Trevor felt himself to be relatively healthy. At fifty-five years of age, he reflected, āconsidering everything that happened to me, Iām in pretty good condition, I think⦠Iām just going to carry on as Iām doing.ā He was simultaneously mystified and humbled by his own endurance: āThere are certain aspects of my illness that I donāt really understand, you know, I donāt know how to explain them⦠I survived and coped with my illness, against all the odds.ā
Born in England, Trevor and his white middle class family had moved to a conflict-ridden African country when Trevor was two years old. He lived in Africa until he became mentally unwell as a young adult. He did not have an easy childhood ā his mother was ācruelā and had been hospitalised several times for suicide attempts (āsome of my mental illness results from experiences in childhood, with my motherās behaviourā) and his father remarried and had another family (āit upset all his children and made us nervousā). There were ongoing financial strains and bourgeoning political and racial tensions in Africa. Trevor put his first experience of psychosis down to consuming what was āsupposed to be a blood pressure medication,ā which he suspects was actually āplantedā on him by the local government, a ādictatorshipā that was āevilā and āvery racist.ā Having struggled with healthcare, employment and housing in Africa, he described feeling much safer upon returning to his home country.
Trevor, who had been back in the U.K. and taking clozapine for nearly thirty years by the time we met, said: āfor most people, thereās no better drug for schizophrenia than clozapine.ā At the same time, he asserted, āI think I was getting better naturally as well; it wasnāt just the clozapine; my health was slowly getting back to normal anyway.ā He held a certain āautobiographical powerā over his narrative (Myers and Ziv 2016). Having put up with poor treatments in the past, he was decidedly less bothered by the side effects of clozapine, ābecause all these drugs have side effects of one kind or another.ā He felt accountable to the clinic: he chose to collect his clozapine from the clinic on a weekly basis (instead of collecting a monthly pack when he had his bloods done) as part of his routine. He was quick to suggest that it was most convenient for him if he and I met at the same time each fortnight, and so our first four interviews took place fortnightly.
Trevor often sat pensively as we chatted. He stared straight ahead, discerningly, with his pale blue eyes while he thought about my questions, gently returning and holding eye contact as he answered. Like many clozapine clients, he was a heavy smoker, and we always seemed to come back to the topic of his smoking on the five occasions that I interviewed him.1 Trevor smoked 40 cigarettes a day, and he had been smoking since the age of fifteen. During our interviews, his arms tended to be folded over one another at the elbows, one hand sometimes gesturing as though he had a cigarette in it.
Smoking had become Trevorās health remedy at the same time as constituting a danger. He was well aware that āslowly it does irreparable damage ⦠But it varies a lot between people;ā āsome people die ā even if theyāre smokers ā of something else.ā Just recently, Trevorās sister, also a committed smoker living with emphysema, had died by suicide āout of the blue.ā Drawing from clinical information, recollections of his mother and his own past suicide attempts (pre-clozapine), he reasoned that, āitās not when youāre seriously ill, itās when youāre getting better that youāre most at risk of suicide.ā Trevor did not connect his sisterās suicide with her experiences of emphysema. If he himself developed emphysema, he would āhave to adaptā by āsubstantially reducingā his smoking. āIf I started getting health problems, Iād seriously consider switching to electronic cigarettes.ā In the meantime, smoking and death (by any means) were separable matters.
I asked if the financial burden worried him. Trevor replied, āyou canāt tell me to stop smoking, I donāt care what the tax is on it.ā Besides, āIām smoking Carlton; theyāre the cheapest cigarettes I can find at the moment ⦠Iām saving about 85 pence on every packet now, so every ten packets I smoke Iām spending 8 pounds 50 less.ā He had calculated that he was now āsaving about 17 pounds a week, on cigarettes.ā He did not like to live beyond his means. He carried around his daily belongings in a used shopping bag and wore clothes completely out before replacing them. He felt himself to be resourceful and economically rational when it came to smoking.
