Beyond the Words

How to Conquer Your Fear of Public Speaking and Confidently Present Yourself to the World

Taylor Williams

• Publisher: New Degree Press
• Year: 2021
• ISBN:
  9781637305485
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Communication & Public Speaking

Dry mouth. Sweaty palms. Itchy hives. All eyes are on you, the audience is ready to hang on your every word, but there's just one problem... You. Can't. Speak.

In Beyond the Words, Williams reframes how readers view public speaking, offers solutions to fear-induced anxiety, and refocuses readers on the ultimate goal: human connection. Whether speaking to a full auditorium, a boardroom, or an attractive date across the table, readers are given the tools to find their voice, better present themselves, and effectively communicate and connect with others.

This book is for those asking questions like:

• Are people really interested in what I have to say?
• Are listeners benefiting from my talk? What am I getting in return?
• How can I control my physical response to fear?

Ultimately, readers will find the self confidence needed to build connections through public presentation. Beyond the Words dispels the myth that public speaking is only for professionals, experts, or extroverts, and teaches readers that "public speaking is attainable by all."

1

You’re on Stage Next

Why We Should Redefine Public Speaking

“Share your sparkle.”

– My mom

A couple of times over the last few years, I have been asked to preach a sermon to my beloved spiritual community at my church. As our three ministers take well-deserved breaks, folks from the congregation are asked to step in and help out by preaching. I have a Going to Divinity School fantasy because it’s a magical blend of things I love: spirituality, learning, helping, speaking, and self-introspection. So I guess it makes sense that I’d be really jazzed about getting to speak to our community. The only thing is, despite my desire to go to preaching school, I’m a comedian, not a minister.

When I do improv comedy, I have a team of other improvisers surrounding me; a safety net. And it’s all made up, which allows for experimentation and error. I feel safe and comfortable. But up on the lifted stage in my church, preaching, I felt scared. I felt exposed, partly because it wasn’t improvised—it was instead planned and curated for this specific group that usually hears from brilliant, experienced ministers. That wasn’t me. When I expressed my fears in taking to the pulpit, my friends said, “Oh Taylor, this will be a breeze for you! You’re a storyteller and an improviser and a public speaker and kind of a ham.” Well let me tell you, being a “ham” does not help you preach a dang sermon, and I was utterly and uncharacteristically nervous.

I love public speaking. I love thinking about it and talking about it and helping other people do it. I think about it in my sleep. But in this instance, I lost sleep the night before. Just thinking about preaching made my hands sweat, my chest pound, and my heart beat fast. I kept worrying that I would forget everything I had prepared. Should I memorize it or read from my notes? I wondered how many people would be there and if fewer people or more of a crowd was good. Should I invite people or just do my thing and pretend it never happened?

Maybe you know what this feels like in your own life.

If you can relate, you’re not alone. The fear of public speaking, also known as glossophobia, is ranked amongst the worst phobias for adults. It ranks right up there with the fear of death. (Montopoli, 2017) Puts it in perspective, doesn’t it? The comedian Jerry Seinfeld famously said that means we’d all likely “rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.” (Seinfeld, 1998) It makes the prospects of learning how to be a good public speaker feel pretty grim. I’m willing to bet that some of you might be sweating right now, just reading this.

I have a theory I’d like to share with you. I think the reason we are so terrified of public speaking—and the reason so many of us believe that we are horrific public speakers—is because we are actually defining public speaking in the wrong way. You might think of public speaking as talking to a room full of strangers with a huge PowerPoint presentation behind you. Or maybe making a pitch at a meeting full of colleagues or presenting a project in class in front of all your peers. We’ve been taught that public speaking happens in very limited and defined ways that involve props and notes and a certain audience. We’re also taught throughout life that public speaking will always feel a certain way: terrifying. It’s scary and can lead to public humiliation. You’re either good at it, in some natural, universe-given way, or you’re terrible at it. And if you’re bad at it, as most people believe they are, well then, you’ve failed. What a recipe for disaster and disappointment!

But public speaking is so much bigger and broader than all these things. When we look at public speaking as a means of self-expression and connection with others, we can see that we all engage in some form of public speaking pretty much every day. Think about meeting someone for the first time and having that getting-to-know-you banter. Making small talk at a party, going on a first date, interviewing for a job: all these are forms of “public speaking.” We just need to change our mindset to see it that way.

What makes the stakes feel high in these everyday interactions is that we are simultaneously trying to do two important things. We are trying to maintain confidence around our knowledge of our subject matter (which is sometimes ourselves), while also upholding a level of belief in our authentic self while presenting that to our audience. I understand that can feel like a lot. No wonder public speaking, defined that way, feels daunting. The good news is, there are ways to get more comfortable with both our content and the connections we’re making with others.

When you see a great speaker, how do you know? What draws you to them? What are the markers that set them apart? It’s likely that you feel a connection to what they’re talking about, or you feel connected to the speaker themselves: their charisma, their presentation style, their confidence. An article in Inc. Magazine says, “A great speaker is driven to know his stuff and care about a particular topic. His passion will cause others to be convinced, not just because of his force of reasoning, but also because he is visibly enjoying the beliefs he wants his audience to accept.” (Wyeth, 2014)

I look at beloved speakers like Brené Brown, Simon Sinek, and Michelle Obama. What makes them compelling, dynamic, and relatable? Brené Brown, the speaker, podcast host, and author of Dare to Lead, makes her audience feel like they’re her friends with her willingness to open herself up to others. Simon Sinek, the avid speaker and author of Find Your Why, refers to his audience, talking with them, not at them. He engages with his listeners by asking them questions during his talks. Michelle Obama is powerful and neighborly simultaneously. Her time as a First Lady and an advocate for children’s health gave her quite the stage from which to speak and influence people, and her podcast, aptly named The Michelle Obama Podcast, continues to give us her lovable perspective and style. She’ll shoot straight about how she hates politics, how she sees social activism, and how she loathes menopause all in the same podcast.

What do Brown, Sinek, and Obama all have in common? They are great relaters. They are serving as experts while simultaneously building community and making us, as listeners, feel more whole. Listening to these speakers, and others, inspired me to dive into how we communicate in new ways.

As we move forward, we’re going to break things down to understand our relationship to this big, gnarly fear of public speaking. We’ll work to normalize the grip it has on the vast majority of us. Then we’re going to look at how to improve upon the skills you feel you lack. We’ll look at how public speaking (i.e., you talking and sharing) is actually a gorgeous opportunity for human connection and building community (i.e., listening and understanding). We will become better relaters.

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There will be activities sprinkled throughout the book, some asking you to slow down and look inward. Remember when you were at a high school dance (or maybe the roller-skating rink) and the DJ came over the loudspeaker with a real soothing, deep voice to announce that things were going to slow down to shift the mood? “And now, we’re going to switch it on over to a slow jam.” Right. So, we are going to call these more chill, reflective moments Slow Jams (naturally!). These are moments when you might need to put your phone on silent, meditate, or walk around the block.

Other activities will ask you to take action. In the moments when I want you to put an idea into action and r...