Introverts in the Church

Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture

Adam S. McHugh

• Publisher: IVP
• Year: 2017
• ISBN:
  9780830889273
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Religion

Introverts have gifts for the church and the world. But many churches tend to be extroverted places where introverts are marginalized. Some Christians end up feeling like it's not as faithful to be an introvert.Adam McHugh shows how introverts can live and minister in ways consistent with their personalities. He explains how introverts and extroverts process information and approach relationships differently and how introverts can practice Christian spirituality in ways that fit who they are. With practical illustrations from church and parachurch contexts, McHugh offers ways for introverts to serve, lead, worship, and even evangelize effectively.Introverts in the Church is essential reading for any introvert who has ever felt out of place, as well as for church leaders who want to make their churches more welcoming to introverts. This expanded edition has been revised throughout and includes new research on the neuroscience of introversion and material for parenting and encouraging introverted youth. Discover God's call and empowerment to thrive as an introvert, for the sake of the church and kingdom.

the extroverted church

“The extrovert God of John 3:16 does not beget an introvert people.”

RICHARD HALVERSON, THE TIMELESSNESS OF JESUS CHRIST

ALLOW ME to begin by painting you a picture of someone who would be held up as the ideal of faithfulness in many Christian communities. Imagine a person who is highly sociable and gregarious, someone who is expressive and enthusiastic and transparent, with overt passion and a broad smile, a person who shares her faith easily, who assumes leadership responsibilities and meets new people quickly, someone who participates in a wide variety of activities and groups, and a person who eagerly invites people into her home.

Such a person would likely be praised as the perfect Christian, the very epitome of faith, disciple of disciples, someone who truly gets what it means to follow Jesus. Churches would have a bidding war over her. Such a believer would be a beautifully faithful person; however, such a believer would also be an extremely extroverted person.

In a 2004 psychological study, students at a Christian college were asked to rate the person of Jesus according to the categories of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. In most categories the students were divided, and they predictably showed a tendency to cast Jesus in their own image. But there were two categories in which students definitively came down on one side. In the thinking-feeling category, 87 percent of the students rated Jesus as a feeler; however, 83 percent of the students also identified themselves as feelers. The truly revealing results, though, were found in the extrovert-introvert category. Although more than half (54 percent) of these students tested as introverts, almost all of the students surveyed (97 percent) said that Jesus was an extrovert.

Extroverts and introverts alike overwhelmingly considered Jesus to be an extrovert. This is surprising because the biblical evidence of Jesus’ personality is not so clear-cut. Our red-letter Bibles may tempt us to focus on his words and overlook the nonverbal aspects of his ministry.

Though he regularly teaches throngs of people, we also see him at critical times retreating from the crowds to pray in solitude and to spend time with his closest friends. He commandeers boats in order to create distance from the urgent energy of crowds. He seems to prefer depth of relationship and conversation with a select few. While it is impossible to know for certain, Jesus’ personality actually seems balanced between extroversion and introversion. How then does 97 percent of a focus group categorize Jesus as an extrovert? The psychology professor administering this study ventured an explanation and described its impact on introverts:

The perception of an extroverted Jesus might reflect a tendency within American culture to value extroversion over introversion. If one assumes extroversion to be better, one might conclude that Jesus, the perfect human being, would have been an extrovert. . . . Making an assumption that Jesus was extroverted based on a cultural bias might make it difficult for introverts in such a culture to accept and affirm their own behavioral preference as legitimate and valuable; not something to be overcome or even tolerated, but something to be appreciated and blessed. Such an assumption might also make it easier for extroverts to overlook the strengths of introversion and the benefits introverts bring to their interactions with others.1

