Becoming REAL

And Thriving in Ministry

Sandra T. Montes

• Publisher: Church Publishing
• Year: 2020
• Print ISBN: 9781640652484
• eBook ISBN: 9781640652491
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Christian Church

Follow the REAL rubric for success in starting new ministries

If congregations were to look outside their doors, they may find that the people who need the good news don't look like them and that the way to engage them is by having ministries that are REAL. REAL ministry is respectful relationships, excellence, authenticity, and love. This easy-to-understand perspective on relationships can be implemented in any setting with any group. To continue the mandate, "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations," we have to have relationships with those whom God has put in our neighborhoods.

Written both in English and Spanish, each chapter contains a study guide with Bible verses and reflection questions. The author also offers real anecdotes and examples of what to do—and what not to do—so that when using the REAL rubric with any group of people, you can emulate Jesus and bring the good news to them. Church leaders wanting to be more inclusive or trying to grow in their changing neighborhood will find this book a welcome resource.

CHAPTER 1

Why REAL

I have been in the Church from the moment I was in my parents’ thoughts and prayers. My parents met in Bible school, where both had a call to go into ministry. My mom says she always prayed to be a pastor’s wife and my dad says he felt the call into ordained ministry when he was young. We were in the Christian Missionary Alliance Church until the late ’80s when we, dramatically, found the Episcopal Church (more on that story later).

From the moment I could form a thought, I saw so many ways people could improve their churches. Some, like my parents, call this discernment, while others call this being criticona, a critic. I’m sure it’s a combination of both. I noticed when things were out of place. I noticed when things were dirty. I noticed when people were using poor photocopies. I noticed when the hymn of the day did not match the hymn posted on the wall or printed in the bulletin. I noticed bigger things, too, as I was growing. I noticed that I was not allowed to sing songs that I had written because leading music was a man’s job. I noticed that women could be Sunday school teachers in my evangelical church, but could not be pastors. I noticed that everyone at the altar was a white male. I noticed that while some churches dwindled in numbers, the neighborhoods in which these churches were located were vibrant and populous.

I have been forming opinions about everything church related for years. I have been listening, observing, researching, and searching for what works since I could read the Bible. I have seen successful churches and churches that needed help. I have had conversations about the church at least weekly since I could speak. Little by little, I started noticing some things my dad did in San Mateo, an Episcopal parish in Houston, Texas. Although I saw my dad succeed in Guatemala, McAllen, Harlingen, and Houston, because he taught by example, most of the concepts that I have analyzed for this book came from his work at Iglesia Episcopal San Mateo, the first all-Latino Episcopal parish in the United States. Because we were in San Mateo for thirty years, I saw my dad grow from a layperson to a deacon, a priest, and finally, a rector. At the same time, I saw San Mateo growing in faith, commitment, numbers, giving, and outreach.

I later realized all successful pastors (and really any successful person I know) do four things in various ways and to various degrees. It sounds simple, and the concepts, or values, are very simple. But the application, commitment, hard work, and patience they take are not for those who want a quick fix or easy results.

I have called these observations and realizations by many different names throughout the years. Having taught for over twenty years, I love a good mnemonic, and REAL became the culmination of what I have observed and learned about the Church: respectful relationships, excellence, authenticity, and love. Like a healthy lifestyle—which I am still learning to embrace—REAL takes time and a bit of trial and error before you see the results. Once you start seeing results, though, and find the motivation to continue the course, it is incredibly rewarding.

I consider relationships the most important part of church work because that is what I saw in my church. I have been outspoken about authenticity wherever I am invited to speak, write, or sing and across social media. I have talked about God’s unconditional love from the moment I started needing it . . . or, rather, from the moment I started messing up so much that I truly needed to know God would love me no matter what and forgives all. I have tried to do everything I do for God with excellence. Because I have great role models in my parents, who pray for me and encourage me, I have tried to speak truth in love. This isn’t always easy.

