Networking Karma

How Today's Cutting Edge Networking Trends Can Help You Connect and Conquer

Gail Tolstoi-Miller

• Publisher: Consultnetworx
• Year: 2016
• eBook ISBN: 9780988383418
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Personal Success

Are you Awkward? Uncertain? Even jittery at networking events?

Author Gail Tolstoi Miller, an award-winning entrepreneur and successful CEO, feels your pain. In fact, she spent years experiencing the same emotions when networking. An avowed introvert, Gail discovered a powerful and universal law of connecting, she calls Networking Karma. And when she embraced it, Gail put those anxious, apprehensive interactions behind her to become a career coach and owner of a networking event planning company.

Now, Tolstoi-Miller shares her secrets with you in her new book, Networking Karma.

If you are trying desperately to get past the constant inadequacy you feel every time you try to attend a networking event, this book is for you!

Networking Karma is a mindful approach to living that asks you to consider each chance meeting and budding relationship as an opportunity to inform, assist, advocate or connect others. “Embracing this spirit of selflessness, ” Tolstoi-Miller says, “is the key to building a professional and personal fan base; one that will ultimately return your kindness in unknown and awesome ways. “

Networking Karma proves that life is not “ all about me.” In fact, Tolstoi-Miller reveals that the most successful networkers are on a constant mission of “giving.”

Throughout this book, you will explore dozens of essential and specific Networking Karma to-do’s; powerful ideas you can implement immediately. Shared by some of today’s hottest thought leaders, speakers and business trailblazers, these proven tactics are absolutely essential to getting the edge you need to succeed in business and in life.

Written in a fast-paced, no-holds barred style and steeped in real-world situations, Networking Karma reveals:

• The negative beliefs that hold you back from networking success, and the 6 empowering steps to overcomethem.
• Why Speed Networking is more fun and effective than absolutely any traditional networking method you’ve ever tried.
• 3 unique and foolproof strategies for breaking the ice at your next networking event.
• The 3 vital building blocks to your personal branding success.
• A surprising fashion “don’t” that may make you appear more successful to others.
• 10 ways your body language can work to your advantage
• The simple secret to creating a strong elevator pitch and the best place to test it out.
• How to turn passive listening into active listening, to attract important new contacts.
• Smart strategies for bringing stalled conversations to an end—without offending!
• 3 creative approaches to business card design that will launch countless conversations
• How to provide value, build awareness, nurture relationship and establish relevance through proper social media avenues
• T

Part I

KARMA

Chapter 1

BELIEVE!

“Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage and something great will come of it.”

~ BENJAMIN MEE, WE BOUGHT A ZOO

SO, YOU WANT TO IMPROVE your life through networking! Perhaps you’ve considered focusing more of your efforts on networking but somehow your plans never got off the ground. You may be frustrated. You know networking is something you should be doing. But you make excuses.

You procrastinate.

You think of reasons why you’ll start next month or after the holidays.

You build your New Year’s resolutions around your goal to network better.

There always seems to be a time constraint or another priority that pushes your networking to the back burner….Why?

Are you lazy? Spineless? No doubt you’ve gotten down on yourself about this stagnation many times. But I’m guessing there’s no mystery behind this. There’s a reason you’re stuck in this rut of inaction.

And it isn’t weakness, laziness or any other negative trait you may think you have. You’re stuck because deep, deep down inside, you may not believe you’re capable of being a successful networker. You are letting self-limiting beliefs get the best of you.

In these next few pages I will explore the power of a positive belief system and how you can remove negative beliefs that are getting in your way. Everyone, INCLUDING YOU, is capable of choosing the beliefs that will propel you and your networking forward, and of squashing the beliefs that hold you back!

What Are Beliefs?

Very simply, beliefs are DEEPLY HELD feelings and ideas you have about yourself, your place in the world, your relationships and your abilities. Beliefs can be positive or negative. They can move you toward action or keep you stuck in a rut. Negative beliefs stem from the little critic living inside your head, who can be quite vocal at times, frequently finding fault and questioning your capabilities.

This little critic inside your head seems logical. He knows you well. And you’ve always trusted him to guide you. But here are some things you should know about the critic and the negative beliefs he feeds you.

Where Do Beliefs Originate?

Many of the beliefs in your head stem from your childhood. Cultural attitudes (about appearance, education, work ethic or social status) play a partial role in forming your personal belief system. Educators also affect the development of self-limiting beliefs. But more than anything or anyone, it is your parents and their own beliefs—about themselves and you—that shape your belief system.

As a child, no doubt you were exposed to comments and critiques, and you took them to be truths. Perhaps your current beliefs about networking are based on statements you heard as a child, such as:

•“She is so insecure!”

•“He got the looks but his sister got the brains.”

•“She takes after me—she is so shy!”

•“He is such a scatter-brain!”

•“She has brains but no common sense….”

From Santa Claus to the Tooth Fairy, children are led to believe many things by the adults in their lives. But some of the beliefs are negative and can be dangerous to the psyche. As we grow, we tend to internalize and generalize what others believe and expect of us. These beliefs become our own personal truths and can hold us back from recognizing our full potential.

Many people who believe they can’t be effective at networking are basing this belief on societal influences or things that adults said about them when they were just children!

Beliefs Are Not Truths So Why Do They Exist?

Here’s a story about negative beliefs and my friend Alex.

