Death and the Professor

A Golden Age Mystery

E. & M.A. Radford

• Publisher: Dean Street Press
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9781913054960
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Letteratura
• Subtopic: Letteratura poliziesca e gialli

“Tell me, did he commit suicide, or was he killed in his room; and if so how a murderer killed and vanished leaving no trace within a minute?”

The Dilettantes Club is a gathering of five savants who dine once a fortnight in Soho, and debate any problem besetting mankind. One evening, into this distinguished company, there intrudes a Professor of Logic and Philosophy, an odd little man. The Assistant Commissioner of Scotland Yard is one of the Dilettantes, and a baffling problem of criminal investigation is debated. The little Professor is able to point the finger at those who currently are eluding the police net. A series of intriguing impossible crimes unfold, until...

“Another treat for addicts. Once again they succeed in holding the reader’s interest by combining an ingenious plot with a collection of really convincing characters.” Manchester Evening Chronicle

1

The Dilettantes’ Club meets on the first and last Thursday of each month (except in August, when the members are scattered for their holidays). At 7 p.m. the chairman, Sir Noël Maurice, rises from his chair at the head of the table, and proposes ‘The Queen,’ for the members are all elderly, and maintain still that graciousness of life which mostly passed after the First World War, and one unwritten law of which requires that a company of gentlemen dining together shall wear dinner jackets and black bows; at 10.30 p.m. he rises again with a bow and a ‘good night’ to each member; after which the company disperses until the calendar has revolved another fortnight.

The Dilettantes are exactly what the name implies: wanderers among the Arts and Sciences. Each is a doyen of his own particular profession. There is Sir Noël himself, Knight of the most Excellent Order of the British Empire, in his middle sixties, a surgeon of international stature, and one of the world’s greatest authorities on the heart. There is Sir Edward Allen, Assistant Commissioner of Scotland Yard, whose fervent belief in Science as a weapon against crime led to his founding a Crime Laboratory in Scotland Yard itself. Norman Charles, another member, is an authority on the human mind — a psychiatrist, also of international repute — a tubby man with eyes which seem always to be calculating his vis-à-vis in conversation — and probably are. And there is Alexander Purcell, whose figurings and jugglings weigh up the welfare of industry and of nations: he is a mathematician, a Senior Wrangler of Cambridge, holder of Mathematical Tripos, and a Chair in Mathematics.

Fifth of the Dilettantes in order of joining, is William James. Where Sir Noël works for life, Mr. James deals in death: he is a pathologist, delving into the passage to Eternity of those who did not expect, or were not expected, to make the journey so soon.

These, then, are the original Dilettantes — a surgeon, a policeman, a psychiatrist, a mathematician and a pathologist: as varied a selection of brains as one could expect to find gathered round a table for the purpose of browsing among the bric-à-brac of events and happenings in the world around them, the bizarre and the mysterious, the riddles of living and dying. Since one and all valued gastronomy as one of the major Arts of mankind, it was inevitable that their meeting place should be Moroni’s: for Moroni’s, as everybody who is anybody knows, is the dining Mecca of all who aspire to the reputation of gourmets.

There is a sixth Dilettante, who joined the company a considerable time after its formation. The manner of his coming was curious. There is no reference to the club in the list of London clubs, nor has it a number in the London telephone directory. The only outward and visible sign of its existence is a small brass plate, three inches by one inch affixed to the inside of a lintel of the entrance to Moroni’s, which is in Soho. The club dines and debates in the Lucullus Room, on the first floor of the restaurant.

It is the rule that when the dinner is ended, the table cleared and the port and cigars laid out, there shall not on any pretext be any outside interruptions to the debating. It was, therefore, remarkable that on a warm evening in July, a discussion on the Infinitesimal Calculus should have been halted at its most intriguing point — which of the labours of Descartes, Newton or Leibniz had added greatest to the mathematical formulae of Archimedes: Newton through systematic foundation or Calculus, or Descartes’s ‘Geometrie’ and his ‘Method’ and Ontological argument — by a sudden appearance in the open doorway of a stranger.

Their conversation cut off, the five stared at him. Purcell, caught with his right index finger in mid-air pointing a submission, let it drop slowly to the table. They saw a little man some 5 feet 7 inches in height, who was gesturing uncertainties. He had a goblin-like shock of hair on his big head, and peered behind gig-like spectacles.

