Let's Be Curious

Ask the Right Questions, Get Better Answers, Create the Results You Want

Debra Kasowski

• Publisher: Debra Kasowski International
• Year: 2017
• eBook ISBN: 9780986880018
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business Communication
• Index: Business

Get the raise, receive the promotion, increase your credibility, build and influence a tribe worth leading, ask for what you want and feel empowered to make decisions with conviction. What if I told you this all started with asking better questions? Let’s Be Curious: Ask the Right Questions, Get Better Answers, and Create the Results You Want will help you develop critical thinking to ask powerful insightful questions that make decision making easier than ever before.

In Let’s Be Curious, you will:

• Unlock your imagination to possibilities
• Challenge your assumptions that may be sabotaging you
• Quit beating around the bush
• Ask questions that matter
• Put aside judgement
• Relieve anxiety and frustration

The more questions you ask, the more information you will have to make a decision that gets you closer to your goals and outcomes. Life and business can depend on it.

Chapter 1

Curiosity Killed the Cat

“My favorite words are ‘possibilities,’ ‘opportunities,’ and ‘curiosity.’ I think if you are curious, you create opportunities, and then if you open the doors, you create possibilities.”

—MARIO TESTINO, PHOTOGRAPHER

Children have a natural curiosity. They ask all kinds of questions and are constantly exploring the world and learning how everything works.

Have you ever tried to convince a two-year-old that it’s bedtime? They’ll counter with, “Why?” You might try explaining that your body needs rest after a full day (even though you, as the parent, would like to have some of your own quiet time). The child says, “Why? I’m not tired!” You might explain to the child that they need their rest so they can fully enjoy all the activities of tomorrow. The child will come back with, “Why?” You can continue to provide all the reasons for why they should go to bed, and the child will continue to ask you, “Why?” Eventually, you fall asleep, and the child falls asleep beside you. If you want to gain a unique perspective, get a child involved.

You may be thinking, I used to ask a lot of questions. You may also be wondering at what point you stopped asking. There are several reasons why people don’t ask as many questions as they could, which may be one of the limiting factors holding them back from their own success.

Why Did You Stop Asking Questions?

As a child, you may have been taught that it was inappropriate to question authority. This mindset can often be found in the doctor’s office. There are many people who see a doctor’s white coat and stethoscope and believe that they should not question someone who is considered an expert in their field. After all, doctors go to school for many years, and they’re the authority on the subject. What these people fail to recognize is that the doctor’s knowledge base is as good as the experiences they have been exposed to. You may offer a unique perspective or information that the doctor was not considering.

I have delivered many presentations and keynote addresses, and there are times when I ask if there are any questions, and the audience just stares blankly at me. As a speaker, I wonder, “Did I miss the mark?” But some people have shared with me that they have gained such valuable information from my presentation that they feel no reason to question what I have said, as they see me as the authority on the subject. Others have stated that they didn’t want to be singled out in a group of people, for fear that their question might sound foolish. They would prefer to connect with me one on one.

I love when people ask me questions. I don’t always have all the answers, but what I do have is a quest for the answer.

In our school systems, children are often rewarded for providing a correct answer but not for asking a question. Repeating back information does not provide the same retention as questioning information and searching for answers. We need to help children discover how to integrate this information into the way they think and learn. Children need to learn to ask questions.

You may have also been told as a child, “Shh! It’s impolite to ask questions.” What that statement’s really saying is, “Who are you to ask a question? You are not the expert! Who are you to challenge authority or question someone older than you?” When I first heard this, I thought, That statement has nothing to do with asking questions!

The real issue is how you ask the question. It’s stressing the importance of being respectful when asking. Who better to ask a question of than someone who is considered the trusted expert or someone who may have more knowledge and experience than you?

Asking questions positions you in the spotlight and puts you in control of the conversation. You may feel uncomfortable with the attention on you. You may feel that asking questions puts you at risk. What if my question sounds dumb or silly? Well, you wouldn’t have a question if you already knew the answer, so that makes it even more important to ask. Other people might be lazy and take the easy way out under the assumption that the information they have is all they need.

