Talented Young Men Overcoming Tough Times

An Exploration of Resilience

Thomas P. Hébert

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2021
• ISBN:
  9781000503814
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Éducation
• Subtopic: Éducation générale

Talented Young Men Overcoming Tough Times features the life stories of five gifted, high-achieving young men who overcame serious adversity in their lives. Their stories, captured through qualitative interviews, help us to better understand the factors that shaped their resilience and enabled them to overcome difficult challenges, including learning disabilities, homelessness, poverty, bullying, dysfunctional families, and abuse. The five young men succeeded in overcoming their difficult circumstances in adolescence and met strong success in higher education, obtaining advanced graduate degrees and moving on to productive professional careers. The author presents the five life stories by dedicating an individual chapter to each young man featured in the book and concludes by synthesizing the consistent themes that are woven throughout the five inspirational life stories.

CHAPTER 1

JOSEPH

DOI: 10.4324/9781003238492-2

Joseph Ideye was a sophomore at a large research university in New England, enjoying his winter holiday break between semesters. He greeted me with an authentic smile as he walked through the door of his university library. Dressed in cargo style jeans, a university sweatshirt, a heavy parka, and a woolen scarf, Joseph was clearly accustomed to the cold winter weather in New England. This young Black gentleman maintained a rugged athletic physique and appeared self-assured and outgoing. We agreed that a private conference room in the library would be ideal for conducting our interviews, and we succeeded in locating a quiet room for our conversations.

My interviews with Joseph took place during a significant time in our country. We were anticipating the first inauguration of Barack Obama. During the presidential campaign, Americans had come to know the complicated biography of their first African American president and were aware of the significance of President Obama’s relationship with his father. I had looked forward to interviewing Joseph because I knew that I would learn so much from him. What I did not realize at that time was that I would later draw comparisons to our president’s early years.

Joseph’s story is that of a multitalented young man with a complex family history. Having overcome difficult family challenges and homelessness during his adolescence, he was now enjoying a more sedate time in his life as he immersed himself in the college experience.

Joseph’s Early Childhood and Elementary School Years

Joseph arrived in the world 3 months premature, an infant tiny enough to be cradled in his father’s hand. He was born in a large urban community in the South to a mother addicted to drugs and a father who worked seriously to acquire help for his troubled wife. Joseph’s father had left Nigeria and come to the United States on a student visa. Having been educated in boarding schools in Nigeria, he was sent to study mathematics at a small private liberal arts college and eventually earned a master’s degree from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock. While on vacation from school, he traveled to a neighboring state, where he met Joseph’s mother. Following a short courtship, the couple married and remained near the bride’s extended family.

When Joseph was born, his mother insisted on naming him Juniper Joseph Ideye. His father later recounted that his mother enjoyed juniper as a fragrance and decided that it would serve as a beautiful name for her child. He explained, “She really liked the name and didn’t care whether I was a boy or girl, dog or cat. She liked the name and that was it.” He continued, “Since my father was from Nigeria, he didn’t see any problems with the name, and no one in the family looked at this as gender-specific.” Later, Joseph resented the teasing he had to endure from his peers on the school playground when they questioned him as to why he had a feminine name. By seventh grade, he insisted on being called Joseph.

The Ideyes’ marriage became troubled, and the couple separated when Joseph was 2 years old. His mother’s drug addiction had worsened, and his father succeeded in acquiring custody of his son. Mr. Ideye and Joseph remained in their urban community. Joseph’s earliest memories of those years included forming strong bonds with a family who lived in the same apartment complex. A single mother with four children became the maternal influence in Joseph’s early childhood. Maria Basurto’s children became “adopted siblings” for Joseph, while Mr. Ideye became the mentoring role model for her children. Joseph explained, “These two single parents supported each other as they shared the parenting roles.” Joseph smiled as he reflected on his relationship with this family. He explained, “I’m still in touch with them. I call them every once in a while, and I’m on Facebook with them. As for Maria, it’s the same connection that one might have with a biological mother.”

Joseph’s pleasant memories of school centered on his first-grade teacher, who worked closely with his father in developing patience with his lively, talkative son who was often scolded for being disruptive. He explained, “She really tried to work with me, often cutting me some slack. I think she liked my dad and understood how much he was juggling as a single parent and how that might have been affecting me.” Coming from Nigeria where education was highly valued, Mr. Ideye became frustrated as he struggled to understand his son’s response to school. Joseph reflected on his father’s view of schooling: “Nigerians look to America as God’s garden of Eden. They see nothing but opportunity, and getting an education in the United States means you return to Nigeria with knowledge.” Fortunately, Joseph’s teachers understood the cultural differences Mr. Ideye was not appreciating and provided guidance to him for working with his son. Joseph described how this scenario continued:

I’ve always been a kid of questions. I asked a thousand and two questions about everything that was going on to make sure I understood. All of my teachers were saying pretty much the same thing. “He’s a very smart. He’s very bright, but at the same time, he’s disruptive and has trouble sitting down.” It was like they loved me, but I drove them crazy at the same time. This pattern of trouble in school lasted all through my elementary school years.

