Hope with OCD

A self-help guide to obsessive compulsive disorder for parents, carers and friends of sufferers

Lynn Crilly

• Publisher: Hammersmith Health Books
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9781781611456
• eBook ISBN: 9781781611463
• Topic: Medicine
• Subtopic: General Health

OCD is all too often trivialised, misdiagnosed and woefully misunderstood, but for sufferers it can be completely debilitating and for their carers, life shattering, keeping them all slaves to the sufferer's anxieties. Award-winning counsellor and author, Lynn Crilly, puts the many myths surrounding OCD under the spotlight and shows how different the reality is. The most common question asked by parents, partners and friends of OCD sufferers is, 'What can I do?' Lynn, based on successful support of her own daughter and other sufferers, provides much-needed positive, practical answers. Illustrated with observations and anecdotes from carers and sufferers themselves, Hope with OCD explains the many varieties of OCD, how to spot them, the possible causes and drivers and gives a balanced guide to available treatments – both mainstream and 'alternative' – in the context of what has worked in Lynn's experience. She gives hope to carers and sufferers alike that OCD can be challenged and conquered.

Chapter 1

What is obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)?

In recent years, ‘OCD’ has become a bit of a buzzword, used frivolously as an off-the-cuff statement: ‘Oh, I checked the door twice. I am soooooo OCD!’ or ‘Oh, I washed my hands three times. How OCD am I?’ Sadly, in reality, OCD is more than that – much, much more. It is a deep-rooted, anxiety-based, debilitating and destructive mental illness that affects both the sufferers and their carers alike. Once well established, the severity of this dreadful illness, and the tormented misery it rains down on the sufferer, can destroy relationships and ruin the lives of not only the person suffering but also everyone around them.

OCD can be defined as a mental health condition that changes a person’s way of thinking, their feelings, their behaviour, or – in probability – all three. This can cause the person distress and difficulty in functioning mentally, and frequently on a physical level too. Individuals who have OCD may not look as though they are ill, particularly if their symptoms are mild. However, some individuals may show more obvious and explicit physical signs. OCD can affect a wide variety of people, regardless of gender, race, age, sexuality and/or social background. The impact varies from person to person, as does the length of time it will affect each person’s life. It is a serious mental illness and deserves the same attention and respect as any physical illness, yet sadly it is still often woefully misunderstood, feared and trivialised, as it cannot be seen. If we were to break one of our arms or legs, not only would a doctor know exactly how to fix it, but we would probably get a lot of sympathy and support from the people around us. With OCD, there is no such obvious cure and people around the sufferer tend to draw away, or worry that they will say or do the wrong thing. This can be frustrating for someone experiencing OCD, as they may feel that their condition has not yet been acknowledged, or that the people close to them do not care.

From my own experience, as a carer, one of the most important things I have learnt and would like to share with you at this point in the book, is that ‘you have to accept what is, to enable you to understand’. You cannot apply logic to something illogical in the same way you cannot apply reason to something unreasonable and you cannot make sense out of something nonsensical. From my own experience, however difficult it may be, I would encourage you not to spend precious time and energy trying to understand the reasoning behind every action, but to look at what you can do to support your loved one, as OCD, to the carer, can have no logic, no reason and make no sense.

You may turn to the internet hoping it will help you to understand a bit more, or you may scour articles in the press on the condition; this could find you ending up even more confused and frustrated. As there is so much varied information available through various channels, it is very difficult to know what applies to you and your own situation. Within this book I aim to provide the information that I think really matters, with no agenda other than helping you to understand some of the different types of OCD, the signs to look for, and some of the options that are available to you and the sufferer.

Everyone has their own idiosyncratic habits that can become a little obsessive from time to time, and intrusive thoughts that may seem a little too dark, or fears and phobias that can have a brief impact; however, the difference from illness is that someone who is not suffering from OCD is usually able to make a very clear distinction between their thoughts and reality.

My close friend, Jill, speaks of her quirky behaviours around even numbers:

When I fill the kettle with water to make my cup of tea, I always count to 12; then the tap goes off. I also count when I shave my legs in the shower, I can’t help it … I’ve tried not to but I still do! I don’t really have a specific number but it is usually around 12-ish, and again as long as it’s an even number I’m happy. My TV volume has to be on an even number – such as 16/18 – never on an odd number. In fact, I can’t do odd numbers on anything! When I drink from a bottle of water I will count how many glugs I take and that is usually six, but as long as it’s even I’m happy. If there’s not much drink left I will take smaller sips to make the number even! I don’t feel my life is run by this, however; it’s just something I do.

It is important to recognise the difference between ‘OCD’ as a generalised slang term and the actual medical condition, which can be totally debilitating and consume every aspect of the sufferer’s life. To help you understand and to enable you to distinguish between potentially non-OCD behaviour and true OCD behaviour, I have written some examples in the table overleaf.

