Being and Relating in Psychotherapy

Ontology and Therapeutic Practice

Christine Driver, Stephen Crawford

• Publisher: Bloomsbury Academic
• Year: 2013
• Print ISBN:
  9780230282469
• Edition: 1
• eBook ISBN:
  9781350305991
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: Psychotherapy
• Index: Psychology

Clients who seek therapy often feel they are struggling with their whole being: their emotional, physical, relational and social selves. Understanding this is crucial to developing a successful therapeutic relationship.

Using psychodynamic, psychoanalytic and existential ideas, this book explores topics fundamental to human living, such as love, generosity, shame, mortality and spirituality. It considers how these states of being can affect clients' lives and the important role they play in the relationship between the therapist and the client. Combining theory with clinical experience and practice, it provides trainee and practising therapists with a thought-provoking perspective that broadens and enriches thinking, reflection and understanding of their work.

Drawing on original thought from a range of theorists including Bion, Buber, Freud, Heidegger, Irigaray, Jung, Klein and Winnicott, this book is an important contribution for students and practitioners in the fields of counselling and psychotherapy.

Part I

The Therapeutic Relationship

The centrality of relationship in therapeutic work is one that is firmly accepted within all therapeutic endeavours in spite of the different theoretical perspectives that have developed over the past hundred years or more. Whatever theories we use, it is the encounter with the other and the emotional states that they present us with and evoke in us which are both the challenge and resource of our therapeutic encounters. This book has emerged from thinking and discussion about these issues, the importance of ontology, ‘being’ in its broadest sense, and the need to consider this in our therapeutic work.

The first chapter by Christine Driver sets the scene and introduces the reader to the importance of the question of ‘being’ and consideration of the other in the therapeutic relationship. In Chapter 2, Michael Elfred goes on to provide an overview of theories and ideas about the therapeutic relationship and gives his own thoughts and views as to its healing nature. In Chapter 3, Meg Errington explores the dynamics of ‘speaking’ and ‘not speaking’ in what has been called the ‘talking cure’, and in Chapter 4, Stephen Gross engages with Buber’s (1937) exploration of the I-Thou and the I-It to consider the therapeutic relationship further.

The book is aimed at practising psychotherapists and clinicians, and we hope it will provide a thought provoking and challenging perspective that broadens and enriches thinking, reflection and understanding in our work with our clients.

Reference

Buber, M. (1937) I and Thou. (Edinburgh: T & T Clark). 1970.

1

Ontology and the Therapeutic Relationship

Christine Driver

Introduction

In the Musée de Cluny (Museum of the Medieval Age) in Paris there is a set of six beautiful medieval tapestries known as the Lady and the Unicorn in which images of the senses are symbolically represented through the Lady and the Unicorn motifs and other symbols that expand the imagery within each tapestry. The five senses depicted are taste, smell, hearing, touch and sight, with a final tapestry called the Mon Seul Désir (My Only Desire), which Elizabeth Delahaye (2007) proposes could be considered as a sixth sense closest to the soul or spiritual world (44). These images emerged from the medieval ‘hierarchy of senses’ which moved from the most material (touch) to the most spiritual, Mon Seul Désir (Delahaye, 2007), and although now we would find the significance of the senses a somewhat simplistic perspective on the nature of ‘being’ they nevertheless form part of who and what we are.

Today the senses are just one of many perspectives that have been explored in the search to uncover the mystery of what it is to be human. Within the fields of psychology, psychoanalysis and psychotherapy, from the mid-nineteenth century onwards, practitioners and theorists have developed theories of mind and theories about the unconscious and have debated the interplay of nature and nurture. From their conceptualisations and observations theories and techniques have grown and developed about the therapeutic relationship and clinical practice. In fact the therapeutic world has been very diligent in developing epistemologies and metapsychologies about the internal world and the psyche and their application within therapeutic practice.

But, however much we engage in the debates about therapeutic practice, what emerges is the underlying importance of the therapeutic relationship. The dynamics of relation and relationship form the foundation of being, and as Buber (1937) states, ‘the child gains his world by seeing, listening, feeling and forming. It is in encounter that the creation reveals its formhood; it does not pour itself into senses that are waiting but deigns to meet those that are reaching out’ (77). Entering into a therapeutic relationship is a form of reaching out and is the stepping into an encounter in which the intricacies of the mind and the internal world of one (the client) are explored through reflections with the other (the therapist); a relationship in which the therapist makes use of herself or himself to enable the other, the client, to understand themselves. If we accept the premise that in therapeutic work the therapeutic relationship is vital then it is crucial to consider the client’s and also the therapist’s state of being and examine theories of being, or ontology, in relation to the client and the therapist within the therapeutic encounter.

