When a man becomes a dad, he takes on certain responsibilities: providing for his family, raising up his children to be good citizens--and telling the absolute worst jokes he can come up with. But dad jokes don't always come naturally, which is why Sandy Silverthorne created The Best Worst Dad Jokes. Filled with more than 500 groan worthy jokes to torment your kids, this collection makes it possible for dads to fill any moment of dead air with a joke that will have everyone within hearing distance rolling their eyes and edging away to avoid association with you. Jokes like . . .
I don't have a dad bod; I have a father figure.
I saw a sign that said Watch for Children. That sounded like a good trade to me.
and of course . . .
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it's fully groan.
And hey, it's only downhill from there.
eBook - ePub
The Best Worst Dad Jokes
All the Puns, Quips, and Wisecracks You Need to Torment Your Kids
- 144 pages
- English
- ePUB (mobile friendly)
- Available on iOS & Android
eBook - ePub
The Best Worst Dad Jokes
All the Puns, Quips, and Wisecracks You Need to Torment Your Kids
Dad Jokes
I named my dogs Rolex and Timex. They’re my watch dogs.
Kid: Have you seen my sunglasses?
Dad: No, have you seen my dad glasses?
The first French fries weren’t really cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
Did you hear about the guy who invented Tic Tacs? They say he made a mint.
I’m reading a book on antigravity. I can’t put it down.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She came over and gave me a hug.
Dad: Son, I got you a dictionary for your birthday.
Kid: Gee thanks, Dad. I don’t know what to say.
Dad: I know. That’s why I got it for you.
Dad: Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
Daughter: Please, Dad, no . . .
Dad: They each got six months.
Here are the three unwritten rules of life:
1.
2.
3.
What’s a foot’s favorite snack?
Dori-toes.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’s still stationary.
What do you call a factory that makes average stuff?
A satis-factory.
What do you call a lonely cheese?
Prov-alone.
Son: Dad, what is irony?
Dad: The opposite of wrinkly.
I opened my shoe store for only large-sized shoes. It was no small feat.
Why do melons have weddings?
’Cause they cantaloupe!
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Kid: My dad’s a kleptomaniac.
Friend: Is he taking anything for it?
A slice of apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.25 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
I needed a password eight characters long. So I chose Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
DAD QUOTE: I don’t have a dad bod; I have a father figure.
Did you hear about the policeman who opened a gardening service?
He called it Lawn Order.
Why did the school put their cafeteria on the second floor?
They wanted to take lunch to the next level.
DAD QUOTE: There was a time when I couldn’t pay the electric bill. It was the darkest time in my life.
Where do post office workers go on vacation?
Parcel-ona.
Guy: I tried to make a date with the librarian.
Friend: What happened?
Guy: She was already booked.
Got hit with a bottle of omega-3 tablets yesterday. I’m okay. My injuries were super fish oil.
Dad: Look at that flock of cows over there.
Daughter: Herd of cows.
Dad: Of course I’ve heard of cows. There’s a whole flock of them over there.
I childproofed my house, but the kids still figured out how to get in.
Where does a cakemaker grow up?
Bakersfield.
What do you call a fish with two knees?
A two-knee fish!
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was out standing in his field.
Why did the clock get kicked out of clas...
Table of contents
- 1Half Title Page
- 2Other Books by Sandy Silverthorne
- 3Title Page
- 4Copyright Page
- 5Dedication
- 7Warning: This book might be hazardous if it ends up in the wrong hands.
- 9Dad Jokes
- 139Backward Jokes
- 142About the Author
- 143Back Ads
- 145Back Cover
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