Joseph’s father had difficulty finding employment. Although he had earned a graduate degree in mathematics, without American citizenship he was not able to acquire positions for which he was qualified. To survive financially, he was forced to accept jobs in the dry cleaning industry. Frustrated with the lack of opportunities in the South, he decided to move to New England in search of employment. He and Joseph moved in with extended family members who had immigrated to the United States and were living in a New England suburb. They lived with Joseph’s aunt and uncle for a year before moving to a neighboring city. As a 7-year-old, Joseph’s transition was difficult. “I remember sobbing when we left the Basurtos. My father kept assuring me that things would be okay.” Anxiously, he realized he would live with members of his “actual bloodline family” whom he had never known of prior to the move. He struggled to appreciate his new surroundings: “I didn’t like anything in the North because it wasn’t home. In school I had two strikes against me. I spoke with a Southern accent, and I got teased because I had a girl’s name.”

Living in a Nigerian household involved culture shock for Joseph. He described being exposed to new foods, learning new ways of conducting oneself with elders, and being intrigued with the Nigerian social events in which families wore African attire complete with elaborate and colorful headdresses. He chuckled as he shared his reflections:

It was a whole new culture for me. Everything from consistent bedtime to “This is how we do things in this household.” It was a big change. … They enjoyed brown beans and plantains. I grew up on Popeye’s and Church’s Chicken, and they’d never had that [laughs]. Everything was so different.

Joseph and his father moved to a large urban community as he entered third grade. His father had again acquired work in a dry cleaning establishment and they moved into an apartment of their own. He described his new home: “It was an unsafe neighborhood. You didn’t know your neighbors, so my dad restricted me to be within the fence of the complex we lived in. I never actually ventured off and explored. I was confined to the quarters.” Joseph understood why his father was being protective, and he learned that he needed to return home directly after school, lock the door of the apartment, and complete his homework. As a result of this independence at home, he learned to cook for himself: “I needed to be able to fend for myself until dad got home. My father would leave sandwich meats, and I’d make sandwiches, but that got old, so the first thing I learned to cook was macaroni and cheese.” As a self-sufficient college student, he appreciated that he had developed these skills. He pointed out that Nigerian families maintained expectations for children whereby they were responsible to care for younger siblings and their elders. He indicated, “My father taught me how to do things. In third grade, I was responsible for cleaning up and making sure the apartment was neat. I couldn’t just leave it for Dad. That was my job.”

In fourth grade, a friend of the Ideye family introduced Joseph to her church and invited him to join the African American congregation for Sunday worship services at First Baptist. Joseph made connections with other families who were happy to provide him transportation to and from Sunday services. The church had begun a small private Christian school, and Joseph’s father was happy to enroll his son in this new setting. Although Mr. Ideye was struggling financially, the school administration was willing to negotiate a reduced tuition rate. Joseph indicated he appreciated that the school instituted a school uniform, which served as an important equalizer for low-income students and made his life easier. He thrived in this more intimate environment under the tutelage of Mrs. Wilson, his fourth- and fifth-grade teacher. He described their relationship:

I don’t want to say that she adopted me, but she spent a lot of time investigating what was going on in my life. She’d start conversations with “How are you doing?”, “What’s going on?”, “How’s life?” This was the first time I really connected with one of my teachers. We used to spend a lot of time together talking. She even brought me with her to visit her family in Norfolk, VA. We went to the aquarium, and I got to see the beach. It was really cool. When my father’s hours at work changed, she would come to my house and take me to school.

Joseph became more involved in the church and enjoyed faith-based conversations with other students from the congregation as they negotiated the challenges of early adolescence and attempted to build “a good Christian foundation.” In this setting, he felt comfortable sharing his insights regarding cultural differences between his Nigerian family and what he experienced in his community. When his father faced more financial difficulties, the school administrators decided that they could no longer waive tuition for him, and Joseph was forced to return to the public schools. Fortunately, the local system had established a sixth-grade science and math magnet school, and through the luck of a lottery system, Joseph was able to enroll in this new program. He enjoyed the curricular focus on science and exposure to Japanese language and culture. His first experience with a male teacher also proved to be significant. There, he connected with Paul Gagliano, a young sixth-grade teacher who took a sincere interest in Joseph’s well-being, spent time discussing sports with him, provided guidance in how to negotiate peer relationships, and brought the outside world into his daily curriculum. Mr. Gagliano also selected him for a leading role in a small class play, entitled “We Have Jazz,” about a young man who comes to appreciate music when he learns about rhythm and blues and the history of jazz through Ella Fitzgerald’s story. In this setting, Joseph formed what he called “real trusting friendships” with two other boys—they became a well-known trio in that school and have remained good friends since.