Because I was part of the only all–gente Latina self-sustaining church in the United States for about thirty years, I am frequently asked what is the key to church growth and to church vitality. I am often invited to speak on evangelism, discipleship, and stewardship, three significant areas for the church today.^*

REAL began to manifest its realness. Sonny Browne invited me to sing, along with my friend Jamey Graves, and speak at the East Carolina diocesan convention in February 2017. As I was preparing, I decided to expand on REAL. After my talk, Sonny encouraged me to write this book.

As I continued to share these important values with others, I realized that whenever I visited a church, I noticed things that could be improved easily but could have a lasting and meaningful outcome. I did not have a church home at the time and I decided to visit a different church each week in 2018—as much as I could. My learnings and experiences found their way into blog posts, articles, and talks as I traveled around the Episcopal Church.

I have used REAL when working with churches, schools, and other organizations. I use REAL when talking about diversity, racial competence, and many other topics. I encourage you to use REAL as a framework when starting any ministry and when working to include those who may not currently enter through your church doors.

I hope that you will see Jesus all over REAL, even if he is not in the acronym. REAL would not be possible if Jesus was not at the center of it all. As Christians, everything we do is because of our love for Jesus and our obedience to love God above all, love our neighbor, and love ourselves. Jesus is the reason I can say that REAL can be life changing. When we are open to the Spirit of God, we can achieve many things that seem impossible. I can see God’s hands all over my journey and the inspiration to put what I have learned into four letters.

I am constantly challenging the Church to be REAL. I am constantly calling people to look inside and outside of themselves and of their organizations or churches and see if they are being authentic and diverse. One of my favorite activities is to ask people to take out their phones. I ask them to check out their last ten or twenty pictures. Those not only tell a story but will reflect if we are truly living into the two commandments Jesus called most important. My second favorite activity is to ask people to check out their social media pages and see what they are posting. That also gives us a glimpse as to what is important to us. Some people will share their meals, weight loss, and a million selfies but feel very uncomfortable sharing something about their church. Now, before we become self-righteous or self-loathing, what could we, as church leaders, do that is exciting or amazing or life changing enough that people are moved to share? It is easy to say that people don’t want to share their faith on social media, but we share whatever we find we can’t live without. I believe we have something better than apple pie, better than the best shoes, the best movie, the best song. We have Jesus. How can I encourage others to feel that excited about their relationship with Jesus?

We often hear that the church is dying, which may not be a problem since we are children of the resurrection. It seems we are so afraid of what would happen if we laid down our lives and trusted God. How about those of us inside the walls of the church encourage or infect others with our enthusiasm? We may be dying, we may be passing through a Good (or bad) Friday. But Sunday is coming.

I pray that, as you read about REAL, you will be encouraged. I pray that you will see how your respectful relationships, excellence, authenticity, and love can change someone’s life and can transform your congregation. I pray that you can find new ways of using REAL as a tool for determining where ministries or personal goals can use a review and fresh consideration.

I pray that you will see that you are not alone in this beautiful pilgrimage of ministry. I pray that you will note that the examples can work for anyone anywhere. I pray that you have many epiphanies and surprises and much joy as you read what others are doing around the church.

One pro tip: although it may seem that you can skip one of the four values, please do an inventory. These values don’t have to be done in order, but they do build on each other. When one value is skipped, the others don’t seem to fall into place.

If you have never participated in anything like this, please start with respectful relationships. If your church is going through a difficult time, start with devoting time to building respectful relationships within your own parish before going out into the world in peace. That old adage about putting on your own mask first before helping others in case of an emergency during a flight works for this as well. You can’t give what you don’t have. Jesus says: love God, love yourself, love others.

