Life-Giving Leadership

A Woman's Toolbox for Leading

Julia Mateer

• Publisher: Leafwood Publishers
• Year: 2016
• Print ISBN: 9780891123415
• eBook ISBN: 9780891126591
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Nonprofit Organizations & Charities

As women called to lead in the local church, we must first lead ourselves to wholeness and strength. Julia comes alongside you, giving you the tools to become emotionally and spiritually healthy so you can provide life-giving leadership to women in your communities, your ministries, and your world. A strange dichotomy is occurring in the American church. Never before have women been so key to helping churches grow and mature. At the same time, fifty thousand women per year are leaving the church. The purpose of this book is to provide women who are leading a team in ministry, church, or in a Christian non-profit the strategies necessary to develop life-giving atmospheres where women will be equipped to live out their God-given passions to affect change in their families, communities, and, ultimately, the world. This book will help redefine women's ministry and equip women who are actively involved in making a difference in the lives of others.

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THE LIFE-GIVING DIFFERENCE

“Neither do I condemn you.” —Jesus

Catching my eye, a woman sporting a bouffant hairdo and wearing a polyester-pleated skirt walked toward me. Placing her body close to mine, she bent down and whispered, “Don’t you know you are doing a striptease with that dress?” “Excuse me?” I said, not believing what I had just heard. She repeated her observation. I mustered a weak “thank you.”

Staring straight ahead, I questioned myself. What was wrong with this dress? What was wrong with me? Pulling my dress down to cover as much of my legs as possible, I desperately yearned to go back to campus and never set foot in a church again.

Why are some Christians life-giving, while others suck the life right out of a room? I believe the answer lies in knowing and understanding grace. Life-giving people are God lovers, and because of this great love, they are people lovers, too. A Christian who focuses on right behavior and right doctrine strangles the breath out of relationships. A life-giving person focuses on the love and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and understands that people are more important than right behavior and right beliefs. Relationship trumps rules and law.

In 1980, Ronald Reagan was president. God and Country appeared on billboards and bumper stickers nationwide. “Who shot J. R.?” was the question on everyone’s mind. I was an eighteen-year-old college student hungry for an authentic relationship with God.

Organized religion had failed to ignite an encounter with the Creator; in fact, it had almost snuffed out the flame, but a spark deep within me still smoldered. On a quest for God, I wasn’t sure what to do or where to go. I felt a visit to a local church was a logical starting point; however, my experience in church as a little girl tempered my expectations.

Around the age of nine, I received the Living Word, an easy-to-read Bible. I would lie on my bed and read the Gospels. I read the encounters of Jesus healing the sick, feeding the hungry, and casting out demons. I knew the Bible said in John 14:12, “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father.”

Because I took the Bible literally, I went to one of the pastors at the church I attended. I asked her why I didn’t see at church what I had read in the Bible: heal-ings, feeding the hungry, and casting out demons. I don’t remember the pastor’s answer. I just remember it wasn’t adequate for my curious mind and childlike faith. Even at a young age, I was searching for something real and authentic and, instinctively, I knew I hadn’t found it at church. From then until the time I was nineteen, I didn’t step into a church again.

Because of my experience as a child, I knew religious protocol dictated that a dress was the appropriate attire for Sunday church. Wanting to fit in, and not wanting to embarrass myself, I bought a muted purple, cotton dress with small slits on each side so I could sit properly.

For weeks, I had observed a set of twins on campus who dutifully went to church wearing skirts and carrying their Bibles in quilted covers. These girls appeared to have a connection to God—perhaps they could plug me in. They didn’t even have to proselytize me. I was willing and wanting to attend church with them. So I asked if I could ride with them to church. They were surprised but eagerly agreed to my request. On Sunday morning, I put on my new dress and went to church with the twins. I hadn’t slept the night before due to a growing anticipation of the spiritual experience I was hoping I would have.

