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Self-care: Looking after Number One
Self-care is about making yourself a priority and developing physical and mental approaches that will sustain you. A balance between body and mind is so important for your long-term success and prosperity; these two things are interlinked and you canāt have one without the other.
Self-care is about consciously and intentionally keeping your mental and physical self in peak condition ā most of the time. Perfection doesnāt exist, so you will not always get this right. Optimum self-care is built on whatever you do to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, psychologically, nutritionally and spiritually.
Throughout your life there are many times when you could take better care of yourself, yet how often do you block out personal time in your diary to make this happen? Just imagine having a support network that looks after your mental wellbeing, physical health and nutrition, so you are in peak condition more of the time and able to have more fun.
The first step is to make yourself number one in your world. This might sound obvious but to many (including myself) it isnāt. The realisation that I wasnāt number one in my own head, in spite of all my knowledge and personal insights, was hugely enlightening to me. Everybody else in the family always came first, even the dog. All my planning, interests and personal challenges, according to me, had to be completed outside of normal family time and at minimal inconvenience to my family.
Even business trips, playing golf or visiting other friends have always been completed with the mindset of creating minimal impact on my family ā because they come first, not me. Family life does not work without give and take; there has to be a balance found between living in the moment and the teenage approach that has one singular focus ā to get to the end of a day with no consideration for anyone else.
Being number one requires a greater focus on being present. Clearly age brings wisdom, knowledge and responsibilities, which can prevent that perceived selfish approach to life. Does that help you become the best version of you? I donāt think it always does. Knowing that I havenāt made myself number one explains some of the personal side effects on my mental health, mindset and wellbeing. It certainly highlights some of the pressures I put myself under, which in turn impact on my moods, productivity and hunger, so the answer is yes, I am now a better version of myself.
The people you choose to support you and your self-care can make a real difference to how well you look after yourself and where you are on your own priority list. Putting yourself first is the correct order in life: you canāt look after your family, pets and friends if you are not fit for purpose. Caring for yourself initially requires substantial mental and physical effort, but once you have developed your routine and habits, it will become second nature.
How you look after your mind in terms of self-care will help you investigate more closely what is in your control and what really isnāt helping you. A specific objective is to understand that the actions you take are your responsibility, as is your approach to fun, enjoying the moment, spontaneity and taking time for yourself, all the while considering the relationships that bring you value and assistance. There are many choices to be made about what you want to do now, the direction you wish to head in, or the decision to stay where you are.
The importance of gratitude
In 2014, I had the privilege of working with Stephen Sutton, a young man from Birmingham who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, having already beaten cancer three times before. He talked about the much-written-about number 86,400, the number of seconds we have in a day. You canāt buy any extras, thatās your lot. How you use them is your choice, and when they have gone, they have gone forever.
When I interviewed Stephen, he said: āNo one can buy me any more time. I can only achieve more with the time I have left.ā Three weeks later he died, having raised over Ā£6m for his chosen charity, the Teenage Cancer Trust. People lined the streets during the funeral of this truly inspirational young man, and yellow ribbons were festooned all over the town where he lived, in tribute to him.
Iām sharing his story to focus your mind on how you choose to reflect on your triumphs and failures every day, week or year. At the end of the day, do you reflect and replay in your mind all the little frustrations? If you do, why? It might be consciously or even subconsciously, and the chances are that you replay the harmful rubbish over and over again in your mind. Why not reframe and focus on the good things? A babyās giggle will always make you smile. You know the soundā¦ youāre probably smiling right now. Create a daily routine that reinforces the positive activities, memories and enjoyment. Here are a few suggestions you might like to add to your self-care routine:
Daily gratitude journal: A subtle but significant difference to a normal journal is that you write everything and anything that makes you feel positive. After time it should help you revel in your daily gratitude and focus on the health, wealth, wisdom and positive emotions you felt as a result.
Dear diary: Here, you can reflect on all the things you have done or felt during the day; it doesnāt have to be any more complicated than that. Peopleās innermost thoughts are squirrelled away in diaries, and reading them can be hugely enlightening. After my mother passed away, I found her diary and learnt so much more about the challenges she faced in her life after being paralysed by childhood polio. She never really spoke openly about it so I felt privileged to read her diary. Writing about events and your feelings about them can be extremely cathartic and a great way of unburdening yourself.
Positives diary: Several years ago, when my wife lost her mother to cancer, she wrote one positive memory per day in her diary for the following year. On the anniversary of her mumās death, she had 365 positive memories to look back on and celebrate. It can be as simple as just one word every day ā thereās no need to overcomplicate it.
Positive pictures: After my own mumās passing, I preferred to take a photograph that made me smile: the cat with a moustache like Poirot, the icicle that looked like a face, or the unique shape of dog poo on the footpath. Life can be hard, but everywhere around us there are pictures to be taken and positive memories to be created and stored. At the end of that year, I had 365 positive photographs to look back on that made me smile.
Coffee and sweat: Up at 4.30am, large espresso and off to the gym. Either youāll enjoy this idea or laugh at it; the point is that itās a positive routine for certain people and if it works for you, keep on doing it.
Cold-water swimming: I know that if I lived nearer the sea I would likely be one of those people who took regular dips. Whether Iād do it daily or all year round is a different question. For many, itās a daily routine that has proved to be therapeutic and encouraged positive mental health.
Focusing more on daily experiences will enable you to recognise the great things that are going on around you all of the time. Subconsciously you will start focusing on the positive. Yes, some days will be harder, and thatās where your mental wealth team comes into play. Itās not just about sharing doom and gloom and problems; your network will appreciate the funny stories as well. Who knows? Maybe your life could resemble an 80-year holiday and be turned into a blockbuster movie in the future.
Healthy, wealthy, wise
I was recently talking to a close friend of mine who was having a BMW (a bitch, moan and whine) about everything wrong in his world. He was playing the victim. It was quite a sad conversation as I didnāt think he had much to moan about. He just took pleasure in whining. I asked him a potent set of questions that I ask myself when Iām feeling a bit fed up.
- Are you healthy?
- Are you wealthy?
- Are you wise?
If you can respond ye...
