A Contemporary Handbook for Weddings & Funerals and Other Occasions

Revised and Updated

Aubrey Malphurs, Keith Willhite, Dennis Hillman

• Publisher: Kregel Ministry
• Year: 2022
• ISBN:
  9780825477027
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Religion

Guidance, advice, and ready-to-use sermons and services for the busy pastor Weddings and funerals are some of the most meaningful events in people's lives, and also some of the most challenging for the pastor to perform. Written with the needs of the busy pastor in mind, this popular and newly updated handbook includes everything necessary to conduct a variety of weddings and funerals, along with other common events such as Communion, baptisms, dedications, and ordinations.Helpful aids for weddings include services, vow renewals, messages, prayers, guidelines for vows, information on marriage laws, and, new in this edition, a service and message for second marriages. Guidance for funerals covers orders of service, quotations and reflections, and eulogies for a variety of circumstances, incorporating those with evangelistic appeal, untimely deaths, and suicide. New to this edition are funerals for service members, victims of violence, accidental deaths, cancer, and community tragedies.Additional new resources include blessing services for a home or special event and guidance for speaking at fraternal organizations.Pastors of all denominations will benefit from the services, advice, and resources in this sought-after handbook.

Part One

Weddings

Introduction

EVERY SEASONED PASTOR KNOWS the joy and challenges of preparing for both a marriage and a wedding. Weddings are symbolic in many ways, but they provide the occasion for a couple to make a covenant before a covenant-making God and His people, the church. Therefore, we view weddings as services of worship. A wedding is a joyous occasion that presents a time of celebration and commitment.

Few occasions in the life of a family present greater potential for good than a wedding. As Dr. W. A. Criswell observed, “The arrangement for the beautiful occasion opens the door for the pastor into the very heart of all the people involved. He is a wise pastor who takes advantage of the providence to counsel the couple in Christian homemaking and to encouraging the parties to make Christ and his church the center of their lives.”¹

In this section on weddings, we have attempted to provide resources that will be aesthetic, worshipful, and biblically sound. To that end, each wedding should be a joyous, sanctified, dignified, and enjoyable occasion for everyone involved. As Scott Gibson has explained, “Not all weddings include a sermon. Some consist of only the typical liturgical elements of vows, prayers, and pronouncement. Although rituals for marriage ceremonies in some denominations do not formally include a place for the wedding sermon, there appear to be none that prohibit it.”’² Wedding sermons should have some definite characteristics, including (1) brevity; (2) a theology that clearly represents God’s design for marriage; (3) suitability for the occasion, formal or informal; and (4) an appropriate target, on the couple or on the congregation.

1. W. A. Criswell, Criswell’s Guidebook for Pastors (Nashville: Broadman, 1983), 283. While Dr. Criswell’s words regarding premarital counseling are certainly endorsed here, we have not included resources for premarital counseling because a number of good resources already exist.

2. Scott M. Gibson, Preaching for Special Services (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2001), 26–27.

TRADITIONAL WEDDING SERVICES

Order of Service

EDITORS’ NOTE: Some denominations prescribe certain elements and a particular order for the elements in wedding ceremonies, but most of them follow a pattern similar to this traditional outline.

• Prelude
• Musical Solo
• Processional
• Welcome to Guests
• Prayer
• Giving of the Bride
• Scripture Reading
• Message or Meditation
• Declaration of Intent
• Vows
• Presentation of Rings
• Pronouncement
• Prayer of Dedication
• Introduction of the Couple
• Benediction
• Recessional

Sample Wedding Service

EDITORS’ NOTE: This is a generic sample of a traditional service. Of course, various elements of the service (e.g., vows, declaration, charge, etc.) may be replaced by personalized elements or with other elements presented in this volume.

[The wedding party may enter during either the processional music or the singing of a congregational hymn. As the minister faces the congregation, the bride will stand on the minister’s right and the groom on his left, with the other members of the wedding party on either side.]

WELCOME TO GUESTS

PLEASE BE SEATED.

As a community of friends, we are gathered here in God’s presence to witness the marriage of (John) and (Mary), and to ask God to bless them.

We are called to rejoice in their happiness, to help them when they have trouble, and to pray for them. Marriage, like our creation as men and women, owes its existence to God. It is His will and purpose that a husband and wife should love each other throughout their lives and that children born to them should enjoy the security of family and home.