On the effects of his smoking on his body, Trevor said: āItās amazing how quickly the body actually recovers from the effects of smoking, you know, in just twenty minutes not smoking, your body has, quite considerably, recovered from a lot of it, and, you know, after several hours, you know, itās cleaned your lungs out and got rid of mucous and all sorts of things ⦠the body recovers.ā He felt he could control any potential damage by having breaks from smoking throughout the day and overnight: āwhen you go to bed, youāre sleeping for quite a number of hours arenāt you? And your lungs are healing in the meantime.ā Trevor had read about the bodyās recovery times in the Quit Smoking leaflet of the clozapine clinic. It is not unusual for smokers to repurpose information like this (Dennis 2016).
1 Five interviews constituted the upper limit decided by the Human Research Ethics Committee overseeing my research, and so Trevor and I saved the final interview for my second field visit.
Trevor had a clear sense that the damage was not yet done; different compartments of health could be restored. When talking about his diagnosis of schizophrenia, he remarked: āItās amazing how the mind can be disrupted and how it can recover and come back to normal isnāt it? Itās absolutely amazing ⦠You canāt tell me from any normal person now, can you?ā
While breaks between cigarettes restored feelings of function to Trevorās lungs, smoking also restored his āmentalā well-being: āit helps me to deal with my symptoms of schizophrenia ā I think it might be somewhat antipsychotic ⦠smoking and clozapine are inter-related.ā After all, āsmoking is very, very complicated, its partly the taste, its partly the actions, itās ⦠relaxing you ⦠itās helping you think.ā He was quick to point out that, āmost people with schizophrenia do smoke, you know, and thereās a reason for it.ā Some scientific evidence does indeed point to α7 nicotinic receptors as constituting part of the genetic puzzle of psychosis (Terry and Callahan 2020).2 Trevor routinely reported his smoking status to clinicians, knowing that it would help to determine his clozapine dose: he was not wrong when he told me how smoking āknocks the clozapine outā of blood plasma and neuroreceptor occupation (Brown, Gartner, and Carter 2019).
With his smoking regimen self-accounted for, it was Trevorās high cholesterol levels that he was figuring out how to control. He appreciated the information to work with: āIt was nice to know that I had high cholesterol, because if you didnāt know you wouldnāt be able to change things, would you?ā He had since altered his eating behaviour and felt, without his cholesterol being remeasured yet, that he had made āquite a difference on it.ā He kept his weight down by walking every day, and he liked that the clozapine clinic tracked his Body Mass Index: āif your weightās changing, going up or down, you know about it and you can adjust things as a result.ā
Above all, Trevor reiterated: āIām not expecting anything to go majorly wrong.ā He summarised,
I think Iām in a good state of well-being at the moment, you know, Iāve been out of hospital a very long time, Iāve been stable for a very long time. Iām coping with most aspects of life. Um, Iām enjoying life, Iām forgetting about the past ⦠Thereās nothing majorly wrong with me. Itād be interesting to see what my cholesterol is doing, though, wouldnāt it? I havenāt had it checked since I changed my eating habits; itād be interesting to check to see what itās doing.
2 Despite evidence that nicotine replacements might help, pharmaceutical companies have held back on this kind of medication development (Olincy, Young, and Freedman 1997; Terry and Callahan 2020).
Trevorās health was ultimately his own enterprise. Clinical measures served as helpful evidence of his work (or neglect). He altered his diet, smoked for his mental health but with recovery times to help his body recover, and he felt relatively well despite a spectre of life-long hardships. Trevor had health agency.
Most people experience health agency, and sometimes it is more subtle than Trevorās. Health agency means feeling some degree of control over your well-being, where well-being is defined on personal terms but necessarily operates in a wider social and biological context. Health agency captures the little things that people do to bring about the potential for improved health, especially in the wake of ill-health, and especially when such āself-careā is least expected or obvious.