Thought	Non-OCD behviour	OCD behaviour
‘Have I locked the back door and turned off the cooker?’	Going back into the house to double-check once.	Potential fear: House being burgled, or house catching fire. Behaviour: Going back into the house to check again and again. Never being satisfied with what is found, or thinking the action was not performed right, or could have involved a mistake… Outcome: A significant part, or all of the person’s day is taken up with constantly checking and re-checking.
‘I should wash the kitchen surface as the cat has just been on it.’ OR ‘I should wash my hands after using the public toilet.’	Wiping down the kitchen with anti-bacterial spray once. OR Washing hands once, but just a little bit more thoroughly.	Potential fear: The person or a loved one will become ill. Behaviour: Endlessly thinking there are germs on the work surfaces (or airborne), and endlessly cleaning everything. OR Endlessly washing hands over and over to avoid what feels like an imminent threat of contamination. Outcome: Again, lots of time is wasted, and the person feels their hands are never quite clean enough, so to enable them to relax, they need to perform the actions again and again, possibly until their hands are red-raw and the skin is cracked.
‘Will I listen to this CD again? Will I watch this DVD again? Do I need this ornament?’	Having a collection of CDs or DVDs, keeping some that the person might watch/listen to some day, or throwing away some they know they won’t. Having a ‘spring clean’ and clearing out items they might not use anymore, and keeping some things that might be sentimental.	Potential fear: Something bad might happen if something is thrown away. Behaviour: Keeping things ‘because they may be needed one day’, to a ridiculous extreme. Outcome: The person’s space is piled high with old and quite possibly useless items.
‘What if I run someone over in my car today?’	Realising that most people have odd thoughts that pop into their heads from time to time, and that it is not really much of a big deal.	Potential fear: The person will act out the thought they are experiencing. Behaviour: The person may decide it is better if they do not leave the house and avoid certain places. They may feel that they are a terrible person for having these thoughts, creating elaborate rituals to neutralise them. Outcome: The person spends a lot of time in their own head, and consequently can lose friendships and become isolated.
(leaving the bathroom) ‘The towels in the bathroom look a bit untidy.’	Popping back into the bathroom to fold and straighten them, so they look presentable for guests.	Potential fear: Something bad might happen to the person or a loved one if the towels are not straight. Behaviour: Going back into the bathroom repeatedly, as the towels never seem to look straight and tidy enough. Outcome: Most of the day is wasted arranging and re-arranging the towels.

As you can see from the above, a real threat and a perceived, and often irrational, threat are two very different things. However, people suffering from OCD, despite often identifying an irrational thought or an unrealistic threat as such, are unable to ignore it. Their perceptions of the level of danger, either to themselves or to others, usually loved ones, can cause their anxiety levels to rise, if they ignore it. This feeling can become so overpowering that they over-intensify their own sense of responsibility. Their anxiety spikes even further, pushing them into the hands of their compulsive behaviours in order to try to stop bad things from happening to them or others. The sufferer does not want these obsessional, intrusive thoughts in their head, so they can go to extreme lengths with their compulsions to try to repel them.

Aimee, an OCD sufferer, says:

My OCD traits make me very rigid in my routines, and I am anxious to break them because I fear that it will prevent the ‘perfect’ outcome. I rationally know that the steps I am taking to ensure perfection are ridiculous and often detrimental to me, but a husk of belief keeps me repeating these habits over and over again. My mind focuses on the one time when my routines actually did serve me well and seems to let slide all the times they have had no impact whatsoever on the events to come – I am aware that this is a cognitive bias, but I just cannot stop!

There is so much information available now, we can often end up utterly baffled and vaguely hysterical, and therein lies the problem. The term ‘obsessive compulsive disorder’ actually covers a multitude of different behaviours; the condition can affect people in a multitude of different ways. To try to understand and gain more insight into the condition, many people may type ‘OCD’ into Google. The definition they find might be something like this:

Uncontrollable, unwanted and repetitive OBSESSIVE thoughts that seem disgusting or frightening to you, and as a corollary to that, repetitive ritualised COMPULSIVE behaviours you feel you have to perform to neutralise these thoughts.

In layman’s terms: ‘The worst possible thoughts at the worst possible time.’

Natasha, explains what having OCD feels like to her:

Having OCD is having a wheel constantly turning in my mind, that when I am having a tough day goes faster and faster and is unable to stop until I have physically spoken my thoughts aloud and taken their power away.

As OCD is often not visible to the outsider, it can also be hard to diagnose. The sufferer will no doubt, at some point, have thought that he/she was losing their mind, up until diagnosis; even then, for some, it can be difficult to come to terms with and accept what is happening to them. They will probably have known for some time that something is potentially not quite right, but their mind can trick them into thinking there is nothing wrong, so the diagnosis of a legitimate mental illness can sometimes come as a shock. However, for some sufferers, the OCD may have become such an ingrained part of their everyday life that they may not even really be aware there is an issue and formal diagnosis can therefore come as even more of a shock.

For someone suffering in silence it can take an act of great courage and strength to admit to a loved one, or a medical professional, that there may potentially be something wrong. Once it is all out in the open, it can be such a relief for them to know they are not losing their grip on reality and that what they are experiencing is a very common mental health issue suffered by millions of people across the globe.

My Samantha says of how she thought she was going crazy, and how relieved she was when she finally opened up to me:

Before I found the courage to tell my family about what was going on in my head, I felt extremely c...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Contents
• About the Author
• Acknowledgements
• Foreword
• An unwanted intruder
• To cut a long story short…
• Chapter 1: What is obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)?
• Chapter 2: Types of OCD
• Chapter 3: Recognising OCD and seeking treatment
• Chapter 4: A guide to therapies
• Chapter 5: OCD and wellbeing
• Chapter 6: OCD and other mental illnesses
• Chapter 7: OCD and relationships
• Chapter 8: OCD and children
• Chapter 9: OCD in the home
• Chapter 10: Practical tips for carers and sufferers
• Resources
• References
• Index
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