Sandra, that’s not what that verse says. You’re right. Again, the teacher comes out and I take context clues. How are you supposed to love others “like you love yourself ” if you don’t love yourself first? I grew up in the evangelical church where I was taught JOY: Jesus, others, you. I always wondered about that. I felt like we were missing something. We were encouraged to put others before ourselves every time. I understand that we must put others first in some instances, but that has nothing to do with love. I can love me and still put your needs first. I can also love me and put my needs before anyone else’s. That is not love. That is selfishness. We are, however, commanded to love ourselves.

As we work toward respectful relationships, let’s find opportunities to spend time with each other having deep, intimate, transparent conversations about what is going on in our churches and why there is conflict. You may want to do what the Bible suggests: go to the person or persons and try to resolve the issue. If that doesn’t work, bring a few others (members of the vestry, maybe?) to talk to the person. A parish-wide conversation may also be very helpful: I am certain that individuals feel the stress and awkwardness of issues not being mentioned. Often, when we confront a problem immediately, we can stop the spread of gossip or bad feelings. Not always, and not all the gossip, but it is always better to confront a situation and begin the conversations or actions that are necessary to heal.

After having those conversations that will bring a deeper connection and relationship, parishes are better prepared for the mission to reach the rest of the world. Some have tried this and still failed to get to a healthy place. I call them “in therapy.” They are people who may not be at their healthiest, but they are taking the medicine—or measures—to get to a healthier place. They are doing the work of conversation, time, prayer, Bible study, commitment to the community. They are also actively working not to spread hate or bitterness.

This work is tough. This is not something that can happen in a day. It takes, as everything in ministry, tenacity, love, and commitment. We cannot give up. This work of evangelizing, of making disciples, and of forming new Christians takes great amounts of time and energy. If we give up when things get a little tough, we will not reach the goal. We must ask God to arm us with tenacity. Nothing will happen if we don’t have love. If we are not doing everything in love, we are missing out on the beauty of giving. When we have love, we have it all. We can do anything, we can bear anything, we can stick with it. And lastly, commitment. I am divorced. I know what it is like to have made promises that could not be kept. Now, I can see that I have remained committed to that relationship because we have a son and I remain committed to being a parent with my ex-husband to the child we share.

REAL is not going to be able to change anything unless you have people who are committed to seeing it through. The goal is to have the leadership committed to being REAL. What does this mean? It means that the lay and ordained leadership of a church must trust that respectful relationships, excellence, authenticity, and love will help transform their church and community. We must first trust the values in REAL and then pray that God prepares the soil for our sowing.

REAL is not a cure-all, although I must admit it has helped me with all of my relationships, commitments, jobs, and ministries. When I notice that something is not going quite right, I ask myself which of the four values in REAL is lagging. I live in a multi cultural, multilingual, and diverse world. I know that if I am not following the rubric of REAL, I may not be able to thrive in my community or the other communities of which I am a part.

Why would you want to put yourself out there, with the possibility of being mocked or turned away? Why would you want to reach out to a different demographic than what is already in your church? Why would you risk losing people who are already in your church just because there are people who are different in your surrounding community? Why open the doors to people who may not have the same educational background or financial stability as those in your pews? Why do all the work without any guarantee of success?

If your answer to any of those questions did not include the words “called,” “call,” or “calling,” please rethink your motivations. There are too many people longing to hear the word of God, to hear that they are loved unconditionally, and to believe that someone chooses them and calls them friends. Those of us who are part of the marginalized, the outcast, the other, long for people who will continue to help us and show us Jesus’s love: his true, unpopular, extremely free love.

I pray that REAL answers many of your questions. I am hopeful that when you finish reading this book you will find a reason to apply REAL to your community or congregation. You are not alone. There are many people who share your hopes, dreams, or goals. I would love to help you reach your goals of becoming a welcoming, open, inclusive community.