One of the main reasons I think people stop asking questions is because somewhere along the line, they offered an idea or suggestion that someone else rejected. A person may have responded, “It doesn’t work. We’ve already tried that.” Or, “We have always done things this way.” What these naysayers fail to recognize is that you come with fresh ideas and a new perspective at a different time. Did they think about what didn’t work and how it could have been improved, or did they just brush it off as a failure?

People don’t want to ask questions when no one values their opinions or wants to hear what they have to say. It leads to silence and lack of participation. Why can’t people respond more positively? A response like, “That’s interesting. We’ve tried something similar in the past. Maybe it’s time to explore it again.” How do you think the person asking would feel? Have you ever had this happen to you?

And, of course, there is another group of people who don’t ask questions because they think they know it all. They’re content to take the easy way out, thinking the information they have is all they need. You may know someone like this. They are the people who provide parenting advice when they’ve never raised a child, or provide financial advice even as they themselves are struggling to pay the bills. They often have not picked up a book since high school, yet they have “been there, done that” and have the answer to everything, regardless of whether they have ever experienced it. These people have all the answers and are often not open to your suggestions or ideas.

Asking questions helps you to get better answers and make the best decision. What is your reason for not asking questions? How is it limiting you from getting where you want to be?

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “Curiosity killed the cat.” This statement expresses the belief that being curious can get you into trouble. Sometimes, this phrase is used to warn somebody to stop prying into another person’s affairs. What we don’t hear is the rest of this phrase: “It’s satisfaction that brought it back.” Cats are believed to have nine lives, so even though their curiosity gets them into trouble, they come back for the fulfillment of knowing.

Being curious doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going get yourself into trouble. Curiosity has sparked breakthroughs in research, technology, healthcare, science, and many other innovations.

Why Does Curiosity Exist?

Albert Einstein once said, “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” Curiosity exists to help us understand the world around us. The most common questions begin with what, why, when, where, who, and how. As children, asking questions was the way we understood and learned about the world. As we gain more knowledge, we integrate it into who we are, and we ask different questions along the way.

Curiosity has its own reason for existing.

—ALBERT EINSTEIN

Curiosity primes the brain for learning. We try to learn what we don’t know by asking questions, and studies have demonstrated that people who are curious learn more quickly and retain information better. People tend to find it easier to learn about things they are interested in, especially when they are driven by the reward of discovering the answer.

Curious people are open to innovative ideas and are more willing to try new things and explore possibilities. Their minds are activated to look for solutions versus passively focusing on problems. They tend to have better analytical and critical thinking skills and become more observant, looking for a rationale as to how things occur and why.

Research has shown that people who are curious tend to have increased happiness and greater satisfaction in life. They find greater meaning and purpose in their lives through the questions they ask. They tend to have stronger relationships because they ask questions by taking an interest in others, and they tend to be more empathetic and understanding of others’ life circumstances. People who ask questions also add more excitement to their lives by anticipating the answers they will discover.

Curiosity helps alleviate fears and anxieties. You may have a fear of failure, or you may wonder how you will be viewed by your peers and others in your community. You may have a fear of success, wondering how your life will change or how it will impact your relationships. You may have a fear of loss, wondering if you’ll ever be able to acquire that which you so long for. Or you may have a fear of uncertainty, wondering what the future will bring. No matter what your fears are, as you question them and gain more knowledge about them, you will notice your anxieties decreasing.

Through questions, solutions are generated, assumptions are challenged, and new perspectives are developed. You may explore how things could be different or improved. Curiosity encourages creativity, which leads to innovation and allows you to think about all the questions you may want to ask regarding a certain subject. Curiosity is good for your brain health; it stimulates the neuropathways, keeping your mind young.

Without curiosity, you would not ask questions and would potentially miss out on simple solutions and new discoveries. Relationships may be damaged due to misunderstandings. If people didn’t ask questions, a lot of time, money, and resources could be wasted.

