SEARCH

A Guide to College and Life

Barbara Roquemore EdD, Jeff Duffey MD

• Publisher: Cairde, Karuna & Hedd Publishing,LLC
• Year: 2020
• eBook ISBN: 9780986258367
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Study Aids
• Subtopic: Study Guides

If you're searching

for the right mindset and skills to succeed in your studies and relationships,

for inspiration and strategies to sustain your confidence and reduce stress

for warning about the things and people that might sandbag you and how to avoid them,

then you've found the right book.

SEARCH draws from the authors' extensive experience, as well as their students' and colleagues'. It offers you realistic specifics about such topics as how to manage your time, discourage unwanted attention, make polite conversation, and avoid sickness and despair. SEARCH will teach you money management. For instance, unless you are buying the print book as an ideal graduation present to be read at home during COVID-19, buying the e-book will save you money and allow you to link directly to many resources.

Gaining skills and factual knowledge are only parts of the college experience. College provides opportunities to explore the nature of the human spirit as it has manifested throughout history. You join humankind in searching to understand how things work, why we do what we do, and where each of us fits in. Whether you are following in your parents' footsteps or blazing a trail as a first-generation college student, SEARCH will provide strategies for this lifelong adventure.

Learn to make a budget, pick the right major and courses, or go to school living at home. SEARCH will help you understand social groups, survive spring break, overcome insecurity, and savor diversity. You will read about how to assess your date, cope with stalkers, and get through break-ups. Besides practical tips, it will help you address the flood of added freedoms, new ideas, and different ways of living and thinking you will experience. SEARCH is a thoughtful, compassionate, open-minded discussion of both the practical and philosophical realities of college and life that non-students will find relevant as well. Like life, college can be a challenging, soul-searching, gut-wrenching experience at times.

College is a serious undertaking. It calls for a guide that takes college seriously. Luckily, its just a click away from being yours.

1

Assessing Yourself

RECOGNIZING VULNERABILITIES

By early addressing your vulnerabilities, you may avoid some of their logical outcomes. Do you share any of the susceptibilities of these fictional characters?

Isabelle’s parents marveled at her ability to multitask and how it had helped her succeed in academics and extracurriculars. They saw her accomplishments and frenetic activity as a promise of great achievements to come. Isabelle felt the pressure. She took pains to look good on social media but found herself fighting inner doubts about whether it was all worth it. She began feeling fake when she couldn’t feel wholehearted anymore about some of the volunteer work she was doing. She felt like she just wanted to “be”— instead of always having to “become.” As she watched other first-year students, she realized she envied their genuine enthusiasm that no longer came naturally for her.

High school was harder for Anna because it took longer for her to study than others. Her determination made up for it. She made herself study longer and stay organized. It meant cutting out some extracurriculars. She had no trouble understanding ideas. She found that writing was difficult. When several facts were presented to her, she had trouble remembering them long enough to tie them together into written conclusions. Anna did well in high school. She worries that her determination and willingness to sacrifice extra time will not be enough to make up for the fast pace of reading required in college.

Dan’s high school was not that hard. Because his teachers explained the concepts in class, he used his intelligence to pick up the material without having to study. Dan’s interests were elsewhere. He crammed and could remember material long enough to do well on the tests but did not retain it because he did not learn it. His grades suggest he knows more than he does. Because it worked in high school, Dan hopes college will also yield to his combination of intelligence, charm, and “academic ingenuity.”

Christina has much chaos in her life. She lacks the time and peace of mind that could have made school easier. School cannot be her priority. She sometimes feels like the tension and craziness in the world is an extension of the unpredictability in her family life. She feels like she must be the active adult in her home and the parent to her siblings. Her parents function poorly. Now, their divorce and money worries distract them. She is proud of her reputation as a rational thinker. Her friends don’t realize she must fight to focus in class and overcome feeling demoralized. She is puzzled to find herself being the go-to person for other students with problems.

Will, a first-generation college student, knows his family is proud of him but still worries he will become like a stranger to them. His peers and family have been less subtle as they express that he must mistakenly think he is better than them to go to college. Despite his noteworthy academic accomplishments in high school, Will feels pressure to prove himself again academically and justify his decision to take another path. Will feels all this as he faces students who are oblivious to him and make comments that make him feel left out. These students’ lack of familiarity with hardship and suffering make them seem immature and silly to him. He feels like he doesn’t exactly fit in anywhere anymore and has started somehow feeling fake himself. He wonders when his peers will also begin to see him as a misfit.

