Pussy Sludge

Gracie Gardner

• Publisher: Methuen Drama
• Year: 2021
• ISBN:
  9781350289024
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Médias et arts de la scène
• Subtopic: Dramaturgie théâtre

Pussy Sludge is a play about a woman with a broken pussy. There's a woman menstruating crude oil. She lives in a swamp. She's in love with Courtney, but her mother prefers RJ.
No one knows who knows what's best. Gracie Gardner's award-winning play sketches a dystopian setting with an eponymous main character who, in a number of absurd encounters, resists stereotypical gender constructions and socially predetermined life models. Far
more than just a feisty criticism of patriarchal systems, the play turns power structures upside down and offers a surreal and comic parable of sexual self-determination that challenges conservative gender constructs and our patriarchal status quo with vigor and irony. Pussy Sludge is a tender exploration of questioning authority, suspending shame through intimacy, and very bad advice.

Chapter

A woman who does not yet call herself Pussy Sludge (but who soon will) comes home from work, corporate formalwear, spiritually tired. Getting more comfortable, she’s in just a big tee shirt in front of her mirror. The sounds of a highway not too far off. She is practicing being wonderful.

Pussy SludgeMe? I’m not.

She turns her back on the mirror and spins around, trying to seduce the mirror, getting freaky with it but in a way that doesn’t turn the mirror on. She knows the mirror is mostly like, “Please don’t hurt me.”

Pussy SludgeWhat? Me? I’m . . . Who, me? I’m. No, no. You’re thinking of someone else. . . Did you think I was? . . . No! No. I’m “flattered” but no. . . No really. I’m not.

She suddenly raises her hackles and barks like a huge, rabid dog.

Play room mix.

“Because the Night” comes on. If she were someone else she’d be smoking pot right now. For a brief moment, she furiously masturbates just because she likes the song so much, and it launches her into a dance.

The song splinters. The light splinters. She loses time. Two years. We watch her fall into oblivion:

Her apartment becomes a swamp on a moonless night. Vines wrap and twine and sludge is everywhere. The song ends to thick and total darkness, the sounds of the swamp, croaks and creaks and buzzing.

She hit rock bottom, and never bounced back.

An electric lantern in the darkness swings around. The sound of feet making their way into the swamp. The woman who is now Pussy Sludge is masturbating furiously in the dark.

Pussy SludgeIs someone there? Please don’t scare me. Tell me you’re there.

Rachel squelches into the swamp, unseen. Shines a light on Pussy Sludge’s face.

RachelHoney, will you please quit touchin’ yerself?

Pussy SludgeMom!

Rachel (squelching off)You’ll put that thing out of order.

The lantern swings into the distance. The sounds of the swamp rise and fall. Then, from the dark:

CourtneyI do that too.

Pussy SludgeWhat?

CourtneyIt’s not touching myself. It’s just comforting to put my hand over my vulva and just, cup it.

Pussy SludgeOh no, I’m actually mastubating. I do it constantly. It’s not good.

Pause.

CourtneyOkay.

Pause.

Pussy SludgeHave you ever done that?

CourtneyIn public?

Pussy SludgeYeah.

Beat.

CourtneyOnly when I was in mourning.

Beat.

Pussy SludgeI’m sorry.

CourtneyI did it all the time. I’m pretty sure no one had any clue what I was doing. It was usually when I was wearing a long coat. I’d put my hands in the pockets. I could get away with a fair range of motion without it being noticeable.

Pause.

Pussy SludgeWere you scared? Someone would realize?

CourtneyI think that made it better. I’ve never come as hard as when I was wearing those long coats.

Pause.

Pussy SludgeDoes that make you sad?

CourtneyIt’s just a fact. Facts don’t make me sad.

Beat.

Pussy SludgeWho were you mourning?

CourtneyIt doesn’t matter.

Pussy SludgeIt doesn’t?

CourtneyWhat if I said it was a dog?

Pussy SludgeThat would be sad.

CourtneyWhat if I said it was my husband?

Pussy SludgeThat would be sad too.

CourtneySo it doesn’t really matter.

Beat.

Pussy SludgeI’ve never been in mourning.

CourtneyIt’s good.

Pussy SludgeReally?

CourtneyYeah. It ends. And that’s the best part.

Beat.

Pussy SludgeI’ve never been in mourning. I wish I had.

CourtneyWhy?

Pussy SludgeI feel like it builds character.

CourtneyYou’re stupid.

Pussy SludgeNo no, I’m adorable.

Beat.

CourtneyWhat’s your name?

Pussy SludgePussy Sludge.

Beat.

CourtneyWhy are you here?

Pussy SludgeI live here.

CourtneyThis is a swamp. How did you get here?

Pussy SludgeI don’t know. I was in my room—and then . . .

Pause.

CourtneyI have to go.

Pussy SludgeWhere?

CourtneyPilates.

Pause.

Pussy SludgeWas it your hus...