AMED
If Amed cried, Aziz cried too. If Aziz laughed, Amed laughed too. People would make fun of them, saying: āLater on theyāll marry each other.ā
Their grandmotherās name was Shahina. With her bad eyes she always confused them. She would call them her two drops of water in the desert. āStop holding hands,ā she would say, āI feel as if Iām seeing double.ā Or, āSome day, there wonāt be any more drops, there will be water, thatās all.ā She could have said: āOne day there will be blood. Thatās all.ā
Amed and Aziz found their grandparents in the ruins of their house. Their grandmotherās skull had been smashed in by a beam. Their grandfather was lying in his bedroom, his body shredded by the bomb that had come from the side of the mountain where every night the sun disappeared.
It had still been night when the bomb fell. But Shahina had already been up. Her body was found in the kitchen.
āWhat was she doing in the kitchen in the middle of the night?ā asked Amed.
āWeāll never know. Maybe she was baking a cake in secret,ā his mother replied.
āWhy in secret?ā asked Aziz.
āMaybe for a surprise,ā Tamara suggested to her two sons, sweeping the air with her hand as if brushing away a fly.
Their grandmother used to talk to herself. In fact, she had liked to talk to everything around her. The boys had seen her ask questions of the flowers in the garden, argue with the stream that ran between their houses. She could spend hours bent over the water, whispering to it. Zahed had been ashamed to see his mother behave in this way. He had rebuked her for setting a bad example for her grandsons. āYou act like a lunatic,ā heād yelled. Shahina had bowed her head and closed her eyes, in silence.
One day Amed had told his grandmother:
āThereās a voice in my head. It talks to itself. I canāt make it be quiet, it says strange things. As if someone else were hidden inside me, someone bigger than me.ā
āTell me, Amed, tell me the strange things it says to you.ā
āI canāt tell you because I forget them right away.ā
That had been a lie. He did not forget them.
Aziz had been to the big city once. His father, Zahed, rented a car. Hired a chauffeur. They left at dawn. Aziz watched the new landscape file past the car window. Thought the space the car sliced through was beautiful. Thought the trees disappearing from sight beautiful. Thought the cows, horns smeared with red, beautiful, calm as big stones on the burning ground. The road was shaken by joy and anger. Aziz was writhing in pain. And smiling. His gaze drowned the landscape with tears. And the landscape was like the image of a country.
Zahed had said to his wife:
āIām taking him to the hospital in the big city.ā
āI will pray, Amed will prayā was Tamaraās simple reply.
When the driver announced they were finally approaching the city, Aziz fainted and saw nothing of the splendors heād heard about. He regained consciousness lying in a bed. In the room were other beds, with other children in them. He thought he was lying in all those beds. He thought the excessive pain had multiplied his body. He thought he was twisting in pain in all those beds with all those bodies. A doctor was leaning over him. Aziz smelled his spicy perfume. The doctor was smiling at Aziz. Even so, Aziz was afraid of the man.
āDid you sleep well?ā
Aziz said nothing. The doctor straightened up, his smile faded. He talked to Azizās father. Father and doctor exited the big room. Zahedās fists were clenched. He was breathing heavily.
A few days later, Aziz was feeling better. They gave him a thick liquid to drink. He took it morning and night. It was pink. He didnāt like the taste, but it relieved his pain. His father came to see him every day. Said he was staying with his cousin Kacir. That was all he said. Zahed looked at Aziz in silence, touched his brow. His hand was as hard as a branch. Once, Aziz woke with a start. His father was looking at him, sitting on a chair. His gaze frightened Aziz.
A little girl was in the bed next to that of Aziz. Her name was Naliffa. She told Aziz that her heart had not grown properly in her chest.
āMy heart grew upside down, you know, itās pointed the wrong way.ā
She said that to all the other children sleeping in the big hospital room. Naliffa talked to everybody. One night, Aziz screamed in his sleep. Naliffa was frightened. At daybreak, she told him what sheād seen.
