Emotional Intelligence

Christine Wilding

• Publisher: Teach Yourself
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN: 9781473654365
• eBook ISBN: 9781473654389
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Self Improvement

A TOOLKIT FOR IMPROVING YOUR LIFE Emotional Intelligence is a way of developing a well-balanced thoughtfulness in our lives. The ability to use our thoughts and feelings to change our behaviour and create a positive influence on our surroundings, on our friends and our colleagues, is one which can produce fundamental improvements in our professional and personal lives. It will help us to lift our performance at work, enjoy better relationships and communicate better with those around us.This book combines detailed, practical application of Emotional Intelligence principles along with insights from the fields of mindfulness and positive psychology to create a a powerful tool for change which you can use right away. It presents practical strategies to help you set and achieve new goals either at work or at home, and to engage effectively and positively with everyone around you. ABOUT THE SERIES
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Part one

Understanding emotional intelligence

First introduced into popular culture and perception by American psychologist Daniel Goleman in the 1990s, emotional intelligence has consistently gained ground as a way of developing a well-balanced thoughtfulness in our lives if we understand it and practise it. Part one introduces the reader to the idea of emotional intelligence, exactly what it is and how to begin to acquire it.

1

Emotional intelligence: a first look

Chapter goal

• To enable you to develop a good understanding of the origins and ideals of emotional intelligence: what it is, how it has developed and how it can help you.

Self-assessment

1 Why is EI so important?

a It is a way of understanding and managing your emotions, rather than letting them control you

b It will get you a better job

c Others will like you a lot more

2 ‘Managing your emotions’ means:

a Incorporating them intelligently into your reasoning

b Being able to hold your emotions in, no matter what you are really feeling

c Learning to eliminate emotions in difficult situations

3 How does EI differ from IQ?

a IQ is the gold standard of assessing our abilities, while EI is still something that most people don’t understand

b IQ is quantifiable, while EI isn’t a tangible concept

c IQ measures our analytical processing abilities, while EI measures our ability to find happiness and fulfilment

4 Is there, at present, an accurate way of measuring EI (in a similar way to which IQ is measured)?

a Yes

b No

c There are tests available that will give an element of measurement, but whose accuracy may be questioned

5 Which of the following is not an EI competency?

a Self-awareness

b Academic intelligence

c Motivation

Answers

The best answers to the first three questions are 1 a), 2 a), 3 c).

While the best answer to question 4 is c), the tests available in no way correlate to the accuracy of IQ testing and still need to be developed if they are to offer an accurate EI reading. The correct answer to question 5 is c).

What is emotional intelligence?

‘You can be just about as happy as you make up your mind to be.’

Theodore Roosevelt, US President 1901–09

Has it ever crossed your mind to wonder why some people with obviously good brains seem to falter in life, while others, who appear to have little obvious academic intellectual ability, seem to do very well? Have you perhaps felt vaguely frustrated that brainpower doesn’t always win the day, as you perhaps think it should?

Have you noticed that certain people, who materially have very little in life, seem happy and fulfilled, full of laughter, surrounded by friends, while their wealthier counterparts complain about the unfairness of life, and spend a great deal of time telling everyone what is wrong with their situations?

Surely, academic, career and material successes are the stuff of happiness? So how can we account for what seem to be discrepancies in how well people do or how happy they are? The answer is emotional intelligence (EI) – a way of understanding the emotions of both ourselves and others and learning to control these emotions so that you can choose what you say and what you do, in order to engender the outcome you would like to see.

‘IT’S NOT MY FAULT’

How often do we hear someone say ‘I just couldn’t help it’ or ‘It was completely outside my control’ when referring to their actions or verbal responses to a difficult situation? In fact, we can always ‘help it’, and there is very little that we do – short of a jerk reaction to a tap on the knee or blushing – where we are not in some sort of control.

Key idea

The difference between someone who uses EI and someone who does not is that the emotionally intelligent person will fight to maintain control of their emotions and refuse to allow them to dictate their actions unless appropriate. The person who is not using EI will simply give sway to the emotions, regardless of the outcome (and then, of course, say ‘I couldn’t help it. It just happened.’).

Wishing you had done things differently

How many times in your life have you either thought or said ‘I wish I hadn’t said that’ or ‘I wish I had reacted differently’? The answer is probably too many times to count, and that is normal for most of us.

In simple terms, becoming emotionally intelligent will reduce the number of times you will find yourself either thinking or saying such things in future.

Here are the characteristics that Daniel Goleman (author of the bestseller Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ) suggests make up EI. Read through them and you will see the qualities you will be working to develop.

• Self-awareness – Knowing what you are feeling and why.

• Self-regulation – Being able to control your emotions, even when circumstances are difficult.

• Motivation – Being able to persist in the face of discouragement.

• Empathy – Being able to read and identify emotions in others.

• Social skills – Being able to get along with others through listening, understanding and appreciating their own emotions.

Your journey towards emotional intelligence

Start your journey towards EI by thinking about your own present ability levels relating to each of these characteristics. Developing EI will equip you to make ...

Table of contents

• Cover 
• Title
• Dedication
• Contents 
• Introduction
• Part one: Understanding emotional intelligence
• Part two: Emotional intelligence and you: becoming personally competent
• Part three: Emotional intelligence and others
• Part four: Emotional intelligence in action
• Taking it further
• Websites
• Copyright