Hope with Depression

A self-help guide for those affected and their families, friends and carers

Lynn Crilly

• Publisher: Hammersmith Health Books
• Year: 2020
• Print ISBN: 9781781611531
• eBook ISBN: 9781781611548
• Topic: Medicine
• Subtopic: Diseases & Allergies

Depression affects more than 300 million people worldwide from all walks of life, and can be a completely debilitating and isolating mental illness. Lynn Crilly speaks from personal and professional experience, having suffered depression herself, and provides much needed positive, practical answers, illustrated with observations and anecdotes from carers and sufferers themselves, Hope with Depression explains the many varieties of depression, how to spot them and the possible causes and drivers, and gives a balanced guide to available treatments – both mainstream and 'alternative' – in the context of what has worked in Lynn's experience. This is a practical, supportive guide for anyone with this condition or helping someone with depression, be they a family member, teacher, sports coach, workplace colleague or friend. It recognises that each person's illness and recovery will differ and having detailed knowledge and a full toolkit of treatment options is the way to empower each individual with hope for recovery.

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Chapter 1

What is depression?

Depression, in its clinical sense, is defined as a ‘low mood disorder’; however, in reality it is much more than that. It is a deeprooted, debilitating and destructive mental illness that affects both the sufferers and their carers alike. Once well established, the severity of this dreadful illness and the tormented misery it rains down on the sufferer can destroy relationships and ruin the lives of not only the person suffering but also everyone around them. Some may describe depression as ‘feeling like they are stuck under water’; others as though they are ‘looking at their life through a frosty window’. For me, it was like having a black cloud following me around wherever I went from the minute I woke up to the minute I went to sleep.

Depression changes a person’s way of thinking, their feelings and/or their behaviour. This can cause the person distress, and can make it difficult to function on a psychological and sometimes on a physical level too. Individuals with depression may not always look ill, particularly if their symptoms are mild. However, some sufferers may show more obvious and explicit physical signs.

Together, anxiety and depression are two of the most common mental illnesses and are thought to affect around one in five of the British population at some point in their lifetime.1 Like all mental illnesses, depression does not discriminate and can affect 2anyone, regardless of age, gender, sexuality, ethnicity or social background. However, evidence also shows that certain groups in society may be more vulnerable to depression than others.

Everyone’s experience and journey with depression is unique to them. It can present itself in many different guises and can be an illness of extremes. For some, its control can deprive them of sleep, while others may find themselves sleeping for days at a time. Similarly, some may find themselves emotionally eating to excess, while others may find their appetite has been totally demolished. Equally, some sufferers may find themselves frantic with excess energy, while others may struggle just to get out of bed. For me, the depression caused extreme fatigue. I felt constantly exhausted, making it a struggle to function on a daily basis.

Depression is a serious mental illness and deserves the same attention and respect as any physical illness, yet sadly, as it is essentially invisible, it is still often woefully misunderstood, feared and trivialised. If we were to break one of our arms or legs, not only would a doctor know exactly how to fix it, but we would probably receive a lot of sympathy and support from the people around us.

With depression, there is no such obvious response. Fearing what they cannot see, people around the sufferer may draw away or worry that they will say or do the wrong thing. This can be frustrating for someone experiencing depression, as they might feel that their condition has not been recognised, or that the people close to them do not care.

Emma, who suffers from depression, says:

I don’t think that people fully understand how I feel. My husband certainly doesn’t. No one talks to me about it and sometimes I feel that I want to talk about it but that it’s pointless.3

To be brutally honest I didn’t understand mental health issues before I was diagnosed with depression. I feel I was very dismissive of it, like it didn’t exist. Like people made it up. And I wonder if that’s how other people feel about me.

For someone suffering in silence it can take an act of great courage and strength to admit to a loved one or a medical professional that there could potentially be something wrong. Once it is all out in the open, it can be such a relief for the sufferer to know they are not going mad and that what they are experiencing is, in fact, a very common mental health issue suffered by millions of people across the globe.

The duration for which someone can suffer from depression differs from person to person; in some cases, as it was for me, it can take root and manifest itself for months or even years at a time; in other cases, it can pass through like a succession of rainstorms.

You may turn to the internet hoping it may help you to understand a bit more, or you may scour articles in the press on the condition, but this could leave you even more confused and frustrated. As there is so much varied information available through different channels, it is very difficult to know what applies to you and your own situation.

Clare O gives us her advice from her own experience as a carer:

The internet has good advice on what not to say to someone who has depression and how to support someone, but it’s not as connected as sitting across from someone who is completely neutral. Hearing someone talk back to you instead of just reading off a screen seems more connected to the situation, more human.

Within this book I aim to provide the information that I think really matters, with no agenda other than helping you to 4understand some of the different types of depression, the signs to look for, and some of the various options going forward that are available to you, the sufferer or carer.

How is depression different from feeling low?

One of the most common misconceptions surrounding depression is that it is comparable to feeling a little sad or down. Many people who suffer from depression do feel sadness, but true depression is very different from just feeling low.