Health agency is often more private than simply adopting health behavioural recommendations. Health agency complements the ethos of the ānew public healthā promulgated by the 1980s WHO Ottawa Charter for Health Promotion, which encouraged individual autonomy over oneās own health rather than oneās health just being up to the doctor (1986). Trevor was actively engaging with his cholesterol levels, but he went further than simply adopting clinical advice.
Health agency also complements Foucaultās ātechnologies of the selfā (1988). Foucault suggested that we keep working on (or āacting uponā) ourselves by using behavioural technologies given by social worlds, which change over time (e.g. optimal regimens of exercise). He described how, by monitoring and turning ourselves into more productive, empowered and normative subjects, we can renounce previous aspects of our identities or dissociate from others who deviate from these moral health aspirations. For Foucault, this ongoing and reflexive process creates the possibility of āa certain state of happiness, purity, wisdom, perfection, or immortalityā (Foucault 1988: 18). A modern rendering of this is how individuals, under the gaze of biomedical hopes and possible cures, pursue ātechniques of the molecular self,ā where āthe capacity to modify oneās self through conscious intervention is exercised at the price of identifying with the gaze of the scientistā (Rose 1999: 37). For Trevor, health projects were more modest, experimental, and less projecting of social, medical or moral allegory. For others, health projects were more of a mixture of unconventional and conventional discourse.
Health agency reflects the messiness of health practices as lived: it is not about an explicit quest for optimal or even normative health, nor it is about striving for immortality per se. It is often much quieter, flourishing in everyday decisions and from the premise that there are neither clear answers to, nor clear determinants of, any individualās health. The room for uncertainty in anybodyās eventual fate (or death) makes an individualās health agency all the more powerful and persistent through contradictions and challenges in healthcare contexts.
One can reformulate socially viable ideas and routines for oneās own personal affirmation. An individual ālives by those propositions whose validity is a function of his belief in them,ā as Gregory Bateson once wrote (Ruesch and Bateson 1951: 212). We similarly create our sense of health by living by those health propositions whose validity is a function of our belief in them and a function of our practice of them. Sometimes health practices draw potential from the past more than potential from the present. For clozapine clients, health is particularly precarious, while the past is often painful. Health agency in this context may therefore stem more from experiences in the present ā and hope for a future self. (āIām enjoying life, Iām forgetting about the past,ā Trevor had said).
When considering the lived experience of health as residing in what one can do in the present, health is a verb. Similarly, the term āagencyā refers to the active sense of ādoingā and having purposeful interactions with the world (Giddens 1984). For individuals living with a diagnosis psychiatric illness, agency is evident in and through the very process of managing incomplete knowledge ā about oneself and about othersā scepticism of oneās judgement (Weiner 2011). Describing oneās life in terms of fixed illness is unlikely (Jenkins 1997). When it comes to managing multiple health probabilities, individuals enact their health agency by proactively engaging energies located in their bodies, minds, and worlds around them.
There are four interrelated underpinnings of health agency that I observed in the clozapine treatment context. The first is the personal power that supersedes low expectations about what a healthy self looks like. The second underpinning is the provisional hope that is necessary to withstand apparent threats to health. Third is the continual and creative work that goes into regulating oneās health. Fourth is the underpinning of interpersonal efficacy, a social therapeutic effect from interacting simply and productively with others. These underpinnings of health agency are relative to, but not unique to, having a diagnosis of schizophrenia, being treated with clozapine and facing associated multi-morbidity.
Personal power
It should be underscored that living with a history of diagnosed psychotic illness, and with previous and current threats to oneās life, takes indubitable personal strength. Although oneās social history might become less prominent during clozapine treatment, to have lived through difficult experiences is a significant feat. āI have ended up a very strong person,ā Trevor wanted me to remember. When we were talking about ways to improve health, U.K. client Luke said: āthatās what Iām here for isnāt it ⦠survive the schizophrenia, not just, ah, you know, succumb to schizophrenia.ā Despite numerous ongoing challenges and fears in the management of his daily life, Luke felt capable: āI look after myself.ā
Feeling...