Elizabeth has not had tragedy or hardship in her life. She lost one grandmother. Otherwise, her life has been almost idyllic. An essential part of her loving parents’ lives, she was cherished and protected from anything that could hurt her. She has benefited from her parents and her faith, which confirmed her worth and contributed to her sense of security. Her parents have ensured that she grew up around people who are like them and who encourage Elizabeth. The flip side of Elizabeth’s happy childhood is that it has unintentionally deprived her of the opportunity to develop inner personal strength from overcoming any misfortune. As she finds people who think, act, and believe differently, she feels torn. She wants to understand but is afraid it might somehow change her. She feels homesick and wonders why her roommate feels intimidating to her. She knows of some older graduates of her high school who were equally naïve when they went off to college, drank too much, and got into trouble. She wonders if she can say “no” to herself when her parents are not around to protect her from herself.

Delores is an older student who worked as a server to pay for community college and has just transferred to a four-year school. If she works enough hours to pay for expenses, she might not be able to manage the advanced curriculum her major demands. Delores is afraid she will suffer the same fate as her friend Julie, who had to drop out. Unable to afford health insurance or safe housing, Julie now feels like a zombie because she works long hours in a low-paying job with poor working conditions.

Getting into college surprised Jack. Maybe it was because of a good recommendation from his favorite teacher and his surprising scores on the SAT. Jack knows it wasn’t his grades because grades have always been a struggle for him. There were times when teachers gave him latitude. They found him likable and earnestly trying at their course’s end. While sincerely wanting to do well in college, he doesn’t know how to go about it. No one worked with him on his study skills. Jack knows he needs academic help but isn’t sure just what kind and where to find it. Jack remembers his guilt at putting off studying in high school because studying was so frustrating. Fresh in his mind is the dread he would experience as the semester advanced, and he fell further behind. Now Jack feels out of his depth.

Throughout this book, you will find possible ways to surmount these students’ vulnerabilities.

RECOGNIZING STRENGTHS

Half-jokingly, someone once said that getting into college requires you to impress colleges with your excellent grades, high test scores, great recommendations, outstanding extracurriculars, and to do life-changing volunteer work. How you meet these arbitrary standards may not reflect your genuine accomplishments and the struggles you overcame. Admissions officers may overlook something you love and do well.

Will Smith said, “The first step is you have to say that you can (Weston n.d.https://wealthygorilla.com/inspirational-quotes-will-smith/).” Make that first step now. Before you go further in the book, write down your significant accomplishments. Did you win a quiet battle within yourself to do something especially hard for you? Were you there for a struggling friend? Does coping with difficult family members come naturally to you? Perhaps, you have managed to form a bond with someone who knows you and believes in you and your abilities to fulfill your dreams. Is there a powerful connection with art, music, literature, or sport that inspires you? Maybe, you have a foundation of belief about which you have deep conviction and commitment. What are the skills, talents, and strength of character that help you each day? Please take a moment to identify each skill and describe it. Take another moment and think about each of your character strengths and how you might use them.

Perhaps there is something different about how you have blended your experiences and talents. Imagine you are a building. What are the beams within yourself that have supported you through school so far?

It may feel unnatural to remember your strengths. Did you have a grandparent whose eyes twinkled when you walked into the room? Look at yourself through those eyes. Consider the people from whom you draw the faith you have in yourself and your future. Who is a model of how to have a purpose beyond yourself and make it despite all the skeptics?

Remember that you are a work in progress.

(Michael F. Myers 1998)

What you try, regardless of your success or failure, provides you an opportunity. You can grow from the challenge, learn, and improve.

CHERISHING DIFFERENCES

If all the keys of a piano were exactly alike, you could only play one note. For a keyboard to be useful, it needs keys that are different from each other. So too, the world benefits from people who are different from each other.

In football, shorter, thinner, faster running backs try to squeeze past much bigger defensive linemen who try to stop them. The physical qualities a coach looks for in a running back are different from what they look for in a lineman. A coach knows that the very smallness that makes it hard for a player to be a blocking lineman may be just what the team needs in a running back. A running back’s smallness puts him close to the ground and makes him agile and hard to tackle.