‘I . . . I . . . am s-sorry to disturb you gentlemen,’ he announced. ‘I d . . . did knock, but you perhaps did not hear me.’ He paused to gain breath lost in the climb up the stairs. ‘Could . . . I . . . see the secretary, please?’

The five rose in courtesy. ‘Come inside, sir, and close the door,’ Sir Noël invited. ‘Give our visitor a chair, James.’ He waited until the little man was settled. Then: ‘Mr. Purcell is the keeper of our archives, sir. We have no secretary. What can we do for you?’

‘Ah!’ The visitor peered through his thick glasses. ‘I thought I recognized you, Mr. Purcell. We are already slightly acquainted.’

The mathematician looked closely. The visitor wore a dinner jacket of considerable vintage, cut very square and turning a rusty brown in places, and with a waistcoat reaching almost up to the breast. He had an obvious ‘dicky’ in place of a boiled shirt. ‘Are we, sir?’ he queried.

‘Yes. We met at Oxford some years ago — at the University: in the house of the Master of Oriel.’

The chairman broke into the reminiscence. ‘But that would not explain your visit to us, Mr —?’

‘Stubbs — Marcus Stubbs.’

‘— Mr. Stubbs. What can we do for you?’

‘I had the intention, and the hope, of joining the club.’

Eight startled eyes turned to the chairman. Sir Noël fingered his moustache, and hemmed a little. ‘I am afraid we are not admitting new members, Mr. Stubbs,’ he said. ‘There are, in any case, certain requirements. What, for instance, are you in, shall I say scholarship?’

‘I am a logician.’

‘Ah,’ Mr. Purcell broke in. ‘I remember now. Bonn.’

The visitor nodded.

‘I was Professor of Logic at Bonn, at the time — yes. I resigned my chair to write a treatise. Ein esel ein Eisel! I still am writing.’ He saw the doubts in the faces of his hosts. ‘I, too, am a dilettante,’ he said. ‘I wander amidst the labyrinth of thought, its processes and arguments. I take apart the fallacies of society. In the realm of philosophy I have a Doctorate of the Sorbonne.’

The chairman fingered his moustache and looked round the Dilettantes. They whispered together. Then: ‘Would you mind retiring to the service room’ — he indicated the door — ‘while we discuss this unusual situation?’ Mr. Stubbs went.

Inside the Dilettantes looked at each other, and at the Chairman Sir Noël hemmed. ‘This is an embarrassing situation,’ he said. ‘How on earth did the man hear of the club?’

James wrinkled his brows. ‘He looks a little scruffy to me. Not that —’

‘No, that does not matter.’ The chairman completed the sentence. ‘We are concerned only with intellect.’ He turned to Purcell: ‘Have you any knowledge of him?’ he asked.

‘Yes. I know — or rather knew — of him by repute. The Master of Balliol invited him to pay a visit to the University. The Master himself had been immensely impressed by a paper he had written on philosophy with applied logical reasoning, hence the invitation. I remember he had dinner with the Master and several Dons. I was not present, having a previous engagement, but I joined the company afterwards. He stayed only that one night and then returned to Bonn. There was no doubt about his scholarship and his reputation. I saw him only for an hour or so, in the soft lights of the Master’s room, and certainly would not have recognized him now, had he not reminded me of the occasion. It was, you understand, quite a few years ago.’

There was a pause. The chairman considered the situation with furrowed brows. Purcell interposed on his thoughts. ‘If you like, Noël, I will have a word over the telephone with Sir John. He is not, of course, Master now, but he lives in Kensington.’ The chairman nodded, and Purcell crossed to the telephone.

The conversation lasted some three or four minutes. Purcell replaced the receiver, and nodded. ‘Sir John agrees with me as to his visit,’ he announced. ‘A little man with a pedantic manner of speech, he described him, but with a brilliant brain. That seems to fit our visitor. He has not heard of him for some years, except casually. But he recalled that he gave up his Chair for personal reasons. The Chancellor of Bonn, who had tried to dissuade him, said the reason he gave was something about research along a new line of thought in philosophy. It led, by the way, to the Doctorate at the Sorbonne. His own view is that Stubbs would be an ornament to any gathering of savants — in an intellectual sense.’