Alex believes he does not have the skills to be a success at networking events. He will give you all sorts of reasons to support this belief. As a youngster, he was so shy that he was afraid to answer the telephone when it rang. In his teens, his parents always yelled at him to, “make eye contact,” frequently and publicly embarrassing him about this. While in college, Alex was the only freshman guy in his dorm who was uncomfortable with the whole idea of pledging a fraternity, and never did.

Alex’s belief—that he is an awful networker—is based on his personal laundry list of previous experiences. It is evident that one or more painful experiences can encourage life-altering, self-limiting beliefs and can become major components of our self-concept.

Significant and painful events carry more weight in our psyche than everyday life events. When it comes to networking, Alex has more negative examples than positive ones. It is easier for Alex to look for evidence that supports his negative belief about his networking ability. But holding on to these beliefs protects Alex from ever having to fail or look foolish, because he can choose to avoid networking entirely. In reality, he would certainly be able to network as well as anyone IF he wanted to do it very much and was willing to put in the time and effort required to do it well.

Alex’s limiting beliefs are getting in the way of his ability to network.

And this is interfering with his professional success. But he is reluctant to let go of this negative belief. Why? Because his belief about his inability to network has served him well for years. It has given him permission not to try.

Your negative beliefs are no truer than your positive ones, so make a choice! Pick the beliefs that move you toward personal and professional successes, not away from them!

Changing Your Negative Beliefs

The first step in changing your negative beliefs is to acknowledge and own them. Doing so deflates your negative beliefs. Take Alex, for example. He believes that he does not have the skills to be a success at networking events. However, upon closer examination, Alex can find PLENTY of evidence to support the contrary. After all, he has a warm, welcoming smile; he has many wonderful and committed friends; and he has always succeeded in leadership positions, from student council in grade school to being a TA in college. These are valuable and necessary qualities for networking success. These qualities are not just beliefs; they are truths about Alex. And tey are much more tangible than the beliefs he has been allowing to rule his behavior.

Marci Wolf Ober, LMFT, is a licensed family therapist who runs a private practice in northern New Jersey. She works with adults, adolescents and families to help them live optimally. In addition to speaking frequently on topics such as “Understanding Anxiety” and “Family Dynamics,” she has graciously shared her vital list of To-Dos—powerful tips for “Conscious Creation” of an optimal “Internal Guidance System”:

To-Dos

1.OWN IT: If you don’t own it, you have no ability to change it. Change is not easy. But not changing is even harder! Awareness is the first key step.

2.FOCUS ON THE RESULTS OF THE GOAL: At first, do not focus on the “How,” but imagine engaging successfully in the desired behavior, outcome or experience. For example, if the goal is to lose ten pounds, picture yourself ten pounds lighter. Imagine yourself feeling the lightness and confidence that comes from that. Place yourself there and feel the great feeling that comes with the image. Stay with that image and connect with positive feelings for as long as possible.

3.WATCH FOR ROAD BLOCKS: At some point, obstacles will appear. They will encourage your inner critic to say things to you like, “You have tried this before, just forget it! It is just too hard.” Pay attention to this as an observer, because that is the very self-limiting belief that you will want to own and rework! Remember: just because you have a self-limiting belief does not mean it is true! Understand that the belief itself needs be challenged and reworked. You must take control of your “belief critic.” Evaluate the effectiveness potential of your core beliefs around the issue at hand.

4.GO BACK TO THE GOAL: Imagine the result of being successful. Discover the great feeling that comes to you when you connect emotionally with what you really want. At this point, you have an outline of the process. You can see what you want. You recognize what resistance is holding you back. Now the hard work of change can begin! Bring it on, Baby!

5.REROUTE NEURAL PATHWAYS: This can make an introvert more able to connect easily with others, a sales professional or athlete more successful, a parent more artful with her children. They all involve conscious cultivation of certain traits and a willingness to invest some time and effort (even a little) toward the goal. They include:

•Visualization: Direct your focus on the desired outcome. There are many methods to visualization but most involve relaxation and mental imagery of the goal. The more senses involved, the stronger the process.

•Yoga is amazingly effective in cultivating the ability to detach from, and more neutrally observe the mind/body. This is very helpful in seeing (rather than being fused with) self-limiting beliefs. Yoga can also strengthen the ability to be more poised and open to what is possible regarding self-promoting possibilities!

•High-quality therapy or other supportive processes of self-inquiry. Come to understand the origins or roots of your personal belief system. This can be a huge time saver and incredibly helpful in achieving your goals. Remember, what we can own and work on is what we can change!

•Inspiration: Seek examples of those who live your goal. Expose yourself to people who do, have, or are what you want for yourself. Watch for and try to understand what their belief systems include and be open to trying them on. For example, a person who attends networking functions regularly probably has a belief system that supports rather than sabotages networking success.

6.BELIEVE: The strongest and most lasting change happens with the greatest intensity and frequency of thought and emotion. The greatest accomplishment is making it to the starting line. The game is won or lost before we actually play. Most of us talk ourselves out of our dreams before we ever embark on creating them.

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Table of contents

• Cover
• Copyright Page
• Title Page
• Dedication
• Acknowledgement
• Preface
• Contents
• Introduction
• Part I: Karma
• Part II: Connect
• Part III: Conquer
• Epilogue
• References
• Contributors
• Resources