Skilled Interpersonal Communication

Research, Theory and Practice

Owen Hargie

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2021
• ISBN:
  9781000474657
• Edition: 7
• Topic: Psychologie
• Subtopic: Relations interpersonnelles en psychologie

Established as the foremost textbook on communication, the seventh edition of Owen Hargie's Skilled Interpersonal Communication is thoroughly revised and updated with the latest research findings, theoretical developments and applications.

The contribution of skilled interpersonal communication to success in both personal and professional contexts is now widely recognised and extensively researched. People have a deep-seated and universal need to interact with others, and the greater their communicative ability the more satisfying and rewarding will be their lives. The main focus of this book is on the identification, analysis and evaluation of the core skills needed in these interactions. The first two chapters provide details of the nature of interpersonal communication and socially skilled performance, respectively, with a review of the main theoretical perspectives pertaining to each. The book then offers detailed accounts of the fourteen main skill areas: nonverbal communication, reinforcement, questioning, reflecting, listening, explaining, self-disclosure, set induction, closure, assertiveness, influencing, negotiating and interacting in and leading group discussions. The book concludes with a discussion on the ethical issues in interpersonal communication. This new edition also features an extended section on groupthink and analyses the impact of the coronavirus pandemic on aspects such as greeting patterns and the effectiveness of Project Fear by the UK government to secure citizen compliance.

Written by one of the foremost international experts in the field, this is essential reading for students of interpersonal communication in general and to qualified personnel and trainees in many fields.

Chapter 1

The features of interpersonal communication

DOI: 10.4324/9781003182269-1

The importance of being a skilled communicator

HUMANS HAVE A FUNDAMENTAL, powerful and universal drive to interact with one other. Social interaction is an essential nutrient that feeds and sustains personal growth and existence. It is intrinsic to our health and happiness. As expressed by Afifi and Guerrero (2000, p. 170): ‘There is a long history of research establishing the importance that individuals place on connectedness … individuals’ needs for initiating, developing and maintaining social ties, especially close ones, is reflected in a litany of studies and a host of theories’. The mere presence of another has been shown to be arousing and motivating, and this in turn influences our behaviour – a process termed compresence (Burgoon et al., 1996). We behave differently in company than when alone. This is a result of the social facilitation effect, whereby the fact that another person is there changes our behaviour and tends to make us more prosocial (Cañigueral and Hamilton, 2019). When we meet others, we are ‘onstage’ and so give a performance that differs from how we behave ‘offstage’. We also enjoy interacting, and indeed the act of engaging in facilitative interpersonal communication can contribute to positive changes in emotional state (Preckel et al., 2018). While our dealings with other people can sometimes be problematic or even contentious, we also seek, relish and obtain great reward from social interaction. Conversely, if we are unable to engage meaningfully with others or are ostracised by them, the result is often loneliness, stress, unhappiness and depression (Segrin, 2019).

This was brought into sharp relief during the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, when in most countries across the world many people had to self-isolate at home; everyone was told to stay at least 2 metres (over 6 feet) away from others; most retail outlets, schools and universities were closed; and for the vast majority of the population, working from home became the norm. As will be discussed in Chapter 12, people accepted these strange conditions of life because they were petrified of the virus following fear-inducing government campaigns. But this unusual style of life caused emotional anguish for many. For example, because of social isolation regulations, grandparents were unable to be close to, touch or hug their grandchildren. This caused them immense pain. Seeing the children through a window or via mediated formats was a very pale imitation of real social interaction. A friend of mine said to me at one point, ‘We talk to our grandchildren regularly on social media, but it is just not the same. We can’t physically play with them or hold them. It is so frustrating. I am worried that we are losing touch with them’. His use of the term ‘losing touch’ was interesting, since it had resonance both literally and metaphorically. In what Daley (2020, p. 16), described as ‘this social experiment’ the entire population was forced to behave in ‘ways that were once manifested only by people with pathological conditions like agoraphobia or extreme anxiety about personal contact’. This could have effects upon the long-term psychological well-being of some people.

The seemingly innate need for relationships with others has been termed sociation (Wolff, 1950). As Ryff and Singer (2000, p. 31) put it: ‘Across time and settings, people everywhere have subscribed to the view that close, meaningful ties to others is an essential feature of what it means to be fully human’. In other words, individuals need to commune with others. Three core types of psychological need have been identified – competence, relatedness and autonomy – and the satisfaction of all three results in optimal well-being (Ryan and Deci, 2017). The competence need comprises a wish to feel confident and effective in carrying out actions in order to achieve one’s goals. The relatedness need reflects a desire to have close connections and positive relationships with significant others. The autonomy need involves wanting to feel in control of one’s own destiny, rather than being directed by others. As shown by Uysal (2020, p. 123), ‘Decades of research consistently shows that satisfaction of these needs are essential for well-being in a broad range of contexts, and when these needs are frustrated negative outcomes follow’.

In order to satisfy all three needs, it is necessary to have an effective repertoire of interpersonal skills (Greene, 2021). In their review of the area, Spitzberg and Cupach (2011, p. 481) pointed out that, ‘Social and interpersonal skills are the means through which all human relationships are initiated, negotiated, maintained, transformed, and dissolved’. These skills have always been important. Our early ancestors who lived in groups were more likely to survive and thrive than those who lived alone, and so the skills involved in developing and maintaining social bonds assumed a central role in human evolution (Leary, 1996). Thus, Forgas and Williams (2001, p. 7) noted that: ‘Homo sapiens is a highly sociable species … our impressive record of achievements owes a great deal to the highly elaborate strategies we have developed for getting along with each other and coordinating our interpersonal behaviors.’ Indeed, Levinson (2006) argued that the human mind is specifically adapted to enable us to engage in social interaction and that we could therefore be more accurately referred to as homo interagens.