‘Well, that seems satisfactory from that point of view,’ the chairman said. ‘The point is do we want to increase our membership? Are there any objections to another member — of erudition?’

There was a general shaking of heads. Mr. James broke in: ‘It might be advantageous to our company to possess the mechanics of a logical process of thinking, and a decree of pure philosophy.’

The chairman nodded. ‘Shall we take a vote on it?’ Four hands were raised and the chairman joined them. The visitor was recalled.

‘Mr. Stubbs,’ the chairman said, ‘we have decided to welcome you amongst us.’ He shook hands. ‘We look forward to benefiting our discussions from your attainments and knowledge.’ He looked at his watch. ‘It is now 10.30 and our time for breaking up. We hope — and indeed look forward with pleasure — to seeing you at our next meeting.’

2

With the table cleared of its burden of Georgian silver — the gift to each other of the Dilettantes — the port and cigars laid out, and the waiter out of the room, Sir Noël Maurice cleared his throat, and addressed the company. That was the unchanging formula: until the meal was ended and the members could relax, talk was confined to a minimum; it was a sine qua non that the mental activity of sustained conversation robbed the connoisseur of the ability fully to enjoy the culinary achievement placed in front of him. But that over, there began the real business of the club — the battle of wits and learning which was the raison d’être for the Dilettantes.

‘To-night’s problem for discussion comes from Sir Edward,’ the chairman announced. ‘As you will expect, it concerns crime; and it is a very intriguing problem, indeed.’ He turned to the newest Dilettante. ‘I should explain. Professor, that the rule is to allow the speaker to state his case without interruption, except for such interjections as are necessary to elucidate any particular point, and then general examination of the facts, and a discussion.’ The professor nodded. ‘Very well, Sir Edward, the table is yours.’

The Assistant Commissioner of Scotland Yard took a sip from his port and lighted a cigar. He fingered his monocle on its black silk ribbon, and began: ‘It is, as Sir Noël has indicated, an intriguing case, and one which for the moment has my men completely fogged.’ He paused and turned his cigar between his fingers, eyeing, appreciatively, the levelness of the burning. ‘For the beginning I must take you to a boarding house — The Lodge Guest House, in Coronation Road, South Kensington: a Victorian-style house with stone steps up to the front door, railings in front, and stone steps going down to a basement. You all know the kind of house and street; they are common enough in South Ken, which has fallen from the high estate it once boasted.

‘The landlady is a Mrs. Sophie Leeming, but she plays no part in the affair, and can be forgotten. At the time of the occurrence the house had nine residents. They were Mrs. Amelia Anstruther, elderly, and the widow of a doctor who left her comfortably off; Colonel Harry Parmenter, aged 68, retired infantry commander; Mr. Francis Bristow, with no occupation; Major Will Piedmont, also retired from the army; Miss Maudie Mackinder, a rather flighty young woman of 26; Miss Lorna Mentrose, elderly and independent; Miss Alicia Rose, the same; Mr. Alan Norris, a newcomer — he had lived there just a week — of no occupation; and Mr. Frederick Banting, aged about 50, a business man who had a single room in a block of offices in Crown Court, off Fleet Street. And there was Mary, the maid servant.

‘It is with Banting that we are chiefly concerned. He was the misfit in the hackneyed phrase, genteel, but in reduced circumstances, with the exception of Mr. Norris, who was younger. Banting was loud voiced and coarse, rude to everybody, and with a complete disregard for the pleasantries and courtesies of life in company. He was cordially disliked by one and all. If he is to be believed he was a man for the ladies.’

The A.C. took another sip of port and smelled appreciatively the aroma of his cigar. He settled more comfortably in his chair, and then continued: ‘At 7 o’clock on Monday evening — that is four days ago — all nine residents were sitting at tables in the hall-lounge. Dinner had been at 6.15 and coffee was now being served. At ten minutes past seven Mr. Banting noisily replaced his cup in its saucer, rose, and shuffled a rude and pushing way between the chairs and tables of the other guests, to the foot of the staircase. The company followed his progress with resentful glances, and watched him disappear by degrees — from his head downwards to the boot of his right foot — which was the last piece of the live Banting they were ever to see.