PRAYER

Eternal God, our Creator and Redeemer, as You gladdened the wedding at Cana in Galilee by the presence of Your Son, so by Your presence now bring Your joy to this wedding. In favor, look upon this couple and grant that they, rejoicing in all Your gifts, may at length celebrate with Christ the Bridegroom, the marriage feast that has no end. Amen.

CHARGE TO THE COUPLE

(John) and (Mary), your marriage is intended to join you for life in a relationship so intimate and personal that it will change your whole being. God offers you the hope, and indeed the promise, of a love that is true and mature.

You have made known that you want to be joined in Christian marriage, and no one has shown any valid reason why you may not. If either of you knows of any reason, you are now to declare it.

DECLARATION OF INTENT

(John), do you take (Mary) to be your wife, and do you commit yourself to her, to be responsible in the marriage relationship, to give yourself to her in love and work, to invite her fully into your being so that she can know who you are, to cherish her above all others, and to respect her individuality by encouraging her to be herself and grow in all that God intends?

Groom: Yes, I do [or, I do].

(Mary), do you take (John) to be your husband, and do you commit yourself to him, to be responsible in the marriage relationship, to give yourself to him in love and work, to invite him fully into your being so that he can know who you are, to cherish him above all others, and to respect his individuality by encouraging him to be himself and grow in all that God intends?

Bride: Yes, I do [or, I do].

AFFIRMATION OF PARENTS AND CONGREGATION

[Inviting the parents to stand, the minister shall ask:]

Do you as parents promise to pray for and support your children in the new relationship that they enter as husband and wife? If so, each say, “I do.”

Parents: I do.

[Addressing the congregation, the minister will say:]

All of you who witness these vows, will you do everything in your power to support and uphold these two persons in their marriage? If so, then say, “We will!”

Congregation: We will!

[At this point, where space permits, the bride and groom and their two immediate attendants may move into the chancel.]

VOWS

(John) and (Mary), please face each other and join hands.

[The couple, taking each other’s hands, shall say their vows.]

Groom: I take you, (Mary), to be my wife. I promise before God and these witnesses to be your faithful husband, to share with you in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to forgive and strengthen you, and to join with you so that together we may serve God and others as long as we both shall live.

Bride: I take you, (John), to be my husband. I promise before God and these witnesses to be your faithful wife, to share with you in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, to forgive and strengthen you, and to join with you so that together we may serve God and others as long as we both shall live.

PRESENTATION OF RINGS

[As the minister receives each ring in turn, it is appropriate to pray:]

Bless, Lord, this ring that he [or, she] who gives it and she [or, he] who wears it may abide in Your peace. Amen.

[Giving the rings in turn, each shall say:]

Groom/Bride: (Mary/John), I love you, and I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness.

PRONOUNCEMENT

Because (John) and (Mary) have made their vows with each other before God and all of us here, I pronounce them to be husband and wife in the name of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Let no one divide those whom God has united.

BLESSING

The Lord God who created our first parents and established them in marriage, establish and sustain you, that you may find delight in each other and grow in holy love until life’s end. Amen.

PRAYERS OF THANKSGIVING AND INTERCESSION

O God, Creator and Father of us all, we thank You for the gift of life—and, in life, for the gift of marriage. We praise and thank You for all the joys that can come to men and women through marriage and for the blessings of home and family.

Today, especially, we think of (John) and (Mary) as they begin their life together as husband and wife. With them, we thank You for the joy they find in each other. Give them strength, Father, to keep the vows they have made and to cherish the love they share, that they may be faithful and devoted. Help them to support each other with patience, understanding, and honesty. (Teach them to be wise and loving parents of any children they may have.) (We pray for their parents, that at this moment of parting, they may rejoice in their children’s happiness.)

Look with favor, God, on all of our homes. Defend them from every evil that may threaten them, from outside or within. Let Your Spirit so direct all of us that we may look to the good of others in word and deed and grow in grace as we advance in years, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

[Here the Lord’s Prayer may be included.]

Lord’s Prayer

Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory for ever. Amen. (Matthew 6:9–13 KJV)

INTRODUCTION OF THE COUPLE

Now, it is my privilege to introduce to you (John and Mary Smith).

BENEDICTION

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His f...