If human perfection, epitomized in the person of Jesus, includes extroversion, then a large number of the population will always and irredeemably fall short. This adds a theological component to the already-prevailing cultural prejudice that extroversion is the superior temperament. In mainstream American culture (in schools, corporations, and social institutions), those who are talkative, outgoing, energetic, and assertive have a decided advantage. Susan Cain calls this the “Extrovert Ideal—the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight.”2 Marti Olsen Laney, who wrote The Introvert Advantage, says that “we live in a culture that caters to and extols extroverts. We definitely learn that extroversion is the way we should be.”3 She quotes David Myers, the author of The Pursuit of Happiness, who asserts that there are three essential ingredients in the recipe for happiness: self-esteem, optimism, and extroversion.4 He finds that, on the whole, extroverts are happier than introverts, which I suspect has something to do with their esteemed social position, in the same way that good looking people are happier. People who enjoy reflection and solitude, and listen more than they speak, are often viewed as enigmatic, antisocial, passive, and even less desirable as friends and partners. Because of this bias, Jonathan Rauch, writer for the Atlantic, once dramatically blurted that introverts are “among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.”5

For decades psychologists and sociologists have cited findings that introverts make up a quarter of the general population, so they assumed that the struggles of introverts derived from their minority status. Yet those findings were based on research done in 1962; more comprehensive personality surveys done in the last fifteen years have revealed that introverts are in the statistical majority at 50.7 percent of the population!6 And researchers point out that there are not more introverts in the population than there were in 1962, but our current data and samplings are just more thorough and accurate. When you take all the newest studies as a whole, they consistently report that introverts comprise one-third to one-half of the American population, or in Susan Cain’s words, “one out of every two or three people you know.”7

The slant toward extroversion in the larger culture has also infiltrated the church. I have spoken with or interviewed hundreds, perhaps thousands, of introverted Christians, and without exception they expressed some degree of frustration and sense of exclusion from their churches. Many have found that their churches, in both theology and practice, are not accommodating to people of their temperament. These introverts have difficulty finding a place in their communities where they feel encouraged to be who they are and to serve in a way that is consistent with their nature.

For several years my introverted friend Emily participated in a Christian community where extroversion was normal. Hailing from Japan, Emily was accustomed to a culture where deference to others and servanthood were considered highly desirable qualities, and she felt displaced in an American culture that valued self-promotion and aggressiveness.8 She had positive relationships with people in the community, but she was always considered to be on the fringe because she spent a lot of time to herself. The ideal of “intimacy” in this community was people constantly together, and the implicit assumption was that the more activities and social interaction a person engaged in, the closer she was to God. Others thought Emily was antisocial and therefore lacking in faith. She also resisted sharing intimate details of her life with others, and they construed her lack of vulnerability as a heart resistant to God. Even though she had leadership traits, she was never asked to be a leader because she did not show the outward expressiveness that was considered a mark of faithfulness in this community. To her, the expectation to share everything with others felt intrusive, and she groaned, “Why do I have to let everyone into every corner of my life?”

Three Evangelical Theological Anchors

American partiality toward extroversion infects many Christian traditions, but certain church cultures are more difficult to navigate than others for introverts. I have found features of evangelical church culture, even the defining attributes that are the basis of evangelical theology and practice, can create environments that are intimidating and unnatural for introverts.

A disclaimer: in the pages that follow, I will admittedly be painting with broad strokes, and not every church or tradition will relate to all aspects of my critique of mainstream evangelicalism and its slant toward extroverted ways of thinking and acting. When the scales are weighted heavily on one side, as I believe evangelicalism is toward extroversion, we sometimes need to dramatize a point in order to restore balance. In the same way, in portraying the characteristics and gifts of introverts, and what we have to offer evangelical churches, I do not presume to capture all the complexity of each individual introvert. Last, as I describe the qualities of introverts, I am not thereby implying that extroverts are not capable of those things (such as thoughtfulness or depth). In fact, as I will discuss in chapter two, each person has both an introverted and an extroverted side, though most of us will land on one side of the spectrum. However, in most evangelical circles, three theological anchors—an intimate relationship with God through Jesus, the centrality of the written Word of God, and active personal evangelism—are often expressed in strikingly extroverted ways.