‘With his passing out of sight tension fell upon the company. Talk ceased and all ears were attuned as though expecting something to happen, explosively. I am, I should tell you, describing the atmosphere gathered by my investigating officers later. The expected happened! A loud bang reverberated through the house shaking the windows and rattling ornaments on the piano (which, by the way, had never been played or even opened within the memory of any of the residents). Mr. Banting had entered his room. It seems he always banged the door that way — morning, noon and midnight. The general opinion was that he did so deliberately, to annoy his fellow guests or, as he called them, according the flighty Miss Mackinder, ‘the ’igh and mighty ’as-beens and their mutton dressed up as lamb’.

‘The expected having duly happened the lounge once more rippled into small talk, rising and falling like the ebb and flow of waves on a shingle shore. The waiter, a decrepit figure in a grease-motleyed tails suit was collecting the coffee cups.’

Sir Edward paused and leaned forward to refill his glass. The Dilettantes were listening to his précis with attention so studied that the cigars of two of them had gone out; they seized the opportunity to relight them. The A.C. waited for them to puff up, and then continued.

‘I must now digress for a moment to present to you the position and situation inside and outside the house. The reason will be apparent later. Well, then, it was a beautiful July evening at 7.15 with the sun still shining warmly. In the street, directly outside the house one of London’s three remaining barrel-organs was grinding out ‘Sweet Rosie O’Grady’; we know that because Mrs. Anstruther says she was listening to it nostalgically. One of the organ’s crew was turning the handle; the other was watching doors and windows for any ‘appreciation’. He was actually watching the front window over the door, because he had seen a man standing at it a moment before. This, by the way, was Banting’s window. There is no back to the house, other than a small square yard which backs on to a similar yard of the opposite house in a parallel street. A high wall divides them.

‘Inside, in the lounge were the eight guests, and the waiter; upstairs, Mary, the maid, was turning down the beds. In the basement kitchen, Mrs. Leeming, the landlady, was washing-up the dinner things, helped by an evening woman. That was the set-up at 7.20 o’clock, five minutes after Banting had gone to his room and banged the door.

‘Then it happened! From upstairs there came, startlingly, a second bang. The unexpectedness of it chopped off the gossip literally in the middle of words, and (so Mrs. Anstruther says) jumped twelve stitches off the needles on which she was knitting a modestly grey jumper. It also betrayed her, Miss Mackinder asserts into a loud ‘damn’; and this will probably be held against her for the remainder of her stay in Coronation Road, she being a consistent church-goer. However, she stormed up in her annoyance with, ‘Now what’s the man banging?’

Colonel Parmenter had shot out of his chair at the explosion. ‘That wasn’t a bang,’ he said. ‘That was a shot.’ He should know, being an old infantry officer. He moved towards the stairs. ‘A revolver shot,’ he augmented. ‘Come along, you men!’

Sir Edward felt in an inside pocket and brought out a slim writing pad. He adjusted his monocle in his left eye and read over his notes. ‘I want to get this quite accurate,’ he apologized. ‘The colonel led the men to the first floor corridor from which four bedrooms opened. The maid, scared half out of her wits, peeped white-faced, round the turning at the farther end. ‘It came from Mr. Banting’s room, Colonel,’ she called out. ‘Whatever was it?’ The colonel rapped on a panel of the door. ‘Are you all right, Banting?’ he called. There was no reply. He knocked again, heavily. No sound came from within. The door-handle turned in his grasp, but the door remained closed. The colonel knelt down and peered at the keyhole.

‘No key in it,’ he said. ‘Give me your master key, Mary.’ The girl brought it, and scuttled back to the corner. The colonel inserted the key in the lock and turned it. He threw open the door, and the group rushed into the room after joggling each other in the doorway. There they stopped.

‘Banting lay on the floor. Blood was spreading slowly over the carpet. A revolver lay beside him.

‘The colonel bent down and lifted his head. He let it drop again, and stood up. ‘Better get out, men,’ he said. ‘He’s shot through the head. Quite dead. I’ll telephone the police! He locked the door, and put the key in a pocket. The last thing he noticed was the barrel org...