Lifelines

Sound Advice from the Heroes of the Faith

Mike Pilavachi, Andy Croft

• Publisher: David C Cook
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN:
  9781434711861
• eBook ISBN:
  9781434711878
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Biblical Studies

What if, during a battle with fear, we could take some tips from David? Or in wrestling with a relationship, we could learn from Ruth? Or when we've got questions about the future, we could sit down with Joseph? Through their successes, struggles, and failures, these men and women of faith have blazed a trail for us to follow. We can walk beside them and discover God with them­­. Their stories took place thousands of years ago, but what their lives teach us has never mattered more. Much of what we learn comes from the people we live with. We see and share their worlds and, without realizing it, are shaped by them. What would it be like if we could share in the lives of the great heroes of the faith? In Lifelines, Mike Pilavachi and Andy Croft help us understand what the stories of these biblical characters have to teach us about how to live lives full of faith and integrity today.

CHAPTER 1

CHANGING YOUR SELF-IMAGE: LESSONS FROM THE LIFE OF JOHN

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

1 John 3:1

Jesus Changes People

It is often said that Jesus can change people. He can – dramatically. There are many stories we could tell of his transforming power. Here are just two:

Our first story is of a young man who struggled very badly with self-image. He always felt different, as if he didn’t really belong anywhere. In his early teenage years he withdrew from meaningful relationships and went through long periods where he couldn’t even have conversations with people. He would answer any questions with a one-word ‘yes’ or ‘no’. He got used to feeling lonely and isolated from the world. Though things improved slightly in his later teens, he would still withdraw from any relationship that became at all difficult. He thought of himself as a ‘big brown lump’ and couldn’t understand why anyone would want to be his friend.

One reason behind this was that his parents were immigrants to England. They hadn’t taught him English so his first day at school had been a scarring experience. He was five years old, unable to speak the language and left in a playground of others who all seemed to be friends. His father would also often have violent mood swings and angry outbursts that would hurt him deeply. He grew up terrified of him.

This young man became a Christian and over time the love of Jesus began to heal him. He began to realise that God’s love did not involve mood swings; that the love of his heavenly Father was dependable and consistent. He was amazed to discover that God actually wanted to spend time with him – he’d spent all his early years convincing himself that nobody really did.

Over the years God’s love has restored him to the point where he can function in a far healthier way in relationships. As a result of receiving God’s love he is able to be confident in other people’s love for him. He would be the first to acknowledge that there is still a way to go but he would also say that he is astonished at the journey he has taken. He now wishes he could talk to his younger self and tell him not to worry, that it would all turn out okay.

The second young man grew up in a loving Christian family and yet somehow began to believe that love was conditional on him being successful, whether it be in education, sports or other ways. He learnt to work hard and his fear of failure drove him to attain a first class degree at Cambridge University – even though, by his own admission, he’s not very bright. This fear meant that if he was put in a situation where failing was a distinct possibility he would become anxious. In his teens, he was intensely wounded by a relationship breakdown and remembers vowing to himself, ‘I will never let anyone hurt me again.’ As a result, from that time on he kept his distance emotionally from people and substituted genuine intimacy in friendships for a veneer of charm.

As he encountered Jesus he discovered that Jesus was vulnerable in his love and was willing to be hurt and wounded – ultimately on the cross. Over the years the love of God permeated his being. He began to soften, and discovered the joy of really being known and loved by others. He allowed his humanity to emerge from hiding. He recognised where his continuous fears came from and was able to face them as he grew in confidence in God’s love for him. He would also say that he is still on a journey, but he is so grateful that Jesus’ love has thawed him out. He can now give and receive love in a deep way with his wife, his children and his friends.

We know these stories are accurate – because they are ours. We have both found deep and lasting healing because of God’s love. When we first met Jesus we were, in different ways, emotionally scarred and broken, but the love of Jesus has transformed us. This same transformation can happen for anyone who comes to know Jesus.

Our Great Need

If you were to hold a gun to Andy’s head and a kebab to Mike’s nose and say, ‘What is the greatest need that you have seen in yourselves and in those around you?’ we would say, without hesitation, ‘The need to know that we are loved by God and to find our identity as children of the Father.’

Can you imagine what it would be like to know – deep in your heart – that you are accepted, delighted in, adored and have a purpose?

What difference would that make to you?

Picture waking each morning and being excited to live the day. Envision having an inner security about who you are. Visualise putting your head on the pillow and having a real, gut-level peace in your soul.

It’s no overstatement to say that this truth revolutionises lives.

Am I Ugly?

As things stand many of us are struggling. Recent mental health statistics paint a bleak picture. Many are living life hamstrung by low self-esteem, self-doubt and fear. There are skyrocketing levels of anxiety, self-harm, depression and eating disorders. We are dealing with crippling levels of shame and guilt, constantly choosing to hide who we really are for fear of being ‘found out’.

MIKE

A few years ago a friend suggested that I type into YouTube the words, ‘Am I ugly? Tell me the truth.’ He said I would be horrified and heartbroken. I was. I watched video after desperate video of young people – sometimes as young as ten – asking strangers, ‘Am I ugly? Please tell me the truth; I have no one else to ask.’ Some of the comments posted were, quite frankly, disgusting. Watching those videos made me realise how many of this generation struggle with issues of self-image and identity. It is a human tragedy in our midst.

Even when we aren’t facing personal crises we often long to be different – to have more joy, greater meaning, to experience life in all its tantalising-but-seemingly-just-out-of-reach abundance. We battle to cope, or we puzzle over how to grasp the ‘more’ that always seems beyond us.