How Do You Cultivate Your Curiosity?

Developing curiosity is not as difficult as you think. You must first start by being willing to learn, unlearn, and relearn. You need to start questioning what you already know, looking at it from different perspectives. By doing this, you will discover new questions to ask, and you’ll reframe old ways of thinking.

World-renowned executive coach Marshall Goldsmith has a book called What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. This book provides a perfect analogy, showing that what brought you your current success will not get you to the new levels you wish to achieve. You must aspire to learn more about who you need to become, what you need to do, and what you must have to get there.

You need a new strategy. You must step out of your current comfort zone—a zone that was also uncomfortable once but has now become too comfortable. Curiosity is developed by learning to stretch and grow and keep an open mind.

Don’t take things for granted or at face value. Just because things have been done a certain way for a certain length of time doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be improved upon. Imagine Thomas Edison giving up after his 9,999 attempts to develop the light bulb. He is quoted as saying, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” He was constantly questioning what was working and not working to improve what he was doing.

Edison also said, “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” It is about asking more questions to dig deeper and learn more. Is there anything that you have taken for granted just because that’s the way it’s always been done?

Become a better listener. As you listen to others, you will learn what their needs and wants are, and you may even learn a few things that you need to know to support some of your goals. You never know who someone else knows or how they might be able to help you. People feel valued and appreciated when you take the time to listen to them and hear what they have to say.

Don’t label anything as boring. Life should be fascinating; reframe it as an opportunity. I remember watching a video by Matthew Kelly called The Mass – Matthew Kelly – Pillar 3 (Part 2 ). Matthew is the founder of the Dynamic Catholic Institute, and in this video, he shares a story about how young people and families fall away from going to church on Sundays because they consider it “boring.” He explains that if you went to church with the intention of learning one new lesson each week and journaling about it, you would learn fifty-two lessons in a year, and your faith would be stronger. The same theory holds true for listening to a podcast, reading a new book in your industry, or attending a lecture or class. The key here is being intentional about learning. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this?

Make learning new things part of the game. Having fun and being playful can stimulate your mind into asking more questions. Games like Sudoku, word searches, Jeopardy!, Trivial Pursuit, and crossword puzzles train your brain to search for answers.

Read about different subject matters, listen to a variety of music, and seek out interesting imagery. You will become well-rounded and be able to ask questions and join in conversations that you would otherwise not be a part of. Discover the extraordinary in ordinary things. Photographers are known for capturing special moments and uncovering the magic of the world around us. For proof, look no further than the amazing photographs taken by Dewitt Jones, well-known photojournalist for National Geographic.

Be curious and thrive on uncertainty. Let the quest for finding answers motivate and guide you. You might not know the answer, but you can figure it out.

Go out and make new friends. Take a genuine interest in meeting new people and learning more about them. What motivates them? What are their hobbies? What do they do for fun? Do they have a family? Where did they grow up? By asking questions, you can learn a new perspective and gain an understanding of what makes people tick. What makes them get out of bed in the morning? What excites him about life? What excites him about the work they do? If you’ve ever sat and watched children at a playground, you’ll know how simple it is to make a friend. A child will run up to another child and say, “Hi! Let’s be friends. You want to play?”

Genuine curiosity comes so naturally to children. Why...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Table of Contents
• Foreword
• Acknowledgments
• Introduction
• Chapter 1: Curiosity Killed the Cat
• Chapter 2: What Are You Thinking About?
• Chapter 3: What’s in a Question?
• Chapter 4: Turn Your Questions into a Quest
• Chapter 5: Active Listening
• Chapter 6: Emotional Intelligence and Questions
• Chapter 7: The Power of Your Ask
• Chapter 8: Questions Worth Asking
• Chapter 9: Making the Best Decision . . . Fast or Slow?
• Chapter 10: After the Decision. . . . The Consequences: the Good, Bad, and the Ugly
• Suggested Reading List
• About the Author
• More Books by Debra