Bernice explains how depression is more than just having the blues:

I became aware of my depression when I suddenly lost my job. I knew it was more than just a case of feeling down. It persisted for a long period of time, weeks turning into months. After realising a year had gone by and i still felt no different, I knew something had to be done.

Sadness and low feelings generally resolve themselves after a relatively short period of time, usually a matter of weeks. Feeling this way is a normal reaction to things that happen in life, and when hard times hit, it is absolutely natural to be plunged into a bleak mood. Similarly, it is normal to be anxious about challenges in life and feeling worried or nervous is a sign that our body’s natural stress response is working properly.

Depression, on the other hand, extends beyond sadness. It persists and deepens, seeping into many, if not all, areas of life and may leave those with this debilitating and draining mental illness struggling to cope on both a mental and a physical level, often losing interest in the world around them.

Claire, who is in recovery from clinical depression and anxiety, describes how her depression was more than feeling low:5

Completely empty and numb. It is the only way I can describe it. The lack of reasoning, interest in your surroundings and family, kids, jobs etc. The feeling of hopelessness, that you are a failure, that you are no good at anything. A waste of space, ugly, like a big black cloud is constantly sitting with you, holding you tightly and not letting you escape.

Depression is a serious mental illness, which you cannot simply ‘snap out of’, or ‘cheer up’ by trying to think positively. The feelings of despair, lethargy, anxiety and emptiness that may characterise someone’s depression are very real and should be acknowledged as such rather than dismissed or glossed over.

How does it feel?

A pervasive feeling of unhappiness coupled with a loss of interest in the things they used to love doing is fairly common to many sufferers. They may feel anxious or tearful, hopeless or wracked with guilt. Things they used to love doing may no longer bring them pleasure, and they may feel removed from other people, isolated and trapped within their own thoughts. For me, I constantly felt sad, drained and distant. Everything was all too much effort – all of which was very out of character for me.

There are also likely to be some physical symptoms. Those with depression may struggle to sleep or sleep too much. They may feel constantly lethargic, suffer with aches and pains, lose their sex drive and/or have issues with food. They may find it hard to concentrate, battle with making decisions and/or be weighed down by poor self-esteem and self-worth.

Pete, who is in recovery from major depressive disorder, shares how he felt:

The guilt and shame can be unbearable – partly because of the stigma that we associate with mental health problems. I lose all energy and can struggle to get up and do even the most basic 6day-to-day tasks. I struggle to concentrate and can become forgetful and unreliable, causing myself more guilt. I’ve had periods when I’ve felt so ashamed of myself and how I have looked that I’ve been unable to look at myself in a mirror for even a fraction of a second. I’ve also had physical symptoms, such as mystery aches and pains, tingling in my arms and hands, and headaches. All of these feelings have led to me having significant periods where I’ve had consistent suicidal thoughts.

In severe cases, these feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness may be so acute that sufferers may struggle to see the meaning of their existence, to the point where they may consider taking their own life.

I have briefly mentioned the black cloud that constantly followed me around, as that is how my depression felt to me, but it will vary from person to person. Many are familiar with the phrase ‘The Black Dog’, which, it is said, is how Winston Churchill described his own depressive spells. The idea of a dark companion who stays bleakly by your side, snarling and growling, will be familiar to many people with depression. To others it can feel different, perhaps causing a feeling of numbness or detachment from everyday life. Some will say they feel like they are suffocating and struggling for breath; others, that they have a heavy weight pressing down on them. They may even say it as if life is a rollercoaster with the fall approaching but the sufferer powerless to stop it. Each individual with depression will have their own interpretation

Jamie Day, who is in recovery from severe depression, says:

At its worst, it was like wearing blinkers. All I could see was a dark tunnel with immense, frenzied noise attacking me as I tried to make my way through. There was no clarity to my thinking, just sadness, panic and loss of hope, which always resulted in suicidal thoughts. Dark thoughts became my norm and were like a (very dangerous) coping strategy, knowing I’d be ending it soon. Thankfully, I didn’t.

7Katie says of how her depression makes her feel:

Depression made me feel like I was in a bubble. I could see normality around me but I couldn’t feel it and I couldn’t pop that bubble. I would watch my family and friends smiling and interacting but I couldn’t pop the bubble and come out of it and be the real Kate. I would often remi...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• About the Author
• Acknowledgements
• Foreword
• To cut a long story short…
• Behind the mask by Samantha Crilly
• Chapter 1: What is depression?
• Chapter 2: Types of depression
• Chapter 3: Recognising depression and seeking treatment
• Chapter 4: A guide to therapies
• Chapter 5: Depression and well-being
• Chapter 6: Depression and other illnesses
• Chapter 7: Depression and the risk of suicide
• Chapter 8: Depression in the under 25s
• Chapter 9: Depression in the home
• Chapter 10: Depression in the workplace
• Chapter 11: Depression and the online world
• What is recovery?
• Conclusion – from me to you
• Resources
• Index
• Copyright
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