Ontology and Being

Ontology, as defined in the Encyclopaedia Britannica (2005), is ‘the theory or study of being ... i.e., of the basic characteristics of all reality’ and existence. Heidegger (1953) gave it a central place in his work and commented that we have forgotten the question of being which concerned philosophers from Plato onwards. Heidegger revisits what he calls this forgotten struggle with the issues of being and ‘being in the world’ (113–130) and through complex arguments considers the ongoingness of being, that is, being over time as well as the concept of existence. Barrett (1978) comments that for Heidegger ‘the whole nature of our being is time-saturated. ... We begin our existence as a task, in the sense of something imposed upon us which we then take upon ourselves. Human existence is ongoing’ (63), and so the realities of the struggles of life, including anxieties around death, are essential parts of being human.

But, as Heidegger (1953) argues in Being and Time, ‘being is always the “being of being”’ (8), that is, we have to consider the totality of being and the domains in which being is both experienced and expressed. Magee (1978) comments that Heidegger ‘begins his investigations with an analysis of that mode of existence of which we have the most direct and immediate experience, namely our own’ (60) and that Heidegger’s book Being and Time ‘consists of a painstaking analysis of conscious self-awareness, our immediate knowledge of our own existence at its most elementary’ (60). Barrett (1978) refers to the way that Heidegger saw ‘man as essentially an open and ongoing creature ... always involved in the task of creating ourselves’ (64), and this perspective relates to another key aspect of being which Heidegger (1953) explores in detail and calls ‘Dasein’ (being there/existence) (41–15). By this he means the way in which being and ‘Dasein initially finds “itself” in what it does, needs, expects, has charge of ... in the surrounding world’ (116) and ‘is always pressing into new possibilities’ so that our ‘activity is directed towards a ‘towards-which’ and orientated towards the future’ (Dreyfus, 1988: 265).

In Heidegger’s view ontology (being-ness) preceded epistemology (knowing-ness) (McCoy Brooks, 2011: 494); however, from the point of view of the therapeutic relationship, we cannot separate the two in that we are aiming to know and make conscious the unconscious and the unknown but are inevitably caught up with the being-ness of the other. The interaction between being-ness and knowing-ness is dynamic and in Heidegger’s view meaning is disclosed through a process ‘of openness to being’ (McCoy Brooks, 2011: 508). Heidegger’s view differs, as McCoy Brooks points out, to that of Jung’s in which Jung focused on a priori meaning but the important point here is that meaning emerges through an understanding of being. There is a danger of getting stuck in an argument as to whether meaning, or indeed the self, is inherent or socially constructed. What is more useful to examine is the impact and repercussions of the various states of being which we embody and which we encounter with the other in relationship.

Being is, therefore, a dynamic that is intrinsic and influences us all and, as therapists, if we are to understand the other, the client, in a therapeutic endeavour then awareness of our engagement with the dimensions of being is important. Such ideas go beyond theories of mind and require us to confront and consider theories of being in the vast and rich tapestry that being is. Being contains the elements of our physical, emotional, rational, irrational, nurturing, sexual, relational, thinking, creative, social and spiritual selves and the possibilities and potential contained within these, and many other, aspects of life.

The Therapeutic Relationship

In this book we will not be pursuing the depths of Heidegger’s (1953) philosophical arguments about ontology, but what Heidegger identified is that ontology, the study of being, is vital in considering ‘being in the world’ (52–62) and being with others and that the concept of ‘being of being’ (8) is a crucial perspective in considering what it is to be human. As Colman (2008) points out, ‘the totality of our being is made up of the totality of our action in the world’ (355). Our senses, as the medieval tapestries depict, are part of our being but if we take the concept of the ‘being of being’ to its broadest meaning it is clear that it must be the sum of many parts; parts which include our physical, emotional, affective and relational selves and our states of mind as well as our realities and limitations. Within the therapeutic relationship we, as therapists, need to aim to understand the broader warp and weft of the internal world of the other as well as the intricacies of the individual’s patterns of relating. Our being is, therefore, a complex set of interacting phenomena combining the internal world and the structures of mind which we have developed: our senses, our capacity to relate and our capacity to be emotional and affect laden within ourselves and in relation to others. These human capacities and ways in which we inhabit our ‘being of being’ are expressed through emotion, relationship, creativity, spirituality, our senses and through our whole being.

When therapist and client meet in the consulting room or whenever two people meet they encounter, consciously and unconsciously, the being of the other or, as Heidegger would suggest, the ‘being of being’ of the other in a way in which both are affected. Jung comments:

for two personalities to meet is like mixing two different chemical substances: if there is any combination at all, both are transformed. In any effective psychological treatment the doctor is bound to influence the patient; but this influence can only take place if the patient has a reciprocal influence on the doctor. (Jung, 1929: para163)

He later states that ‘a person is a psychic system which, when it affects another person, enters into reciprocal reaction with another psychic system’ (Jung, 1935: para 1). In such a relationship the therapist needs to engage with and understand the ‘being of being’ of the other in order to gain as full a sense of the other, the client, as possible and enable a shift from ‘being’ to ‘knowing’ (Colman, 2008: 361) and ultimately understanding.