āYour eyes went white like balls of dough, you stood up on your bed, and you waved your arms. I thought you were trying to scare me. I called to you. But your mind was no longer in your head. It had disappeared I donāt know where. The nurses came. They put a screen around your bed.ā
āI had a nightmare.ā
āWhy are there nightmares? Do you know?ā
āI donāt know, Naliffa. Mama often says, āGod only knows.āā
āMama says the same thing: āGod only knows.ā She also says, āItās been that way since the dawn of time.ā The dawn of time, Mama told me, is the first night of the world. It was so dark that the first ray of sunlight that broke through the night howled in pain.ā
āMore likely it was the night that howled as it was being pierced.ā
āMaybe,ā said Naliffa, āmaybe.ā
A few days later, Zahed asked Aziz about the little girl who had been in the next bed. Aziz replied that her mother had come to get her because she was cured. His father lowered his head. He said nothing. After a long while, he raised his head again. He still didnāt say anything. Then he bent over his son. He placed a kiss on his brow. It was the first time heād done that. Aziz had tears in his eyes. His father murmured, āTomorrow, weāre going home too.ā
Aziz left with his father and the same driver. He watched the road fly past in the rearview mirror. His father was creating a strange silence, smoking in the car. He had brought dates and a cake. Before arriving at the house, Aziz asked his father if he was all better.
āYou wonāt go back to the hospital again! Our prayers have been answered.ā
Zahed placed his big hand on his sonās head. Aziz was happy. Three days later the bomb from the other side of the mountain split the night and killed his grandparents.
On the day Zahed and Aziz came back from the big city, Tamara received a letter from her sister, Dalimah. She had gone to America some years earlier for an internship in data processing. She had been selected from a hundred candidates, quite an achievement. But sheād never come back. Dalimah wrote regularly to her sister even though Tamara rarely replied. In the letters she described her life. There was no war over there, that was what made her so happy. And so daring. She offered to send money but Tamara curtly refused her help.
In her letter, Dalimah announced that she was pregnant. Her first child. She asked Tamara to come over with the twins. She would find a way to bring them to America. She let it be understood that Tamara should abandon Zahed. Leave him alone with his war and his groves of orange trees.
āHow sheās changed in a few years!ā
There were days when Tamara hated her sister. She was mad at her: how could she expect Tamara to leave her husband? She wouldnāt leave Zahed. No. And she would fight too, even if Dalimah wrote that their war was pointless, that there would only be losers.
Zahed had stopped asking for news about her long ago. For him, Dalimah was dead. He wouldnāt even touch her letters. āI donāt want to be soiled,ā he would say, disgusted. Dalimahās husband was an engineer. Dalimah never mentioned him in her letters. She knew that in her familyās eyes he was a hypocrite and a coward. Like the bomb, heād come from the other side of the mountain. He was an enemy. Heād fled to America. To gain acceptance there he had recounted horrors and lies about their people. That was what Tamara and Zahed believed. Had Dalimah not found anything better to do when she arrived there than to marry an enemy? How could she? āIt was God who put him in my way,ā she had written to them one day. āSheās an idiot,ā thought Tamara. āAmerica has clouded her judgment. What is she waiting for? For us all to be slaughtered by her husbandās friends? What did she think when she married him? That she was going to contribute to the peace process? Basically, she has always been selfish. Why bother telling her about our hardships? Who knows? Her husband might be thrilled.ā
Later, in a brief reply to her sister, Tamara said nothing about Aziz having been in the hospital. Or about the bomb that had just killed her parents-in-law.
Men pulled up in a jeep. Amed and Aziz caught sight of a cloud of dust on the road that ran close to their house. The family was in the orange grove. That was where Zahed had wanted to bury his parents. He had just thrown in the last spadeful of earth. His forehead and arms were wet with sweat. Tamara was crying and biting the inside of her cheek. The jeep stopped on the side of the road. Three men emerged from it. The tallest held a machine gun. They did not head for the orange grove immediately. They lit cigarettes. Amed dropped his brotherās hand and went to the road. He wanted to hear what the three men were saying. He couldnāt. They were speaking too quietly. The youngest of the three finally took a few steps towards him. Amed recognized Halim. Heād grown a lot.
āRemember me? Iām Halim....