, because this behavior hol...

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