Laing identifies ontology, and the work of Heidegger, as significant in his book The Divided Self (Laing, 1960). He considers the importance of ‘ontological security and ontological insecurity’ (39); in other words, the security and insecurity of being in relation to tackling the ‘hazards of life’ in terms of the ‘social, ethical, spiritual and biological’ (39). WPF Therapy (formerly the Westminster Pastoral Foundation), also recognised ontology, the study of being and the ‘mystery of what it is to be a human being’ (Black, 1991: 96), as important in the training of counsellors and psychotherapists. Such a perspective requires the therapist to be willing to develop a depth of understanding of the attributes of being that, in many ways, go beyond the theories of the internal world or psyche. The challenge is to look in greater detail at what being means at an individual, relational, social and cultural level, to consider what shapes people’s lives, what is meaningful to them and gives life meaning, and what enables the development of what has become known as self-reflexive consciousness of the ‘kind that is specific to human beings and consists of being aware of being aware’ (Colman, 2008: 351).

Introduction to This Book

What this book explores is how being and relating are inextricably linked and how the being that we are is expressed and known through our interaction with others. This book emerges from the authors’ interest in ontology and the way that it has informed and influenced their therapeutic work as well as from a desire to explore what is meant by the ‘being of being’. The topics focus on what we have considered to be important aspects of being and ones that are essential to consider within the therapeutic encounter with the totality of the being of another.

The book begins with a consideration of the therapeutic relationship including an exploration of speaking and not speaking as well as engaging with Buber’s (1937) exploration of the I-Thou and I-It and the therapeutic relationship. It goes on to explore aspects of being such as, generosity, love, shame, loneliness, life and death, and in the final section considers the self, diversity, sexuality, creativity, religion and values and the role and importance of rites of passage. The authors’ perspectives emerge from their own ‘being of being’ and reflect their own views and a range of theoretical perspectives.

Conclusion

This book is not about answers but about important questions in relation to what being and relating are and how being is expressed within the therapeutic encounter and needs to be resourcefully engaged with in order to fully understand the other. This goes beyond the therapist’s willingness to engage in a process of understanding the client via the transference and countertransference and unconscious communication, as it involves a willingness to hold the ‘big picture’ alongside the detailed intricacies of intra-personal and inter-personal relating. Therapy in its deepest sense is about working with, and understanding, the breadth of human experience (conscious, unconscious, personal, social and cultural) and working with the other in helping them come to terms with, understand and express themselves more fully and develop their ability to relate to their own being.

What this book aims to consider is the ‘states of being’ that we encounter within ourselves and within others and to reflect on them in relation to the broader consideration of being. The authors explore a range of perspectives and theories about how various ‘states of being’ affect the individual and consider their importance within the therapeutic relationship.

It is not possible in any one book to cover every aspect of being, as that would be like trying to convey the universe on a grain of sand. We are aiming to hold a lens to aspects of being to try to convey the complexity and importance of the ways in which our ‘being of being’ is experienced and expressed. The hope is that this book, and the ideas within it, will broaden the understanding of being and of being human and place the study of being, ontology, in a more central place within therapeutic work and therapeutic understanding.

References

Barrett, W. (1978) ‘Heidegger and Modern Existentialism’ in Magee, B. (ed.) Men of Ideas. Some Creators of Contemporary Philosophy. (Oxford and New York: Oxford University Press).

Black, D. M. (1991) A Place for Exploration. (London: The Westminster Pastoral Foundation).

Buber, M. (1937) I and Thou. (Edinburgh: T & T Clark). 1970.

Colman, W. (2008) ‘On being, knowing and having a self’, The Journal of Analytical Psychology, 53, (3), 351–66.

Delahaye, E. (2007) The Lady and the Unicorn. (Paris: R é union des Mus é es Nationaux).

Dreyfus H. (1988) ‘Husserl, Heidegger and Modern Existentialism’ in Magee, B. (ed.) The Great Philosophers. (Oxford and New York: Oxford University Press).

Encyclopaedia Britannica (2005) Encyclopaedia Britannic 2005 Ultimate Reference Suite (Browse), DVD. (London: Encyclopedia Britannica (UK) Ltd).

Heidegger, M. (1953) Being and Time. Stambaugh, J. (trans.) (Albany: State University of New York Press). 2010.

Jung, C. G. (1929) ‘Problems of Modern Psychotherapy’ in The Practice of Psychotherapy, CW 16. (London and Henley: Routledge & Kegan Paul). 1981.

Jung, C. G. (1935) ‘Principles of Practical Psychotherapy’ in The Practice of Psychotherapy, CW 16. (London and Henley: Routledge & Kegan P...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title
• Copyright
• Contents
• Acknowledgements
• Notes on Contributors
• Editor’s Note
• Part 1: The Therapeutic Relationship
• Part 2: The Personal and Interpersonal
• Part 3: The Personal, Social and Cultural
• Index