Approaching the main entrance, my eyes wandered back and forth, trying to lock onto something familiar or at least a friendly face. The pews were hard, the service was solemn, the people looked miserable. Internally, I was uncomfortable but trying to keep an open mind. Eventually, we stood up to sing the fourth stanza of the last hymn of the service.

Finally, the pastor directed the crowd to a large room called the fellowship hall. Crossing my legs, I sat at a table with the twins. I noticed a group of women leaning against a wall, glaring at me. Even though it was the ’80s and big hair was in, these women took big hair to the next level, with bouffant hairdos and polyester-pleated, below-the-knee skirts. They each wore white blouses with cardigan sweaters. I diverted my eyes so they wouldn’t notice I was staring. And then it happened, the encounter with the bouffant-polyester woman.

Feeling judged, embarrassed, rejected, and angry, my quest for God went on hiatus that day. I was on the precipice of making a commitment to Christ, but I was turned off and shut out by the self-righteousness and pride of the women at the church.

Now let’s compare my experience with that of a woman named Tina.

Feeling the shift of the weight in their bed, Tina knew her husband had left her side. At midnight he climbed out of their bed, quietly shut the bedroom door, and went into their office. Keeping the lights off, he logged onto his computer and began his nightly routine of conversing with a woman he had met online. He had been “chatting” with her for the past five months and was contemplating meeting her face-to-face.

Knowing something was going on, Tina quietly followed him into the office and came face-to-face with his secret. He jerked around, realizing he had been caught, his eyes locked on hers. Tina screamed, “What are you doing? Is it what I think? Tell me the truth.”

After hours of arguing and crying, her husband took a deep breath and let it slide out. “You don’t get me. She does.” The sad reality was that her husband was done. As the night turned to morning, the shouting became whispers, the interruptions became long, painful pauses that seemed to last forever. His last words were, “I’m sorry.” Determined to end his marriage, he packed a bag and left the home they had shared for nine years.

Sitting on the side of her bed, Tina covered her face with a cool cloth as waves of emotional pain swept over her stomach, causing nausea and vomiting. She didn’t know what to do. With racing thoughts, she wondered if she should call her mom and tell her what had happened or if she should run after him. Tina was smart enough to know that if she didn’t reach out for help now, she would be swallowed up in self-pity for days.

She remembered a card she’d received the previous day that was in a stack of mail on her dresser. The card advertised a new church in the area that offered hope and an opportunity to connect with God and people. Picking up the card, she flicked it back and forth between her fingers, wondering what to do. Church had never been a part of her world, but her world had just crumbled, and she was willing to take a risk, hoping the card would deliver on its promises.

She went to her closet and picked out the nicest dress she owned—a “club” dress that she wore when she went out with her girlfriends. She didn’t know and didn’t care if the dress was appropriate. She just wanted help. And now, with sweaty hands and a pounding heart, she turned the car into the parking lot. Having never stepped inside a church, she was not sure what kind of people she would find. Would they judge and criticize her, or would she find the help that the card advertised?

Turning the engine off, she took a deep breath and slowly walked up to the front doors. She was greeted by several people who seemed genuinely happy to see her. She was then escorted to the main auditorium where she chose to sit in a row close to the back doors in case she wanted to make a fast getaway.

The stage lights came up and the crowd stood to their feet. Tina followed suit. Music filled every inch of the room, and it was not churchy music, either. It sounded just like the music she heard on the radio, but the words spoke of God’s love and grace. She began to relax and give herself to the experience, and soon she found herself weeping. The message spoke to her thirsty, broken heart.

Sitting next to Tina was a woman named Lilly. Lilly had experienced an unwanted divorce, causing her intense pain and heartache. Lilly was wise because she took her pain to God and allowed him to work his healing in her heart. Her experience with divorce made her sensitive to women in emotional pain. She noticed the tears in Tina’s eyes, and she asked if there was something she could do for her. Tina was surprised and touched by the woman’s kindness, making her cry even more. Tenderly, Lilly escorted Tina to the lobby where she listened as Tina poured out her story. Lilly prayed for Tina and committed to call her the next day.