Another part of the reason for sociation is that: ‘The essence of communication is the formation and expression of an identity. The construction of the self is not an independent event generated by an autonomous actor. Rather, the self emerges through social interaction’ (Coover and Murphy, 2000, p. 125). This interpersonal being aspect of the self shapes our sense of who we are (Bernstein and Elizabeth, 2018). In other words, we become the people we are as a result of our interchanges with others (this issue is explored in detail in Chapter 9). Furthermore, since communication is a pre-requisite for learning, without the capacity for sophisticated methods and channels for sharing knowledge, both within and between generations, our advanced human civilisation would simply not exist. Communication therefore represents the very essence of the human condition. Indeed, one of the harshest punishments available within most penal systems is that of solitary confinement – the removal of any possibility of interpersonal contact.

Thus, people have a deep-seated need to communicate, and the greater their ability in this regard, the more satisfying and rewarding will be their existence. Research has shown that those with higher levels of interpersonal skill have many advantages in life (Lievens and Sackett, 2012; Segrin, 2016; Sims, 2017). They cope more readily with stress; adapt and adjust better to major life transitions; have higher self-efficacy in social situations; have greater satisfaction in their close personal relationships; have more friends; and are less likely to suffer from depression, loneliness or anxiety. Those with a larger repertoire of interpersonal skills are sensitive to the needs of those with whom they interact, and this in turn leads to them being liked by others, who will seek out their company. By contrast, the social skills deficit hypothesis purports that those who lack adequate social skills are more vulnerable to depression because of their inability to foster positive interpersonal experiences and avoid negative social experiences (Segrin et al., 2016).

In a review of research, Segrin (2000) concluded that interactive skills have a ‘prophylactic effect’ in that socially competent people are resilient to the ill effects of life crises, whereas individuals with poor skills experience a worsening of psychosocial problems when faced with stressors in life. As summarised by Segrin and Taylor (2007, p. 645) ‘human beings seek and desire quality interpersonal relationships and experiences. Social skills appear to be an important mechanism for acquiring such relationships, and where they are experienced, obvious signs of positive psychological states are abundantly evident’. Many of the benefits here are, of course, interrelated, and so it is probable that the network of friendships developed by skilled individuals helps to buffer and support them in times of personal trauma. Those with high levels of skill also act as positive communication role models for others, and so they are more likely to be effective parents, colleagues or managers.

There are other tangible rewards to be gained from developing an effective interpersonal skill repertoire. These begin from an early age, since children who develop good interactive skills perform better academically (Rhoades et al., 2011; Whitted, 2011). Skilled children know how to communicate effectively with the teacher and so are more likely to receive help and attention in the classroom. Their interactive flair also enables them to develop peer friendships and thereby make school a more enjoyable experience. The benefits then continue in many walks of life after school. For example, Epstein et al. (2013) found that in romantic relationships the perceived effectiveness of the communication skills of one’s partner is the best predictor of self-reported satisfaction with the relationship.

There are considerable advantages to be gained from good communication in the business sphere (Robbins and Judge, 2017), and effective managers have been shown to have a strong repertoire of interpersonal skills (Bedwell et al., 2014; Clampitt, 2017). In his review of research, Deming (2017) has shown that the labour market places a high value upon, and rewards, social skills. Likewise, in their research into entry into the elite professions, Ashley et al. (2015, p. 6) found that ‘elite firms define “talent” according to a number of factors such as drive, resilience, strong communication skills and above all confidence and “polish” ’. Individuals also need to pay attention to their social capital, which refers to the benefits that accrue from being socially skilled: fostering a large network of conducive and committed relationships characterised by goodwill, trust and reciprocity; forging commitments; and developing a good social reputation (Andreas, 2018; Sözbilir, 2018).

The relationship between social capital and interpersonal skill has been compared to that between resource stock and resource flow in organisations, in that social capital can be regarded as an accumulated asset, while interpersonal skill is one of the key factors that determine the value of this asset (Baron and Markman, 2000). Entrepreneurs who are highly socially skilled have advantages in a range of areas, such as obtaining funding, attracting quality employees, maintaining good relationships with co-founders of the business and producing better results from customers and suppliers (Hitt et al., 2011). Not surprisingly, therefore, skilled communicators have been shown to be upwardly mobile and more likely to receive pay raises and gain promotions (Burleson, 2007).

In the scientific sphere, Farrell et al. (2021, p. 39) found that macrosystems science research, which involves the participation of a large team of scientists, ‘requires researchers to hone both technical and interpersonal skills’. Their investigation concluded that more attention needs to be paid to the development of interpersonal skills in the training of scientists, as this has been an area that has traditionally been neglected. In health care, the importance for professionals of having a ‘good bedside manner’ has long been realised. In 400 BC, Hippocrates noted how the patient ‘may recover his health simply through his contentment with the goodness of the physician’. In recent years, this belief in the power of communication to contribute to the healing process has been borne out by research (Arnold and Boggs, 2020). Di Blasi et al. (2001) carried out a systematic review of studies in Europe, the United States and Canada that investigated the effects of doctor–patient relationships. They found that practitioner interpersonal skills made a significant difference to patient well-being. Physicians with good interpersonal skills, who formed a warm, friendly relationship with their patients and provided reassurance, were more effective in terms of patient well-being than those who kept consultations impersonal or formal. Be...