While a coach knows that it takes different kinds of characteristics in his players to make a complete team, he also knows that all of his players need to have self-discipline, a work ethic, and be able to communicate and get along with each other to win.

The running back cherishes those features that make him hard to tackle. He has found his position on the team and does not scold himself for being different from the big linemen who would block him.

Like the football players, you can find your place in life and discover how your differences make you an asset to an employer, a potential partner, your school, organizations, and your community. Like the football players, you will need self-discipline, a work ethic, and an ability to work with others. These are skills that you can learn.

A deficit may become an advantage. Some Australian sheepdogs have defects in the iris of their eyes that make their eyes look like a key-hole. When they look at sheep, their eyes spook the sheep, and the dog can make them turn more easily.

Imagine a tribe of Native Americans camped for the night on the trail. The tribe member who has difficulty deeply sleeping will hear the noise of someone creeping up on the tribe. Differences can be life-saving for others.

By identifying and celebrating your differences, it helps you understand where you can best use them.

Next: Strategy 2 —To strengthen your resolve, understand the clear need for your search.

2

Reminding Yourself Why You Need to Succeed in College

AVOIDING THE CONSEQUENCES OF NOT HAVING ENOUGH MONEY

Some college courses are worth taking for the joy of learning alone. Some classes are impractical but stimulating and undemanding. Taking too many of these may result in an education that does not equip you to earn a living. Expressing yourself by choosing useless classes now may not be worth later losing the freedom to do things you want.

Life is much harder when you are impoverished. Consider integrating a minor you are passionate about with a more practical but slightly less exciting major that qualifies you for a better job or entrance to graduate school. It is crucial that you realize that you need to begin working on this now, and not your senior year.

You may not need to go to college to make a good living if you have gained technical skills from going to technical school. Maybe you have natural musical or athletic talent. Perhaps you can get on-the-job training in a family business or are an entrepreneurial genius with a rich uncle. If you are thinking about going into a technical field, discover your best match by going to the appendix.

We are told some companies take shortcuts and thin out a stack of job applicants by throwing out applications of people without a college education even if the job does not require one. Don’t assume that applying for a job that does not require a college education means you are on an equal playing field. Employers know that college graduates have demonstrated an ability to stick with something difficult, to follow instructions, and comply with requirements.

If you do go to college, however—and you do poorly in college—you may lack the skills or credentials needed to have a job that pays enough for you to live independently. This failure puts you at the mercy of others on whom you must then depend. You may have to stay with and listen to well-meaning parents who don’t think the way you do. You may find yourself putting up with a bully at work or doing work you don’t enjoy. Partners who know their mate does not make enough money to support themselves or leave them are more likely to discount them, mistreat them, and exploit the power imbalance.

When you are dependent on your parents, you find yourself worrying about whether they will continue to support you. You wonder if your parents resent your dependence on them. You think about their health and fear they will become disabled from cancer. You worry they will have an accident or lose their job. You hate to keep asking them for day-to-day expenses or hearing their lectures about spending money on clothes or how you are exhausting their retirement savings. You feel guilty, but the prospect of moving from their lifestyle to what yours would be on your own is paralyzing.

If you do well at college, you have a better chance of creating a functional home, a home where it feels safe to express emotion. You have a...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Contents
• Preface
• Acknowledgments
• 1 Assessing Yourself
• 2 Reminding Yourself Why You Need To Succeed In College
• 3 Grasping The Importance of Time Management
• 4 Establishing A Workable Environment
• 5 Preventing Health Pitfalls
• 6 Avoiding Financial Pitfalls
• 7 Belonging To The College Community
• 8 Constructing Effective Mindsets
• 9 Tweaking Your Academic Skillset
• 10 Enhancing Relationship Skills And Relationships
• 11 Strategizing To Meet The Challenges That Arise As The College Years Unfold
• 12 Recognizing What Helps First-Generation College Students Will Also Help You
• 13 Improving Your Well-Being
• 14 Summing It Up With An Equation And Final Mnemonic
• Appendix of Resources
• Bibliography
• References
• Index
• About the Authors
• From the Authors