Personal relationship with God. At the heart of evangelical theology is the doctrine that God is personal. God is intrapersonal, in that his very being is composed of three separate persons who live in a dynamic state of mutuality, love, and togetherness. I love that early church theologians used the Greek word for “dance” (perichōrēsis) to describe the interconnected life of the Trinity. God is also interpersonal, in that he relates with his creation and seeks relationship with each one of his creatures. Evangelicals affirm that God’s redemptive plan centers around the saving life and death of Jesus Christ, and people receive the victorious power attained in his resurrection through a trusting, intimate, personal relationship with the living, ascended Jesus. This Jesus is fully accessible to us, and we can relate to him as a friend in open, informal, and conversational interaction.

The evangelical priority on personal relationship with Jesus reverberates into the kind of human community that forms around him. It is not surprising that evangelicals have a high value for intimate, informal relationships with one another, and we structure our churches—with small groups in our houses, fellowship hours, social events, accountability groups, and prayer chains—in order to support this value. Most evangelical churches strongly encourage (and sometimes require) participation in these kinds of intimate, relational activities.

Unfortunately, sometimes our value for community life can become a substitute for relationship with God. Psychology professor Richard Beck says that for some churches spirituality is equated with sociability.9 The mark of a progressing faith is familiarity with a growing number of people and participation in an increasing number of activities. Yet for introverts who are wearied by and sometimes apprehensive of large quantities of social interaction, these evangelical emphases can feel discouraging and marginalizing. By no means are introverts against intimate relationships; indeed we are motivated by depth in our relationships. And while the emphasis on intimacy with Jesus is welcome, though our relationship might be a little quieter and private, in community we prefer interactions with smaller numbers of people we feel comfortable with. So when an evangelical community explicitly or implicitly encourages an ever-expanding social web, our resistance to it can produce feelings of spiritual inadequacy.

Centrality of the Word. Evangelicals are perhaps best known for their reverence for the Bible. The community is guided by and shaped around its interpretation of Scripture and its application to the life and worship of the community. Whereas other traditions also rely on ritual, symbolism, image, silence, and traditional liturgy, evangelicalism predominantly exalts the power of the Word. It is a self-proclaimed word-based community. As a result, evangelical church services are organized to feature the sermon, which may take up more than half of the worship event. I visited eight evangelical churches while I was researching this book, and out of curiosity I timed everything. The average sermon was forty-three minutes long (!), and the average worship service was eighty-one minutes. The pastors preached with a conversational and loosely organized style, which contributed to the length of their sermons. They were successful in both emphasizing the centrality of the Bible and personal relationships. They sought both to explain the text and to connect on a personal level with their people.

Given the preeminence of preaching and teaching the Bible in evangelical churches, and the overall chattiness of evangelical sermons, it is natural that conversational cultures often result. A love for the Word of God easily translates into a love for words about God—and words in general. Put more bluntly: evangelicals talk a lot.

Former evangelical turned Catholic priest Thomas Howard explains a difference between Catholic practice and evangelical practice: “Emotionally, one would have to say that evangelicalism is a much more ‘up front’ form of piety, and very talkative.”10 Whereas in some church traditions you enter a sanctuary in a spirit of quiet reverence, in evangelical churches you walk into what feels like a nonalcoholic cocktail party. There is a chatty, mingling informality to evangelicalism, where words flow like grape juice.

To participate in the evangelical church is to join the conversation. Introverts, however, spare our words in unfamiliar contexts and often prefer to observe on the fringe rather than engage in the center. Our spirituality may be grounded in Scripture, yet it is quieter, slower, and more contemplative. In an upfront, talkative, active evangelical culture, we can be viewed as self-absorbed or standoffish, and we can feel like outsiders even when we have faithfully attended a church for years.

Personal evangelism. Evangelicals place a high priority on personal evangelism. We take the announcement part of the Great Commission very seriously, with our emphasis on speaking the gospel. I think it’s fair to say that the famous line, attributed to Saint Francis, “Preach the gospel at all times—if necessary use words,” is not our evangelistic watchword. Instead, we believe that people come to know Jesus through conver...