Throughout this book, the key message is that behaviour is a form of communication. It is essential to see beyond the behaviour to its underlying function (such as anxiety, stress, tiredness, hunger, adversity, trauma, a basic need, sensory overload, communication difficulties, or a lack of understanding or skill). Be curious as to why the pupil is behaving in a certain way. A useful, popular analogy is to picture behaviour as an iceberg. The behaviours observed are just the tip of that iceberg (the symptom of the problem rather than the underlying problem); what lies beneath is a range of thoughts, emotions and triggers driving those behaviours. Once the behavioural function is understood, then support can be provided for any fear or anxiety beneath the behaviour and necessary skills can be taught.
Relationship and connection are of fundamental importance in understanding the person behind their behaviours, supporting empathically and giving pupils the skills needed to regulate their emotions and communicate their needs more effectively.
Letâs look at challenging behaviours by challenging typical or traditional views of those behaviours. By reframing negative language and perceptions around behaviour, the ethos becomes more positive, enabling children to get their needs met more readily with empathy and understanding. Letâs view âchallenging behaviourâ as âdistressed behaviourâ or a âstress responseâ or as âanxiousâ or âoverwhelmed behaviourâ instead. The perception changes to one where a child is not deliberately being âdifficultâ; they are âdysregulatedâ or âstressedâ and are communicating that dysregulation or stress. By changing the language used, adults often have more capacity to be compassionate and empathic, understanding that pupils are not deliberately behaving in a certain way but are communicating that something is very wrong.
Behaviour is an attempt to meet a need. As well as looking at the communicative function of behaviours, it is important to be aware of the needs the pupil is meeting by their actions, for example, are they anxious, afraid, gaining adult time and attention (positive or negative, it is still attention), avoiding a task, lacking a skill or seeking co-regulation? Can adults support pupils to ensure they get those needs met in a more appropriate way? Their behaviour will not change if that behaviour is meeting a need unless they are given an alternative means to get that need met. âChildrenâs behaviour is not good or bad. Itâs just how they show us their emotional and developmental needsâ (Evans, 2018).
Below is a range of strategies that have been tried and tested and found to support pupils who communicate through different behaviours in school. There is a checklist at the end of this chapter.
A strength-based approach
- Value difference and neurodiversity. Focusing on what each pupil can do, their strengths, achievements and successes, is essential in preventing pupils from getting into a negative spiral, in building self-esteem and changing the way adults view and respond to them. Encourage pupils to share, develop and build on strengths, interests and knowledge and offer roles and responsibilities around these to boost self-esteem.
- Reframing language around behaviour into positives helps adults effectively support pupils compassionately and empathically and helps pupils to view themselves much more positively. âIf we learn to focus on whatâs right with a person rather than whatâs wrong we will make leaps forward in creating thriving people and flexible environments in which everyone can bring their talents to bear and positively contribute to their classroom, family, future employer, and communityâ (Peters, 2015). As discussed, âchallenging behaviourâ can be reframed as âstressedâ or âdistressedâ behaviour, âinappropriate behaviourâ may be âdysregulated behaviourâ. âHard to reachâ can be reframed as âthat child who Iâve been unable to build a relationship with yetâ and âdifficult to engageâ becomes âI havenât found a way to ignite their spark yet?â (Finnis, 2021, p.66).
In further language reframes âwonâtâ becomes âcanât yetâ, âmeltdownsâ are seen as âpanic-attacksâ or âcrisis pointsâ, âattention-seekingâ becomes âconnection-seekingâ or âattachment-needingâ, âstubbornâ could be âdeterminedâ, âalways calling outâ is âenthusiasticâ, âcanât sit stillâ is âenergeticâ. See Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) chapter for more examples of specific behaviour reframes.
Relationships and communication
The most important resource available in school is a nurturing, empathic relationship with a trusted adult. âThe latest neuroscience findings underscore and evidence what weâve really always known: we are designed to function best in relationshipâ (Bombèr, 2020).
- Build genuine, understanding, trusting, engaged relationships with the pupils, attuning to their needs to develop their sense of self-worth and feelings of belonging. As Finnis (2021, p.26) advocates: âremember their birthday ⌠brag about them outrageously to others ⌠be their biggest cheerleader ⌠believe in themâ. Regular check-ins and positive interactions between staff and pupils support children to feel safe, learn and have their needs met appropriately, thus improving behaviour. âWhen students feel liked, respected and trusted by their teachers, they find more success in school, academically and behaviourallyâ (Finnis, 2021, p.20). See p.65 for more information on relationships and the PACE approach.
- Relationships within the school, among school staff, are important for staff and pupil wellbeing. Through adult modelling of positive relationships and interactions, pupils learn about positive relationships and interactions. The way staff communicate to and about others is essential and can create a positive atmosphere which is reflected through the whole school. This is not only through our language, but our entire way of being. Finnis (2021, p.18) discusses how the mindset of pupils and the wider school community is affected by âthe look on our faces, the way we greet each other, our tone of voice and our body language, as much as through the things we actually say. Itâs about how we talk among ourselves, how we are there for each other. Itâs about the weather we create around us.â
- Relationships extend beyond the school. Form a positive partnership with caregivers to work collaboratively. Aim for genuine, trusting, reciprocal connections. Regularly share the pupilâs successes and strengths and build rapport before discussing concerns or strategies and open up channels of conversation for shared problem-solving.
- Involve the pupil in the planning process and in finding solutions, where appropriate, so that they feel involved and included and can communicate their concerns and suggestions.
- Use direct (unambiguous), positive language, focusing on moving the pupil on (rather than on the negative behaviours). State the behaviours that you would like to see, instead of those that you donât; for example, say âput your feet on the floorâ rather than âtake your feet off the chairâ or âput the ball on the floorâ rather than âdonât throw the ballâ.
Personal case example:
I will always remember taking my class of excited Year 1s on a school trip. As I stated, âdonât all push to the back of the busâ, I could almost see light dawn as they all thought âoh, yes, letâs get a seat at the back, quickâ, and my lovely calm line of children rapidly descended into chaos. Ever since then, I simply state, âfill up the seats from the front firstâ. I tell them what I do want, rather than what I donât want!
- Pick your battles. Avoid confrontations, negotiations and power struggles. Dix (2017, p.112) advises remaining focused on the expected behaviours to avoid getting drawn into âsecondary behavioursâ intended to provoke a reaction. For example, if a pupil is asked to take their hat off and they do so, with grunting, groaning and moaning, they have still taken their hat off (complied with the request); aim not to get drawn into a downward spiral about the groaning, but thank them for following the instruction and move on. Secondary behaviours can always be addressed later, if necessary, but might be better tactically ignored altogether.
- âYou will get more of the behaviour you notice the mostâ (Dix, 2021, p.2). Focus on positive...