Joseph’s Middle and High School Years

Joseph’s middle school was a student body of 1,200 seventh and eighth graders—organized in several teams with specific faculty members assigned to each team. Joseph described his identity search during this period as a time of figuring out “Who am I, and where do I stand?” He decided he was neither “the ghetto type” and did not want to be associated with that group, nor was he one of the “brainiacs.” He confessed that he saw himself as one of the “cool ones” who did not dedicate enough energy to academics, and he described incidents in which he was disciplined for being disrespectful to teachers and skipping classes. His father was very concerned and wondered if the presence of a new girlfriend in his life was causing his son to rebel. His father’s girlfriend only exacerbated the situation when she talked about “getting his act together,” and his father’s comparisons to his Nigerian “honor roll cousins” did not improve the situation.

A significant teacher intervened and helped to turn things around. Joseph’s team teachers had decided that they wanted him transferred to another team and were considering whether to recommend him to an alternative school in the district. John Hannigan, the team’s English teacher and drama coach, apparently saw Joseph’s potential and insisted that they continue working with him. Mr. Hannigan shared with Joseph how he had gone to bat for him when all others had given up on him. Because Joseph had been disrespectful to Mr. Hannigan, he was stunned and quickly changed his behavior. Joseph described this “a critical turning point in my academic career.” He joined Mr. Hannigan’s drama club and enjoyed working backstage on lighting, props, and scenery. Later he auditioned for a role and appeared in the production playing the part of a fashion model. He laughed when he described the scenario: “I took off my shirt in the middle of the stage and all the girls went crazy!” He admitted that, although his contribution to the play was not significant, his involvement in drama kept him connected to Mr. Hannigan. The relationship with this teacher became more significant when Joseph spent time with him before and after rehearsals, listening to him discuss the challenges that his older teenage sons and daughter faced that were similar to what Joseph was undergoing in middle school. Mr. Hannigan was also a good listener and became an important confidante for Joseph. Joseph received affirmation from other team teachers who recognized his change of attitude and encouraged him to become even more involved in extracurricular activities. He joined the school district’s gospel choir and enjoyed performing with the group. Joseph summarized his middle school experience: “I finally put away my childish side and grew up a bit at that point.”

Family Challenges and Transition to High School

A significant historical event had a serious impact on Joseph’s life toward the end of his middle school years. The attack on the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, had ramifications for Joseph’s father and his immigration status. When Mr. Ideye began scheduling appointments for meetings with the government immigration office, Joseph began asking questions and eventually learned of important details of his parents’ early years as a couple. Serious conversations with his father shed light on the conflict occurring.

Joseph learned that his mother had been involved in drugs early in the marriage. As her addiction became more serious, she became associated with loan sharks and owed them a substantial sum of money. In his attempt to protect his wife, Mr. Ideye questioned the loan sharks as to what he had to do to pay off her debts. He agreed to sell their drugs. When he was caught for drug running, he was incarcerated and charged with a felony. Under immigration law, with a felony charge on his record, he was not able to apply for citizenship or receive a green card. Since that time, he had been waiting for the law to change or to discover a loophole to acquire citizenship. As a result, he struggled to find employment and accepted menial positions in dry cleaning establishments to provide for his son.

Joseph was determined to support his dad. With his father legally restricted from airline travel, Joseph flew to the South in the summer to acquire documents his father would need to prove that he had entered the country legally on his student visa. He spent several weeks reconnecting with his extended family as he pursued several visits to the Office of Vital Statistics and Records in order to obtain official copies of his parents’ birth certificates and marriage license and other documents that would be needed in his father’s court case. Immigration officials were questioning whether or not Mr. Ideye had legally entered the country because no verification of the visa existed. Before leaving for his trip, Joseph had hopes of reconnecting with his mother; however, upon arrival, he discovered that she had been incarcerated.

When these serious issues began to unfold for Mr. Ideye, Joseph needed to learn all he could to better understand his father’s circumstances. That eventful year was a time for serious reflection and soul searching. He explained:

My ninth-grade year was a year of learning my family’s history and attempting to understand where things stood for my father at that time. I had become aware of my father’s troubles and I realized I needed to decide what I would do with my life.

He gained important insights in conversations with his father when he was able to question him about his mother and his parents’ early years of marriage. He explained:

Technically, what he should have done was apply for citizenship immediately after they were married. When I asked him why they had not done that, his response was, “Well, at the time, we were young, and we didn’t think anything was going to happen. We were married and in love. There was no rush.” Then when the felony charge happened, that just messed everything up and prevented him from ever being able to apply for [citizenship]. So he simply tried to make the best out of his situation.

Joseph admired his father and appreciated how hard he worked. He explained, “He definitely tried hard as a father and definitely did the best he could.” He continued, “Although we weren’t always financially stable, he always would do whatever it took to make sure that I had everything I needed, food to eat, clothes to wear, and a place to live.” Joseph admired his father’s internal strength and his calm approach to problem solving: “He always tried to see if he could take different routes. At one point he started taking computer classes in hopes of maybe working at a computer firm as a technician or as a consultant.” He described his father’s optimism: “He may have been frustrated with his immigration status preventing him from moving ahead, but he just kept sayin...