Capítulo 1: El porqué de REAL

He estado en la Iglesia desde el momento en que estuve en los pensamientos y oraciones de mis padres. Mis padres se conocieron en un instituto bíblico en el Perú, donde ambos tenían un llamado para entrar al ministerio. Mi mami dice que siempre oró para ser la esposa de un pastor y mi papi dice que sintió el llamado al ministerio ordenado cuando era joven. Estuvimos en la Iglesia Alianza Cristiana y Misionera hasta finales de los 80 cuando, dramáticamente, encontramos la Iglesia Episcopal (esa historia la explico más adelante).

Desde el momento en que pude formarme un pensamiento, vi muchas maneras en que las personas podían mejorar sus iglesias. Algunas personas, como mis padres, llaman esto discernimiento, mientras que otras lo llaman ser criticona. Estoy segura de que es una combinación. Me daba cuenta cuando las cosas estaban fuera de lugar. Me daba cuenta cuando las cosas estaban desarregladas y sucias. También notaba cosas mayores a medida que crecía. Notaba que no se me permitía cantar cantos que había escrito porque estar al frente de una iglesia era un ministerio para hombres. Notaba que las mujeres podían ser maestras de escuela dominical en mi iglesia evangélica, pero no podían ser pastoras. Notaba que todos los que servían en el altar eran hombres blancos. Notaba que mientras algunas iglesias disminuían en número, los vecindarios en los que se ubicaban estas iglesias eran vibrantes y poblados.

He estado formándome opiniones sobre todo lo relacionado con la Iglesia durante años. He estado escuchando, observando, investigando y buscando lo que funciona desde que podía leer la Biblia. He visto iglesias exitosas e iglesias que necesitaban ayuda. He tenido conversaciones sobre la Iglesia al menos semanalmente desde que aprendí a hablar. Poco a poco, comencé a notar algunas cosas que hacía mi papi. Aunque vi a mi papi triunfar en Guatemala, McAllen, Harlingen y Houston, porque siempre ha enseñado con su ejemplo, la mayoría de los conceptos que he analizado para este libro provienen de su trabajo en la Iglesia Episcopal San Mateo, la primera parroquia episcopal totalmente latina en los Estados Unidos. Debido a que estuvimos en San Mateo durante treinta años, vi a mi papi crecer de laico a diácono, sacerdote y, finalmente, rector. Al mismo tiempo, vi a San Mateo crecer en fe, compromiso, números, ofrendas y alcance. Después, me di cuenta de que todos los pastores exitosos (y realmente cualquier persona exitosa que conozco) hacen estas cuatro cosas de varias maneras. Suena simple, y los conceptos, o valores, son muy simples. Pero la aplicación, el compromiso, el trabajo y la paciencia que toman no son para las personas que desean una solución rápida o resultados fáciles.

He llamado a estas observaciones y comprensiones por muchos nombres diferentes a lo largo de los años. El acrónimo REAL se convirtió en la culminación de lo que he observado y aprendido sobre un ministerio exitoso: relaciones respetuosas, excelencia, amor y ser legítimo. Al igual que un estilo de vida saludable, que todavía estoy aprendiendo a adoptar, REAL requiere tiempo y un poco de prueba antes de ver los resultados.

Considero que las relaciones son la parte más importante del trabajo de la iglesia porque eso es lo que vi en mi iglesia. He sido franca sobre la autenticidad dondequiera que me invitan a hablar, escribir o cantar y en las redes sociales. He hablado sobre el amor incondicional de Dios desde el momento en que comencé a necesitarlo . . . , o más bien, desde el momento en que comencé a equivocarme tanto que realmente necesité saber que Dios me amaba y perdonaba sin importar lo que hiciera o hubiese hecho. He tratado de hacer todo lo que hago para Dios con excelencia. Debido a que tengo excelentes modelos a seguir en mis padres que oran por mí y me animan, he tratado de decir la verdad en amor. Eso no siemp...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Contents
• 1. Why REAL
• 2. Respectful Relationships
• 3. Excellence
• 4. Authenticity
• 5. Love
• 6. Now What?
• Small Group Devotional Resources