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spring![]()
your bottom lip sweet with red bull
the pale crease of your collarbone
lengthening in half-light
i pour these memories into paper
as best as i can
& gather you in my arms
to drink each freckle
before we sleep deep in that dark
where my shame sits
in the corner
like my father did
when i was thin as a melon rind with the chemo
learning that the body
is warm milk
& i couldn’t sleep
without knowing he was there
just like i can’t sleep now
watching my breath shake
each hair
on your neck
~
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pain spreads / like piss
pushing through / the creases /
of your jeans / like a moment
remembered / like an idea /
stiffening into clarity
~
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one of us is always appearing
to the other
in a scribbled haze of cigarette smoke
used pill-packets spread
like sunlight over the sofa
5mg of diazepam flickering
through my body like rain
in your hand
a bloody scrap of tissue
like a burst party balloon
as you fall asleep on the toilet
the calendar on my phone empties itself
& i tell you it’s getting better
but maybe that’s just something
people like us say
to stop things falling apart
how we drag ourselves
from week to week
& the world carries the beautiful
like the room carries the light
from the window
~
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~
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the toilet paper tears in your fist
a curl of blood threads
down the side of the basin
& i can hear your heart straining
from the other side of the door
sat amidst the darkness & lint
the corpses of spiders stiffened inwards
like tiny fists
& the only light is cast
through the gaps in the doorframe
fine lines of gold gouged into the floor
as you wait for this flare to blur
you picture the beautiful
all over the world
skin glistening
in the bath as they shave themselves
to a vapour
leafing glossy magazines
& filling prayers
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with a thankfulness pitched
against the horror of lives like ours
the skirting boards choked with dust
the late-night tv
preaching its call for wholeness
from the empty lounge
in a minute you’ll pull your fingers
from the pockets of your gown
& rest your weight against my arm
& we’ll shuffle our way to bed
one step at a time
~
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~
2323__perlego__chapter...
