SAUCE and All honey: Two Plays

Ciara Elizabeth Smyth

• Publisher: Nick Hern Books
• Year: 2022
• Print ISBN:
  9781848429550
• eBook ISBN:
  9781788505031
• Topic: Literatura
• Subtopic: Arte dramático británico

Two sweet and saucy comedies from an award-winning Irish playwright.

In SAUCE, Mella is a compulsive liar, Maura is a kleptomaniac – and neither has any friends. Recently out of controlling relationships, they are thrust into uneasy freedom. Can they overcome their flaws together to avoid dying alone? Or will their compulsions engulf them in the end?

A play about death and rebirth, Ciara Elizabeth Smyth's SAUCE was first staged at Bewley's Café Theatre, Dublin, in 2019 as part of Dublin Fringe Festival, and revived there in 2022.

In All honey, Ru and Luke are throwing a house-warming party. But their guests are more interested in whispering in the box room than joining the festivities. Explosive characters and unfolding secrets mean the hosts will have to clean up more than red-wine stains and glitter.

Ciara Elizabeth Smyth's debut play, All honey is about sex, secrets and suspicion. It premiered at the New Theatre in 2017 as part of Dublin Fringe Festival, winning the 2017 Fishamble New Writing Award. It was revived at Bewley's in 2018 and Project Arts Centre in 2020.

ALL HONEY

Scene One

Her Nightgown

RU is unpacking a box hurriedly, looking for something, muttering to herself. LUKE enters, slightly flustered and pauses briefly, as if he had forgotten what he came in for. When he opens the door we hear the murmur of people and music from down the hall. A house-warming.

RU stops what she is doing and stares at LUKE. Buzzer sounds and LUKE leaves the room to answer it. RU finds what she is looking for, gets up and leaves the room. Stage is empty for about eight seconds. Muffled sound of RU and another female talking. Door flies open, in walks MAE, who is holding a depleted gin and tonic, followed by RU.

MAE. The fact is it’s happening.

RU. Right.

MAE. I mean, that’s just a fact. The fact is. It’s happening.

RU. Is it?

MAE. It is. (Pause.) I mean, I felt it. He would. Deny. Denied. Everything. I thought I was going out of my mind. In my head he was… at it. Then in the flesh, I was. Accusing him unjustly.

RU. Mmmm.

MAE. But then I found it.

RU. What?

MAE (whispers). Her nightgown.

RU. Her nightgown?

MAE. Her nightgown. Can you believe it?

RU. No.

MAE. I know.

RU. That’s so strange.

MAE. Isn’t it. (Nodding.)

Pause.

Is it?

RU. It’s just. A nightgown?

MAE. Oh.

RU. Right?

MAE. There’s no need to be embarrassed.

RU. Sorry?

MAE. You see, Ru, it’s a gown. That you wear. When you sleep. In the night-times.

RU. No no I know what a nightgown is.

MAE. So what’s the problem?

RU. You found her nightgown?

MAE. Yes, well.

RU. The woman you think is sleeping with your /

MAE. Yes.

RU. Her nightgown, you found.

MAE. Alright, Ru, can we pick this up please.

RU. My problem is, if this woman is – (Gesturing.) with your. Sorry what are we calling him now?

MAE. Barry.

RU. Just Barry?

MAE. My Barry.

Pause.

RU. Okay. If she is, if she has been, with your Barry, in your house. She’s not. Staying the night. I mean she wouldn’t sleep over.

MAE. No of course not. I live there.

RU. That’s right.

MAE. That’s where I sleep.

RU. Of course.

MAE. And I don’t have a guest room.

RU. You don’t.

MAE. What are you getting at, Ru?

RU. So if she’s not staying over, in the night-times.

MAE. Because I sleep in my bed.

RU. Because you sleep in your bed. So if she’s not staying over in the night-times, because you sleep in your bed. Then why should she need a nightgown?

MAE. Oh yes I see what you’re saying.

RU. You do.

MAE. Yes of course. Because they would be engaging in intercourse.

RU. Well. Sex.

MAE. Language, Ru.

RU. And also.

MAE. Hmm?

RU. A nightgown?

MAE. Yes?

RU. Who wears a nightgown?

MAE. Ahm.

RU. I mean, I don’t wear a nightgown.

MAE. No.

RU. I sleep naked.

MAE. What?

RU. Nude.

MAE. Right.

RU. So?

MAE (pause). I mean. I wear pyjamas.

RU. No!

MAE. What?

RU. You found the nightgown.

MAE. Yes I did!

RU. And what did you think?

MAE. Well, what would you think? If you found a nightgown in Luke’s things?

Pause.

RU. The neighbours.

MAE. What?

RU. We share a washing machine. With the neighbours.

MAE. Ru, how is that helpful? I have my own washing machine.

RU. Of course.

MAE. And my own house.

RU. Yep.

MAE. That I bought. That he stays in.

RU. Rent-free. I know, I’m sorry, go on. You found the nightgown.

MAE. Yes. And this nightgown. More than confirmed my suspicions.

RU. I suppose it would.

MAE. It did.

RU. Prick.

MAE. Skirt chaser.

Pause.

RU. Was it. Very sexy?

MAE. It was – (Remembering.) horrific.

RU. Oh, Mae.

MAE. It was so frilly. You couldn’t move for the frills.

RU. Jesus.

MAE. High neck, long sleeves, floor-length. Baggy too. My god, was it baggy.

RU. Oh. That’s sort of different than I /

MAE. I mean I presumed they were playing house or some sick /

RU (nodding seriously). Right.

MAE. / thing.

RU. Mmm.

MAE. In nightgowns with Victorian fetish /

RU. Uh.

MAE. / shit.

RU. Mmm.

MAE. All like – (Makes a face and gestures.)

RU. Perverts.

MAE (nodding slowly and inhaling before speaking). Exactly. (Pause.) So I confronted him. ‘I smell her off you. You’re found out. Caught. In your lies. No fools here, baby.’

RU. Baby?

MAE. No fools! Did you think I wouldn’t find out? You scum. The colour drained from his face.

RU. And?

MAE. He crumbled. (Nodding.) Buried his face between my legs. Clutched at the back of my thighs. Shaking. Like a…

Silence as both RU and MAE think of an appropriate simile.

RU. Like a dog?

MAE. Yes. Like a dog. Shaking like a dog. He shook like a dog.

RU. Wow. So he?

MAE....

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title page
• Contents
• Introduction
• Dedication
• Original Production Details
• Characters
• SAUCE
• Original Production Details
• Characters
• All honey
• About the Author
• Copyright and Performing Rights Information