The One who knows us the best loves us the most. We don’t have to impress him; we can just rest in his love

We the authors want to share what we have discovered: The One who knows us the best loves us the most. We don’t have to impress him; we can just rest in his love. Jesus can truly be our centre, sustainer, lover, friend, redeemer, king and reason for living. Many of our destructive choices, low self-esteem and bad decisions come because we don’t know this about Jesus. But if we do get it – really get it in our guts – healing, freedom and wholeness follow.

This is exactly what happened to a guy named John.

John’s story is also one of radical change.

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The Call of John

John and his brother James were fishermen at the Sea of Galilee. We’re pretty sure John thought of himself as a failure. In those days the best of the best became rabbis. It was something every Jewish mother wanted for her son. Those who didn’t make the cut had to find other employment – like catching fish.

Rabbis would select students to train up by heading to the Harvard of rabbinical schools. They would gather the students and ask themselves, ‘Which of these has the potential to do what I do, and even greater things than me?’ If they spotted someone promising they would point to them and say, ‘follow me.’ That person would then become their disciple. This reminds us of every teenager’s nightmare: standing in a line and having two captains select (or not select) you to be on their football team.

Rabbi Jesus was different. He went to the Sea of Galilee, not the top rabbinical school. He pointed to John and his brother James and said, ‘Follow me. Come and be part of my team.’ This very act was probably the greatest affirmation that John had ever had. ‘A rabbi chose me! He thinks I have potential!’ Do you know that Rabbi Jesus has chosen you? He sees who you really are and what you can become.

Two Big-Shot Leaders

The two of us were recently invited to a meeting of ‘strategic church leaders’. The agenda was to create prominent, powerful churches that could have significant influence. Needless to say we were rather pleased with ourselves for even getting an invitation. We dropped it into conversation with anyone who’d listen. (Our Uber driver didn’t seem as impressed as he should have been.)

We continued feeling pretty smug until we saw a presentation about the sort of qualities that would be looked for in the leaders of these super churches. The presenter described the leader you might get if you crossed Mother Teresa and Steve Jobs with Nelson Mandela and Wonder Woman^TM. We slid lower and lower in our chairs as we measured ourselves against the endless list of attributes these potential leaders should have. By the time we left we knew we had been invited by mistake. Jesus has changed us and yet we’re still a work in progress! If the people there really knew us they wouldn’t have picked us. (Of course, we didn’t tell them that.)

John – Really???

We can’t help but wonder whether Jesus made a similar mistake with John. Did he know what he was doing when he invited him? What on earth did Jesus see in him?

James and John had a nickname: they were called ‘Sons of Thunder’. This was not because they had digestive problems; it was almost certainly because they had bad tempers. On top of this, the gospels show us that John was selfishly ambitious, vengefully violent and excessively competitive.

John was selfishly ambitious, vengefully violent and excessively competitive

We might at the very least have expected Jesus to back-track on John’s selection once the flaws became obvious. In the modern workplace this is sometimes called ‘beginning disciplinary proceedings’. In school it’s referred to as ‘behavioural measures’. Another way of putting it is, ‘Three strikes and you’re out!’

When we look closer at John’s life it’s not hard to find ‘three strikes’.

Strike One: John was Selfishly Ambitious

A murder prediction

On several occasions while the disciples were travelling with Jesus he took them aside and talked about his coming death. In Mark 10:33-34, he warned them that when they arrived in Jerusalem he would be mocked, spat on, flogged and killed. Jesus didn’t just say this ‘by-the-by’, he went into graphic detail; he made clear just how horrific it would be. Imagine a close friend telling you as you journey towards London that they know they will be brutally murdered there. You would at the very least be concerned and want to comfort and console them.

James and John, however, who evidently hadn’t been on a counselling course (and seem to have had zero emotional intelligence) said to him, ‘Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask.’ They went on, ‘Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory’ (Mark 10:35, 37). The big request was not, ‘Please, please don’t die,’ it was, ‘Can we have the best seats in heaven?’

Unbelievable!

An equivalent might be you turning to your friend after the blow-by-blow description of their impending murder and saying, ‘Would you mind leaving me the house in your will?’

So often we talk to Jesus in the same way John did: ‘I want you to do whatever I want. And if you don’t I’ll be offended – it is a well-known fact that I am the centre of the universe.’ Even worse, when Jesus said he was going to die a gruesome death, he meant he was going to die for John. He was going to pay the price for his sin and selfishness. So often we come to God upset because he hasn’t given us what we want – that job, partner, or exam result – when, just like John, we haven’t grasped the price he paid to give us everything that really counts.

Selective hearing

Jesus, surprisingly, did not respond to their request with the words, ‘SHUT YOUR MOUTHS YOU MORONS I’VE JUST TOLD YOU I’M GOING TO DIE!’ He said to them, ‘What do you want me to do for you?’ (Mark 10:36). How amazing! Even when we ask the wrong things, with the wrong motives, he listens to us. His goal is not to shame us, but to transform us. Although Jesus corrects and challenge...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Foreword
• Introduction
• Chapter 1: Changing Your Self-Image
• Chapter 2: When God Seems Distant
• Chapter 3: The Secrets of Friendship
• Chapter 4: When Life Goes Wrong
• Chapter 5: Preparing For God to Use You
• Chapter 6: Thriving in an Alien Culture
• Chapter 7: Sin, Sweetness and Death
• Chapter 8: Your Greatest Calling