Walking out the same doors she had come through earlier, Tina felt encouraged and comforted. Gone were the sweaty palms and anxious heart. Tina couldn’t really explain what had happened internally to her, but she knew she felt differently. Somehow, some way, she felt hopeful and accepted. In the back of her mind, she thought how glad she was that she came to church today.

As she drove away, she remembered a phrase she heard in the message: “No matter how deep your pain, God is a God who heals.” She couldn’t wait to speak with Lilly about this God. Receiving a glimpse of God’s love and grace through Lilly, Tina left feeling hopeful and accepted, not condemned or rejected.

Lilly is a wonderful example of a life-giving woman. Having experienced the love and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, she extends grace, mercy, and love to those around her. Her focus is on an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus rather than on the law or rules. Lilly was a woman filled with purpose and intentionally went to church looking for the Tinas of the world. Some services they came and some services there was no one. But Lilly always made herself available to hurting women. Lilly knew that on this particular day, Tina was not there by accident, but God had intervened in Tina’s life and had propelled her into a new direction.

The love and grace Lilly extended to her produced hope in Tina’s heart. The bouffant-polyester woman focused on the rule of appropriate dress, which produced shame and condemnation. Lilly focused on connecting with Tina rather than on what she was wearing. Lilly understood the important truth that no one will listen to you unless they feel that you like them. If someone perceives that you don’t like or approve of them, then what you believe, think, or say will have no impact or influence in their life.

Now imagine for one moment what the scenario could have looked like if the bouffant-polyester woman had been life-giving in her interaction with me. What if she had noticed me sitting at the table waiting for lunch and had approached to introduce herself, asking about my life instead of judging my appearance? If that woman had extended love and grace instead of judgment and criticism, my experience in church would have been vastly different. Instead, she missed an opportunity to impact a young woman’s life for Jesus.

Life-Giving Encounters between Jesus and Women

Tina resembles another woman who was desperately seeking help. You find her story in the Gospels (Mark 5:21–43; Matt. 9:18–26; Luke 8:40–56). Tired and weak, this woman had endured bleeding for twelve years. She had spent all of her money seeking help from physicians and still was unable to find a cure. Hearing that a man named Jesus could heal the sick, she desperately wanted to find him. After searching for him, she found Jesus in the midst of a crowd. Pushing her way toward him, she extended her hand and touched his hem. At that very moment, she began to tremble and knew that she was healed. Instinctively, she fell at his feet and told him her story. Jesus said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your affliction” (Mark 5:34 NASB. Like Tina, she experienced hope, grace, and love.

Another woman, desperately in need of help, was pulled out of a room and into the street as the men looked forward to her stoning. She was caught with a man who was not her husband. Taken to Jesus, she was sure her life was over, but instead she found life and not death, grace instead of judgment, love instead of shame. Jesus’s final words to a broken and promiscuous woman were, “Go and do not sin again.” There was no judgment in his words. Her sexual activity was not a secret to Jesus. They both knew what she had been doing. Yet the words “neither do I condemn you” took the condemnation away, filling her with hope. If there was judgment to be found, it was in the hearts of the self-righteous men who brought her to Jesus hoping to stone her to death. Rather, they came up against love personified and scattered away. The woman experienced he...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Foreword
• 1—The Life-Giving Difference
• 2—Characteristics of Life-Giving Leaders
• 3—Hindrances to Becoming Life-Giving
• 4—Keys to Overcoming Hindrances
• 5—Strategies of Life-Giving Leaders
• 6—Life-Giving Leaders Drink from Living Water
• 7—Life-Giving Leaders Trust He Is Infinitely More
• 8—Navigating the Male-Dominated Church World
• 9—Life-Giving Relationships between Women
• About the Author